My face is hurting. I feel like I’ve been smiling for hours. I probably have! I can’t believe my friends and family showed up to do all this, just for me. Turning 32 isn’t such a big deal, not like hitting the big 3-0 at least. But this is absolutely amazing! The beautiful balloons, the rose gold decorations and plates, and even this birthday sash that barely fits around this big baby belly…I haven’t felt this cherished in a really long time. And it feels amazing. This baby may be the best and biggest thing to come to my life, but until he arrives I can’t underrate these lovely people who took the time to do all this. Gosh, my back is killing me though. And the pressure in my pelvis is getting really hard to ignore. Ah, probably just another Braxton Hicks kicking in. Time for cake! Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear….OUCH! Oh my gosh I have to sit down. Whew it’s hard to catch my breath. And I’m sweating, why am I sweating so much? Inhale…exhale. Inhale…exhale. Inhale—OW OWWW oh no. Oh no. That’s a large puddle that just soaked the front my special birthday dress. Oh my gosh no. Now? Right NOW?! Well I’m going to blow out the candles for both of us on my way out the door to go meet you, little man. Happy birthday to us, son.

I’m never going to forget my seventeenth birthday.

It started fine, I woke up, opened some cards, some presents… you know, general birthday stuff. My back had been aching for most of the previous night, but I lied about it and went bowling with my friends like we agreed to a month ago.

Amina had just gotten her second strike of the game when it happened. Or when I realised I needed to go to the toilet, at any rate.

“Guys, I’ll be back in a minute,” I said, and only Jackson acknowledged that I’d even spoken.

With my back still aching (even more now I was actively thinking about it), I stumbled into the bathroom and locked myself into a cubicle.

I don’t know if words can describe how shocked I was to feel what honestly felt like a miniature waterfall gushing down my legs. I won’t even lie, I thought for a moment that I’d wet myself.

But something told me that wasn’t the case.

I’d been having regular periods — mostly. PCOS isn’t exactly great for that, but there you go. And yet here I was, with wet trousers and feeling like I was on my period again with some of the worst cramps ever… even though I’d had my last period only two weeks earlier.

I didn’t think I could move.

Then I heard the bathroom door opening.

“Erin?” Amina called. “Jackson said you’d be in here, it’s your turn! Are you okay?”

Cramps, what seemed like my waters breaking (even though I wasn’t pregnant)…

“I think I might be going into labour?”

“You’re not pregnant…?”

“Well, yeah, I know that much! But it seems like I’m going into labour at the same time!”

I could tell Amina was grimacing. “Push, then? Do you feel like you, uh, need to…”

“I guess?”

I think we gave Jackson the shock of his life when he hesitantly stuck his head through the door of the bathroom to hunt us both down again. Being the only one between him, Ethan and Zachary who could even hope to get that close to where we were (being born in a girl’s body with the most rubbish grandparents on the planet is good for one thing, I guess), it was his job to do the one thing he hated doing most.

“Amina, Erin —“

“OH MY GOD THERE’S A F*CKING HEAD!”

“WHEN THE HELL DID YOU GET PREGNANT?!”

“I DON’T KNOW?!”

I believe disruptions come to remind us we are never really in control. At times they come like iceberg, for my titanic soul. Overwhelmed with the taste of the sea, I am left questioning me. But just when I thought I would drown and die alongside my dream, resilience creeped in and I Rose. Desperately clinging to a floating debris called hope.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year—Halloween. Also, this day happens to be my birthday. It’s every goth kid’s dream, to be born on a Halloween or a Friday the 13th or maybe one of the other solstice or equinox days or festivities. And I am the one lucky enough to be born that day.

This year, we celebrate it for many reasons. Ever since the pandemic, it’s the first time for such a long time where a huge gathering is allowed. All year round since going to new normal, everyone had all the reasons to be reunited with their loved ones they haven’t seen in a while—birthdays, holidays, a lot of times people just threw parties for no reasons too. And today is no exception. I invited every close friend and family that I still have left.

