I don’t belong here. These four words, Echoing through my mind. You shouldn’t be here. I’m panicking, my heart racing Like it’s trying to escape, To leave while there’s still time. The people I pass All seem so big, Staring at me Like I’m an imposter. I’m too small, too young, Too lost, too dumb. I don’t fit in Among all these adults. A little girl like me, Not yet sixteen, Going to college? Absurd! Ridiculous! But there I am, Blindly stumbing Through the halls.

They must have been up all night I suspected And the were way more tears than expected predominantly from my dear father With what composure he could muster He hurried my mother to take a photo Then through the sobs recited our motto “Never be afraid to try and aim high” More like never be afraid to cry! Fatherly effections aside, I was ready Despite the new feeling in my belly An unlimited vivacious future laid ahead Fueled by kin who obviously cared Emotional, yes. Passionate for sure we are This same sentimetality will take me far

This one was one I wrote just before my high school graduation. It’s more about leaving my school and friends than beginning a new adventure, but hope it still works.

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Finality’s sharp blade severs the divide, Close thou the curtain, cast the time aside, The time we hoped for comes, ‘tis near at hand, And now the hourglass, running out of sand, Brings back good times and memories of old, So bittersweet, I wish I could take hold, Of simple things and times now of the past, This act of life’s play, closing now at last.

How soft, how soft the springtime wind doth blow, Cover the hills and valleys here below, Alas, good soul, mine heart is troubled still, For comfort’s wind, I feel but cold and chill, O’ friend, my friend, why must we part our way, I fear the end, I will for you to stay, But hark! Herein your path lies still untrod, Shall you make haste to break this solemn bond?

Thy fate lies elsewhere, this I understand, But present moments fall through empty hands, I feel I have not lived nor loved enough, These sudden moments vanish into dust, And under cloud of smoke they fade away, Moves in the night, to chase from here the day, And when at last we know our time is gone, Past time falls silent, whispering, “move on.”

Past time falls dead and wills us to move on.

Mommy always says That when you smile, you are happy Mommy always says That when you scream, you are scared But Mommy never told me What it’s called when you feel like screaming and smiling

Mommy gives me a hug Cries and smiles at the same time She tells me to have a great day And forces herself to walk home

Daddy always says That school taught him everything Daddy always says That he won medals during spelling bees

My brother always says School brings great memories My brother always says That his friends make him crack up

My sister always says That she dreams of ditching class My sister always says That she has nightmares about school

As I get on the yellow bus And as the yellow sun shines in the blue sky I wonder What will happen to me

Will I be super smart like Daddy? Will I cry and smile like Mommy? Will I make silly friends like my brother? Or will I be scared of school like my sister?

I curl up in my seat Like my doggy does when it storms I scrunch my eyes closed And wish to be home

But when my eyes open I see A little girl with braids like mine And teary blue eyes Curled up in her seat Just like me

And then I sit up taller And so does she And we both start to smile Because now we know That we’ll both be okay💜💛

All of you are strong, beautiful, and talented. You guys got this💜💛

School kinda sucks. More than it used to. And I’m not sure why, Because I don’t even dislike the classes, But that doesn’t stop me from dreading each and every one.

School is no fun. Homework is somehow worse. I don’t have as much time anymore To do what I love. And right now, I really need the things that I love, The things that make me happy.

It was never like this before. The things here I used to enjoy Haven’t changed, so I guess I have, Must have.

And friends aren’t a bonus anymore. If I think of my “happy” moments, I feel like I’m watching someone else. I don’t know if any of it’s real, Or if I’m just blinded by the bad stuff.

It’s barely been a week, And I just don’t feel like I can tolerate it anymore, Shadow said it best, I have the “seeds for my ideal life” in my hands, But school’s getting in the way of planting them.

And I’m not suggesting I drop out, And things aren’t particularly horrible, But I would just be so much happier at home, Reading or drawing or writing or crying. I’m so sick of hiding.

It’s so much easier to joke about the pain Then talk about it sincerely, But I’d prefer to be suffering openly, In the absence of company.

And sometimes I make my shower freezing, To pretend I’m in the rain, Mother Earth gets me. She picks the right days.

Can you think through something with me? That maybe, I will never wake up tomorrow, Never fall asleep tonight.

Pain and bindings await me on the other side, When the sun crests the skyline. The loss of my freedom, of my time.

I don’t need the world, The world doesn’t need me. So leave me my books and let me be.

And I won’t go to school tomorrow, And I won’t leave my room. I just need my books, And maybe I’ll sleep soon.

Oh goody. I have school tomorrow. A high school class nonetheless. Look at me, I’m rejoicing.

I’m so happy to hear once again, Another way my childhood is ending, So thanks ambiguous relative, For reminding me just how fast I’m growing up, How adorable and happy I was when I was young. This is a real fun party.

I won’t be able to sleep tonight, But that’s fine. Then I won’t have to wake up with tomorrow as my reality. Then I won’t have to face it. I can close my eyes and just, Let them stay that way. It’s a sad wish. A dream, A nightmare. And I don’t want to grow up, Because I don’t want to die, But sometimes doing that to escape the grasp of time? It feels easier. Like I could just stay in my dreams. Every day it gets harder to face reality, And sometimes I don’t want to.

Off I go Into the snow To and fro Watch me glow

Headed alone Leaving home No anchor or stone Only me and my bones Tessa🦋

“Honey it’s time for school”. I hear my mom say, as my wonder filled eyes flutter open. For a moment I lay there. Staring at the ceiling. As a swell and ache fill my tummy with worry. “Sweetie you’re gonna be late, please hurry”. As I register the shouting coming from my mom, I sit on the edge of my bed and contemplate. Contemplate whether I’m gonna be difficult or easy to send off to school this morning. After working up the courage to actually leave my bed. I think of all the people I’ll see today, all of what might be said. As I look in the mirror and try to make myself presentable. All I can focus on is the nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach. Will they like me? Will I fit in? I’ve had a lot of first days of school, at a lot of different schools and the same feeling always occurs. Anxiousness. As I slouch and cower within the back of my backpack, I thump down the stairs of our new and unfamiliar home. At the bottom of the stairs my mom is waiting for me ,I’m met with a positive smile. My mom says “it’s a fresh start bean, it’ll be great”. A fresh start huh? A clean slate. I’ve had a lot of fresh starts, they all usually become rather dull very shortly. We make our way to my moms mini van, as I step in and take a seat, I begin to fidget and slightly tweak with my converse clad feet. I fasten my seatbelt, I slightly angle my body towards the window to get a good view of the drive. Maybe the scenic views will settle my stomach. I feverishly pick at the skin around my finger nails, once I see we’re nearing the schools front entrance. My mom gets out and opens the door for me, I step out and my legs almost buckle from feeling like jelly. I ready myself and take a more confident stance, my mom although still positive, shoots me a worried glance. I reassure her with a smile and a wave goodbye. Before I know it, I’m all alone and my moms already driven away. As I take my first step within the school doors I think to myself, another new school I hope this time I get to stay. I hope I have a good day.