My breathing is heavy. Unsteady. I feel small, Begging myself to not bawl. Something in my chest coils around me, And I can’t see. My vision blurs Something inside me stirs. I reach Feeling each… Each wall Each hall. Each forestall. Everything pressing in Smashing into my skin. I fall. Needing to be small. Curl up Don’t look up Don’t reach up For the sun isn’t there. For the people don’t care. I am broken beyond repair.

I feel a hand in my back And I crack. My sobs are too loud Booming off the crowd That has formed around me. I need to flee. I shouldn’t be crying. I shouldn’t be hiding.

The hand strokes up to my hair. I can’t take in any air. The hand drags me to my feet. I can’t be discreet. The hand whispers in my ear. I can’t hear.

I’m taking up too much space I’m out of place I stumble And mumble And tumble And crumble I tell myself I’m fine Though there’s no clear line Between what I should And shouldn’t.

I should disappear I shouldn’t be here I should dry my eyes I shouldn’t be the reason of the cries I should die I shouldn’t try I should I shouldn’t I should…

I exhale I reach Look up Feel the sun brushing my cheek Spread my arms And realize That I am fine Everything in better Outside.

Does the sun get lonely In the bright blue sky, the only. It looks down on us bellow, Not letting its feelings show.

The sun shines brightly, Fading softly nightly, Only to rise again, Wondering when- Will these men Ever learn?

The sun stands alone, The weight of time, a heavy stone, Wandering the only path it’s ever known, Across the sky it calls its own.

Sylia sat on her chair, legs crossed, staring out the window. It was rainy, quiet, peaceful… perfect for reading. People around her were doing just that, reading. She was meant to be supervising, simply making sure nothing got out of hand. What were they expecting to happen? Sylia chuckled to herself, they probably just needed her to shush people. Though, what if something else happened? A cat got in! A cat, that try’s to climb a shelf, knocking it over and scrambling for cover, fleeing the scene. Maybe the books are falling, hitting the lanterns and people below. Then a person is now hurt, they’re sent to the hospital. Maybe the library expect she would follow them, trying to make sure they are all right. Then she could meet the doctors there, and one of them might find the nervous 17 year old she is to be entertaining. She can become friends with them, they could go on to be more than friends… Sylia! She mentally scolded herself, getting up to pace the perfectly peaceful library.

10 minutes before Alyssa’s life collapsed, a bus barreled down the road. It was filled with excited chatter, since the octopus’ had won their game.  “Do you think we’ll be able to win the tournament?” Cadence asked, balancing a soccer ball in her hand.  Niomi didn’t answer. She didn’t care if she won or not. As long as she got enough games in. As long as she scored goal after goal. That’s all she cared about. The other girls on the bus weren’t as passionate as Niomi. They were all obsessed with _boys, _of all things. They were 11.  Niomi shook her head, then refocused. Soccer. That was all she cared about. Well, except for chocolate. Chocolate always came first.  “Are you even listening?” Cadence demanded.  Niomi turned her attention to the window, tucking her long brown hair behind her ear. Cadence stormed off, her arms crossed. She was always so dramatic.  Niomi put her headphones in, and drowned out the world around her. She tapped her foot along with the beat, gently humming the song. Niomi would be home soon. She smiled at the thought. Her family would rush up to her, yelling how proud they were of her. Embarrassing her. Niomi chuckled, shaking her head. They might go out for ice cream afterward. No, they would go out for ice cream, knowing her family. Niomi could almost taste the butter pecan melting in her mouth. And then she would steal a bite of her sister's triple fudge. Then the bus came to a quick halt, lurching Niomi forward. She heard the squeals of the brakes and shouts and cries of pure terror and the soccer balls bouncing off the bus’ side and the music still playing in her headphones and everything everything everything and…  Nothing.

I looked to Ruby, who was curled up on the ground. Crying. She’s always been so soft hearted. Too soft hearted.

I squat down next to her. “Get up.”

