I chat with you for days, feeling a new sense of excitement and novelty. We meet, and I am drawn in by your presence, unlike anything I’ve ever felt. I am a river and you are a river and we are now crossed, as it was meant to be. You show me around town, new places and new things. We express our love with words and different ways of expression. We spend every day together, day in and day out. You become distant. I become jealous and skeptical. In eachother’s presence, we are bitter, wordless. You take me out and express we can still be friends but not lovers. We cry together, naming things we’ll miss. As if you still want it a little bit … you must, I tell myself, before I’m forced to admit that our rivers have run dry long ago.

Stars shone in her eyes as we danced in the moonlight. We tripped and stumbled over each other’s feet, but we were to happy to care. Too in love.

The world slipped away from beneath us until we were dancing with the moon, the magic of our love keeping us afloat in the smooth waves of the nights sky. It couldn’t have been more perfect…

Drrrrriiiinnnngggg! The school bell rang, finally. It was one of those few times the bell marked something good. This time, it was the end of a double Geography and the start of Trig. It wasn’t that I liked trig itself, but I loved the class because I sat next to her in it.

“So how was you weekend? You go anywhere?” I asked her, desperate to make conversation. She smiled and shook her head.

“It was good, but I didn’t go anywhere. I just read mostly. What about you?”

“I didn’t go anywhere either. My dad need me to help him at the garage.” I didn’t mention that in my head her and I had danced between the stars. Some things were better kept secret.

But would I ever tell her how I felt? I knew that until I did, any dream of mine would have to remain a fantasy. But to tell her was to gamble dangerously. I could win and get her, or I could lose and she would never speak to me again.

So now I had a decision: keep our basic friendship or risk losing it to get something more?

The house went absolutely quiet as the two teenagers both put what was about to happen into context.

“I’m sorry,” they both said at the same time. The boy chuckled and motioned for the girl to go first.

“Kade, you know we can’t do this anymore. It’s too much to handle, with the move and my job and everything. We just have to put a pin in our relationship,” she said, crossing her legs in the chair.

“Come on, Livi. I can help, you know that!” Kade protested, reaching for her hand, but she was too quick for him. She had always been, had always been one step ahead.

“Help with what?” Livi said, sounding too exasperated for her liking. She saw Kade wince. “Help with what?” She repeated softly.

Kade fumbled for words. “Anything. Anything you need me to do, I’m there.”

Livi shook her head. “I’m sorry, Kade, but I can’t do this anymore,” she repeated, standing up. “Can we still be friends?”

Kade closed his eyes slowly, trying to keep the tears inside. “I don’t know,” he whispered, “I love you, Livi, I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to get over this.” It was the first time he’d confessed his true feelings, the weighing burden on his chest.

Livi twisted her mouth into a frown and furrowed her eyebrows. “I’m going to go home. See you around, Kade.” She walked over to the door and, without looking back, stepped foot out of his house for the very last time.

Kade wasn’t bothered by that, nor was he bothered by the fact that she hadn’t even responded to him telling her that he loved her. What really nagged him was the fact that she didn’t seem at all upset by the breakup. She didn’t cry, she didn’t look at all pained. She broke up with him as quickly and emotionlessly as she might’ve broken a dish. Their relationship was everything to him, she consumed every waking and sleeping moment. And now… now what?

Now, she was gone, and he would have to get used to that.

The first time Anne kissed me, it was on my mouth. I'd never been kissed before, so I'll admit I was a little lost for what to do? Put my hand on her face? Her waist?

It didn't occur to me till afterwards that I should've just kissed her back.

The second time Anne kissed me, it was to save my life. I'd chased Rufus to the lake, stupid dog was always wading in after his tennis ball, and slipped, hitting my head on the cold, grey stone.

When I came to, Anne was cradling my head in her lap, laughing despite herself. The kiss of life, she said, hadn't failed to live up to its name.

The third and final time Anne kissed me, it was to say goodbye. She held her suitcase in one hand, umbrella in the other. And because it was raining we wasted ten minutes talking about the weather. Until she said, 'I'll miss you, Thomas.'

'I'll miss you too,' I said. It was automatic, but it was true. No one was as close to me as Anne was.

