“He just looks scary, he’s lovely deep down.”

The words lap back and forth over my mind, the same way the water does over my head as I try to stay up.

I’m not a bad guy, I’m not rude… I don’t mean to be. I don’t mean to be anything. I don’t mean to be here at all. I never wanted this to happen. I never wanted to be here. I never wanted to meet these people.

The water drags me down again as I push up and gasp for air, some water managing to slip into my mouth and choke me.

I can be good. I can be _better. _I just need to stop trying to be the _best_. If I’m stuck on being the best I’ll only drag myself further down. I need to improve, not jump the ladder.

If you jump from the bottom to the top of a ladder, skipping the steps in between, all you will do is fall.

I cough up the water, scratching my throat in the process causing a sharp sting to course through my throat when I breathe in. I’m getting tired now and my legs are struggling to keep up with my brains demand to live.

They may have called me a bad person. Made me hate myself. But they would have done that to anyone as easy to manipulate as me. It’s just lucky for others they found me first.

But they aren’t in my life anymore and I am a good person. I’m not rude I just don’t understand people. I don’t understand social constructs. I don’t understand society. Society doesn’t understand me.

My legs are going numb. I can no longer feel them below me. The water has stolen them and is bound to take the rest of me with it.

I take a deep breath in and relax my arms as I fall down. Sinking. Slowly.

“The water only looks scary, it’s lovely deep down.”