On my late afternoon stroll outside near the lake my attention was quickly stolen by a foreign creature. The sun was bright but exiting the horizon and the wind was blowing just soft enough for it to breeze through my hair and stroke my face. It’s the middle of spring so the flowers are in their full bloom. Bright colors surrounding me from every angle. Now this creature was sitting near the side of the lake with its back towards me. It looked to be about three feet tall and not even a foot wide. I could see its entire spine along the hunch of its back. Its skin was a light grey with a slimey texture to it. The creature looked other-worldly. “Maybe it’s some type of skinned animal” I quietly thought to myself. As I took a step forward to get a better view of it, my foot stepped on a broken tree branch. I swear it was louder than the sound of a real bone snapping. When the creature immediately turned its neck around to see look at me. I jumped back in fear, fear of the unknown. The creature had a head but exhibited no features on it. No mouth, no eyes or ears. It was just a blank silver canvas. It sent me running back towards my little cottage, never looking back. I had no idea what that thing was, all I knew was that it was some type of wild creature that needed to be caged. So I immediately picked up the phone to call our local exterminator.

"Were you the one that called?" The man, dressed in an orange jumpsuit and aviator glasses stood on Ms. Dalloway's porch. He would have looked exactly like Dale Gribble in the animated show King of the Hill, except Dale was rail-thin, and this man looked as if...well, let's just say he wasn't thin at all.

"Yes, thank you for coming so quickly," Ms. Dalloway said as she ushered him inside the house. "The scratching started last night, and I think I heard hissing."

"Hm, hissing? Scratching at night? Sounds like you're dealing with a marsupial, ma'am."

"Marsupial? You mean like a possum or a raccoon?" She backed herself up into the front door, feeling a sense of security there. "Don't they usually have rabies?"

"Sometimes," said the man, opening his toolbox full of various liquids and nets and equipment. "But not all the time. Usually, these guys get in through the foundation of the house or exterior vents. Do you know where he might've crawled into?"

"Well, no, this house is fairly new. There shouldn't be any foundation cracks."

"Okay, then. I'll do a perimeter around your house and see if it has any entries or exits, and I'll probably identify it in the meantime." He left out the backdoor with a spray gun in hand and a gas mask on. Ms. Dalloway didn't know what to do besides wait for the man to come back, so she decided on sitting on the front porch, away from any hissing noises.

The man, an exterminator with fifteen years of experience, walked around the white house. The paneling was new, indicating that the woman knew what she was talking about. The house was fairly new and - what the Hell is that?

The man noticed a red tuff of fur next to one of the gutter drainage systems. He followed the drainage pipe up to the gutters on the roof and noticed a patch of tiles had been ripped open. However, the opening was huge, much larger than a raccoon or a possum. And the red hair? It looked like the hair of a red panda, but this was in the middle of Nowhere, Iowa, and red pandas aren't marsupials.

The man picked up the hair and sniffed. Definitely a wild animal. Male. About fifteen, no sixteen and a half years of age. Whatever this thing was, it was in its prime. Wait a minute...the man licked the tuff of hair, and it all of a sudden hit him like a ton of bricks. He knew what exactly he was dealing with. He spit on the ground, and cursed.

The man walked back to the front porch where Ms. Dalloway was sitting. "Ma'am, you have a grade four infestation."

"Grade four? Is that bad?" Ms. Dalloway lept from her chair, as if the intruder would leap out of the house any second and grab her.

"No, grade four is pretty low, but rather annoying." The man walked back to his truck, and put his tools away. He reached into his glove box, and pulled out sunscreen and a can of mountain dew. "The infestation you have is non-toxic, non-lethal, and is just looking for a place to find some shade. Ironically, they make very good company and haven't harmed anybody."

The man opened the soda, and shook the sunscreen bottle. From the house, you could hear a scrambling and something breaking. Ms. Dalloway would later find out that the something that broke was one of her vents.

"Come on, fella. Let's get you back home. You're probably someone's son."

The front door crept open and out stepped a red-headed man. A ginger. He walked slowly towards the exterminator and grabbed the soda.

"A red-headed child. These guys often get scared during the summer months due to the extreme heat. The sun burns their skin and they seek shelter from time to time."

"Billy?!" A voice said from down the road. "We've been looking all over for you!"

The kid's head perked up at the sound of his mother's voice. He ran to his mother, dropping the soda can in the street. They embraced, and began walking back towards home.

"Thank you," Ms. Dalloway said as the exterminator got back in his van.

He tipped his glasses to her. "All in a day's work, ma'am."

Pest Test Rest Beat

It was a fine day in the suburbs of Chicago, chilly-yes, but nonetheless there was a twinkle in the frost that coated each perfectly landscaped yard.

The metallic blue van which read “V3RMiN KiLL@“ on the side mosied its way down each street until it found the one house with the forest green shutters nestled in the lone cul-de-sac.

