(Picture a grumpy old man, and 19 year old boy)

With your still-shining eyes Which I cannot look into The glow that I can no longer find in myself

The spark I once had The spark you hold in your heart So much so it cannot be contained there Showering your sparks upon the rest of us So sickeningly sweet Not even I was this sweet And full of life

I wish I was still like you Yet at the same time Through all I have loved All that I have lost as well I have learned everything that makes me special I like the sourness that comes with age

These wrinkles and lines cannot be made Without the experiences And tragedies I have seen You live with spirit and joy But are oblivious Your shine blocks your view

When I met you You were a spark of sun In a world of pain You were too old to act foolish You were too young for this line of work You didn’t let that slow you

Your still-shining eyes blinding you From anything too harsh Or too dangerous From the real world The real line of work you signed up for You never let that stop you

You shined So bright Even the sun was jealous

You let your still-shining eyes And sickeningly sweet smile Get ahead of yourself You couldn’t see the dark And danger in front of you

Didn’t your parents ever tell you what to do When a stranger wants you to do something That you know is bad

Didn’t your parents ever tell you what to do When someone wants you to do something That they warned you about

I’ll teach you Do not succumb to peer pressure It can be the last decision you will make

How could you know You were too old to be foolish But too young to leave your pride And your spark behind

You shined So bright Even the sun was jealous The sun doesn’t take well to jealousy

You shined Too bright The sun winced at your sweetness Too pure even for the sun

The dark and danger in front of you That had been blocked from your view Was a black hole of a man Sent by the Sun Sent to dull your spark You fed into the lies Which were twisted and turned by your spark

Your inability to see the truth The real danger in front of you A lie Twisted into a fantasy One with pride And acceptance

You took it as soon as you could Got pulled into this black hole of a man Sent by the Sun Sent to dull your spark

What in this world isn’t

I can’t help but feel that I met you too late I taught you what I could It was too late You lost your spark Your shine Your sweetness You were a shell of the kid I knew before

I can’t help but feel that I fed into this black hole I gave a part of myself aswell Too many breaths wasted on that shell of a man A shell of a man who once shined bright as well Taken over by greed Twisted and disfigured Into a black hole of a man

You didn’t deserve this You didn’t need to give up your spark To make me proud I miss the sparky kid I knew before

You became so dull So serious So dead I could not bear to see you like this I had to let you go There was no saving this spark

Some sparks cannot be rekindled

I thought you were useless before Thought you were too bright for your own good I was sort of right You weren’t too bright In the sense that you weren’t enough You were too bright In the sense that you couldn’t see what was ahead You let your kindness obscure your view You weren’t useless I should have told you that more

I miss the sunshine you had before

… A sequel to my Daisuke🌺 poem

"The size of your dreams must always exceed your current capacity to achieve them. If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough."

• Ellen Johnson Sirleaf (Former President of Liberia)

I was looking up women in leadership quotes for this club I’m in and I saw this one. I related to it instantly.

Whether it’s writing or jewelry making, I get scared. Scared that I can’t make it. Scared that no one will like what I do. Scared that I will fail in front of everyone.

Reading this quote legit helped me because it felt right. Dreams are supposed to be bigger. I felt relief that maybe I’m not the only scared one.

Maybe this is normal. To want something so bad but terrified to try it.

I see my sister unhappy at her job and so many people complain about their working environment. I don’t want to be like that. But yet, I need to actually do what makes me happy. I need to take steps to make my dreams happen. Even if it’s scary.

I’m in my junior year of college. Everyone asks me what I plan on doing after. Are you doing internships now? Do you have a job in mind? You should be thinking about it.

Trust me. I am thinking about it.

It makes me so nervous because I know what I want to do but afraid that others will scoff and say that career path is unreasonable. That I won’t make it in that industry.

But what if I can?

There really is no ending to this right now. This is actually what is happening in my life. It is confusing and scary. Maybe I’ll open an Etsy or write a book.

All I know is that I want to try.

Jill: Mom I’m gonna go to school! Mom: Okay sweet pea just make sure that you come home as soon as possible I have a surprise! Jill: Okay mom love you thanks!

