TW mental health (Im okay)
I just woke up and I’m feeling numb,
To my own thoughts I wont succumb.
My mind it races all the time,
The reason why? That I cant define.
I need to distract myself and fast,
Play some music and make it last.
Because things cant always feel like this,
But thats a thought I just dismiss…
Perhaps I need some time apart,
Self Isolation. Thats a start.
Because being alone seems effortless,
When compared to facing this emptyness,
That sinks into my chest.
Im always complaining, it’s mentally draining
A growing weakness I detest.
It’s easier to pretend Im okay,
Than to break and beg for you to stay.
Its easier to pretend Im strong,
Because I cannot explain whats wrong,
I cant bare this feeling, I dont belong…
I wear self sabotage like camouflage,
To protect me from unseen threats.
From my job to all my relationships,
I am left with many regrets.
But perhaps theres still a chance for me,
If I could just set my mind free.
Maybe call and talk to a friend,
Remind myself this darkness ends.
But instead I will just go to bed,
Because some things are best left unsaid…
I’m staring at my phone again, It seems thats all I do. I’m reading our old messages, And thinking about you. Im not sure why I do this still, All it does is bring me pain. I’m sick of sitting and missing you, But I simply cant refrain…
Nostalgia always brings me back, Though I try to fight it off. I know that if you saw me now, It’d only make you scoff. I find myself typing once more, But delete it all instead. Perhaps it’s better off that way, Half the time I’m left on read.
That thought it doesnt linger though, Three dots dancing on the screen. My mind racing, my body tensed, And I’m suddenly feeling green. I press the button and off it goes, The message cast in blue. My heart it sinks, my stomach twists, I wish Id thought this through. Now I’m staring at my phone again, And I know the reason why. I’m holding onto whats left of this, Because I’m scared to say goodbye.
Watching…Watching… Watching me… That is why I cannot leave. Every time I try to sleep, From the shadows creatures creep. Empty eyes and gaping maws, Outstretched fingers filled with claws. And though I try to call for help, No one sees them but myself. They tell me it’s all in my head, I cant escape this awful dread. The light stays on until sunrise, Need to escape from their eyes. All around me, hidden spies, I see my friends within their guise. There is no chance of these feelings stopping, Because I know they are always watching…
I awaken from my bed, Melodic singing in my head. “Darling wont you come with me, Ill make you feel truly free.” Sickening shivers down my spine, Tell myself that I’ll be fine. “Darling I know that you can hear, There is no need for you to fear.” And despite my reluctant heart, I feel the need to play the part. Every word it draws me closer, To my anonymous composer. His voice growing louder still.
“Darling how I love you so, Its time for me to take you home,” As I take every stair in stride, A sense of calm enters my mind. On the roof I see his face, With shining eyes he moved with grace. “Darling come now, take my hand, Ill take you to a better land…” My mind made up, It was already done, My hand in his couldnt be undone. I tried to pull, I tried to fight, I pulled at him with all my might.
“Dont go now, youre much too late, Come here and accept your fate” His hold on me grows tighter still, Leaving behind an eerie thrill; That I cannot explain. All I know is with every touch, He takes away my pain. “Come now Darling, be polite… This fatal flaw you cant rewrite..” And in spite of his chilling tone, When I see his smile it feels like home. My vision fading, growing dark, Us both dissappearing with a spark.
Love is the lie that keeps us alive, When this really just needs to die. Lack the self respect to walk away from this, But it’s no ones fault but mine. And though I know it in my heart, Im afraid of letting go. It seems I’d rather grip the rope, And bare the scars alone. Because letting go means moving on, But I need you in my life. Or perhaps thats just another lie, That lingers in my mind. We can tell ourselves that this is love, When it hasnt been for a while. Love is the lie that keeps us alive, And it fills my heart with sorrow.
Dreary skies and pouring rain, Fog rolls in an open plane. An old worn bench sat all alone, Next to a grave carved out from stone. Dead flowers laid upon the ground, The silence here is so profound. Ivy crawls across her grave, Name so beautifully engraved. Despite this solemn scenery, It just seems serene to me; When I think of the two of us.
I cant control the moon, sun, or stars;
But please tell me why this love cant be ours.
When the sun rises at the break of dawn,
Why cant I enjoy its warmth from your arms?
Golden rays shine through our window shades,
It lights your smile in this picturesque way.
Although I know that I shouldnt ask for more,
Its when the moon rises,
Indigo taking over the sky,
That the stars sparkle,
And they remind me of your eyes;
As you tell me about your dreams.
I cant help but to look at you,
as the silvery moon lights up our room.
And that is when I dream,
that is when I find myself,
wishing on a lonesome star.
That you could be mine, and I could be yours.
That one day I could hold your hand in the daylight,
And sing to you softly in the night,
Without having to hide in shadows,
When the morning sun became too bright.
Although that day seems out of reach,
I have hope it will be true, but until then,
Ill savor every moment I have with you,
between the moon, the sun, and the stars,
Perhaps one day we can make this love ours…
Rewriting this
Enchanting flower, glowing bright. Reaching closer, fingers light. Graze the petals, throat feels tight. A burning starts to grow inside, Spreading, crawling, across my skin. My flesh it stretches, creating anew. Twisting, bending, and breaking too Fingers elongate, Claws push through The air has suddenly grown thin. What is this? I cant begin. Gasping, choking, crying out. Consumed by something unknown about. My reflection now is not the same, Eyes glowing and muscles strained. I feel like I have lost my mind, My body is no longer mine. Although I try to fight it off, Ive never felt more full of life.
