I should probably drink more water and fix my horrible posture. I should probably brush my teeth and take out all of the cans.
Oh I’m just trying to be a good son but it’s hard when you know that you’re gone. I just don’t want to be an imposter. Cause it feels like I’m an entire roster.
Oh my drawbridge is coming down and I feel like a king without my crown. Sitting on a throne and being all alone. Just trying to act all grown. Oh it feels like my mouth is sown.
and I don’t even know my name. Am I just a player in a stupid game? Everything’s starting to look the same. oh am I to blame?
I’m just trying to be a good son but it’s hard when you know that you’re gone. I just don’t want to be an imposter. Cause it feels like I’m an entire roster.
And everything’s blurring together. It seems like it’s all the same weather and I’m a weight pulling down a feather. You may get it maybe never.
I just don’t wanna be the person to blame I just don’t wanna be another player in a stupid game I just don’t wanna be a person who is the same as everybody else.
I’m just trying to be a good son but it’s hard when you know that you’re gone. I just don’t want to be an imposter. Cause it feels like I’m an entire roster.
I’ve been running down a path for as long as I can remember. It’s been day and night over and over. I don’t know how long I’ve been stuck here. Ryden and I have been through this thing together, not leaving each others' side. “How much longer do you think it’ll take for us to get out here?” I ask him. I’m scared that we will never get out of here but someplace in my heart I have hope. “I hope not too much longer, but you know how these mazes are. They are so big.” Ryden tells me. So big? I think to myself. I’ve never remembered these mazes being big, they’ve always been small. We’ve never been stuck in one for more than two days. And this one has taken…uhm, I don’t know. I lost my sense of time being stuck in here. It might be a week, a month, or longer. Whatever it is, we’ve never been in here that long before. “I just miss Austin.” I tell him. Austin is my boyfriend. He and I have been through almost everything together. Austin is also Ryden’s best friend. Us three have known each other since we were little kids. “I know. I miss him too. We will see him when we get out of here okay? I bet he’s already out of his maze.” Ryden tells me to try to comfort me. “He probably did. He’s the smartest one out of all three of us.” I say, trying to make a joke to lighten the mood. Ryden punches my arm. “Are you calling me dumb?” “Maybe, but I’m calling myself dumb too.” I say with laughter escaping my lips. This causes Ryden to laugh as well as we are running down paths and turning corners. Austin would’ve loved that joke.
You got rid of my impurities and replaced them. They’re now being stalked by the authorities like they're just a gem. Being trapped with more and more insecurities as it’s now a flower without a stem.
I try to wrap my arms around you, to hug you, but you’re nothing but glass shattering. You’re breaking my body and you don’t care, do you? You’re making me even more unflattering as you sit there with a smile and smirk.
My body is aching as you are laughing. I’m finally awaking but somethings taking me down My whole body is shaking.
I was walking home in the woods and chills ran down my spine. I glanced to my left and there she was. She was sitting down in a silk white dress. She moaned as the roses and weeds grew on top of her. I gasped and dropped my bag. She was withered up, just watching me. Waiting for my next move.
He looked at his phone, turned pale, and then quickly left the room. She watched him, smiling. He could tell that he was stuck, locked inside like a mouse in a trap trying to find the cheese. This was different though. This time he was the cheese trapped in the box as she was the rat trying to get to her cheese. She watched him as he ran around frantically trying to find his way out of the maze. He was huffing and puffing as he was losing his breath, his legs throbbing. He’s been running for hours without taking a break. She just watched from the skylines, laughing. She was enjoying her time watching him freak out, waiting for him to come to her. A few more hours have passed and he’s made his way to a locked door. He bangs on it and she opens it. “Hello cheese.” She smiles and takes her knife out of her pocket. She stabs him in the chest over and over again. I guess it seems like the cheese has found its way to the rat instead.
Each sign pointed me in the wrong direction and every word spoken was another promise broken. Every ounce of energy that I had left had escaped me. Every star that shone just a little brighter gave me enough light to notice. Enough to make me notice how dull I was. Enough to scratch my own self. Enough to kill my body. Everything else was brighter as everything in me was dark and dull. Each soul cried as every tear burned my skin. Excitement escaped as my body burned. Each and every thought I had was disappeared.
To All the Boys I’ve Killed, is the story of Lara Jean, who has never openly admitted her crimes, but instead wrote each boy a letter about how they made her feel, sealed it, and hid it in a box under her bed. She always had an alibi for each murder. And of course she never wanted these letters to go public but one day she discovers that somehow her secret box of letters has been mailed. This chain reaction caused everyone to know the truth. The cops confront her about the letters of who she killed: the first kiss, the boy from summer camp, and even her sister’s ex-boyfriend, Josh. Now Josh wasn’t a normal victim. All of Lara Jean’s murders were for revenge on how they made her feel, but Josh. No, Josh was different. His murder was about the way he made her sister feel. How he broke her and caused her to be humiliated. His was planned out carefully. Every step she needed to make was written out in his letter. She wanted to make no mistake. As she gets questioned by the police though she learns to deal with the responsibility of her actions. She’s able to deal with the consequences. People finally got to know the truth about her. About how insane she could be. They got to know Lara Jean and the secrets that came with her.
There was a relief in feeling the storms approach. The thunder wearing it’s rainy broach. It would pave the path and lead the way to keep its inner demons at bay. I don’t think that I need to clarify that they were hung from trees, they were crucified. They heard their song it was final. They heard it on a broken vinyl. People thought they were living a fantasy but soon realized it was reality.
All that I could feel was numbness. Even a prick of my finger didn’t make me flinch. I needed to buy one of the emotions.
He is in town today and as I head out the door the coins jingle in my pocket. Each different coin hits one another. God I hope I have enough money for one, I think to myself as I shut the door behind me.
He normally sets his tent up in the middle of the courtyard for everybody to see but today was different. He wasn’t there. He is always there on every first Tuesday of the month. Never in a different area. Always that one spot. Why is he not there? I need that drug or I don’t know what I’m going to do.
My head starts to feel heavy and my sight is blurry. God it’s happening again, I think to myself. I start to hyperventilate. My chest feels like it’s going to explode. I need to sit down, I think.
I try to walk over to a bench as I bump into people in the crowd. My brain is too foggy to even say that I’m sorry. Once I reach the bench I sit down and put my heads on my hands. I breathe in and out slowly trying to calm myself down. This is the only other emotion I feel that’s not numbness. I hate it.
After a few moments I am able to calm myself down. Someone pokes my shoulder and I look at them. “You look like you need a pill.” They say as they hand me a yellow pill.
“No thank you.” I say as I try to hand it back to them but they don’t take it.
“It’s a happiness pill. Are you sure you don’t want it?” They tell me. I gasp. A happiness pill is in my possession. These things are worth hundreds of dollars.
“I need, I need to pay you for this but I don’t have enough. Let me do something for you.” I tell him as I ramble on.
“It’s on the house.” They tell me with a smile as they poof away. On the house? Wait, was that the guy who sells the pills? I think. I immediately take the pill and everything becomes foggier then earlier.
Within a second all my worries disappear. Everything seems brighter, more happy. Am I happy? Is this what it feels like? I think to myself. A real genuine smile pops up on my face. “I’m happy.” I scream. Finally.
