Darkness was once light Day was once night Dim was once bright

Life was once death the opposite one in the same Death was once life too

Enemies were once friends Strangers were once lovers You were once my everything

Adults were once kids Memories were once alive Love was once easy

Time falls too fast Moves quickening in a sickening manner

Once was once was once Everything is a never ending circle That we don’t realize we are trapped inside

“Hey, can we talk?”

I could save myself with those four words. Maybe, if I’m not too far gone already. I’m lonely to the point of pain, Bored out of my mind.

I just want to talk to somebody, anybody. I want to talk about something, anything. I don’t care who it is, I don’t care what we say. I just need to hear someone’s voice, Or even the three dots that mean somebody’s bothered to notice I exist.

I could ask you how you’re doing, Could ask about your break. Or what you think of the fact we’ve gotten a yet another snow day. Or how you did on that science test. Or what book your reading, if you even like reading. Or how you cope when you feel depressed. I could ask you what your favorite class is, Could ask what you want to be when you grow up. Or what your favorite hobby is. Or if you’re scared for the future. Or if you’ve gotten your score back on that math quiz. Or if you ever think about dying.

I could ask about anything, Just to hear you talk. I don’t even care if you ask about me, I don’t need to talk about myself, no. I just need to know you’re there, That you want to spend some of your precious time interacting with me.

And… well, if we talked enough… If you really wanted me to, I guess maybe I could talk about me. I could tell you that I’ve got this new book series I love. I could say the ads on Amazon music are driving me insane, I just want to chill to my depressing music in peace. I could tell you that I’m really worried about that math quiz. Maybe I could say I’m nervous about it because I consider my math grade to be my entire worth to this world. If we talked enough, and you actually wanted me to tell you, I could admit I’m scared for the future and that sometimes I kinda wanna die.

Or I could just tell you I’m bored, and that I want someone to talk to. Maybe not even that much, nothing that personal. I could simply complain about the weather. You could just tell me how your day has been. I don’t need to say a single word, You can do all the talking. I just want you to talk to me.

But I never reach out. I tell myself I’m lonely, Tell myself I want someone to talk to me, Tell myself I want to open up. And I really am lonely, But in a lot of ways that’s my own fault. I’m terrified that if I speak a single word, You’ll see all my pain and be hurt by it. I don’t want to hurt you. Not like I’ve already hurt everyone else. But… surely it can’t be that bad if I don’t really talk? Surely we’ll both win if I’m only listening to you talk?

“You” being somebody, anybody. We can talk about something, anything. It’s possible that I could save myself with these four words, But I think I’m too far gone already.

“Hey, can we talk?”

TW mental health (Im okay)

I just woke up and I’m feeling numb,

To my own thoughts I wont succumb.

My mind it races all the time,

The reason why? That I cant define.

I need to distract myself and fast,

Play some music and make it last.

Because things cant always feel like this,

But thats a thought I just dismiss…

Perhaps I need some time apart,

Self Isolation. Thats a start.

Because being alone seems effortless,

When compared to facing this emptyness,

That sinks into my chest.

Im always complaining, it’s mentally draining

A growing weakness I detest.

It’s easier to pretend Im okay,

Than to break and beg for you to stay.

Its easier to pretend Im strong,

Because I cannot explain whats wrong,

I cant bare this feeling, I dont belong…

I wear self sabotage like camouflage,

To protect me from unseen threats.

From my job to all my relationships,

I am left with many regrets.

But perhaps theres still a chance for me,

If I could just set my mind free.

Maybe call and talk to a friend,

Remind myself this darkness ends.

But instead I will just go to bed,

Because some things are best left unsaid…

the game has gone to overtime again.

the game has got our teeth aching, white-knuckled grip on nothing the game has us praying for a last-minute buzzer beater, a final act of god the game has the next shift hurting, yet we still believe ourselves to be divine the game has us all thinking it’s gonna be me i just know i’ll make sure of it

the game has gone to overtime again.

the game has that little black void searching for a white nylon lining the game has a heartbeat, something that thrums in each tape-to-tape pass the game has a life cycle, metamorphosed in three stages, four if we’re unlucky the game has always asked us the question in each and every thing

the game has gone to overtime again.

the game has all the time and space in the world but it is clearly not enough the game has us shivering, from cold or adrenaline we don’t care to know the game has us wishing it would just end so we can go home and cry the game has always been forever, something that asks do you desire this once more?

the game has gone to overtime again.

the game has us turning away from cameras, the men on the screen are not us the game has our friends wondering what happened, why we are the way we are the game has them remembering the fault of those who came before us the game has us wishing to play once more and innumerable times more

the game has gone to overtime again.

I build my pyre with weary hands,
A reckless dance on crumbling sands,
To watch my world in flames unfold,
Burning bright, then turning cold.

The embers spark, they rise, they scream,
Cons

His eyes showed no emotions, not even an ounce of devotion. He carried a lot of baggage, Due to the fact he felt average.

His time was near and dear, But only him and god could understand that type of fear.

His eyes you couldn’t read, due to them being overshadowed by the unforeseen deeds.

His eyes showed no emotions, not even when he took the potion. because he was now gone, not able to speak those true emotions.

-I did it again I gave in I made a mess on my skin Then wrote a poem about it

I thought that I was better I really, really did But I crack under pressure So I’ll atone for my sins

I won’t eat today And I won’t eat tomorrow But I’ll smile anyway And cover up my sorrow

I’m stoic that way And really, it makes sense I don’t deserve to eat After doing that nonsense

I’m useless I’m worthless I’m a stupid piece of trash I don’t deserve any good thing That I could ever ask

I know I shouldn’t do it But then again, I should I deserve every ounce of pain so-

I think you want me to agree with you

Trying to convince me

that you are always wrong

Because in some tangled way

if I agree with you

then that means you’re right about something

Uncontrollable anger is the only emotion I know.

Lashing out, hurting everyone around me.

It's the only thing I know how to do.

Screaming, crying, swinging fists.

My sobs wrack my body when I'm alone.

Why do I hurt everyone around me?

Why can't I just be happy?

Why am I so explosive?

Take a breath.

I'll be okay.

Wipe my tears.

It's just a minor inconvenience.

But...

Uncontrollable anger is the only emotion I know.

My name might as well be anxiety. It’s claws have gotten to my head, and it’s teeth have sank into my throat. It’s scared me into crying in my bed.

I’ve been calming down a bit, though. Less thoughts at the wake of night. I’ve been getting more sleep and getting fewer times of fright.

But I’m always one to look back. It’s claws reach for my head and it’s teeth gnaw at my throat. Anxiety has more than one way to ensure that you’ve bled.

[P.S. sorry about my posts all about anxiety. It’s just something I’ve been noticing more recently since Inside Out 2.]