The call came in around 9:30 in the morning and Vee, the company’s phone operator quickly dispatched Tom. Tom Brass. Head Exterminator.

“Ya suuuuure about that, Vee? Slime on the walls? Sounds like a plumba issue.” Was his response to the customer’s complaint.

“Eh, don’t knock me for doing my job, Brass. The lady saiiiiiid,” she enunciated hard and continued, “ there was slime on the walls and she swore she saw something scurry across the floor. Last time I checked plumbers don’t deal with scurrying critters.” Her raspy smoker voice cackled. Her mission was to get under everyone’s skin as if she was a scurrying critter herself.

Tom chopped it up to a quick job and ended up at the customer’s house anyways.

He sat in the driveway for some time before heading to the front door. His beef burrito beckoned his name and you can’t deal with a wack job customer on an empty stomach.

As he took his last bite he noticed a face peering through the curtains of a large palladian window, eyes as wide as a dog who just got his nuts snipped off he thought. He gave a quick wave and stuck up his pointer finger as if saying just one more minute. Before he could step out of the musty van, a woman appeared at the driver side window. Her hair was tossed into a poor attempt of a slicked back bun and those same big eyes were planted on her face. Dark circles hung below them like gravestones sat atop two sunken in cheekbones.

Her knuckles tapped violently at the glass. Her muffled words trying to enter the van.

Tom opened the door and stepped onto the driveway. “Heyya, I’m Tom. Heard you have an issue in your basement and I’m-“ the lady cut him off and threw up a hand.

“This way, this way. Please, I haven’t slept in weeks. It’s so LOUD.” She said frantically, walking back to the house at a steady pace. She looked back multiple times at Tom, needing reassurance that he hadn’t run off.

“Ohhh kayyy.” He muttered under his breath and grabbed his bag out of the back of the van. Not even knowing what was in store for him.

The entrance to the home was as normal as a house could get nowadays. Shoes neatly arranged on a rustic white shelf. A ficus nestled in a corner by the door, passing off as real despite the dust it collected. Even family photos hung in a zig zag line on the far left wall. All seemed fine until the smell hit Tom’s nose.

He had been in the business for over twenty years, he has seen and smelled it all. Rat carcasses perfuming a whole attic, feces of every rodent you could imagine, even a skunk or two has sprayed him over the years. But nothing topped this smell. 

It was a smell like no other. A mix of ammonia and burning flesh with hints of…pumpkin? Cantaloupe? Something sweet. He couldn’t put a finger on it.

Respectfully he threw his hand over his nose and trailed far behind the lady, hoping not to offend her.

“It smells, I know. You don’t have to hide behind me. It’s the slimeeee…” she hissed at him, not out of rudeness but out of pure sleep deprivation. She pointed a stiff finger towards a hallway and gave out a harsh sigh. “The door on your right. Light switch hangs right above.”

“I usually ask the customer to show me the problem area. Don’t like tryna figure out the problem without any clues.” Tom hastily remarks. An aggravation building up.

Her eyes became nothing but fine lines on her face and she squeezed out a single tear. “I..I can’t. I’m petrified.” Of slime? Or whatever the hell it was? Tom shook his head slightly and walked towards the basement. 

Upon opening the door the stench increased by a million, Tom’s nose hairs were practically screaming. He pulled the cord to the light and steadily crept down the stairs. It was cold and moisture filled the air around him, his uniform already began to dampen and stick to his skin. Fumbling through his bag for a flashlight to help see through the still-dimmed basement a loud scratching noise came from the farthest corner of the room. The darkest corner of the room at that. It sounded too large to be a mouse, too large to be a raccoon even. Goosebumps began to rise on his arms and up his neck.

Finally finding his flashlight, he quickly turned it on and shone the light into the direction of the noise. A single deep gasp came from his throat and he knew his eyes grown just as wide as the lady upstairs.

The substance on the walls was a thick, cottage cheese like texture. It was a brownish red color with cloudy lumps protruding every which way. He took a few hesitant steps forwards and inspected each section of it. It was spread from the floor all the way to the ceiling and covered the entire section of wall. The fear caught in Tom’s throat completely distracted him from the smell as soon as he noticed the lumps were actually….

Moving. As if something was trying to wriggle free.

His eyes were glued to the sight of the alien-esque goop and before he could even think of how to conquer this abnormality, a fleshy hand much bigger than a human’s grabbed his shoulder. A singular talon-like claw digging deep into his collarbone. A silent whimper escaped his mouth but was drowned out by a hungry snarl. Tom didn’t have much time to react when the lumpy slime before him stretched out of the wall, a carnivorous mouth of needle sharp teeth resembling a snake and a bear all in one, swallowed his head whole.

