I lost everything. My sanity. My dignity. My love. My health. My wealth. My girlfriend. My friends. My happiness. My sadness. My life. Yet I’m still here. Who am I? I’ll never know. But you will. One day you’ll know me, And I’ll finally see who I am. But for now I’m just, Lost Lost until I’m back home. I don’t know what home is In this bitter cold world. I’ll stay alive for you. You won’t have to lose me Again

Coins

Flip the coin See where it lands The clanking noise I can’t stand

Heads tails It’s all the same I’m just tired Of playing this game

Heads tails It won’t define me I’m just tired Of constantly trying

One or the other My life or my death I live to suffer Gambling my breath

Shut up I know How much you care But I can’t hear it In suffocating air

My coins they fall Out of my mouth I feel so sick I can’t live without

All of the pieces They rust and decay Leaving me empty Yet another day

Please someone help me I’ve already lost Please just tell me The game will go on

Did they… finally give up on me?

Wait what… what is this feeling,

Loneliness? Emptiness?

No.

I told them to give up… But maybe-

That was the only way I could ask for them to save me.

Please…

Why did you have to give up too? Even though I was the one who asked you to…

Please…

It hurts- It-

Hurts even more now…

Why am I me?

Who even am I?

Who was I ever?

What is it I’m doing?

I don’t know anymore…

And it scares me.

Hey…

At least I can die in peace now…

They were the ones who gave up on me afterall…

Did I cross the line?

I don’t think so…

I can’t tell anymore.

Why is there a line?

And who made it

Why shouldn’t I cross it?

Now I want to.

Though when I did.

I remembered again.

That I was the one who made it.

And then I went back.

To the other side of the line.

And sat there and told my self.

To never cross it again.

Why did I cross the line?

I don’t know…

I can’t tell anymore.

Why is there a line?

And who made it?……

If only I was as good As everything I want to be, But what I want to be Just Can’t be. It’s to good for me I’m so painfully numb now. The world is crumbling My head is spinning My heart is failing I can’t do this All they ever tell me is Keep going It will get better Just take one more step One more time Keep moving forward. But what if moving forward moves me back. To where I fail. Ultimately I’m worthless. And I’ll keep failing you over and over again. I’m sorry, though I gave up a long time ago. You honestly need to accept it now. It’s time for you to give up too…

TW ‼️- mention of su!c!de and Self h@rm

Ya know Ive written this letter a countless number of times. Nothing ever feels right. I mean my life never feels right either. At this point what choice do I have but to end it. Killing yourself is easy. But have I ever stopped and thought, how many times I’ve tried? No, who would truly think about it that much? I do. I think about it every single day. Life is only the depths of hell and the pain is only a mirror reflection. For I was made this way not by accident but by fate. When I look in the darkness I see myself staring back at me. When I cross the street I watch the other kids smiling. When I cut my arms I watch the blood soak my skin. When I end my life it will lead to a new beginning. When I die so sad, yet feel so happy. When I stare at my sisters crying at my tragedy. My heart breaks, my mind stops, my soul aches, and my stomach drops. The life I live, never mattered… no one matters. If you truly think about it we’re just a big rock in a supposed “space” so anything is truly possible. Anything meaning everything. I’ll die and die again until someone finally realizes that you can’t save a broken angel. The bell cracked and the wings fell, and so did my hope. Although I love my mom for everything she’s done and been, if I truly want to end this suffering. There most likely is only one way…

Goodbye…I can’t truly kill my self, but…

I give up,

I’m no longer trying.

Your on your own.

I’m so sorry.

:)

(What I think every time I say I’m “fine”)

(TW mention of Selfharm and su!c!de)

You know at this point I’m ready to give up.

Imagine a world where the time goes by extremely fast yet you’re anxious about the future. You don’t even realize it’s Sunday since you just got up right? Oh wait it’s actually Monday already?! Oh I slept in till 1 pm I suppose the day is practically over. Whatever I’m gonna go play Minecraft…

Wait it’s already 6 pm? How did time go so fast? I didn’t do my laundry or shower or clean my room or-

🅄🅂🄴🄻🄴🅂🅂…🅈🄾🅄’🅁🄴 🄰 🄿🄰🅃🄷🄴🅃🄸🄲 🅆🄾🅁🅃🄷🄻🄴🅂🅂 🄿🄴🅁🅂🄾🄽. 🅆🄷🅈 🅆🄾🅄🄻🄳 🄰🄽🅈🄾🄽🄴 🄲🄰🅁🄴 🄸🄵 🅈🄾🅄 🄳🄸🄴🄳?

No…no…no no no no no no no…no…

I suppose I do deserve this… I put this all on myself at the end of the day.

I’ll never amount to anything more than a disappointment…

ɪᴛ ᴀʟʟ ʜᴜʀᴛꜱ ꜱᴏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ…ᴡʜʏ ᴅᴏᴇꜱ ᴍʏ ᴄʜᴇꜱᴛ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ꜱᴏ ᴛɪɢʜᴛ? ɪ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ʟɪᴋᴇ ɪ’ᴍ ᴅʏɪɴɢ.

I have an amazing life yet I’m just sitting here crying over nothing…

It isn’t fair.

I wish I could be happy. That’s all I honestly want… but my brain is so corrupt I don’t think anything can heal it anymore.

Every pill I’ve token, every therapy session I went to. All the times I had panic attacks and almost passed out hyperventilating. All those times I cut my legs and arms for god knows what reason. Every time I break down crying in my room after someone even slightly raises their voice at me. All the times I’ve been told “it’s going to be okay.” Every time I’ve been told that killing myself is selfish. All the times I spent hours in the bathroom picking away my skin.

Piece by piece.

It’s consuming me.

And if nothing changes pretty soon..

There won’t be anything left to consume.

After all it’s technically a human right to end your own life.

I need to stop…

Someone please

Don’t leave me here

Rotting on the floor in my own despair.

I’m sorry.

You think i need to go to the hospital? Am I really that bad. Am I so bad I’ll never amount to anything. How do you expect me to practice cello go to school do enough assignments to not get an f play orchestra music go to therapy every day and by then I won’t even have enough time or mental capacity to hangout with my friends. I can’t catch up anymore I’m done I’m tired and that’s all I’ll ever be. I won’t have time for fun I never do. I don’t deserve fun. I know I’m a burden to everyone around me no wonder everyone hates me. I ruin everything. Stop putting hope in me it only ends up being hopeless anyway. I can’t do this anymore. It will always hurt every day every hour which is why I should leave the world instead of dealing with constant pain.

One drop It’s always one drop It makes mistakes on the paper The ink spreads And I spread with it No… I’m so kind and good What did I DO to deserve any of this? People are always so evil They hurt you just because they can I can hurt myself But they hurt me even more More and more… The hole stays forever Until too many holes exist and I won’t be able to stay whole again I’ll crumble to the ground because of them And the people who laugh anyway Are just horrid Holes stay Forever And you can’t take it back no matter how much you try I swear I’ll die And prove them wrong In another life Paper is really thin And the ink bleeds It bleeds through my heart Eyes nose I can’t breathe… Help me I can barely help myself The holes punch through my arms My head my hands I can barely stand now And I suppose being fragile Is just the fate I’ll have to accept..

Stare

At her

Nearly For hours

I can’t continue on

Living this way is painful

Though I know she loves me

I love her more than anyone ever

If only I could see her more often

Too lose myself in her adorable eyes & voice

If

I were

To be happy

I could do more

Maybe I’ll be okay soon

Will I ever be okay soon?

Well loving her helps my pain somewhat

How much longer can I live like this?

I was never meant to be hurt this much…