It’s also my first birthday to celebrate as a married woman. My beloved husband, Paul, proposed to me on my birthday exactly a year ago. After which we finally said our vows to each other on his birthday—Valentines. Yep, I’m not the only one who is a holiday baby. And that day being the most romantic date of the year, on top of our wedding, we immediately consummated our marriage that night. He had a vasectomy in the beginning of our relationships, which means he had been shooting blanks in all our premarital sex. But not that honeymoon night. As planned by both of us, he had his vasectomy reversed. This was my wedding day-slash-birthday-slash-Valentines gift, to have our baby conceived that night.

Which brings us back to the present: me being pregnant, having a final hurrah with my family and friends before I give birth to our baby in around two weeks. I wasn’t sure I wanted to push through with this birthday-slash-Halloween party plan knowing I would be very much close to my term, but we did. Paul had been such a sweetheart, planning all of this. It is exactly like how I want it, there is nothing I can ask for more. All day long, it’s a surprise after another with him. Yet he gives me this look like he has something more up his sleeve.

“Can I talk to you alone for a sec?” he asks. I follow him upstairs to our bedroom, where there are no people. As we sit down by the bed, he begins asking in a solemn voice, “You remember our honeymoon night…?”

I gestured to my very round belly, the result of that night. “Yes??” hahaha

“Well, here’s another surprise for your birthday…” he trails off. “I know you wanted that as a present for me, to have our baby conceived on my birthday… our wedding day… Valentines.”

I giddily nod, not knowing what else to say, urging him to continue.

“To let you know the truth now, I had my vasectomy reversed earlier than when I told you. Which means…”

“Which means?”

“Which means… we conceived that baby even earlier.”

Which means, unless my term is longer than 40 weeks, I might go into labor anytime NOW, not two weeks from now like what I initially thought.

As if on cue--I’m not sure if it’s just from feeling surprised from this revelation, but--I’m starting to feel my water break.

“Ow!”, I howl in pain.

“Are you alright?” Paul asks worryingly.

“Oh my god, Paul, I think I’m about to give birth!”

As I looked around the room at my wife, sister, and our dearest friends, I couldn’t help but embrace the bittersweet feelings that surrounded this day. My 32nd birthday; the final birthday that I would ever spend without having the additional title of “Mom”. It was such a terrifying, yet exhilarating thought. Nikki and I knew we wanted to have a family together, but neither of us felt confident, as we were about to become first-time moms. We had done a lot with our lives already; traveled the world, found jobs that kept us fed, cultivated passions that brought joy into our lives, and of course, loved each other enough to make a life-long commitment to one another. Having this baby together was to be our next big adventure.

While I was excited to start this next chapter with her, I couldn’t help but mourn the spontaneous life we were leaving behind. I looked at each of my friends, pondering the experiences that I would miss out on them in the future due to my responsibilities as a mother. My friend Bailie caught my eye and beamed her warm smile at me. That loving look was enough to bring me back to the moment. After so many years, dreaming of having a loving family of my own, I finally felt like I had one. One that now I was adding to, in my own way. I grinned back at Bailie and put my hand to my stomach as I felt my baby stir against my abdomen. Those kicks had been so exciting the first time they had happened, so gentle, but now they felt like our baby was trying out for their first soccer team. I winced momentarily, trying to hide the grimace behind my smile as Anna handed me my next gift. I could feel Nikki giving me a side glance, noticing something felt off, as I powered through and tore into the brightly colored wrapping paper. It was a collection of snacks, a thoughtful letter, and a journal from my friend Chelsea.