As Jill walks down the street she sees a old woman DONT the street in distress she goes to help her Older Jill: Don’t help her Jill: Um? Who was that? Older Jill: Your older spirit Jill: Haha! Good one who are you really? Older Jill: I told you your spirit As Jill turns around she see the old woman robing someone Jill: OMG! You were right but how did you know? Older Jill: spirit remember? Jill: ohhhh yeah well I have to get to school. Older Jill: okay but when you hear the robbery bell hide in the closet okay? Jill: umm okay? At school… Robber: HANDS UP give me all your valuable stuff and no one gets hurt Everyone: Screaming Jill: where did the thing tell me to hide… oh um the closet hides Robber: Leaves and gets caught* School* leaves for home* Jill: hey… uh spirit thing? Older jill: yes? Jill: should I go home to mom? Older jill: let me check Jill: sooo… what do you see Older jill: RUNN Jill: WHAT WHERE Older jill: POLICEEE Jill: Runs fast* Older jill: tries to stop mother Jill: pants help my mom is trying to kill me Police: haha! Kid ok hide behind my desk Mother/killer: Have you seen my daughter Police: surprised umm no mam Mother: ok leaves Jill cries thank you! Police: come with me Jill: W- why Police we are gonna put you in child protective services its gonna be ok Jill: O- ok mister thank you so much Older jill: have fun Jill: why cant you come Older jill: I have to guard other children your safe now Jill: okay I get it Older jill: have a good life Jill: you too? The end

“You rush into things,” the old man said with a grim smile, “without consideration for the repercussions, my dear child.”

He peered over his spectacles at her, his kindly face laced with worry that his smile couldn’t quite mask.

Esther made a face. “Could you at least have the decency to stop calling me that?” she snapped as she removed the floral silk scarf from around her head, wisps of hair escaping from her messy bun.

Otwin raised a wrinkled hand. “Force of habit, my dear, force of habit. And besides, you’re clearly not listening to what I’m trying to tell you.”

And with that, he returned to his work, patiently chipping away at the piece of old wood that he was refashioning into goodness knows what.

Infuriating. That’s what it was. He may seem gentile and well-meaning, but all he was doing was undermining everything she said and did. Even now, after all these years, nothing had really changed.

Esther folded her arms, put her nose up, and watched him as the minutes passed in the silence of the tight quarters of his makeshift cabin. It was snug in there, with just enough room for a cluttered bench, a stool, and a second person with their back to the corrugated plastic door.

But to them both, it was ‘le bonheur’ as they said in France. The cabin smelled of hours wiled away, making bits and bobs, of old tools, and reused wood. It was stability, the familiar, the escape, the sanctuary at the end of the garden.

“I think I can fix it. I know I can.” she said after several minutes had passed.

“You do?” Otwin said, feigning surprise.

Esther pursed her lips and Otwin chuckled dryly. “Oh well,” he said as he chipped away at the wood, “you have nothing to worry about then. I didn’t know you could predict the future, or fix things you did not know even existed, but two full moons ago.”

Esther narrowed her eyes, opened her mouth to retaliate, but closed it again. “Okay,” she said after a few seconds, “go on then. You’re going to share your wise words of wisdom with me anyway, so we might as well get it over and done with.”

Otwin raised an eyebrow and gave her a sideways glance as he reached for the sandpaper. “Ever heard of that saying, ‘Bull in a china shop’?”

Esther’s mouth fell open in protest, but he continued before she could respond.

“You play with fire, girl. More than fire. Fire cannot raze cities to the ground - valleys, and forests, and civilisations, overground, overground, within and without. Not in the way what you play with can - it can do far more that. We both know. And I think you need to consider this - if one person should wield that much power.”

Esther fiddled with the padlock on the bench, her eyes not meeting his. His words were not senseless. She knew that.

She swallowed hard, second guessing whether she was doing the right thing. “And what if I don’t? Where would we all be then?”

Otwin shrugged, slowly chipping away at that wood. Chip, chip, chip.

“I cannot control what you do, child. Your mind is capable of great feats, we know this. But it is also capable of great destruction too. And that is not something you should shrug away. It is something you must consider - for the sake of this realm and all who reside in it.”

Esther put the padlock back down on the counter and looked at the wood that Otwin was chipping away at for a few moments. “I’m going to go make us some dinner.” she said with a sigh, suddenly feeling a heavy weariness.

Otwin simply nodded.

Esther left him chipping away in his cabin, and walked down the white, grey, and pink slabs of the backyard. And as she went back into the house, she wondered what she would make for dinner. That, and if she could save the world, or, as a Otwin quite rightly pointed out, end up bringing it to its knees.

