I lay back and try to forget

That you ever even liked me

We were once friends

But it feels like a lifetime ago

Since you have spoken to me

You proposed when we were twelve

It was all fun and games

Then on my fifteenth birthday

You took my ring

When I wasn’t looking

I turned around to see

You on one knee

And we laughed

Our friend wedded us

In the school changing room

You were my reason to keep going

My reason to hold on

The reason I’m here today

But I had to leave

I loved you and you loved me

We hugged and cried together on my last day

You gave me piggybacks

Even when the teacher told us off

And we messed around together

At the back of math class

We traded pens

I gave you a matching bracelet

I still wear mine

Your pen sits in my pencil case

We messaged every day

After I left

Sending flirty messages

And singing off with hearts

‘<3’ and ‘my love’

Even if none of it was real

I still message you now

Even if you refuse to read them

You haven’t spoken to me since Christmas

And I cry thinking about it

I can’t distract myself anymore

I need you to acknowledge me

Sleep isn’t even a saviour

I’ve dreamt about being with you

In the same room as you

Talking to you

More than twice

And I wake up crying

Because none of it is real

You were my reason to keep going

My reason to hold on

The reason I’m here today

But I had to leave

And now you aren’t here

To make the thoughts go away