If only she knew That the walls have hidden ears And clever pained lips.

They whisper to the floors Who speak to the soil And soon Even the dead can hear The falsities spilled From cunning mouths.

If only she knew. If only she knew his smiles were hiding his lies, his loving words were the daggers waiting to strike and the awaiting betrayal that she didnt know would break her heart.

She loved him. He was using her.

If only she knew. If only she knew how each day he ends with thinking of her, every act of friendship was in reality of love and how each moment he sees her and him together chipped a fragment again from his heart.

He loved her. She loved a lie.

If only she knew how much it would really hurt When she left me alone without saying a word Would she change her mind about us being apart? Or would she pretend our meeting never occurred?

To have her back here, what price do I have to pay? I would die for her, but it wouldn’t work that way I have begged a million times just for her to stay But she made it clear that she was going away

If only she knew. I hate her so. Oh this is new. She calls me her freind. Do I call her that back? No. No I don’t. We learned a new word today. Smug. Would I describe her as smug? Yes. Yes I would. Cathy, o’ dear Cathy. You think there is nothing not to like about you. You’re wrong. You bully Gracie. You have anger issues. It’s so bad I want to punch you. You don’t let me do anything. I hate you. I hate you. Your haircut is weird. Oh how I wish I never met you. Oh if only she knew.

If only she knew she’d probably lose it she’d probably never talk to me again. No I know she wouldn’t I thought could hide it but things have changed. Sneaking around hiding Tyler from her it’s difficult. It’s come down to it i think I love him and I really hope ty loves me more because I’m about to risk everything for him.

• peter

If only she knew I tried my best I was afraid of the outcome I shut off I shut down I distanced myself to save myself I grew cold I regret I didn’t get her the cat nip I didn’t record her purrs I still reach out to her Her last cries haunt me If only she knew I’m sorry every day since I hate the relief after she was gone The freedom The guilt If only she knew I didn’t want her to go I didn’t want her to suffer I wanted to do more If only she knew

(For my Tabby Girl: Morgan le Fey 2003-2019. May you frolic with Grumpy Cat and Lil’ Bub)

If only she knew how I felt If only she could have waited a little longer If only she had been there I wouldn’t have left I wouldn’t have said those things I wouldn’t have given up But now I’m confused But now I’m sad But now gone I could’ve waited I could’ve told her I could’ve been there for her If only she knew

As I walked into the diner I always go to this girl caught my eye. I got my coffee and a biscuit then sat down near the back. I couldn’t help but stare. What if she though the same about me. Stop it! Get that though out of your mind she doesn’t.

A couple minutes later she got up. Is she walking over to me? Nope, she was just leaving. I slowly walked behind her leaving me coffee to get cold.

Thump Thump Thump Thump. My heart was ponding in my chest. If only she knew I thought this way about her. She turned around. “Hey, what’s your name?” “Uhh, uhhh, my name is Brandon.” Ugh why did I studer it’s probaly so obvious now. “That’s a nice name. I am Heidi.” “Cool, I have to go talk to you later.”

I ran as fast as I could back to the diner. My lungs and heart were going to explode. When I got back my coffee wasn’t there any more so I decided to get another cup.

I should’ve just got her number but no I chickened out. Why, why, why. I should’ve. She would know and then we could’ve been something but no I had to run from her.

That night I couldn’t fall asleep. The fact that I would never see her again kept me awake.

I only she knew.

if only she knew that he was there that something was going to happen if only she knew

if only she thought maybe i shouldn’t go on the trail it’s dark if only she thought

if only she heard his footsteps behind her the rustling in the bushes if only she heard

if only she saw there light hitting the knife the smirk on his face if only she saw

if only she smelled the rancid smell of man as he creeped closer if only she smelled

if only

but she didn’t

If only she knew how to break free She did not blame or hate anyone. Everyone is kind at heart. She reflected on herself. She did what she enjoyed， with no shame. knowing what was real what were delusions， that was the pain. If she were delusional， she'd feel bliss. A flower with thorns， just like all the other flowers out there. Boys could be gentle flowers. Girls could be gentle flowers. Crazy people could be gentle flowers. sinners could turn into gentle flowers. Gentle flowers could turn to something else. She just wanted to get on with her life. She will thrive，survive and one day， meet the love of her life. 😊 Just not today.