Anna passed me another, this one with a large bow on top. “This one’s from me!” Hollered Tiffany from across the room, excited to continue to show off her thoughtful skill of gift-giving. I smiled back at her, knowing that this was her love language; it was how she communicated the words she never quite felt comfortable saying out loud. As I popped open the top of the box, I recognized the cover of a book I had pointed out to Tiffany at a small shop a few months ago. “Of course you remembered,” I grinned at her. I pawed through the paper in the box, excited to see her next sentimental gift. Suddenly, the kicks of pain I had been feeling a few minutes ago returned with a vengeance. Then, the seat under me felt wet. As a cramping pain ripped through my lower abdomen, I gasped and dropped the box of gifts onto the floor. The room went silent, aside from the distant “Babe, are you okay?” I could barely hear from Nikki beside me. Through gritted teeth, I gasped “Honey, I think something’s wrong. The baby was kicking really hard and now my abdomen feels like it’s splitting open.” Nikki grabbed my hand and everything started to go blurry around me.

The silence was deafening, until Bailie announced, “Shannon, I think your water just broke. It might be time to go to the hospital”. Through the blur, I could feel the collective gasp in the room. “Isn’t she still a month away from her due date?” I heard someone whisper through this new fog. Everyone started moving at once. Nikki grabbed my face and stared into my eyes for a few moments, enough to recenter me, before she dashed to the kitchen to throw together a bag and get the car keys. Bailie rushed to my side in her absence, speaking soothingly as she walked me through what was going to happen next. Things after that got a bit blurry until suddenly, Nikki and Bailie were helping me walk to the car, one on either side. Everyone was gathered around me outside now. As I looked around at this chosen family of mine one last time, I knew that our baby was going to be born into a world full of so much unconditional love. Bailie closed the door and Nikki pressed on the gas.

"Happy birthday Grace!" Jax exclaimed, raising a glass of wine in my direction. My friends and parents cheered, all raising their own glasses. I gave a little smile, sipping on my glass of water. Jax kissed my forehead as the chatter of the guests started back up. A sudden wave of pain jolted through my stomach, almost making me gasp in pain. I breathed through it, trying not to let on that anything was wrong. I puffed out a sigh of relief as the contraction faded. This one had felt different from the others. I was hit by a sudden, crushing urge to pee. Too late, a gush of fluid rushed down my legs. I excused myself, walking to the bathroom to clean myself up. As I walked, I realised this fluid was still leaking out of me. Oh god, I hadn’t peed myself, my water had just broken. I stopped dead in my tracks. What was I supposed to do?! I couldn’t leave my own birthday party, and I didn’t wanna make a scene! "Grace, you alright?" Jax asked, coming to my side. I swallowed hard. "My water just broke" I whispered. "What?! Hospital! Now!" he said, turning to face our guests. "Okay everyone, party’s over. Grace and I are going to the hospital, she’s going into labour" he shouted. We were met with cheers and "good luck"s as everyone piled out of the house. I gasped in pain as I felt another contraction. "Breathe" Jax told me, holding me close and breathing with me through the contraction. As soon as it faded, he frantically ran round the house grabbing the hospital bag and making sure things were locked up. He bundled me into the car, and we sped off in the direction of the hospital.

Our beautiful daughter Addelyn was born 2 hours later; at 10pm. Turns out I was already halfway through my labour when we arrived at the hospital. That’s how I learned I’m prone to fast labours. Precipitous labour they call it. She is the best birthday gift I could have ever gotten, and nothing will ever top my daughter as a gift.

“Thank you, Cherise. I’m sure the baby is going to love it!”, I crooned, eying the yellow blanket with both appreciation and disappointment. It was beautiful, really it was. The fluffy duck print was adorable and I couldn’t wait to wrap my soon-to-be-born son in it. But I could’nt help but feel a little annoyed to open yet another baby gift today. After all, it was my birthday, not the baby’s. Even though I loved the little gem inside me to bits already, I was a little miffed about today’s celebration. I was dying to have lovely brunch with just my best gals to celebrate my 30th, not a repeat of last months baby shower. Besides, we were already swamped with baby stuff and I was really looking forward to some gifts just for myself.

I parted my lips to suggest we have a second round of dessert (mostly because I was looking forward to devouring 5 more cupcakes), when a sharp pang jabbed at my lower back. I held back a grunt and instead, gritted my teeth against the pain. That was the fourth time that had happened in the past hour.