The exterminator is on its way honey my mother said to me tears filled my eyes I had a pest that couldn’t have been gone it didn’t need a exterminator I just felt as if it would go away just like a bad mood but I had had it for months now if it couldn’t be seen how would it disappear I didn’t know if anything could help I just felt as empty as a hole but then the doorbell rang he is here just great more sets of questions then answers for me now again he asked why was he here then my mother stepped in my daughter has a pest that makes her sad tell him where is it so he can spray it but little did she know it couldn’t be seen it was a feeling I pointed to my heart in here the pest has gotten me the exterminator left disappointed it wasn’t real my mom tried to cheer me up she even brought me to the meet and greet for some of my authors and I got to show them my books I have been working on not here of course but none of that helped when I was at school the next day I told Brielle about it but I smiled later on that day and she called me out for it can sad people smile to cover up their true emotions about how they see the world all I want is not to burry anyone with problems the only thing I enjoy is reading books and my dog later that day my mom took me to a therapist and I was diagnosed with depression it wasn’t a good feeling now I had understood why all those years have been bad I finally got the help I needed so day by day I’m getting a little better day by day I like making books better and before I end this book has anyone else ever had depression and how did you handle it you can write in in comments or just think about it I’m sure all of us have felt sad once but you know what I say hate has 4 letters but so does love enimies has 7 letters but so does friends lying has 5 letters but so does truth failure has 7 letters but so does success sad has 3 letters but so does joy and negativity has 10 letters but so does positivity everyone has a choice so choose the better side of it

Trim trim Toca o telefone O exterminador aos seus serviços está O que? Uma praga Sim, é comigo mesmo Já estou indo pra lá

Ao chegar na cidade Vou para a casa da bruxa Nunca vi coisa mais estranha Cogumelos dourados E uma borboleta mutante Mas serviço é serviço E grana é importante

Ao me explicar o problema Já tenho a solução Um fantasma com algema Ou corvos no assoalho A bruxa apresenta objeção Sua casa é limpa E ela tem um espantalho

Investigo mais um pouco E noto algo diferente Uma coisinha voadora Que voa e segura um tridente É uma fada? Ou um tritão? Seja o que for A bruxa não quer aqui não

Então procuro Feitiço inteligente Que expulsará o ser estranho Da casa da minha cliente

Um dente de alho E uma folha de hortelã Uma pitada de canela E um pouco de perna de rã

Depois de mexer é só recitar O que consta no livro Que acabei de comprar Saia da casa, vou te expulsar Ser indefinido que quer tomar o lugar

Pronto Praga contida Dinheiro na conta corrente e Felicidade da cliente Garantida

Here There They’re everywhere On the rafters In the walls Hanging in the air Praying for your downfall Catch them if you dare There is no truce No second chances Fate is ever sealed The moment you arrived within You signed the devil’s deal They know if you’re adopted If a parent was unfaithful They’ve tasted your entirety With blood they’re never wasteful They relish in your agony Those silent deadly stabbers You’ve covered up best you can Yet nothing for their daggers They come in swarms by nightfall I suggest you try to hide Come to exterminate the beasts They’ll exterminate your pride The worst part of the job They’re invisible by nature You can’t kill all of them Not even one creature They do not come from Florida Though in truth they know it well They come special delivery From a special place called Hell

Case #1107; Address: 510 Acowiz Grove, Plurycin It had 4 limbs. The bottom half moved similar to the top end but the hands had elongated fingers and thumbs. Good working thumbs. It stood upright, all bare flesh except on the head and bits on the face from what I could tell. It wasn’t a very menacing creature physically, but the way its eyes ready my body and looked around the room looking for a plan there was no doubt of substantial intelligence. I couldn’t see its teeth. I don’t know what it may eat. It had no claws or spines. No armor besides what looks similar to the cloth we have. I’ve never seen anything like it. And then it spoke in an all too familiar tongue. Never have we encountered a species that could speak our tongue. It looked nothing like the creatures on this planet. Have I discovered the men from space we’ve always imagined were out there? Is this the start of something new? I just hope they are the friendly kind, not the evil kind that take over and colonize other planets. For now we have it stunned into a sleep and transporting him to the Bio Hub to find out more information.

“…What do you mean you can’t describe it?” I ask to the exterminator, “It’s your job to find it and get rid of it?!” “Well… It doesn’t look like anything. It’s just… not normal?..” He exclaims with confusion and NO confidence in the statement. I figure they’d find out what it was. “It wasn’t clear but it wasn’t opaque. It wasn’t ugly but it wasn’t pretty…and I couldn’t find its nest.” He whispers the last part. “WHAT????!!!” I screamed like there was a bloody murder. “The bug, or pest, is too fast. We’ll never be able to catch it.” “But that’s your job?!?!” I screech angrily. “You can’t just burn down the building?” I screeched. “No? It your house?” He shrugged his shoulders. (DRAFT BECAUSE I DONT CARE‼️‼️)

The exterminator arrived to see a thick snot trail leading into the back yard. As the exterminator got closer he could smell a rotten egg smell, sulfur so thick it coated his nose and throat. He saw some kind of flying praying mantis with feathers. A grave yard of insects and snail shells littered the ground as far as the eye could see.