TW: suicide, alcoholism. For my dad 💛

He’s the dad in a family of four

But he thinks he’s alone

In this wood-shaded yellow house with

Black shutters

Where he’s lived for

Over 50 years

Because his wife and kids didn’t appear

Until after

The horror

Of what happened here

The tragedy started with optimism

Irish immigrants

Two architects designing a new life

Full of love, trips to the beach and ambitions to thrive

His dad liked rugby and

Model trains

His mom liked porcelain teacups, flowers and to paint

She was proud of him

She drank, but didn’t drive

Mr. Americana

He went to the local public school

All-city athlete, popular, handsome

Played the sax, was classically cool

His mom took pictures before prom

And then went off to college

To embrace a future that

He was ready to rule

But every time he’d come home

He’d find her vodka

Stashed under cushions

And he didn’t want to pry

But it happened more

And more

So then he had to come home

For good

To watch his mother

Turn yellow and

Willingly

Die

And then a few years later

Still reeling

Still trying not to cry

He found his father

On the floor

Of the garage

Apparently suffocated

From the pain of losing her

Dead

Without even a note

Saying goodbye

Prematurely orphaned

He inherited the house but

Who could imagine that he would stay

That’s way too much right?

How could someone live

In a place of so much pain?

The site of two parent suicides

Why the reminder?

What is there possibly to gain?

But to others’ astonishment

He bought out his sister

And made this wood-shaded yellow house with

Black shutters

Again his home

He started his new family here

Where he chose to be a father

Where he and his wife

Remodeled the kitchen

Put up tons of new pictures

Installed a new modern fancy stereo

And they tend to his mom’s beloved garden

Planting flowers and fixing fences

So their young son and daughter can freely roam

How did he do this?

He kept the house and opened the shutters

But he keeps the door to the pain shut

His sadness simmers

He has a rule against sad movies

And has a bit of a temper

But otherwise

He’s a loving and involved parent

At every soccer game

The life of every party

Always on-the-go

To his new family, his parents are a mystery

If you didn’t know, you wouldn’t know

So today, somehow he’s ok

He hides in the silver lining and bright side

And doesn’t often brood

But if he does need a moment

His family knows if they need to find him

In their wood-shaded yellow house with

Black shutters

They can probably bet

That he’s just in the garage

Having a quiet moment

Alone

Playing with his dad’s model train set