Everyday, people ask, ‘your highness?’ Followed by a request to fulfill some selfish desire. I wish I didn’t have to answer. More reasonably, I wish I didn’t have to say no. When I look in the mirror, I see a sparkling tiara upon an over-makeuped fake’s head. If I could, I’d run away and become something new. Something brilliant! I’d make my own life, where everyone is equal. Men and women, children and adults, and everything in between. Everything would be fair, and everyone would be happy.

That’s when I took off my tiara and set it on my vanity, then ran. Off into my new world.

1/17 The day after my wedding I arrived in the castle, it had been only the second time Alaric and I had met. He was charming I would give him that but, he was far from traditional. Instead of worrying about heirs he wanted to focus on our relationship. He is kind and I am lucky to have a kind companion, but I worry about hos backbone when it will come to raising an heir

3/23 I have failed to produce an heir so far, and yet Alaric has not raised a hand or even his voice. Mother informed me soon I would be deemed useless and he would find a consort to produce an heir. I shouldn't be upset by the fact as it is my own fault for not being able to give the king an heir. I have been hosting balls and parties so he will not replace me to prove my worth.

4/23 I am pregnant, for the kings sake I hope it is a boy. I feel I have earned my keep as queen and mother and father seem proud. Alaric keeps going on about how excited he is to have a mini version of one of us running around, which I find odd as most kings do not care about such things. I wonder where his priorities lie.

12/12 Our daughter was born today, for her sake I pray she does not make it through the winter. The king Is enthralled with her even though she is not a boy who can be an heir. Alaric says it doesn't matter and she will be queen one day, I think he is insane. The doctor told us I would not be able to have another child, as I had too many complications. Alaric has been taking Elora to meetings with him even when she cries he keeps her there.

Everyone thinks being a princess is an easy and lavish life, but they’re wrong. Sure, I live a lavish life—eating good food, wearing extravagant dresses, going to parties—but that's only from the outside perspective. The truth is, I have no say in my future; I must obey my father’s plans. I’ve been trained since childhood on how to sit, walk, speak, eat, and even how to smile—for God’s sake. Sometimes, I don’t even feel human. At parties, I see girls my age laughing, chatting, and enjoying their time together. It makes me jealous because I’m never allowed to have close friends. My mother always warns me never to trust anyone too much, because you never know who could be your enemy. The only person I can truly rely on is my lady-in-waiting. But even then, I know I have to keep my guard up—just in case. One of the hardest parts of being a princess is the lack of privacy. There are always eyes on me. I can't do anything for myself. I can’t even brush my own hair or walk in the gardens alone. The only time I’m truly alone is when I’m asleep, but even then, by the time I wake up, there will be people waiting to get me ready for the day. And don’t get me started on marriage. I was taught from a young age to obey, please my future husband, and bear children. It feels like I was brought into this world for someone else’s convenience. I won’t even get to choose who I marry because my parents—well, my father—has already chosen him for me, ever since I was a little girl. My father always tells me not to be selfish about my future, that it’s my duty to honor and respect my people. But it’s a bit ironic, if you ask me. I won’t be the princess of this kingdom when I marry. I’ll become a princess in another kingdom, and after my father dies, I won’t have anything to my name. It will all go to my older brother. So, yeah, I get to live a life that a lot of people don’t get to live, but sometimes I wish I were just a normal girl—one who could live how she wants, be who she wants, and control her own life.

Wake up, allow the maids to prepare me for the day, walk around the castle aimlessly, attend a couple of lessons. I might read a few books, then attend dinner.

That’s how every day of my life has gone since I could remember.

I am constantly being followed by a guard that my father, King Henry, has assigned to me. He acts like a shadow everywhere I go, but I suppose that’s natural when your family is warring against another kingdom.

The Great War of Socstia began eight years ago. When I was exactly nine years old. I wasn’t aware of what was happening at the time, all I knew was that my Kingdom of Alberthia was being attacked. That meant I was unsafe. So I began to get used to the boring mundane life. Everyday was predictable for me.

The sun was close to setting which means It should be getting close to dinner time. I lean further into the soft funiture and bring the book closer to my face. The large abstract library was lit by the small amount of natural light flooding through the colored glass and some torches spread out here and there.

The big wooden doors creak open as shoes click on the concrete floor.

A soft voice speaks up, “Princess Talia, the King and Queen awates you in the great hall.”

I look up from the book and then my head. It was Gwen. The small thirteen year old girl who I’ve known for a while. She was a very sweet girl, really.