I sat at the kitchen table. It faced into the kitchen, not into the table. Leg room. I watched as the pot slowed its final drips. A watched pot never boils, and a Mr Coffee perhaps falls into that category, too. But I had nothing else to do but sit and prepare my nerves, so I spaced out while eyeballing the warm elixir visibly create itself into being, like the Egyptian god Atum from the dark expanses. Stare long enough and you can slow your heart rate, and watch life pass in slow motion. What appears a steady stream is actually a series of segments. Drip. Drop … drop. “G’mornin, kiddo.” Uncle Lars’ enthusiasm startled me with a jerk. “You’re supposed to drink the coffee with your mouth, not your eyeballs, y’know.” He grabbed a brown mug from the cupboard and poured the fresh pot. “Like so, eh?” Lars was the easy-going jokester of the crew. He took a slow sip to not burn his tongue. “Not bad, kiddo,” he said. “Needs milk.” He went to the fridge. “I’ve already had one cup,” I explained. “The rest is for my thermos.” “Then I’ll get another pot going,” he said, withdrawing the milk from the fridge. “There’s coffee in the mezzanine,” Uncle Bill stated as he entered. “No shanks,” Lars said. ‘Shanks’ was one of his many personal colloquialisms. “You perk that shit too strong. You’ll be shitting your pants before sun-up.” “Can’t see how you can drink that watered down milky swill,” said Bill. “You’re making it cold by adding milk.” “I’m making it palatable.” “There’s non-dairy creamer in the cupboard,” I pointed out. “Definitely no shanks,” said Lars. “That shit will give you cancer.” I unscrewed the cap to my thermos. My eyes fell floor-ward. “Crissakes, Larry!” Bill spat. Uncle Lars realized what he’d said. “We don’t use that fucking word here,” through his teeth. Lars smacked his lips after a particularly long awkward draw from his cup. “My mistake, Shy. I meant nothing … well … you know.” “It’s OK,” I assured him. “Your statement was irrelevant.” “It was very relevant,” Bill said, still fuming. “Here.” Uncle Bill walked to the table and finished unscrewing my thermos. “You don't want to pour the hot coffee directly into the cold canister. Unless you like it lukewarm like shithead over here.” He gestured to his brother with his right hand holding the plastic thermos mug and looked to me for confirmation. I shook my head. “Right. Then you’ll want to pour boiling water into it first and let it settle. Bill took the thermos through the archway to the woodstove. A cast iron kettle hissed by the stove’s flue collar. With a gloved hand, he withdrew the pot and poured its content. Lars sighed in annoyance. “Just … like … so,” he said as he poured. He replaced its stopper and screwed the mug back on. “Five minutes. Let it sit. Gives you enough time to brush your teeth and pray to St Hubert.” “Nobody prays to St Hubert,” said Uncle Lars. “Says the guy who never kills a deer,” retorted Bill.

Why do you listen To all the things people say? It's crap, you don't deserve it But you believe it anyway.

You're quick to give love Yet so guarded to receive You can't seem to fathom That not everyone's gonna leave.

Avoiding the mirror It's like you're trying to hide The person you really are And the feelings you hold inside.

Your words have become the bricks You use to build your wall If you push everyone away You won't get hurt at all.

The light in your eyes is gone You're broken beyond belief A victim of your mind Overcome by pain and grief.

But you're not beyond repair It's no mistake that you have lived Through the things that make you broken You have so much you can give.

You're beautiful in and out Why's this so hard to see? Your true prison is your thoughts Let go and you'll be free.

Release all the hurt And use it to make you strong This healing you're searching for It's been inside you all along.

Look again at your reflection And tell me what you find Because this person that you hate Has been created by your mind.

They stared after him, and watched him go.

Alexander sniffed, tears streaming down his cheeks. He looked up at the tall, greying wizard, silently pleading for comfort.

The old man knelt, letting his staff lean against the tree, and smiled kindly. He wrapped his arms lightly around the boy, who sobbed into his robes, and he patiently patted his back.

“There, there, little one,” he said, voice gentle and comforting. “It’s always a difficult moment, when they leave.”

The boy pulled back and wiped the snot from his face with his sleeve. He looked up at the wizard miserably.

“How do you handle it so well?” asked Alexander, voice breaking.

The old wizard looked at the boy with a small smile and told him, voice wise, soft, and assured, “One day you will learn.” He stood back up, and his face was serious and stony. “You simply must not get attached to any of them. Ever.”

