Thought I Was Better
I really thought I was better.
Better than being exhausted in every way,
Better than not being able to control my eating,
Better than craving pain,
Craving…
Anything.
Everything.
I thought I was in control.
I thought I’d finally,
_Finally_,
Taken back my life,
My feelings,
My mind.
I guess it was just being loaned to me.
I guess I really didn’t get any better.
Will I fall?
I wonder.
It hasn’t felt like flying,
Then like hitting the ground.
It feels more like I drew a life in the sand,
Drew something real,
Something doable,
Something so realistic,
That I started to believe my drawing.
But then the waves washed it away.
I really thought I was better.