Upon this day, I come into existence, living and breathing, I learn to survive. Body and soul, this is my fate, an imposed passage of time. Every effort is a necessary irrelevance, knowing that one day I will be but a memory.
To begin, the dawn of a memory, lungs breathing, blood pumping, ensuring my existence. Movement protects me from immediate irrelevance, and drives me to survive. During the momentum of my time, endurance is my fate.
Be it short or long, easy or hard, my fate creates for me many a memory. The diverse ways I consume this limited time, entertain me in this lone existence. I walk the path to survive, health or sickness, an irrelevance.
This is my irrelevance, the love and hate of my fate. Relationships created and broken to survive, generations forming a single line of memory. In my arms lies the only trace of my existence, that which reverberates in another time.
Towards the end of my time, I feel the measure of my irrelevance. The exhaustion of my existence, broken dreams and dreaded desires, my fate. In all of humanity I become but a memory, in that eternal battle to survive.
Actions conducted to survive, combine with infinitely invested time. They remain only in my memory, and fade into a void of irrelevance. It is a twisted fate, when, upon this day, I quit my existence.
I live no longer in any memory, all that was done to survive, Erased from existence, for the remainder of time, This irrelevance is my fate.
Teetering dangerously on the precipice, feet frozen solid to the cliff edge, I look longingly into the abyss.
For there lies, I sense, an intangible depth of understanding, an indescribable consciousness of self, only a step away, but still out of touch.
I meditate on a multitude of successes, accumulated alongside struggles, as the sand in the hourglass dissipates into emptiness.
On the eve of my time, an invisible goal that I can sense, but not touch, begins to appear.
That final moment, I am set free to leap into the void, and land safely on the bottom.
I can now touch that which I cannot see, feel that which I could only sense, I am, finally, me.
She awoke abruptly, torn from a dream. Her grandmother, who had been dead for over forty years, stood beside her great aunt, on the front porch of an old farm house, one that she did not recognize. They both wore lovingly used aprons atop flowered cotton dresses and had dancing smiles on their faces, like they had a secret that they could barely contain themselves from sharing. “We found it especially for you,” they whispered, giggling mischievously as only young girls and elderly women can do. As the image faded, the light of the early morning hour gently knocked on her eyelids. She threw the white sheets off her warm body and rolled out of bed, feeling a comforting sense of love.
A few hours later, she drove her black SUV down a gravel road, obediently following the directions of Tommy - the affectionate nickname that she had given her GPS. “Your destination is on the left.” A few seconds later, “Turn left. You have reached your destination,” he stated in a British accent. She pulled the car to the side of the road and put it in park. Sitting there, she stared in disbelief at the house, a house that she had just inherited from a great aunt whose existence was unknown up until a few weeks ago, a house that she had never seen before, a house that was identical to the one in her dream from that morning. A chill ran through her. She squinted her eyes, gazing upon the front porch and could just barely make out the ephemeral figures of two women. “We found it just for you.” The sentence echoed in her mind as she pulled the vehicle up the driveway into the beginning of her new tomorrow.
Worry worry worry me In that state, do I be Feeling feeling feeling of dread Thoughts rolling over and over in my head
Sweaty sweaty sweaty and wet Do my palms always get Knotting knotting knotting up In this state, is my gut
Squirming squirming squirming are Worms in my belly that go too far Moths moths moths taking flight Now I am losing sight
Controlling, directing, mastering my thoughts In this web, I am caught Walking, talking, stalking me The end of this, will I see?
Yes I say, acknowledging the state Of this persistent fate But laugh I do, in its face I won’t stay in this place
Ha I say, worry you may be But, you can not take control of me!
I loved you from afar, years in yearning desperately daydreaming in earnest unrequitedly when you had no idea, of me
I loved you closely not believing my luck when you acknowledged, my heart
I loved you still when you left me behind broken and again every time you showed up dancing on my pain
I loved you yet years apart walking alone in my memories
Never again will I love you yet, again, still, closely from afar
Today I love me wholly
