Just a girl
I find solace in writing as a way to express myself, untangling my inner thoughts . ❤️
Just a girl
I find solace in writing as a way to express myself, untangling my inner thoughts . ❤️
I find solace in writing as a way to express myself, untangling my inner thoughts . ❤️
I find solace in writing as a way to express myself, untangling my inner thoughts . ❤️
A great day to walk, she thought On this beautiful, random Tuesday Not a cloud in the sky She bounced down her steps Unknowing with in moments She will soon meet Someone she has waited for most of her life
At the same time The man she has been seeking Left his office around the corner
He yelled to his office mate, “I’m running to grab a bite” His office mate acknowledged as he hung up the phone
Waiting in line, he notices
His time for break time is almost over-
Streets filled with strangers looking up
Moving quickly
As the storm is drawing closer
The energy begins rising Air growing in density Leaves begin to rustle It won’t be long before it’s here
The rain begins to fall Little sporadic at a times Loud crashes of thunder Begin to stun a few passersby’s
Rain is now flooding the road as the cars drive by He knows he needs to hurry
He leaves the restaurant Running and fighting his umbrella He can’t seem to figure it out He noticed it’s broken not sure it will hold water
She, just a few steps ahead - She hears fumbling behind her Quickly turning not knowing what she will find, surprised her
In that split second Their eyes lock Without a word exchanged- “Do I know” they both uttered, except neither knew the others name
Instantly they both feel something is different Deep inside their being He is still struggling with his umbrella still Then starts to scream - Like a frustrated child he gets louder questioning, “who invented this stupid thing?”
“Finally!”, he exclaims, with a sense of victory He looks again to her, smiles With the eyes of a child - Big, wide eyed he gazes at her
Motions to her- to come under and share his covering for a while
She smiles back to him in that moment She knew he was the one She couldn’t understand She felt as if she had known him
His first words to her ,not romantic , “which way you going “ he shouts She chuckles and says “I can’t hear you over the rain” He says again, This time without screaming -
She smiles and points, this way He nods in agreement Beginning on their journey
Within a few short moments She immediately feels at ease In this stranger’s company There is no anxiety
Drop by drop their closeness grows under the simple broken umbrella They remain close Both In disbelief how they found one an other On this random, Tuesday
They can feel sparks between them Not understanding why- Each accidental time their bodies touch Their is a connection that passes through them Almost electrifying-
Step by step- Their hearts rate increases Still both dont understand What they are feeling - Never expected this to happen Without knowing the others name
She arrives and expresses, this is my stop she continues to say, “I can’t thank you enough”
(She feels she will have regret if words are left unsaid)
She smiles back at the stranger
Before she knew it -
He grabbed her close in his arms “Please forgive me, I know I am a stranger This is crazy but I have to say, when we make eye contact a strange feeling came over me. I’ve been here before, not sure where or how I feel I know you. I don’t understand how”
He went on to tell her, what many men struggle to say:
He admitted his feelings, he was open, vulnerable and unafraid…. She smiled back at him and agreed “Don’t worry I understand what you are saying”
Before she could finish,
His eyes lit up like Christmas morning
He reached in and pulled her close
He kissed her like he was leaving for war
Not knowing, if he would return home
As they kissed, she looked up to Thank God She said in her mind, “hahah so you are there, I see” Questioning how he got it all right
Everything I searched for
He seemed to be the match to
After all this time, I’ve found him.
She said with glee…
He even has the twinkle in his eyes, when he smiles looking over at me (That was in the “extra column”)
The rain disappeared They both had to go After exchanging their information They set up their first date, knowing it would go on forever Or so the story goes …..
Both walking away in disbelief How could it be? I met my person on a normal day of the week?
Understanding moments like these are Often rare, Only come- so often Hesitate or blink You will surely see; how quick You can miss your opportunity -❤️
I was young Youngest one in my class My parents said, “ I was gifted” My doctor told them that
Four years old My first day of pre K I learned quickly How to be brave
Kindergarten still four going on five Our first assignment was given Poetry, not knowing why
I went home that night My Dad asked, “What I was writing and why” Barely able to see above my brothers desk An area was made For me to format
I wrote a few words None of which rhymed I was only a small girl Four going on five
After time my Dad returned He asked, “what did you learn?” I showed him my list He looked away and laughed, “Where’s the gift?”
