“i can’t do this with you anymore” words whispered in the dark that shatter a heart into shards that cut deep deep into the memories

memories of whispers and hands between strands of hair brushed behind ears “i love you” in no words at all

the flutter of lips against cheeks the laughter the smiles those ones that always reached the eyes

“i can’t do this with you anymore” but it has been done in a thousand little moments that will linger for eternity

the question, it seemed, would always remain: cannot or will not?

“Why don’t you love me” He asked, eyes filled with tears “I can’t” I cried

His eyes never seemed to go dry that night It broke me It killed me This boy He loved me And maybe I loved him I just don’t know

“I care about you” He whisperd “I know” I murmured

“What do I do? What do I say. To make you smile?” He asked “You stay” I mumbled

So he stayed And that was when I realized I loved him I’d always love him

“Do you love me now?” He pondered I had no answer I loved him So why couldn’t I tell him?

“If you love me” I said

But the questioned burned in my heart Could I love him? Do I love him? Or do I refuse to

“Never let me go” He’d murmured “I won’t” I replied “You love me, right?” “Always”

But even as the word left my lips The question, it seemed, would always remain Cannot love, or will not love

Pondering, thinking, what’s the point Realizing answers to come Questioning, quizzical, bending the joint Wanting more than one.

Wondering all the same, Looking at the last shot The question, it seemed, would always remain, Cannot or will not? Tessa🦋

She has been the one The one for me The love of my life Since the day I met her

Ever since I saw her smile Her eyes, heard her laugh I know she was meant for me Except she doesn’t want to know that

I see it in the way she moves toward me In the way she talks to me She likes me back She just doesn’t want to admit it

I know her parents wouldn’t approve I know she says I am not her type Jokingly, but with an apologetic smile Like she doesn’t want to hurt me

I know how she fells and she hurts me not admitting it So at some point I asked if she would date me She blushed and was about to cry When from her lips got out the words: you’re a girl, I can’t

The question, it seemed, would always remain: cannot, or will not?

You said I was confused. Well, you said it about others without knowing I related to their struggle with self.

The conflict of queerness Rivaled with religion. Or rather, your beliefs of it that you long ago instilled in me.

Though you never really said any of this aloud until I was grown. I still saw the way you looked at them. The way I wished you'd never see me.

You've never really said those three precious words that a girl longs to hear from her father.

I wish I was different. I wish I could change. But this is me and it's a side you will never see.

I often wonder if at any time you actually loved me but I guess I'll never truly know. So the question, it seems, will always remain: cannot or will not?

Basketball practice, you’re sitting outside I want you to come in You take another ride

I’m the last one left at school You forgot to pick me up Teacher drives to our house, we couldn’t wake you up

You’re yelling at my mom I wish you wouldn’t shout I stay here with my sister, trying to stay calm

You’re outside with your friends Drinking your mind away I wish that I could leave, but instead I have to stay

You a good dad, is always just a thought The question, it seemed, would always remain Cannot or will not?

A man is not a people But to know a man is a narrow window to his people, to their history and future I know your people are warm and honest I wish I knew you

Thank you for the legends fireside The glimpse of the sea from your eyes My pages shut tight but I marvel in the memory of your fingertips on my spine I wish you could have known me

Stupid with intelligence awkwardness peeking around the mask of arrogance You, the wisdom of guilelessness You, an accomplished pain in the ass This we opposites share in common Could we’ve known each other?

It is not my way to answer And you are not accustomed to questioning The question it seemed would always remain: cannot or will not?

When thumbs pressed and prodded At the soft hollow flesh of my neck And metal instruments with talon tips Reached down my throat to unwrap The folds of my larynx In search of severed pieces I waited in mute contempt

Soundlessly patient I was under their observation Though I yearned to tell them That I was not ruined Flawed or fractured

The grand-maker had not failed When he had laced the silvery cords of my neck Or filled the gelatinous organ in my skull with knowledge and thought

What they failed to see was that The questions to be answered were never What was broken? What was damaged? What was wrong?

The question, it seemed, would always remain: cannot, or will not?

I looked into his eyes. There was nothing there. When asked, “Do you love me?” No reply; Just a blank stare.

After some thought He said, “I’m not in love with you, But I still care. It’s not you; It’s me. Whenever you need I’ll be there. I’m sorry.”

My mind was so confused. How could he? Our love he forgot. So, for me The question, it seemed, Would always remain; Can not or will not?

You grabbed my hand, you asked me why, And I didn’t speak. When asked if I would answer I stuttered. You wanted an answer. You wanted me to speak, And It wasn’t a question of why, but when. A question of how I would react When you were gone. I didn’t know. You asked me why I couldn’t tell you, Why my nonchalance and indifference plagued our conversations: Because I will not break your heart. So the real question, it seemed, would always remain: cannot, or will not?