We laid there in underbrush just watching the sun dancing through the trees as the breeze whispered in our ears. Hand in hand we danced through the fields of the tall grass watching sunsets on the highest hill we could see. The sunsets gave way to the stars and we gave into our inner most desires. The fire crackled as I rode above you eyes locked in deep passions. The rhythm of our body’s moving together like two parts of the same being. We melded into each other as the fire burned bright into the night. Our screams heard for miles letting our voices flow into the universe. Deep heavy breathing and sweet dripping sweetly as we lay staring into the beyond. Days and nights to live and die for because you are what makes my world whole. Two parts of the same old soul into divided between us two great lovers.
I breathe you in so deep so that I might become you. I might reflect who you want me to be and try to morph into the thing that might catch your eye. I don’t know how to draw the line that separates your mind to mine and I might adapt to think the way you do. See the way you do and the things you want me to see. An open book for you to write in my pages the story that you want to sell. Ventriloquism because when my mouth move your words flow and I know no way to stop the show. Now I am stuck with no place to go and no way to say no. The devilish games you play left me broken and no longer the same.
The aftermath of you was something no person should have to experience. As quickly as you walked into my life you tore your way back out leaving no part unbroken. The black pit that used to be my heart aches at the sound of your name. Even in passing conversation the sound of your voice in the hall kills me the same. I cannot breathe anymore because I feel not worthy of air. You took a sweet innocent girl and left her broken and bruised on the side of the road. That party where I drank to much and you were supposed to be my knight and shining armor and take me home. Then the shining of your armor turned to rusted metal because you were really the monster in disguise. I still feel every bruise that you made even though they are beginning to fade. You’ve done this before and you called me the “whore” knowing to spare my face. So your handy work could be hidden by clothes so nobody knows that the sweet jock is only part of your face. The other side to the coin that is your reflection is the imperfections where the monster lurks just under the surface. I’m sure that I’m not the only girl who’s seen into those eyes that are always trying to hide behind that bright and shining smile. One day the person underneath will be the only one that everyone see when you take a girl stronger than me. She will show your real face scream into space of all the injustices that you have done. Boy won’t that be fun when you are on the run from the monster that you have become. I will be free of my misery that you have brought me since you left me alone beaten and broken on the side of the road.
You should leave she yelled. Pushed to the limit of what her psyche could handle. Yet he stayed just shoving her past the point of control. So why should it be a surprise when she woke up covered in his blood. Soaked through her white jeans it was quite a scene. So now she’s in a padded room seeing flying stars dancing around the moon and the drooling starts. Fades to black and she lost again. She sees the visions of the blood flowing and she smiles again. Welcome to the panic room where her mind took her to finally get away from you. No longer the same, different chemicals in her brain. Sedated to take away the pain that she has because from you.
Roses are red... why is that the beginning to so many great poems? Roses come in all sorts of colors like pink, yellow, and blue. So why is it that red are the most important? Well red roses are my least favorite not that you remembered because for every Valentine’s Day or birthday that’s what you always come home with. I hate red roses they symbolize just how worthless our marriage really was. I like lilies they last longer than roses maybe that’s why our marriage didn’t last. It was weak like roses only strong enough to last for a week then we died just like they did. I hope the girl who replaced me loves the stench of dying red roses. I’ll stick with a man who can pick out a good Lilly because that man can make a marriage last.
The day Harriet returned ruined my life. My evil twin sister steps foot back into the house that she almost burned down the last time she was here. Adrenaline is pumping my heart is thumping and my feet take off. My dad yells my name and tells to come back. It’s all white noise in the background now fight or flight and my feet chose for me. I will not deal with this I can’t deal with this. The horror that she put me through as a child and they brought her back? What were they thinking? I’m half a mile into the woods and I can’t breathe just running tripping over the brush. I have to stop... make my mind stop... I crash into the leaves. Falling hard down on my face blood dripping onto the leaves below. I cannot do this I will not go home. My face hurts but not as much as the flash backs that keep me moving away from her. I guess I’m on my own now. I’ve told my dad that I will not be a part of a family that has her in it. I need to go back and pack my shit. I don’t have to stay just get my stuff and go is what I keep telling myself as I head back to the house. I walk through the door muddy and bloody and she turn to look at me. Ice through my veins as she smiles and goes to speak. I cut her off and go to my room. I slam the door and start to pack my bags as my dad come in and tries to reason with me. I looked him with tears welling up in my eye and said “ how can you just welcome her home when she killed your son? MY BROTHER!” Did I forgot to mention we were once triplets? He said “ Sam she got help that’s why we sent her away she was always going to come back she didn’t mean to kill Ed it was an accident.” My eyes rolled as far as they could into the back of my head as I said “ she didn’t mean to?” Then he said “ your mom and I forgave her why can’t you” I looked at him and said “because I saw her light the match and throw it in his room. I saw what she did. Then she dragged me outside into the yard to watch him burn! As if that wasn’t enough she carved her name into my arm!” A scar I will bare forever. I gave him once last look and said “I will never forgive her or you for bringing her home.” I grabbed my stuff and left. I will never be apart of a family that except her as one of their own.
Trying for new beginning how easy that might seem. I alway struggle to try to change even the slightest thing. With the new year underway I think of all the new possibilities. Where to go? Who to be? What to change? Should I make a new me? New thoughts spinning around my head, old thought clingy not to be dead. New paths to be crossed, paths to change directions. All heading back to the same cross roads that I stood at before. I believe that hope breeds insanity always hoping for a different result but always trying the same. A new beginning would be great if only someone would just point me in the right direction. A cosmic sign from the universe to let me know where to go or how to get there. That would be too easy though free will is a great thing in theory but if you are like me having someone to guide you well that would truly be freeing.
