As I see the painting in front of me. I can’t help but think of you. About us. The feelings that were there. It was there whether we both wanted it to be or not. I see the footsteps in the sand leaving the place behind. I go back to the day you walked out on us. The day you made the decesion to continue life without me. It’s silly I know. How can this painting strike up so much emotion.
As I stare into the painting my mind drifts to you. Your smile. The way your eyes glowed when you would talk about topics that excited you. The way you would hold my hand as we walked through the crowds. The way your muscles flexed as you lifted weights. The way you would stare at me as I would read my book. It was evident. There was something between us.
People saw it. I would get asked and brush it off as if they were crazy. Little did I know we both were. I look at this abandoned place and can’t help but think of you. The day you decided to leave everything behind.. The day you left me behind. Gosh how I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so bad I was willing to do anything to keep you. Now looking back at it. Those thoughts were silly.
I look at this painting and I feel the sadness and despair I felt when you left. Do I have the right to feel this way? Do you ever feel this way? This place use to be a home for someone. The abandoned home was a place full of love for someone. The memories this place holds. Like us. It’s all just memories now. We were more than just friends but never enough to be lovers. This place was enough as a shelter but never enough to be a home.
I look at this painting and I too feel abandoned.
I run out of the party fighting back the tears in my eyes. I knew she was up to something. She always is. I should have seen this coming but I didn’t. I never do. Xavion is running after me.
“Hey Myra wait up,” he shouted after me. I stopped and took a deep breath. I slowy turn around to face him. He’s still walking toward me. “Don’t pay attention to them. They are just trying to give you a hard time,” he says pointing back to the party.
Giving me a hard time is an understatement I am drenched in laced fruit punch. I reek of vodka right now and when I get home my father is going to kill me but I suppose it’s just a hard time.
He’s now closer to me shaking his head and smiling. “Plus what they said is crazy. Everyone knows that we don’t like each other we’re just friends,” He said now stopping in front of me. “That would be crazy,” he laughs.
Something snaps in me. “Would it?” I spat.
He nodded not looking at me and laughing,”It would.” I didn’t say anything I just stared at him. He looked at me. His smile slowly fading. The truth dawining on him. He frowned and shook his head slowly,”Myra we’ve known each other since kids. You can’t.”
I shrugged,”Why can’t I? How couldn’t I?”
He shook his head,”Because I.. I don’t know.”
I bitterly laughed,”It seems like you were the only one that didn’t know.” The tears were making another appearance as I blinked them away. He stepped forward reaching out for me once he noticed but I took a step back holding my hand out.
“Don’t” I breathed.
He stopped watching me. I took another deep breath looking up at the night sky. Once I had better control I turned to look at him. “You’re a great guy Xavion. I was lucky to see you turn into the person you are now. I would be crazy if I hadn’t noticed you.”
He watched me and I continued,”You know I tried fighting it. I fought it because like you said it is crazy but you’re amazing and I couldn’t. I liked you since we were kids. At times I thought you knew it was so obvious but you didn’t.”
We stared at one another for a while. He didn’t say anything. I’m not quite sure what I expected? Did I expect him to agree and feel the same towards me? Maybe a little piece of my heart did… However, the reality dawned on me. It’s unrequited. This time I couldn’t fight the tears streaming down my face.
I just ruined our friendship with this confession. Nothing is ever going to be the same. I can’t turn back time. This is over I’m not going to be able to face him anymore. He’s not going to want me around anymore.
Xavion stepped towards me,”Myra.” He kept walking towards me slowly with caution. He was afraid that if he moved too quick I would run away. I took a deep breath and looked at him. I have to finish what I started.
“I love you Xavion,” I said, he froze and I could feel my heart crack. “I know you don’t feel the same and I know this will change everything. Nothing will go back as it was after this but I wanted you to know. That I have loved you since we were kids and..” I took a deep breath and shook my head,”I don’t regret it.”
Xavion didn’t say anything. He didn’t even move his face stoic. He gave nothing away. I smiled one last time the tears still falling down my face as I turned around to leave. I left behind half of my heart in his grasp.
He didn’t chase after me. He didn’t call for me. He let me go. I didn’t just lose my first love but I also lost my childhood friend.
I look at him. The man in front of me. The love of my life. The man I fell in love with him. He looks at me fighting the tears in his eyes as he looks at me. My decision already made. I have to go. This between is over. This cycle of constant hurt and anger. It’s suffocating. It’s not healthy.
He cupped my face pulling me towards him,”I’ll change. I’ll change I promise.” I inhaled a shaky breath and shook my head slightly. He has said this before. I’ve heard all his empty promises. Everyone he broke. He won’t change. He’s scared. He sees that in serious. That I am placing my foot down. It’s over and I think that realization terrfies him.
