he broke my heart and my will. I don’t know what to do anymore. I want to do something, I guess, but I also just want to sit and cry, wishing he didn’t exist. then feeling bad about hating him so much and being mean, even if it’s only in my head. not like I even talk to him anymore. not like he talks to me anymore, either. I bet he’s forgotten all about me. he’d rather talk to his new girlfriend. although it’s not even that new anymore. it’s been months. it shouldn’t matter. but it does. I wish it didn’t. I wish I could just be normal. I wish a lot of things. most of all, I wish I never told him how I felt. that’s what started it all. and the start was also the start of the end. I should have just kept my stupid mouth shut. I was always the smart one, so everyone said. guess I proved them all wrong. they still think it, though. not like anyone knows what happened between us. I don’t even know what happened anymore. it was all a lie. didn’t feel like it. but that’s what you said it was. and I don’t know if you lied before or just then when you said that. I want to believe it’s the second, that all the rest was real. but why? why would you throw that all away? maybe it wasn’t all great as I thought it was. I guess I’ll never know. I hate that.

She touched the darkness and the light.

A priestess born from death and life.

In her hands are blight and cure, mire and pure, and ice and fire.

Soft blue lips, bring red words forth,

And the two become one - singularity’s birth.

Mother’s smile and eyes Holding a weary disguise With happiness on the demise Advice ageless and wise

No one notices us We are the last to fuss Lonely in the back of the bus Mother’s Day yearly trust

Remember who was there Always without a care Washing and brushing your hair Teaching you to beware

Children grow and leave Mothers stay and cleave To memories they believe Truth in their eyes will heave Tessa🦋

John and his license expired that day

Each one was chopped into a thousand pieces,

Which covered the vast expanse of the room.

The burbling, black blood

settled into a deep,

dark pool.

His shredded limbs were little stones

scattered around the slippery floor.

The only thing recognizable was John’s dull

eyes,

splattered with blood,

resting next to his smiling face on his license.

take my hand and my heart, my dear they said we’d never make it past twenty and love, i think we’ll prove them right and we’ll live every second of it

and there’s gleaming honey on your lips, rosepetal touches and watermelon tears high off sugar and sourpatch smoke the sodapop sweetness of suicide

and you’re sick to your stomach with pink pepto bismol and lollipop red blue raspberry eyes and bubblegum blush darling, you’re so pretty when you cry

to live is to lie and to die is divine, so we’ll sing this intoxicating, toxic song of ours, and take our place among the stars

(redamancy- [n.] the act of loving someone who loves you; a love returned in full)

I’m holding her hand and my pee in

I’m on a date with Terry and I don’t know where the nearest bathroom is and she’s asking me about the water feature in the middle of the park which is reminding me even more of how much I need to pee, so this is getting especially difficult the more time goes on

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Read 12/07/22

Jordan why aren’t you responding?

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I peed my pants…

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she held her breath and her brother her hand over her brothers mouth trying not to make noise breathing. both hiding in a small dark closet praying that the attacker wont check here. Shane, my brother, was shaking. not because he is cold, but because he is scared. he is too young to experience this trauma. All I could think is why did mom and dad have to leave tonight than any other night. This easily became the worst night of my life. We and Shane would play hide and seek a lot as we were younger so i'm trying to think of this as an intense game of hide and seek. But I just want my parents, I bet my brother does too. my hand thats covering his mouth is soaked from his tears. I cant cry. I cant let Shane know that I'm scared, it will just make things worse. so I'm controlling my breathing, trying not to listen to the ruckus happening all around the house. All the noises must be from at least 3 people, which makes it worse. Then a loud crash that sounded like glass breaking that made me jump and Shane whimpered panicky. My grip on Shane tightened to let him realize he cant make that noise but then slowly loosened it. The glass sounded so close. Shanes tears are dripping from my hand and footsteps are getting closer. loud, heavy thumps. Like the person is wearing big construction boots. The boots becoming louder and louder. Shane shaking more and more. Tears streaming from Shanes eyes to my hand on his mouth. the thumps getting slower but louder. Then they stop. nothing. it felt like i've never been in such silence before. My ears started to ring, it felt like minutes have passed by, but it was probably only about 15 seconds until that silence was broken, my ears stopped ringing and my hand kept dripping. me and Shane both jump when the closet doorknob rattled. They know. They know we are in here and they are tormenting us. They keep twisting the doorknob, then knocking very lightly twice. A deep giggle stem on the other side of the door. At this point I was silently weeping. Then I hear footsteps again. But this time they are getting quieter and quieter until they are completely hushed. I hear the front door open and close, but we both don't move. besides it could just be a trap and they are still inside. I do uncover Shanes mouth. he doesn't speak but he completely wraps his arms around me and cry. I try to keep him quiet just incase. We sat there for at least 2 hours. he fell asleep about 30 minutes in. then I hear the garage start to open and I feel this rush of complete relief. I dont get up. I dont move. I wait to hear their voices. I cant be tricked. I then hear my mother quietly yell my name. I say her name back. she is demented. not knowing where I was but headed my direction. she says my name again, I say hers back. she then slowly opens the closet door letting a beam of light in. She is stunned. not knowing what to say. I get up with Shane in my arms and tuck him into bed. and I walk back over to my mother. sitting her and my father down. explaining every little detail to them. They look at me almost like they don't believe me. but they do. my dad calls the cops, they interview me asking me too many questions. but they couldnt do much since we never saw them and there wasnt any evidence left of them. So we ended up getting stronger locks on all our doors and security cameras covering our entire lot and some of the street. I cant sleep at night anymore. I cant think of anything except how scared I was. how all I did was sit in a closet hiding. I did nothing. its all over now. I have to let it go. I have to get better.

He talked to her, and himself off a cliff, in the same instant. He knew it was helpless. Falling in love with her. Hopefully, he thought. He had never experienced love. He had rejected it from a young age, always believing that people were playing a game on him and for his heart.

His heart was something to be guarded, shielded, suffocated in the shadows. But every so often he would let down his defenses and her prickly rays of sun would seep in, slowly degrading the years worth of work he put into his iron clad shields. Moats were drained, dragons were tamed, goblins settled into a peaceful daze. His eyes would sparkle.

He escaped the bed’s weighted sheets and his broken, failed relationship. A man in love with a woman whose wants lay far beyond his means to provide. She left him.

Alone, he wondered whether he had done something wrong. He was never given an answer.

Losing my keys and my sanity Morning ticks away as I plunder my purse my work bag, my craft bag, my lunch bag

Falling behind and into a shame spiral Promises drench my blazer as I check under the mail the laundry, clean and dirty, the cat

Racing thoughts and up the stairs again Car keys smirking on bedroom floor so I tear into lateness with my lunch bag craft bag work bag and phone

Sliding out of my parking space and into regret Self incrimination heavy as the commute traffic heavier than all the bags I carry on my spirit—wait where is my purse