She shifted her feet, Doc Martens sliding through gravel. 'You call me, okay?' she said finally.

'I will.' I nodded, throat tightening around everything else I wanted to say, starting with sorry.

Sorry I didn't kiss you like you wanted. Sorry I don't like you that way. Sorry I didn't just say something sooner.

Then she closed the space between us, kissing my cheek just before the first tear fell.

'It's okay,' she said with a sad smile, turning away from me as the taxi pulled onto the driveway, 'I prefer us as friends anyway.'

He saw her across the room, talking and dancing with her friends without a care in the world. He mustered the courage and walked over to her.

“Hi, my name’s John.”

——————

He smoothed down the front of his suit and rang the doorbell. He finally got to take her on a date. After a few seconds of silence, he was stuck. It could be considered rude if he rang the doorbell again, but on the other hand, she might not have heard it the first time. His worries were put to rest when the door opened revealing the beauty of his date.

“John!”

——————

He stood in front of a pastor, hand in hand with the love of his life. His eyes were tearing up as she said her vows. Then the magic words:

“I do, John, I do.”

——————

He and his wife lay in bed, her head on his arm. They had been renovating the spare room all day and were exhausted. He asked her why she was so insistent about fixing it up.

“We’re having a baby, John.”

——————

After hours of intense labor, they finally heard the welcome sound of a baby’s cry. It was a baby boy. The doctor asked the happy couple what they would name their son. They looked at each other, and he let her speak.

“Let’s name him John.”

——————

The couple grew older, taking their teenage son to baseball practice almost every night. They were so proud of him and his accomplishments. They, on the other hand, had been having some difficulties recently, but would never let the young boy know of it. He tried cracking one of the jokes she used to love, but she just sighed.

“Oh John.”

——————

The couple started spending less time together, using work and their son as an excuse. Their son was old enough to drive and had a girlfriend of his own. That didn’t stop his parents from going to every practice and game. Whenever he was late coming home, his dad always said that work was rough at the moment. His wife would always roll her eyes.

“Whatever, John.”

——————

They yelled at each other, throwing books and shoes at one another. Their son was married and gone so they didn’t have to fight in secret anymore. She started pushing him towards the door, and he eventually relented, grabbing a few things before opening the door.

“Goodbye John.”

Mother Krissy Was off of drugs for a moment she come to Ginger and sked her Why are You so Mean An evil towards her so as the confrontation got deeepr an deeper this is What Ginger looked at her mom and said

this boy about the same age i was he stayed with his granddaddy he also had a candy store in the fronmt little house so while his grandson and Ginger played they also ate candy pickles everything they wanted .. One day Ginger went over there herr friend wasn’t there but his granddaddy told me hes on his way so I could stay there untill he came

She remember it like it was yesterday he use to play inside her panties  for some candy me not nowing anybetter thinkin it was noraml and okay for that to happen .. So one day krissy was washing my panties and they was messy inb the seat

Krissy yelled saying what the fuck is this..(Looking at Ginger with the side eye

Ginger couldnt wait to tell her so she procced as the story rolled off her tung the candy man touched me he said if u let me touch ill give you some Candy .. So krissy looks at her “said hell Nah ukno what the fuck ur doing Ginger lookd up at her moms with tears in her eyes she couldn’t belive that her mother would say something like that ..Ginger thought it was noraml because when I use to go to her grand mothers house gran gran it was Gingers daddy peoples her kuddy use to take me into the shead where the horses were at n he use to rub his dick up and down inccoent little Gingers private parts and even tryied to shove his dick inside of her pusi but it wouldn’t fit

She looked at her mother with tears n her eyes. u wanted to know the truth she said as she wiped her tears from falling down her face… Well, that’s the truth..

I’ve always been a hopeless romantic. In high school English we all got assigned that stupid class reading of Romeo and Juliet. You know the one where the teacher gets to humiliate the class jock on being Mercutio and read lines aloud. Well, I loved it! All the stories of old Tristan and Isolde, Alladin and Jasmine, beauty and the beast all retelling, and even the modern ones. I loved it so much that I majored in it when I got into college. That’s where I met her.