The truth is he isn’t scared of losing me. He never has. He’s scared of being alone. He’s scared not having someone cleaning up after him. I can’t do it anymore. I need to put myself first. Although it hurts and truth is I want to run in his arms and have him embrace me. Feel his warmth. Try to feel all the emotions that were once there. However, I’ll just be lying to myself. We are two complete different people now. Nothing compared to the two people who fell in love in the beginning.
“This is the end,” I whispered. Pulling out of his grasp I turn around to leave. I don’t dare look him in the eye. If I did I feared I would run back to him. That I wouldn’t stand my ground. Truth is I love him. I think I’ll always will. Tho weight on my chest. My heart breaking into pieces. It’s not for nothing. I loved that man but it didn’t work. We don’t work and I have to finally do something I haven’t done in a while.
I have to put myself first.
(Girl) I catch you staring at me even when you attempt to move your eyes. Failing because I caught you. However, I can’t help it because I do the same. Looking at one another a minute too long. Watching one another’s movements as if our lives depend on it. Mesmerized by one another. It’s wrong and we shouldn’t. If someone were to notice, it would end up badly. How can you tell your girlfriend there is someone else… That the person you speak about is the daughter of your kingdoms enemy. How do I explain to my family that I can’t help but notice the rivaling familys son a little more than I should. It’s wrong. I will not dive into my desires as you shouldn’t. Perhaps if we would have been born into a different lifestyle. It would all be different but it’s not and I refuse to bring misery and chaos to something that may not even last…
(Boy) I can’t help but notice her. She glows amongst the crowd. She is effortlessly amusing and intriguing. There’s some force that pulls me towards her. It’s wrong I know. I’m being pulled by the wrong person. However, I can’t help my gaze moving towards her direction. I do it unconsciously. It’s like an instinct. Although I know she feels the pull too. When our eyes meet and we both look away knowing this shouldn’t be happening. If only this would have been different. If only we would have been born in a different lifestyle. If only we would have stumbled paths differently. We wouldn’t be in this situation. Although I know she would never want to do something. That this pull is only going to stay a pull. That whatever this is that’s going on can’t happen and we both would be helping one another if we just stopped. A piece of me doesn’t want to let go yet. If a gaze is all I can get than a gaze is what I need.
I’m face to face with the men who killed my family. The fury and anger spiraling through my body I begin to shake. Finally, this is what I wanted. This is what I was working for. My body is trembling and I have a manic smile across my face. My eyes wide staring at the men in front of me. Tiliting my head to the side a bit. I’m itching to make them feel everything I felt. To make them pay for hurting my family. The men don’t move keeping still and keeping their eyes on me. I crack my neck to release a bit of the thrill I’m feeling right now. My eyes turning black. All the light out of them.
“Calm down Sora,” Elia says from behind me.
I can’t turn to look at her. I’m fixated on the men in front of me. Without much thought I lunge toward them. Their screams bringing me delight. You see this mom and dad. This is for you. For all the pain they made you both go through. This is for you Elle and Val. They took your lives with no remorse and I’ll take theirs mercilessly.
Finally the thrill and adrenaline has stopped running through my body. My eyes turning back to there normal clear blue color. I take a breath looking up at the sky. I did it. I finally did what I was working towards. I finally avenged my family. I turn around to look for Elia. She’s gone?
I suddenly heard a rustle in the bushes in front of me. I walk over and see her hunch over trembling. I reach for her. “Eli-“ I was shaking but she pulled back from my grasp.
She looked at me terror all over her face. Her body trembling with fear as she took steps away from me and shook her head.
“Hey what happened?” I asked.
“Stay there,” she shook her head fighting the tears from her eyes. I tried to reach out to her but she jumped back,”Please!”
I didn’t move and raised my hands in surrender. She slowly fell down to her knees trying to catch her breath. She was crying the tears falling down her red pink cheeks. I just watched her. She shouldn’t have seen me in that state. I shouldn’t have let my emotions get the best of me.
“Elia I’m sorry,” I whispered afraid if I speak to loud she may jump back frighten.
She sniffled shaking her head,”I love you, but your powers are too strong…they scare me.”
I wanted to reach out to her but I knew I couldn’t. She watched what I was doing. I was blinded by my desire to avenge my family I didn’t think about what she would watch.
She stood abruptly and dusted her hands off on her leather pants. “I’m going for a walk,” she said.
“I’ll go with-“
“No. I’m going alone. I can’t look at your right now,” she breathed and walked away. Avoiding eye contact with me as she left. I watched her walk away.