She whimpers. Of course. She’s too weak. I shove her. Ruby should have gotten up.

She’s just not worth it. She’s too traumatized to be useful. I take a step in the opposite direction, only pausing to give her another chance. She doesn’t take it.

I walk into the bustling street, full of merchants and beggars. I want to shout at them. Tell them to get a real job. One that’s useful. One like mine.

I know my next assignment. I just need to find him. And it’ll be much easier now that Ruby isn’t dragging me down.

I should be more compassionate for her. That’s what anyone else would have done. But I am not anyone else. I don’t care. Ironic, since my whole family cared. They cared so much that they were willing to sacrifice themselves. For a little boy. I was smart enough to run when the soldiers came to our house. The rest of my family refused to run. Consequences for their actions. They would still be alive right now if they weren’t so caring.

I shoved my way past more and more people. Then I see my target. I slide the knife out of my pocket, training my eyes on a brown haired man. He takes up half the road. I get an easy target today. His gaze flicks to mine when I let the knife fly. Hitting him square in the chest. He collapses. Coughing and gasping. I run.

I race down the street, turning the corner. Running straight into Ruby.

“Mathew!” She exclaims. Joy seeping across her face, along with relief. She looks like she’ll cry again. I shove past her.

She frowns. “Where are you going? I thought we were a team.”

I shake my head, frustrated. I’m wasting time. “We are not. Now move.”

“But… Liam said we were a team. To do the assignments.”

I scoff. “Liam took you in as a charity case. I won’t. If you’re going to keep bawling your eyes out every time you see a dead body, you’re not meant to be here. Go. You’re not useful.”

I see the tears weld up in her eyes. I nearly groan. Of course. Why? Why do I have to be stuck with her?

“I- I can be useful. I’ll… I’lll stop crying. I won’t ever cry again.”

I shake my head. “Just go. You’ve wasted enough of my time already.”

“Please,” she begs.

I sigh. I should just leave her here. But she’s right about one thing. Liam placed us together. And I seriously don’t want to get fired.

“You kill the next person,” I squeeze my fists. This was going to be interesting.

“T-thank you,” she smiles. A big toothy grin. I nearly laugh at how ridiculous she looks.

I lead her to the crowded street. Looking at every identical house. Trying to find the next person. The next person to die.

I spot her. Sitting on top of a house. Legs dangling across the side. So dangerously close to the edge. I smile. She’ll make this easy for us.

I lean down to Ruby. “Right there,” I point to the girl. Ruby freezes as I hand her one of my knives.

She grips it in her shaky hand. Aims it. Throws it at the girl. Hits with perfecting. Even better than me. I see why Liam likes her. The girl tumbles down. I drag Ruby to bolt.

But Ruby is frozen solid. Hyperventilating. I knew that this would happen. “Ruby,” I snarl. Her eyes stay trained on the girl. I sigh. Then pick Ruby up, and throw her over my shoulder. She doesn’t flinch.

I bolt into an alley not far from where my old house was. I lay Ruby down, then collapse next to her. She doesn’t stir.

“Ruby!” I scream. Trying to break her out of this daze. She looks up at me. She’s shaking.

“I killed,” she says, only slightly above a whisper.

“You did good.”

She shakes her head. “My father- he always kills. He trained me to be this monster.”

Reluctantly, I ask, “who’s your father?” I regret it immediately. Now she’s going to start crying and talking and I’m not going to have my silence.

Instead, she stares off. “Liam.”

I frown. “Liam?”

Her fists wrap around a knife. They turn white. “You might think he’s so great. But he’s a monster. He holds no love in his heart.”

I frown. Liam has always been nice to me, more like a father figure if anything. He trained me to be cold. To show no sympathy. To be the person I am now.

We sit there in silence. Ruby turns towards me. Crosses her arms. “We should go.”

I nod. “Of course.”

She walks away, her blue eyes swiveling from one person to another. Being the killer her father trained her to be. I shake my head. I have no sympathy for her.