Hallee was everyone’s best friend. You couldn’t resist her charm. She had this way of talking to you. A way that you would find yourself listening for hours and hours and before you knew it she knew all of your secrets too. Like a charmed serpent you began to tell her everything about yourself. She would never use those secrets and details against you. That’s why she was everyone’s best friend. A kind soul. A rarity that everyone searches for.

Hallee was beautiful. No other way to describe it. She had light brown hair that was the length every female strived for in life. She had caramel honey eyes. Athletic body from track in high school.The best part was her smile. She had a little crooked tooth on her top row that made it not perfect, but also complementing her whole face to be approachable and breathtaking at the same time. She made the other girls envious, but also secure in themselves as well. I never knew how she could do it. A friend would wear a dress and Hallee would wear something similar making the friend enviously insecure, but Hal’s would find the most endearing compliment that you ended liking yourself all over again. Not just the girls in the groups, but she could make the most insecure guy fell like he was Prince Charming. It was like watching your favorite movie play out in front of you every time.

I fell in love with her instantly. Not just for her looks or her wonderful personality, but just the essence of her. Like I said romantic. Halle didn’t notice me right away. We were not in the same circles on campus nor did we have mutual friends as of yet. I was a freshman. Not a shy a freshman, but one that came from a small town and joined the school for its English program and the summer abroad program. That’s where the story takes off.

We both attended Berkeley. She wanted to be an editor of some publishing houses and I studied literary criticism. I was going to write a bio compilation of all the great romantics. To help with my degree I would attend three courses of the summer abroad program for my masters and PhD to Uni of Padova, the Uni of John Cabot, and for my freshman year Cambridge university. I was on scholarship as was Hallee. We both had to be on top of our game to maintain grades and the scholarships. Naturally, wants classes started and being an English major hallee would start to notice me amongst the circles of people and study groups.

I’m not a bad looking guy. I have a sense of style that girls appreciate. I’m average height and some what athletically built. I played every sport I could for my dad. I was never good enough to be scouted, but enough to start on teams and be the outsider jock. Halle started to talk to me just like any body else in her life. The friend, the buddy, the sweet guy from class “who helps me with my notes”. That’s who I started out as. Overtime she became more interested. I’m sad to admit that she asked me out first and I, not the chivalrous one to be the first. I was shocked and stammered quite a bit. It was hilarious for Halle. We went out all second semester freshman year. We both went on the summer abroad program. Me for my major and hallee for her resume.

We did everything we could on the short lived summer. The train to Paris to see the Eiffel Tower. A quick plane ride to Rome to see the colosseum. A few more plane rides and every last dime I could find for our time together. It was all a big whirl wind of a time all they way through sophomore year and even junior year. Our last year as seniors was difficult because I knew I would continue studying and writing while Hallee got her internships and applications ready for the big bad world. I always rooted for every interview and was there for every rejection or acceptance. We all knew Halle was going on to bigger better things. I really was happy for her and was her best supporter even when I knew it would be the death of us. I always knew I loved Hallee more than she loved me. That always lingered in the air. Even our friends hinted at it. So I knew the time would come and it has.

The moment. We are in the farthest part of the library where anyone could scream and the acoustics would drown out amongst the old books. Halle is in my high school hoodie. Her hair is a mess and she has no make up on. I’m trying to focus on what she is saying, but I know how this plays out. She has rehearsed this break up speech for hours I know she did. That’s the type of person she is. She would rehearse so that she was sure that above all else she would lay everything on the table leaving enough facts as to why we are breaking up, but keeping it sweet and loving enough so that I will want to remain friends with her. That’s where it gets fuzzy for me. I focused on her tears and the hiccups in between shuddering breaths. Hallee is first and foremost my friend. All the stories I have ever read where the lovers would rather die than be apart or where the main character can’t bear to live on while the other is gone from their lives plays out in my head, but that doesn’t feel right to me in this moment. I keep thinking as Hallee is half way smiling and half way crying trying to subtlety remove the cry snot from her nose ……..that I would rather have Hallee as a friend in my life then some college memory. I would rather be her friend and watch her walk down the isle in a stunning white dress even if I was not at the end of said isle. I would rather see her holding a baby that has her smile or eyes as a friend than some distant person looking on a photo on Facebook. I would rather have Hallee at my book release in the future with her significant other as my friend than some stranger who left a comment on my goodreads page.