The space between Alexander’s brows crinkled, as they often did when his mentor said things like this. “That sounds…wrong.”

The old man just raised his chin to gaze at the horizon, where the blue was beginning to turn to pink and gold. “Perhaps.”

There was a tug on his sleeve, and looked back at the child, who was looking at him earnestly, drying tear tracks still on his face.

“I won’t leave,” he said.

The old man put a hand on the child’s head, ruffling his brown hair slightly. Alexander beamed up at him. The man smiled down at him, and Alexander thought it was maybe somewhat fond, but didn’t respond as he looked back up at the sky.

The birds were singing a lonely melody.

“Ryoko?”

I kept my eyes closed as she pulled at my hair, not wanting to see my reflection. “Yes, Gwen?”

“I know you want to visit Caenum.”

“And you’re going to tell me that I’m never going to leave Lucernas.”

“No,” she sighed. “I’m telling you this because I know how to get you there. Listen very carefully, because this is dangerous…”

“Wait-“

“Visit General Eliso’s quarters as soon as you can, when he’s not there.”

I swallowed. “Why don’t you?”

“I have to prepare the proper escape plan, Princess. And Rhi is already on for dealing with your parents, so - yes, she’s coming with us.”

I hated Rhiannon Baswick just as much as I liked Gwendolen, her younger sister. Rhiannon was a lot more of a ‘do this, do that, look at your damn reflection’ maid than Gwen was.

“Why?”

“Well… who else would be able to drug your parents?”

“She’d never!”

“Hold still, Ryoko. You’d be surprised, really, what people can do. And besides, if I run off with you, she’d be killed. You don’t want her dead, right?”

When I peeked at the mirror, her expression bore one of those knowing smiles I despise.

“Ugh! Fine. But this is only because she’s your sister, and you’re like, my only friend!”

“Well… Iskra’s helping because of Rhi, and she also wants letters. So keep that in mind.”

“This is going to be the worst trip ever.”

“Hey, you’ll have someone your age! D’you know about that missing Caenan princess?”

“Nori Ravifort?

“Yeah. We’re taking her home.”

And somehow, that made it feel so much worse.

I walked home from school thinking of my recent breakup. My mom saw me crying and told me that if my situation was really that bad and if my partner didn’t treat me right, they weren’t the one for me. She told me how she stuck with my dad for years after he cheated on her and things did not improve.

Hey Chris, why are you so sad looking? I been watching you just sitting there, what are you thinking? Well you know Mr. Rex, things are not going so good. Why, what do you mean? You see I been thinking about how I can make money. Well what have you come up with? I haven’t That’s the problem. You see Chris,there are doers and there are dreamers which one are you? I’m a doer. Ok if you are than you need to act on what ever ideal you have on your mind, just don’t dream about it. Okay I will. What is it you want to be? I want to be a handyman, ok well you’ll need to follow thru on what ever you start. No job is to be left unfinished. And you have to learn how to charge before you know how to work. Lol, Chris, thought that was funny , but he appreciated the advice. You know Chris, there’s a dollar under every rock. If you want it you have to get out there and get it. Chris, laughed again. Chris, walked over to a rock on the ground and turned it over, Mr. Rex, what do you mean there’s no dollar under this rock. Mr. Rex, laughed you see Chris, if you took that rock and polished it you could sell it for a dollar or more, or you could take a load of those rocks and get 100 to 150.00 for the load. I’m only giving you an example. Oh I see Mr Rex, there is money in rocks, sand, gravel and much more. Same as handyman work. I see what you mean, it’s up to you Chris, how much or how little you want to earn. You are in control of you own destiny. Awww I’m starting to see the big picture now Mr. Rex, that’s some great advice, ok Chris, if you want something bad enough nothing is impossible. Do you agree? Yes sir I do. Ok so stop sitting around here mopping like your lost or something, you have the right tools get out there and do it. No one stopping you but you. Gee Mr. Rex, your so right. Ok where do I go from here thought Chris. I must find some leads, get my tools together. I need a truck hummm! How can I get one? I know I’ll find a few jobs take the money and buy one. Nothing is impossible, that’s what Mr. Rex, said. I can do it, I will do it?
First I need to get out and talk to people. I need to be positive and assure them I can do the work. Give them a price and be firm. Stick to my pricing. The sooner I get the job done the more money I make the sooner I get my new truck. A few days had gone by and Mr. Rex, came , to see me. Hello Chris, how are you? I’m doing great! Not really! Well how are you doing with your ideals? Well Mr. Rex, I been acting on you advice but so far no Luck landing a job. Why? I’m not sure. I have talked to several clients , but they say they have to think about it. Ok let’s pretend I’m your customer and I need you to give me an estimate. Ok. Hello Mr. Rex, my name is Chris, I’m here to look at your project. Thank you for coming Chris. Come on in i need this ceiling fan replaced and a new kitchen faucet, Mr. Rex, as I told you on the phone prier to coming out I have a diagnostic fee of 70.00 that’s for coming out. Before I can give you a price I must collect the 70.00 oh ok not a problem. Mr. Rex, I take checks, Venmo, cash app, zelle or you can pay cash. I got cash, here you go thank you. I need to go to my truck and check my price guide and I’ll be back. Ok take your time. Mr. Rex, it will cost 150.00 to remove the fan and install your new one and 150.00 to remove and install the kitchen faucet a total amount of $230.00 After the 70.00 diagnostic credit. Ok Chris, when can you do it. Do you have the fan and faucet here? Yes! Well I can get started I’m here. Ok great! Ok Chris, we’ll in our conversation you said Mr. Rex As I told you on the phone did not sound professional. You should of said Mr Rex, it’s a 70.00 diagnostic fee which I must collect first company policy. It will take a few minutes to get you the cost for your project. Thank you! I’ll be back shortly.