I nod and give her a smile before closing my book, “Of course.”

I follow her lead through the seemingly endless halls and cold starways. I wonder If i could take my father into putting up a few more torches. This palace could use the light.

We arrived at the gold lined doors and Gwen took a bow before opening them and walking toward the line of servants that waits on us.

“Good evening, Mother, Father,” I nod towards them taking my seat across the table.

“Good evening,” he replied.

The table was silent for a time being. The servants waited on us and I was almost finished with my plate before the King spoke.

“There’s something I need to discuss with you.”

I look up and hesitantly put down my silverware. This wasn’t common. Most of the time my parents are so consumed with the war and the safety of the kingdom we don’t speak a lot. I know they love me, but we were not very close.

“I have spoken to King Versuha, and we have come to an agreement.”

A big smile overtakes my face. I look over the Mother, filled with joy. “That’s amazing.” She didn’t respond to me and looked down at her plate. My grin slips and I sit up straighter. “What’s wrong?”

“In order for the war to end I needed to create an alliance with the Kingdom of Kano. That meant creating a marriage alliance between you and Prince Castiell.”

My shoulders drop at the confession. “What.”

“Please understand it was a last resort. This war needs to end. Our kingdoms does not have the resources to continue to fight anymore.” My fathers face is saddened but I couldn’t bring myself to care.

My heart beats in my ear and I feel something wet slide down on my face. I reach up to wipe it off. My eyes must’ve started to water without me noticing. All I can focus on right now is that I’m being forced to marry someone I’ve never met. Let alone a man that was ravaging my kingdom.

I knew this day was coming. I know that standing as the sole child of the King and Queen of Alberthia my marriage would not be one of my own choice, but I was not ready for it yet.

I quickly get up and leave the great hall, my shoes click with every step I take towards my chambers. I could hear my mother and father call my name but I ignored the voices and ran anyway.

I never should of allowed myself to fantasy of having freedom, especially romantic freedom, like the young woman in the books I’ve read. It was foolish of me.

Now I stand, staring out the pained glass window that overlooks part of the kingdom with tears rolling down my face. I’ve been destined to the worst king of man and there’s nothing I can do about it.

If I wasn’t looked upon by all the eyes of the world then I wouldn’t be labelled as trouble. Just because I was born into being a prince. The people of this kingdom look at me like I’m going to be it’s downfall and I haven’t even turned eighteen yet. Just because I don’t choose to conform to what is considered normal behaviour for a young prince. So what if I cause a little bit of chaos every now and then. Isn’t everyone allowed to make theirselves a past that isn’t full of regrets? I don’t want to miss out on pleasures of life, so that my subjects may not see me as a tyrant. Maybe they deserved to be fearful of me. Wouldn’t that make me a good ruler?

Marriage is a duty I’ve been aware of since I was a young girl. As of recently it’s weighted heavy on my mind. I do not wish to spend the rest of my life with a random man, bearing his heirs.. Gods I wish to die before I am cast aside and throw into a man’s shadow.

The cage is made of gold they say The prettiest cage you’ll see The bars may glint, but not from gold The sharp edge is where I’ll bleed

My crown is heavy, not from weight But from those pressing down from above I jump from planes to feel alive And tempt the death I crave

I pray for justice or simply relief From the nightmare of my life But the man who yanks my golden-leashed neck Steps on laws and rules like they’re mice

So into the wind and into the sea I throw my body and pray For if they won’t take me to lands where I’m free I pray for a watery grave

(Based on the true story of princess Latifa of the UAE and her abuse under the hands of her father. I learned of her story through the podcast In the Dark - The Runaway Princesses. I highly recommend listening.)

I didn't really like my life It had a piercing feeling like a knife My sisters loved it At least a little bit He is the only thing I care for Though I wish I could have him and more

What is heartbreak? I wouldn’t know Because I’ve never felt before And I wouldn’t let myself Feel the fire that burns And they tell me I’m heartless Or perhaps naive But why would I want To feel everything? I may long for her But that’d ruin things Instead I sit On a throne not broken But it feels Like I’m choking Because I’ve never felt heartbreak And I’ve never seen the world Because you had me in your grip Before I could even shove And if I were anyone else You’d let me be But for now I sit On a crown that’s been cleaved And you try to find the crack That has indented itself in my heart But when you open me up You’ll see That all along My heart had fallen To dust In your palm

Sitting on the gilded throne. Choosing moral obligations. Past allegiances lead to new connections. Today’s promises Taking a stand Future motions and truths. No longer sitting, but living for now.