The baby wasn’t due for another week, but my luck had been so poorly lately that I wouldn’t doubt that the universe would put me into labour on my own birthday. It’s not that I was jealous of the baby and I sharing a birthday, nor was I particularly annoyed at the thought of sharing the special day, but this was the first time in a long time that one day would be purely for me.

Every birthday for the last 7 years had belonged to other people’s special moments-engagements, weddings, pregnancy announcements- just about every celebration you could think of.

“Come on, I still have my gift for you”, came a deep velvety voice nearby. I looked up to see my husband Oliver smiling down at me, a single hand outstretched. I returned the smile and placed a hand in his.

“Is it more baby clothes? Or perhaps a new set of diapers- as if we don’t have enough”, I joked as he lifted me from the couch. It took more effort than it usually did to pull myself from the plush seat, with the belly in the way and what not.

The second I lifted myself from the seat I felt a light popping sensation in my hip, nothing dissimilar to the usual feeling of joints clicking. What was not familiar in any way though was the wetness that suddenly tricked down my leg, a feeling that gave me mild discomfort and annoyance. Oh no, you’ve got to be kidding me. There’s no way in hell that was my-

“Katherine, did your water just break”, Oliver asked, looking down at me with wide eyes.

“No, no. It’s nothing. Now what’s this you were saying about a gift-“

“Kat! That was definitely your water breaking. We need to get to the hospital”, Oliver said, interrupting my rather poor cover up.

“The baby can wait a couple of seconds. Let’s finish up with the party first”, I said, already knowing it was the wrong response.

Before Oliver could reply, my older sister was at his side, the bright pink hospital bag we had packed two days ago in her hand. Rachel held the bag up with one hand and a pair of keys in the other.

“In the car, Kat. Now. We are going to the hospital. The party can wait”, she said sternly, gesturing at me to follow. I held up a hand that hopefully told her to ‘hang on a sec’ and turned to Oliver with a sweet smile.

“Before we go, how about that gift?”, I asked, batting my eyes up at him.

He rolled his eyes and picked up a pale blue gift bag I hadn’t noticed he had placed on the coffee table beside us.

“If it makes you get out the door faster then here”, he said, holding it out.

I snatched it from him and excitedly pulled the tissue paper out of it. Nestled at the bottom was a box. When I pulled it out the words scrawled on the side of it made my heart sink in disappointment.

“Oh… we needed a baby monitor”, I mumbled, already feeling tears prickle my eyes. I wasn’t sad about it being another baby gift, I was more so disappointed….okay, maybe a little sad too.

“Open it”, Oliver said.

“No, it’s okay. We can set it up lat-“

“I had a whole thing planned but we are kinda short on time. Just open it”

I nodded and fumbled to open the box, fully expecting to see the baby monitor inside.

Sitting inside however was a smaller green box. I frowned in confusion and pulled it out before flicking it open. In the box was a beautiful gold chain with a circular gold pendant. Stamped into the pendant was an image of two marigolds.

“Oh my gosh. It’s beautiful Oli!”, I exclaimed stroking the pendant with one finger.

“Turn it over”

I flipped the pendant over and my heart squeezed when I saw the words engraved on the back.

‘For my Katherine on her special day’

And then underneath that it had the date: ‘October 8th’.

I clawed the necklace out of the box and placed it on my neck, a dopey smile fixed on my face the entire time. This was the best birthday gift I had ever received-ever. Not only was it a beautiful piece of jewellery, but it acknowledged just how special the day was to me. No matter how silly I had sounded obsessing over my birthday as an adult on the brink of having her first child, Oliver had listened when I told him how important the day was to me. This gift meant the world to me.

I looked up at Oliver and whispered a ‘thank you’, my emotions in too much of a frenzy to say more. Then I turned to my sister and gestured to the keys in her hand.

