“I’ve had enough! Why won’t anybody listen to me!”
Ralph viciously paddled as Lulu and Topher trailed behind him, both waist deep in the mucky green water of the Trinity River. For once in Ralph’s life he wanted to do things his way.
It was always up to Lulu and Topher what Ralph did with his time. He had no autonomy. They would decide when he would get to eat, or play, or even use the bathroo...
As Detective Carl Sanquist was going over his case report for the 8th time, the most beautiful dame he’d ever seen came through the door. She was wearing a crimson red slip dress. Detective Sanquist could barely believe his eyes. This had to be Mrs. Gail Bordova, his client on this case. He was hired via a third party and this was their first time meeting, but he had heard about her beauty many ti...
I’ve never been so disappointed in my life. I flew fourteen hours by myself to the Greek isles, and it is not living up to my expectations at all. I mean, a countryside villa, amazing. The food, incredible. The views, my god… just sublime. But Mamma Mia was a complete lie. Literally no one will sing ABBA songs with me in public.
First I tried Voulez-Vous in the town square shortly after I arrive...
To be honest, I have no regrets. I followed my dream and I failed. It hurts, sure. But I’m just holding onto the memories I made. I’ll never forget Bongo and his balancing act. He could balance 6 pins on his head stacked. Or Honk Honk and her multi colored coat and impeccable makeup. Or even little Mousey, he wasn’t tall… but he would tower over you on his stilts. Such a wonderful friend. I hope t...
“You’d have to be an absolute fool to believe that!” Jeremiah shouted loudly at Angus. “You did not see Andre the Giant at Dutch Bros! He literally died thirty years ago.”
“Yes I did, Jer! He was standing there with a Soft Top, all seven feet of him,” he responded assuredly. “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my entire life.”
“He. Is. Dead. I promise, dude.”
“He obviously isn’t, I could re...
Look, I’m not going to lie… I wish I was Donald Trump. I mean, I could be a legitimate cultural icon. I basically want to be him, but like… not an evil version of him. I want to be The Apprentice Donald Trump, but you know… less creepy and more respectful toward women. It would be really cool to be president and be able to enact my vision of a better country. I don’t want to “Make America Great Ag...