Knock knock, I’m back, good! Ok the price to remove and install the ceiling fan is 150.00 and 150.00 to remove and install the faucet that is if i don’t need any additional parts like supply lines or shut off valves if we do it will be an additional charge of the cost of the materials plus 30% to go get it. Ok give me a minute. Chris, do you think the supply lines are to short? I haven’t seen the faucet yet so I don’t know. I just need to make sure I’m covered and you understand prior to getting started there could be some changes and materials cost. Thank you Chris for bringing that to my attention I like to proceed with the project. Shake my hand and as part of a commitment and start doing your work. Ok Mr. Rex, I understand now. Ok now your ready go get your first job. Chris was excited-and as he was walking toward the house his phone rang. Chris handyman service, hello Chris, this is Mr. Mc Donald, I need a few things done around my house can you help me? Yes sir I’ll be happy too. I live on the corner of 4th and cherry st in a brick house white trim. Do you charge for an estimate? No sir ! I have a diagnostic fee of 65.00 when I come out. What does that consist of? Well sir I come over we go over everything you want done. I will need to collect the diagnostic fee before I give the estimate company policy. I will give you a price and if you except my estimate I deduct the 65.00 and make it part of the estimate. Ok that’s sounds good when can you come. Give me a second let me look at my schedule. Ok! Mr. Mc Donald, I can be there between 3 and 8 pm will that be ok. Sure we will be home all day. Chris, was excited the next day he was at Mr. Mc Donald’s home Round 4 pm. Mr. Mc Donald, was very impressed by the way Chris presented himself that he gave him his first job. Chris was able to complete the job the same day. He made his first 600.00 in one day. Wow Chris thought at this rate it won’t be long before he can afford a truck. Chris, was driving home and saw Mr. Rex, outside hello Mr.Rex, guess what? Let me guess you got your first job. Yes ! And it’s complete, that’s great Chris, now your in your way, as they were talking his phone rang answer it Chris. Chris handyman service this is Chris speaking. Hello Chris this is Ray Brown, Mr. Mc Donald, gave me your number and said he was very pleased with your service. I would like you to come out to my place in Spartainburg I know it’s a ways off but I could certainly use your services. How much would you charge to come out I’m at 402 haven dr in Spartanburg. It’s about 40 miles I will need a 40.00 trip charge and 75.00 diagnostic fee. Will that be ok certainly. I be be there tomorrow between three and eight. Ok see you than we’ll be home. Chris that was great I’m really proud of you keep up the good work and always finish what you start. Your now on your way to the top. Thank you Mr. Rex, I could not had done it without you advice. Anything I can do, I’m alway willing to help a friend. Time has passed and Chris, had built a successful company and has a nice truck and plenty of tools what a great accomplishment. That comes to prove that nothing is impossible as long as your willing to sacrifice time and effort and lots of long hours. He now has plenty of repeatable customers that call him for for small projects. Mr. Rex, is very proud of his friend Chris, and they have kept in touch every since.

                                    Written By: 
                                     Ghostrider 
                                     11-13-2021