I ran like my life depended on it. On getting to the airport to be there the second she arrives. My legs pumped, and my heart pounded. I engulfed as much oxygen as my lungs could hold.

I could hear my mothers words in my head. “You could have saved up for a car,” she would say. “But instead you blew off all your money for that girl.”

Mother always hated Emily. From the moment she moved in across the street. To be fair, I had hated her to.

She always had her head stuck on a book, looking like she was better then all the sweaty neighborhood kids that were playing football. That was, until Josie dragged her from underneath the looming willow tree that swayed with the hint of wind. And then Emily made sure that she was the superior football player. She was the best. After that, everyone fought for her on the team. And I hate to admit it, but I was jealous.

Now she’s my girlfriend. For 3 years we’ve been together. She’s still better than me at football. That hasn’t changed a bit.

Her family took her away from me for a few months. Claiming that she was mentally unwell. Because of me. I don’t disagree. She’s changed so greatly from when I first met her. I still love her with all my heart. But everyone could see that she needed help. So I helped pay for the best mental hospital there is.

I know her family won’t let me around her anymore. They are only hear to say goodbye to family and friends. Then they’ll leave. And I’ll never see Emily again. So I have to say goodbye to her. After spending all my savings on her, they have to let me say goodbye.

I hear the airport before I see it. The roar of engines nearly deafen my ears. I race towards it.

My feet fly as I rush into the building. Frantically looking around. Looking for her.

And then I spot the brown mass of hair. The one I’ve stroked so many times. I catch her eye. Her gaze doesn’t linger on mine for long.

“Emily!” I cry out. My voice is swallowed by the crowd. All of their chatter. Could they just shut up for a second? “Emily!”

A rough hand grabs my shoulder. One I know all too well. “Now John.” His voice booms. I refuse to cower. “We’ve talked about this.”

“Please. Please! I just want to say goodbye.” I will the tears that are forming away.

“John, I can’t. She’s still too unstable. You have to let her go.”

I shake my head. “I just want to say goodbye.”

“Go John. You’re not helping. You never were.”

I let the dam of tears bust. I could have easily held them in longer. But I let them flow. This time they’ll serve a purpose.

Emily’s father awkwardly pats my back. “It’s okay John.”

I take the moment and wrench free from his grasp. He gasps in shock. “John!”

I glide across the ground, racing towards Emily. I reach her and cup her face in my hands. Shock is displayed on her features. Her beautiful face.

I’m panting. Chest heaving. Emily. Emily. Emily. I press my lips to hers. Savor the taste. And then- then she reels back. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She looks disgusted.

Her eyes meet mine, and I struggle to breathe. “Who are you?” She demands.

My whole world crumples. “It’s me. It’s… John.” I falter.

She scowls. “You have the wrong person. Check who the person is before you kiss them.”

I want to scream. I want to scream and scream. But she’s forgotten me. There’s no need to scream. There’s no need to do anything. She’s forgotten me.

I run out of there. Race towards the street that’s so familiar to me. See the willow. Her willow. I colapse underneath it.

I bury my face in my hands and start to sob. I’m nothing to her. Just a stranger. I’m nothing to her. I never existed in her life. Never held her heart. She never held mine. She never loved me. I sob. Sob for her. Always for her. She’s my everything.

Can you hear me Pounding on the walls Can you hear me Walking down the halls Can you hear me Screaming and screaming Can you here me Hopelessly dreaming

Do you listen when I talk Do you hear my pounding walk Or am I just a ghost Listening to you boast

You are an arrogant man With your plan I thought you would have grown tired of me With all my pleas Yet you are still here Holding me near

Do you even pay attention To all my intentions I am just your tool Never your jewel

You promised But you spew lies With all my cries You said you loved You said you cared

Can you hear me Wanting to be noticed Can you hear me While you focus On anything but me Can you hear me And all my misery

You take an take Until I break I give and give Not wanting to live

You promised And now you’re gone Can you hear me