I took a deep breath and walked to the podium. “Citizens of Eeeeeeedo, I know times have been painfully difficult lately, the Giraffe War has separated many families, and I know many people are struggling with finances because of this, but trust me. You can get through this.”

I looked around at the crowd, and added quickly, “of course, only if you elect me…”

“Anyways! I can save you all, I can stop the war, and maybe someday, we can live peacefully with the giraffes.” The crowd was silent. Then, I started laughing. “I’m joking of course, the giraffes are wretched creatures, capable of only destruction and chaos.”

Perfect, I’ve got them wrapped around my finger… “now, all you have to do is give me all your money and souls!”

There was a murmur of dissent among the crowd, so I immediately jumped in with, “I mean, it’s not like the other candidate will be saving the world, in fact, I bet the other candidate is a robot! Made by the government to spy on our citizens!”

The crowd gasped, hooked on my every word.

“In conclusion, electing me will give me a ton of money, and you another liar to worship, what do you say!?”

The crowd cheered loudly.