_She loves me. _

I buy the ring.

_She loves me. _

It’s more than I can afford.

She loves me.

I make her favorite dinner.

She loves me.

The door opens and she walks in with a smile on her face.

_She loves me. _

We eat dinner, her smile still lingering.

_She loves me. _

I walk her out to the beach, but her smile has faded.

_She loves me? _

The sun sets and I get down on one knee; she begins to cry.

She loves me.

“Will you marry me?” She is silent.

_She loves me? _

Tears fall from her pain-stricken face. “I cannot”, she says. “There is another one; I don’t love you anymore.”

_She doesn’t love me. _

“I intended to break up today,” she admits.

She doesn’t love me.

“Who?” I question with agony and wrath.

_She doesn’t love me. _

“Jack,” she confesses. Her coworker.

She doesn’t love me.

I throw the ring into the ocean and walk away from her cries and pain.

I do not love her.

(**The first part was written in 2004. I was a 17-year-old junior in high school.) (**The second part was written between 10/22 & 1/23. I'm not a 17-year-old junior in high school anymore!)

Beyond this point

I cannot see.

All I can do is hope for great things.

A future so bright, with goals well-kept.

I've started my life, and I am not finished yet.

I have haters. I know.

But no sleep I lose.

Over them? Of course not!

It's good friends I choose.

Beyond this point. I cannot see,

what the future holds for me....

By God, I want to do right!

For his hands hold my life.

I know I'm not a perfect person,

But should the world judge?

To me, they're not worth it!

Worth what? You might ask.

Well, the heartache and pain.

Letting the world bring you down,

puts your life to shame.

We need courage,

prosperity, to set us a flight.

For I want to fly higher,

fly left,

not right.

The right way to us, see, is usually the wrong,

But in my future, I want no wrong turns.

I want to fall, and get up, without the brush burns.

Beyond this point. I cannot debate.

What will my life be like?

Will it be great?

You don't know, so please don't hate.

I don't know either, guess we'll just have to wait.

19 YEARS LATER...

So, I made it here... Beyond that point. Such hope for those great things.

Once blind, I thought I could not see… Beyond in front of me.

A future that was pre-envisioned, so long ago it seems…

Adjustments, post-made overtime… Goal-set missions to complete.

Not one of them completely mine… Yet took the life of me.

Beyond the point. Were their broken hearts and mourning constantly.

Spirits beyond, cry shattered hosts. For sober longing dreams.

Soul swapped with liquid, bottled, drops of Satan's unclean drinks.

How incomplete the missionaries, a twist of fate in time.

Destruction to a destiny, man took pure from a child.

Yet here I am. I'm at this point. All still seems so worthwhile…

Ghosts of past lifetimes hold no muse.
I should have gone to trial!

You have to want to go. Beyond that point. Unknown, neglected child...

False hopes will linger… dreams now dreamt…

No life inside of you.

& Will the nightmares prowl? Beyond a point of No return…Slick demons take their bow.

The haters distant, much closer now…
Family equals disgrace somehow…

You have some things you had to face. Beyond the point envisioned...

Erase the guilt of self-inflictions. The time for new decisions.

Don't know who else to blame…for what??? A senseful intuition.

You toss and turn for losing sleep.

Lost friendships. Did I mention?

How the fuck did I come this far??? So far in so much pain?

Beyond the point of falling stars.

Beyond the suffering.

In a world where I got lost.

Almost took my own… For what? You might ask. What was really the cause?

Escaping the failure, my misery tossed... Or suffering from such massive loss?

It's nowhere further than this point, I should have gone.

We plan so far beyond us. When steps before are getting lost.

So far beyond this point is gone. Therefore, I won't debate… This point right here is getting great. Pointless beyond plans must now wait…. This point beyond?

What fate could place? A near distant time and space.

No trails behind, Would I realign. Could I escape, or await the great?
Is it too late?
It’s at that point, where I don’t even know.

& You don’t either. Beyond this point.

Guess we still wait…

I wish I was asleep, I’ll take good dreams or bad, I just want to be alone, Even when it makes me sad

I wish I was asleep, Even in a dark blank space, I don’t need to feel a thing, As long as it has grace

I wish I was asleep, I can’t take this crazy land I can’t take this broken world, I long for something bland

I wish I was asleep

“I love you.”

Why?

“I love you.”

I don’t care.

“I love you.”

Why?

“I love you.”

You betrayed me.

“I love you.”

Why?	

“I love you.”

You’re fading.

“I love you.”

Why?

“I love you.”

You’re dying.

“I love you.”

Why?

“I love you.”

You’re gone.

And you never knew I loved you too.

“And the winner is…” The show runner announced, flipping up the paper in his hands, sifting through all the names.

A dog stood up, its a labrador. His name was Samuel. His black coat was shiny, freshly coated with soap baths and the like. He smelled of fresh lavender.

“And the winner is…”

Another pooch stood up, its a poodle. Her name was Angel. Her teeth were pearly white, basking under the headlights of the competitions room’s light. Her fur coarse and springy and a beautiful eggshell.