“Okay now we can go to the hospital. Y’all have no idea how much pain I’m in right now”

“Cheers to the love of my life!! Because she’s pregnant we have cider to toast her and our little prince who’s due next week!! Happy birthday Alanna!!!

I couldn’t help but blush and giggle. This day will forever be remembered in my mind as such a special day!! After years of trying we are finally pregnant and we will have a son. I started day dreaming again about his first laugh, feeding him, seeing him crawl. My thoughts were wrecked by an intense cramp, feeling like my abdomen had been ripped!! Then I feel water run down and hit the floor. “I’m in labor!” I shout.

The next 30 minutes were just a blur! Charlie escorted me to the car as I tried a lot to breathe like I learned I in Lamaze. He put the bag in the previously installed car seat and helped me into the car. Our friends we’re waving goodbye and sending good wishes as we drove off. “Let’s go have a baby my love!”

I had been planning my party for ages. Birthdays were always a big deal growing up, and.. well.. You only turn 30 once, and I can’t see myself wanting to celebrate the later milestones quite as much. I started saving a couple of years ago, it was gonna be big! So the party itself, was booked in a hotel, and We managed to get the best room too. The theme was vintage 20’s - all the glitz and glam of the roaring 20’s with the ladies in amazing gowns, and the men dressed to impress. It was all black and gold, and the decorations I had been making over the last few months looked incredible! The big day came, and despite my excitement, something felt really off. I dismissed it as nerves, and went about the whole morning preparing. Mum and I planned a very tight schedule to make it perfect. At lunchtime, I went to the tailors to pick up my dress. It. Was. Amazing! It was a Black and gold chevron design, all in tiny beads, with a tasseled hem. I couldn’t wait to get it on! I had a few more bits to finish off before putting it on again. Finally it was time. I got it out of the case, and held it up against me. It looked a little slim. I was measured though, and had eaten less than usual, so I couldn’t see why. I unzipped it, and put it over my head. It wouldn’t even get past my chest, mortified, I got all hot and bothered, trying to pull it off gain, and a load of beads came flying off. I instantly set off in floods of tears, and my mum came rushing in to see what was going on. She helped me out of the dress, and went over to the wardrobe and started flicking through my other dresses. After a few moments, she pulled out a little black number, that was obviously, nothing like the special dress I had planned, but good enough. She found some accessories that coordinated with the theme and dress perfectly, and gave me a huge hug. She always knows what to do. After applying my make up I was finally ready. My stomach was hurting a lot, and I clutched at it, struggling to deal with it. It felt very bloated, and looked huge! I kept telling myself to calm down, and kept telling myself, I will feel better after a few drinks. The time came to set off to the hotel. Mum had hired a limousine! Excited, I climbed inside, and looked around. It was amazing! My best friend Chloe was sitting in there too. She took one look at me and frowned. She made a comment about looking rough, and I told her about the pains I had been experiencing on and off. She gave a sympathetic look, glanced at my stomach but then beamed at me. Babbling on about the party, our minds were distracted. We soon arrived. As I got out of the limousine the pains came back with a vengeance. I staggered into the hotel, squeezing my fists so hard, my new nails were bending and cutting into my flesh. I could feel the sweat on my brow, and knew something wasn’t right. Everyone started cheering happy birthday. I struggled to make a half convincing smile, and dashed toward the bathroom, leaving a very confused party crowd. The pain was immense now, and I had the urge to go to the toilet. I let out a small whine as I entered the ladies, and bumped straight into mum. Shocked to see me, she held my shoulders and gave a long hard stare. I started to explain what I was going through when I was crippled with pain again. I clutched my stomach and mum knew exactly what was going on, and her next words shocked me to the core. “ Sweetie, I think you’re having a baby!”

“Happy birthday, dear Lilly, happy birthday to you!”

The cake looked almost too good to eat. It was designed to look exactly like the full moon (I’m a selenologist).

“Aw, you got it perfect, honey!” I said. “I’m surprised you didn’t scan a photograph of the moon for this!”

“Thank your daughter,” said Forrest. “She helped with the design.”