Hallee is looking at me pleading and with hope in her eyes that I will remain in her life as a friend. Not a friend clinging to the hope that one day we will get back together, but as a true friend. I feel every piece of my heart and soul break and mend back together quickly again only to break once more for a repetitive cycle. I hear myself say something like I’m at the far end of the tunnel …

…..“Hallee, I will always be your friend. I will always root for you. I love you!”

And I know even though it might literally kill me. I can be that friend to her. Because it’s Hallee.

Humid, loud, and packed. My heart is squeezing in my chest, tight with panic. Too many people, too much noise. A drunk, slurring girl knocks into me. I'm drenched in cheap beer. Air, I need air.

The sound of the party roars like an amphitheater until the back door slams shut. Silence rings in my ears. The air is crisp, like a clean slap across my face.

I sit down on the backstairs with a deep sigh. The forest stretches out in front of me, daunting shadows painted on the night sky. Haunting, but pretty.

"I should've known I'd find you here."

I scream, a shrill embarrassing sound only the dogs can hear. Mark startles, screaming in response. When we both fall silent, only the crickets fill the space between us.

He looks... good. Healthy, just as blonde and cute as before, but healthier. Maybe I was making him sick.

"Sorry about that, my nerves are shot." My voice barely carries across the canyon between us.

He laughs. Mark is always laughing. "Well my ears are shot, too. Now we match."

Mark always had the sense of humor. I was the glum one, always the shadow on his sunshine. It's easier to see his shine when I'm not blotting it out.

"Yeah... I'm sorry-" my voice chokes out, like his eyes caught me in a chokehold. "I'm glad you're still you, Mark."

He doesn't laugh, just smiles. That smile use to bloom a thousand flowers in my chest, now it merely puts me at ease.

"I'm very glad you didn't change either, Kelly." He sounds genuine, which is new. Mark never use to sound genuine, everything was always a joke.

I laugh and hope it doesn't sound as hallow as it feels, "I really hope I've changed. No one wants Kelly from a year ago."

"Sure they did, I was just too busy getting in your way."

I blink, because it's the only thing my body will do. Anymore than blinking will send my nervous system into shock.

Mark's hair looks like a halo in the warm back porch light, small bugs flitting around him like sparks, "I use to hide you from people, unintentionally of course. I'd be big, you'd be small. I'd be loud, you'd be quiet."

I open my mouth... nothing comes out. He smiles again, gentle as a lapping wave after a storm.

"You deserve to be front and center, and I was hogging the limelight."

Oh. That's... something. I smile, and it feels real. It feels just as warm as Marks hugs use to be, how warm our bed was at night, how warm the sun was when I was a kid.

"You're not the villain, Mark." I nod, like I'm agreeing with myself, "Neither of us are. There's nothing to be sorry about."

He nods along with me, and laughs again. Good, he should always laugh. His laugh could cure a headache.

He hooks a finger over his shoulder, wiggling his brows like an old cartoon character, "Wanna' head back inside and find you a new man to lust after?"

And just like that, my heart doesn't ache when I look at him. Old wounds have healed, he's just a scar. A fun story to tell when someone asks.

"Oh shut up, I never lusted after you Mark." I shove past him, smiling at his burst of laughter.

Mark jumps inside, screaming right behind me, "Kelly Jones is looking for a hot blooded man, can anyone help her?"

A chorus of whoops and hollers ring out. I laugh along with Mark. The whole party feels endless, like tonight could be the start of the rest of my life.

Mark pats my back. feels good to have an old friend back.

It all started in high school, we got together. Everyone saw us as the couple that would last. So did we. We were so in love that we spend everyday together doing things we both liked.

It stayed that way for a year until someone got cheated on and it all started from there. The trust issues, the fighting, the taking breaks. Everything got complicated and we didn’t even know what we were.

It stayed that way for about another year. Back and forth with I love you and I hate you. Till finally it was both. We hated each other so much that we couldn’t be together Because we couldn’t handle it but we loved each other so much that we couldn’t just be strangers

At that moment we became friends. No matter how hard the love was we knew all we could ever be was friends.

📝 Goal accomplished!