“And the winner is…”

Another canine stood up, its a golden retriever. His name was Tucker. His tail wagging as he trotted his way perfectly to his podium. A happy smiley boy indeed. A temperament unmatched.

“And the winner is…”

Another slobador stood up, it was a greyhound. The name was Harley. His long twig-like legs were perfect in coordination as he took to the stand. A fast runner indeed.

“And the winner is…”

“Would you say it already!” Some lady shouted. Her voice reverberated off the walls of the competition room, making everyone in the stands perk up in surprise.

“Oh alright!” He shouted back, making a double take on his list.

“And the winner is…”

Sun-eater, Earth-drinker, I name you. Light-facer, Sky-reacher, I name you, Night-sigher, Wind-dancer, Breath-reclaimer, I name you. Clumsy-autumn-dropper, Withdrawn-in-winter, Bright-in-spring, I name you. Thousand-hands, Dark-scale-wearer, Songbird-shelter, Glad-of-rain

I name you I name you

Curious cat confounder, Careless arm breaker, I name you, Clubhouse atlas, Tireless tire swing holder, Warden of the wayward frisbee, I name you Late night window scratcher, Shade giver and Love note martyr,

I name you I name you

One by one, we hung up the jerseys, placed them under the mantle like stockings, allowed ourselves the childish hope that they had some magic in them.

One by one, we set out tiger-striped trinkets, put on our ball caps and loud orange pants, prayed for such little things as completions, conversions, touchdowns.

Then one by one, the grown men turned, stopped, splintered, broke: became little boys again as they watched the ambulance back onto the football field, park over the big painted-on B, and carry away their brother.

And one by one, they hung up their jerseys, ceased to be blue or black or orange or red, donned instead the colors of humanity, bowing heads and breaking rank to buoy each other in brokenness.

What is love?That was the title of the poem I read in school,the poem that got me my first A. What they didn't know was that the poem was a real explanation of the relationship between my parents.The chaos and arguments I witnessed always brought me back to the same question, What is love? The textbook definition of love is an intense feeling of deep affection.I searched it up when I was 9 years old after being asked to decorate a poster for valentines day.I had always known love was a word,however I had never really acknowledged it as I had never really heard my parents say it to each other.So that exact night my mum had made my dad sleep on the couch downstairs i went into their room and asked my mum the question l "what is love "She looked down at me with tears in her eyes "Love is happiness " For the next few years I observed whether my parents were happy and concluded that that was when they loved eachother. (Not finished)

The soft tones of Petula Clark weave in and out of the treetops throughout the open car window. Past the abandoned munitions plant, two nice couples drive back from dinner and a movie. Steve and Mary cuddle in the backseat talking earnestly about nothing at all. Roger rests his hand on Laura’s knee as he turns the steering wheel of his old station wagon. Suddenly his headlight catches a figure, a man, no not a man, a two legged creature with wings.

Did you see it?

Did you see it?

On his front porch, Newell nurses a jelly jar of moonshine and a few grudges. Bandit sleeps curled at Newell’s feet. All is silent except the the creaking of Newell’s rocking chair on the warped floor boards. Sudden and too loud, a chittering pulses out from the nearby woods. Bandit bristles. The grey muzzled German shepherd growls at the mysterious ocean of rustling. The dog leaps from the porch’s warm light into the darkness. Newell fumbles for his flashlight. Barking incessantly Bandit heads deeper into the night. A frantic flashlight catches a pair of enormous glowing red eyes. The barking stops.

Did you see it?

Did you see it?

A repetitive crunch of metal slicing earth rises from the Rosewood Cemetery. Kenneth takes a long drag of his Viceroy. Dewayne, Louie, and Pat continue to dig. Uncle Albie rests on his shovel. The night sky lurches awake to the slapping of great wings. Seven foot wing span unfurls around laser red eys. . The young men scatter in fear. Hands raised, Uncle Abbie falls to his knees. An inhuman screech cracks across the sky.

Did you see it?

Did you see it?

Mary screams. Roger floors the station wagon racing back to Point Pleasant. Something slashes at the roof of the wagon. Stumbling and shaking, Newell runs inside for his shotgun. Bandit lies motionless. Heavy wings clap. Flashing lights and sirens race to Rosewood. Kenneth helps Uncle Albie to his feet. They run from the shrieking shadow into legend.

I know this may sound absurd To those who haven’t cared to observe But my mind is broken, full of pain I try to stop the pouring rain But it kept falling and hurting me further

I reasoned this was best Getting rid of this pest But they disagreed

Now in still, i lay silent As my minds pain grows violent They didn’t listen when i called They didn’t care to stop my fall Now i just watch, a silent observer

Why didn’t they listen When blood started to glisten My death is decreed

Im sorry, i call Hoping they’ll save me from my fall But they refuse to help a wretched soul They only want control They say i committed the murder

How dare they accuse me of such crime It was there fault, not mine They to will bleed