“Did you now?” Viv blushed. Looking at her big brown doe eyes, I couldn’t help seeing myself at twelve.

“I wanted it to be special,” said Viv.

“Better be careful, sweetie, you’re gonna put photographers out of business!”

“Hurry up and blow out the candles before they drip!”

Typical Marie, always worrying about something.

“All right, all right.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, making my wish. Leaning over wasn’t easy with a pregnant belly, and it took a few tries, but I finally blew out all the candles.

“Yay! Happy 31st, babe!” said Forrest, kissing me.

“Thank you, all of you!”

Suddenly I seized up. A contraction. How many minutes had it been since the last one?

“Mom, you okay?” said Viv.

“I’m fine, dear,” I said, but I was looking at Marie. She was biting her lip.

“What does the birthday girl want to do first?” said Forrest. “Eat cake, open presents, what?”

Marie put her hands to her mouth.

“I think we’d better have cake first, or Marie’s gonna throw a fit,” I chuckled.

My laugh turned into a groan as another contraction hit me.

Marie winced.

“Just kidding,” I laughed. But I wasn’t kidding.

Another contraction. They were getting closer.

“Just kidding!” I don’t think I was as convincing this time.

I felt a trickling down my leg.

“Mom?”

“…I think it’s time.”

“Now?” said Forrest. “You’re not due for three weeks!”

“I don’t care when I’m due, the baby wants out now!”

“Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!” cried Marie.

“Now, don’t panic, ladies,” said Forrest, sweating. “Lilly’s packed, the car’s ready. Just need to call the hospital. Viv, help your mother.”

Viv was such a darling, helping me get to the garage. Nervous though she was, she wasn’t about to let that stop her. Such a brave girl.

Labor was eight solid hours of torture. I think my memory’s blanked it out because it was too traumatizing. I didn’t want to take drugs lest it hurt the baby, and they provided hot water for me, but everyone says I was crying and saying terrible things all the while.

My labor with Vivian wasn’t like this.

But it was over now. I was the proud mother of a tiny baby boy.

When the doctor said it was okay to have visitors, in came Forrest, Viv, and Marie.

I was nursing the baby.

“Hi, Daddy,” I said to Forrest. “Come meet your son.”

Tears filled his widened eyes as he came to look.

“Hey, little guy,” he whispered, kissing the baby’s head and stroking it. “You’re so tiny.”

“Viv, come meet your baby brother.”

Viv came over and leaned in. “He is tiny!”

“He’s early,” I said. “But he’s perfect.”

Marie didn’t wait for an invitation. She came to look.

Just then the baby opened his blue eyes. He noticed Marie.

I couldn’t help laughing. “‘Do you mind, lady? I’m trying to drink here!’” I said, imitating a little boy’s voice.

Marie looked at the doctor. “You said he’s healthy, right? No problems?”

“None whatsoever, ma’am,” said the doctor. “He’s premature, and undersized, but he’s perfectly healthy.”

“And Lilly?” said Marie.

The doctor smiled. “See for yourself.”

Marie looked at me.

“I was just thinking,” I said. “I’m going to have to share my birthday with this boy.”

“Hey, that’s right!” said Viv. She gazed at her baby brother. “Happy birthday to you….”

Forrest, Marie, and I joined in: “…happy birthday to you, happy birthday, dear—“

A long, awkward pause. We hadn’t named the baby.

“What’s his name?” said Viv.

I looked into my baby’s little eyes. He was looking at me now.

“Farley,” I said.

“Happy birthday, dear Farley, happy birthday to you!”

Viv frowned.

“What’s wrong, Viv?”

“He gets to share a birthday with you, and I don’t.”

I stroked her long brown locks. “I love you very, very much, Vivian. And while little Farley is the best birthday present I could have imagined, he will never take your place.”

Viv gave me a doubtful look.

“How could he?” I said. “He can’t even lift his head, much less a paintbrush!”

Viv laughed. “Okay, Mom, okay!”