What is love? Love is something that makes you happy, it is something that makes you mad. Love is something that makes you laugh so hard you fall on the floor, love is something that makes you sad. Love is something that makes you smile, love is something that makes you glad. Love is something that makes you glee, love is something that makes you reek. Love is something that makes you grieve, love is something that makes you bad. Love makes us do everything and anything. Contributing in suffering and warning. “Why do people love in the morning?” They cry, but they never know until it’s time. Love keeps us hiding, love keeps us in the dark. Love keeps us from running, love keeps us from Burning. Love keeps us from everything and anything, but ourselves. Seeking for keeping, we forget time keeps ticking. Chasing, shouting, checking. Everything but sharing. Wishing, hitting, dreaming. But we’ve lost the meaning. We lay there, shouting. Shouting and shouting until we lose our voice. Until we can no longer shout. We go back to realizing the meaning, then we are retrieving. Wrecking, staring, cheating. We’ve seem to lost the meaning yet again, “everything happens for a reason” Spitting, kicking, ripping. You have not been chosen. Reaching for what you once knew as love, you start turning “I can go back.” You say “I can remember” you say. But you don’t prepare yourself for the heat. Cheat, eat, repeat. We eat what we greet. The sweet treat sounding elite until we hit delete. Cheat, eat, repeat. It is now offbeat. What once used to repeat is now effete. We cry and cry refusing to admit defeat, only until we deplete, do we retreat.

You exist when I feel most alone, when I’m cooking dinner or scrolling through my phone. You sit while I complete my mundane tasks; you don’t say much but sometimes we laugh to help time pass. Your presence, though it is not much, is more than enough because you somehow never judge. Your impartial silence is more to me than a disapproving voice or a heavy hand throwing my gentle thoughts around my scattered mind. It is only when I sit so alone, outside my window, watching the world go by that I have to come to the realisation that you are nothing but my imagination. Like a strange fixation, a game my psyche has made up to keep me sane. Only existing because of the chemical imbalances inside my brain. And that is where you live, in between the unorganised wires. You sit quietly. You make me question myself. My want for love. Maybe each time that I fantasise about you, it is not about love. I believe it never has been -rather my desire to finally be seen, because love is the lie that keeps us alive.

Love: the one thing in life we can’t survive without, We find our love and we just want to shout it out, Sharing it with the world, Because they deserve to see our happiness, As much as we deserve to be happy. But what is love? The connection to another? The touch of a lover? What is love? The writing in the stars? Someone who supports you as you are? Is love the bloom in spring? The beautiful harmony of summer? The crisp autumnal leaves scattered on the ground? The crunch of footsteps in fresh snow? What is love? Unconditional and pure, When you’re certain of someone,when your sure. Love is a disguise, a rouse. love is something that leaves you broken and blue. Love is not the truth. It is something we chase but never obtain, It is something that we feel we have to gain. But that feeling is false, We lose a piece of ourselves every time we get close. Love is the lie that keeps us alive.

I didn’t know he’d go all crazy My own boyfriend Dragging me Down Down Down Into his cold basement Letting my head hit the stairs My hands are tied Binded by the rough rope, Rope Rope Rope He tells me I am his. But I am not I will not let him have me But I can make him think Think that I am his Think that I have fallen in love But how can I? My mouth has a sock in it I cannot speak I cannot move He walks down the stairs Tells me that he loves me But how could he love me He hurt me He takes the gag out So I can eat But I cannot eat I wouldn’t be able to keep it down Months go by with more progress, He lets me watch tv Sitting on his lap And play on his phone, The news has stopped talking about me Missing woman Probably never to be found again The thought scares me How can it not? He thinks I am in love, He cut my hair a dyed it black My beautiful natural blonde gone Down the drain He takes me out Out Out Out Yes I am out, Outside In the light It’s blinding After months of darkness He’s taking me to park, dragging me along, How can I make someone see me Pay attention to me Call the police We walk around the park for hours He whispered in my ear “See no one cares that your gone, I am your only love” He has to go pee Let’s me wait outside As soon as he is gone I run up to a woman “Please help I’ve been kidnapped,” She calls the police but I go back to my spot Can’t let him see Can’t let him know Sirens Sirens Sirens Off in the distance Sirens Sirens Sirens Getting closer Closer as we walk He grabs my waist Pinning me to his body I watch as the run up to him I finally free myself from his grasp The handcuffs look painful As they duck his head into the car He loved me But I didn’t love him Love is a lie that keeps us alive

“I’m proud of you” hurts more than your silence. Your smiles weave lies together like second nature. And if I said a word, your screams would echo down the hallways.. The hall where your gaze is sharper than knives. And you watch my every move like you watch you’re phone scroll away… Love is the lie that is keeping us alive. A lie your smiles decorated with your emboidery that I painted with the paint that uncovered the truth… the truth which we both can’t survive with. so we lie while smiles cross our faces, we lie and lie and lie and lie and lie.