He kneeled down to my level Smelling of booze And disheveled Grabbed my pen Quickly said, “let me write it instead”
He wrote my assignment My brother In tow Not questioning his decision What did I know?
”Mandy, sit there and listen” He shouted as I attempted to run from his gaze “Do what he said” my brother whispered Then he will go away
Shoes 👠
“Shoes, shoes look at the shoes Big and small Yellow, pink and blue You can stay and shop all day But please don’t take my shoes away”
He was proud of his words Reveling in the rhymes He said, “Mandy tell no one This is yours not mine” Another secret I was Sworn to keep
Little did I realize This was a contest Where I had to read To the entire school
I won 1st place I felt like a disgrace A burden for a girl Who is only four Learning the world
Not fully able to grasp
What a secret
I had to keep
The weight of my lies to hold
Ran rather deep
Not a big deal to some If you lived in that environment You understand Who you are and who they force you to be Looks like parallel reality
I was only a girl Four going on five When I learned not only poetry But how to survive-
A thread is drawn from heart to heart, Delicate work, considered a timeless art
Love begins with silken strands That are crafted slowly by hand Merging two souls into one Life’s journey yet to become
Life has a way to change things quickly
Threads can pull, Threads can tear-
Cruel words replace The respect that was once there.
Hate emerges, creating a jagged thread, A tangled web of words unsaid.
When hate is introduced Your connection shattered Chaos and disorder remain
It binds and tears the love that was once there.
For every strand we choose to spin Becomes the bond that we live with
For love and hate, though worlds apart,
Are spun from the fabric from our heart.
So handle gently what you weave, The threads of life can be quick to leave.
Can You Keep A Secret?
Who am I and where do I belong? Trepidation to the sound of my alarm
I greet each day with unpredictably Constant feelings of drudgery
Can You Keep A Secret?
I’d rather not arouse Each day is mundane No inspiration to be found
Can You Keep A Secret?
I seemingly revert back to a teen No expectations or responsibility
Can You Keep A Secret?
No one really sees What I have allowed myself to be
Can You Keep A Secret?
I’m pushed aside or they give in to appease Any requests that come from me
Can You Keep A Secret?
Each day I dwell on who I once was Was it an illusion? Or the person I’m running from
Can You Keep A Secret?
I’m not sure where I go from here- Lessons in life, I wasn’t prepared I want these demons to escape me
Can You Keep A Secret?
Belonging -A sense of belonging is one of humanity's most basic needs __
How can it be something that is free Can be so hard to achieve?
Is it you? Or who I see you to be-
Not the right clothes, no money or class
Maybe it’s where you come from- Country club living or raised by DSS
Democrat, Republicans or maybe Independent
Regardless, we have the same need To be seen, heard and to be free
We assume, judge or justify Who people are by their appearance Who they are and why-
We have our reasoning Why we will pass them by “You don’t fit in” some say- I don’t have to tell you why.
It feels unfair Not to see you When your standing in my proximity But who is going to correct me?
Some judge by the color of our skin Disability, gender - Belief in God or sometimes, maybe if your slender
At first glance our minds have decided The box you’ll go in No point to fight it
Often the product of generations before us The beliefs we hold Could be from our childhood experiences That we never worked to unfold
First impressions are hard to redact Once our minds have told us This is our version No matter if you show us
The false beliefs that often part us Just allow the devil to control us
Maybe one day we all will see Love can save us as our race ,“humanity”
Belonging, is to accept Over looking Factors we often don’t control
A basic human need Is to be seen For who we are And not who you want me to be
Do you want to belong? If so, which group do you choose? I don’t pick any… I prefer not to.
