Sometimes it’s hard to love myself

when i’m crying in the bathroom after the same boy called me a homie hopper and said im passed around the friend group

he doesn’t know shit about me

so i don’t know why he would say it

sometimes i wonder if he has so many feelings

that he forgets i do too

i never did anything to hurt him

he must just not like me

i hate myself because of that

i hate myself because i put a boy who wouldn’t even date me

over my ex who was still my best friend

i’ve apologized over and over

and he forgave me

but he didn’t deserve that

he treated me better than that boy could ever dream of

and i’ll forever appreciate him for that

i hate myself because i feel ugly

no matter how much effort i put in

the mirror doesn’t reflect the appearance i worked so hard for

beauty has taught me that it will never be enough

there is always more i can do

an endless hunger

to be beautiful

and only if i catch myself at the right time

does it feel like it’s satisfied

i hate myself because of who i’ve become

the once shy and quiet

turned to loud and obnoxious

desperate to fit in

i rearranged the pieces of myself

but i dont remember the correct order anymore