Love is the lie that keeps us alive And the very thought of you not loving me, Was paralyzing not so long ago… Thinking back… oh how I begged you, Hot, salty tears seemed to stain my face for days And you, hundreds of miles away Tucked away in your bunk… rolling on 18 wheels Further and further away from us you drive No responsibility, no one to answer to, no one to hold you accountable or responsible- For the damage you’ve done, yet again But as I always have, I cleaned up your trash It’s difficult to convey how my heart ached for you And, quite the expense for something so sacred freely given to a man like you… The embodiment of Peter Pan “A man like me??” I can hear you say with an arrogance only you are capable of… Yes, a man like you… with a wondering eye, and a mouth full of lies Yes, a man like you… who believes himself to be some asphalt cowboy now. Yes, a man like you… who lacks integrity, and runs from responsibility. Yes, a man like you… who abandons his wife and children. Yes, a man like you… who finds fault in everyone around him, but unable to see how ugly his own heart is. And yes, I could go on…. I often wonder what it is you see when you look at yourself in the mirror. Do you recognize yourself? Or do you want to shatter the glass because the man staring back at you is nothing more but a ghost of the man you thought you were? There was a time when I believed I couldn’t live without you… And how I hung on to every breath you took… You were my epitome of perfection… Even then, I was blind to your obvious infidelities And deaf to your secrets, screaming into my ears But I see you now… You my love… Were a mean spirited trick, played on me like when I was a child- You my love… Were nothing more but smoke and mirrors- You my love… Were always a liar- Always a cheat… Always a coward… Always a quitter… Always a runner… And never a real man… I can pick up the pieces of my heart and time will heal the parts of me you broke. How do you pick up regret though? I can’t imagine that one can. I suppose it’s something that must be carried It’s a shame you’ve got a bad back Regret can feel pretty heavy, that’s what I’ve heard anyway…

Love is the lie That keeps us alive It keeps us on going And fighting each day We’re stronger When we believe it Then you know it is there If you just hold on tight Even at the lowest And darkest of times Just the thought of a love Can bring you to the light Not even a deep love Or strong hold too tight Just a small little feather That floats on just right A piece to hold on to To keep growing stronger A promise of always That there is still something Love is the lie That keeps us alive It keeps us on going And fighting each day

Natural selection was never my forte, I was happy drifting in shadows, Going through life, unnoticed—till you came. Your love was intoxicating, A light so fierce I couldn’t look away. You didn’t just save my life—you changed it. And of all the myths we choose to believe in, One feels unshakably true: Love is the lie that keeps us alive.

I found out that love is a drug Now I need to look for a plug I found out that love is a drug Now I need to look for a plug Oh I found out that love is a drug Now I need to look for a plug I met her in the club Time to get close I found out that love is a drug Now I need to look for a plug Throw my heart under the rug I got too close I got too close Heartbreak heartbreak Just another heartbreak Will it ever change Who knows 🤷🏽‍♂️ The devils knocking at my front door Ima let him Bad habits ima let him in too Balling hard like a lettermen You got me intoxicated all the things that you do It’s never knew All this bad news Yeah I care about your heart You should too You be tearing me apart Like you do And I told you from the very beginning I love you Love Love Oh oh I found out that love is a drug I need to look for a plug Use my heart as a rug Got to know oh Everybody knows Dre just can’t let go Even she knows She even said so Oh no Laid up in a casket thought it was your mattress We made love then you made me die Telling me you love me Girl even the blind can see that was a lie I still fell for it because I thought you were mine I fell for your lies because I thought you were keeping me alive You gave me your heart and I didn’t know it was plastic Fake Everything goes back to k-A-Z Next thing you know you hurt me The next part you hurt me You really got my stomach turning Stabbed me in the back But my chest is were it’s burning Can feel it in my chest no beating It’s the middle of the night now I’m slurring Oh oh I found out that love is a drug Now I need to look for a plug I met her in the club She threw my heart under the rug she threw me in front of the bus I got too close

Love is the lie that keeps us alive. It is not beauty born to the tongue that speaks it. It is not grace nor ease for those who invite it. Love does not whisper with the subtlety of the wind, to kindly make its presence known. It is not ubiquitous, as so often described, not many are even born from it. It is not warm hands that keep away the cold waters of the Styx. It sits quite nicely in the optimistic eye, but unseen is an insidious side. It wears the alluring colors of specious fruits with bitter hearts. Much sin has followed such a taste, for memory lane recalls too many a name. A little drop may ease the pain but overindulgence is its game.