At first glance Our eyes met It was as if something awakened in me
I took a step back fearful of what this could be Because of the shattered pieces of my past Still lingering inside of me
You promised never to hurt me Even when I pushed you away With each attempt, you promised to stay
Our lives intertwined in that moment You got on your knees Promising the world Along with eternity to me
A beautiful ring also a birthday present Our lives become one No need to second guess it
For once I felt peace.. That peace wasn’t meant for me I felt unease, you assured me not to worry But these feelings kept festering
Now I’m left to question What I didn’t see? That was clearly right infront of me
The deception and misdirection I accepted to have the security I expected From the one who swore his vow to love me
Who did I marry? I’m left questioning You don’t seem the same to me
Quiet nights at home, Now spent totally alone Thinking about how this went so astray What signs did I miss along the way?
Did I ignore them on purpose? I guess I will never know Maybe I was afraid to break this Appearance of a happy home
Strangers under the same roof How it is vs how it should be Look completely different to me
I feel no sadness or remorse My soul is, still Longing to escape This place we shared is no longer my home
I wish no ill will I have no hate I just would like this facade to be over one day
I can’t escape Or heal my wounds I feel you have an idea That I’m holding on to you That time has passed, I wish you’d see How much your lies, hurt me
Seeing you now I often think, How this is my husband? The stranger I see, looking back at me…..
To forgive is to forget How can I It runs deep The anger inside of me-
It’s taken away most sunny days Leaving me more afraid To scared to trust what others say
To forgive is to release The brokenness in me The past, the pain The flinching with the shame The fear of loud noises Or people taller than me
Who will I be? Maybe it will release Who I believe, I know myself to be…..
Screaming and shouting all that I knew A chaotic familiar sounds since I was around two
Caring or concern? Feelings I fail to feel They still don’t see The permanent scars that left a hold on me
Not knowing life was not designed to be so cruel
Nightly recall of the life I once knew
Fueled by alcohol and transactional apologies
Perhaps thinking it corrected
the fears they left in me
Unconditional love, far from my grasp Convinced I am never to experience that Traumatic experiences your mind can’t erase Night terrors and my body shaken Recalling the parts of me that were taken away
Silent tears while I am driving No one notices , even when Im not hiding The mascara that covers my eyes The salty tears streaming down
Scared of the dark “No” How could I be? I know the monsters who live with me
The ones sent to protect me Did the opposite instead The feelings of inadequacy Still dance in my head…
Silence in my life never to exist Peace and serenity, not high on my list Born into this chaos and disorder as they wanted it to be Turning to an escape outside of me
Never a quiet moment to soothe my soul To bring closure from memories past Or plug the holes
I took things to numb or hide from my pain To make believe it would go away Never enough, never will be It is often empty inside me
I hide with a smile or a smart ass remark All the pain that comes when it’s dark
To bring these to the surface would only expose. Where I came from and the hell I know.
To My Past Self,
May this find you happy and full of life. Never question who you are Or what your purpose is.
May you forgive yourself for your shortcomings, Knowing they were often born of good intentions. May you understand that the actions of others Are not a reflection of who you are.
May you always remember your worth- Even when others try to diminish it. May you grow stronger from the lessons learned, From those who wronged you.
Never hold anger toward those who hurt you, Even when the pain cuts deep. Understand that life unfolds in many ways, if the journey takes longer- It simply means there is more to learn.
Be mindful of those closest to you, As they hold the most power to harm your spirit. People reveal who they are— Believe them the first time, Without permitting excuses for their actions.
Some may abuse, lie, or use you, that is their burden, not yours. One day you will have the unconditional love you seek.
So, my dear past self, Hold your head high through every storm, you are stronger than you know. Every trial, every tear,will shape the person you are destined to become.
Embrace the beauty of your journey,it is yours and yours alone- Know that your future self carries pride in the strength you’ve shown.
With love, Your future self
Another line down Time to go Do you think they will know?
Just act natural-
What does that look like? Can you give me some insight? Like a bird ready to take flight.. My heart pounding, heads foggy
Talking faster now
Can’t seem to stop chatting
The words seem to flow freely
Without direction or reasoning
Just act natural-
I don’t know how… This is me, The one I like to be No feelings just blissfully unaware High in the clouds