Avey don’t read this it’s embarrassing <3

I don’t know who you are In one moment I’m gorgeous The sun that gives you light I’m perfect and pretty Someone who could never do any wrong In the next moment I have no self control I show to much of my self in my clothes Because like you said “I’m asking for it” So I ended it I told you we were done But I still thought about you Thought about the words you promised me The plans we made I thought about that paragraph you sent me Telling me I was your purpose And I caved I told you we could try again So here I am A girl Facing a boy In the room we always talked about I wish we were there But all I’m doing is Texting you like nothing happened You’re back to calling me gorgeous I’m back to feeling gorgeous Until you change your mind Because then all I feel like is shit But I think I love you and I think you love me So here we go again Third times a charm

A boy and a girl- that’s all we truly were. What else could we be? We were 14. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly when I knew, but probably when I was 14 and you agreed with everything I said.

But 14?

Maybe I thought I was destined to have you. It sounds immature, but how did we get sat together two years in a row?

Maybe it was my best friend mentioning how much you stared at me. She wouldn’t have lied to me, even when you paid her the same attention.

But this was all so long ago; two years is so very long.

I can’t say I ever loved you. That’s wrong- not when you have a girlfriend that you love. Not when my heart dropped when I found out, but that’s irrelevant.

And now we’re 16 and you got so close, so very close, and I could feel your breath on my cheek and your arm against mine as you leaned in.

And now I’m remembering how you went out of your way to walk with me in the halls between classes.

Maybe it was the brown eyes I lost myself in. It wasn’t yours I loved first, but perhaps the most.

And is it even adequate to call that love?

Your eyes that made me feel like the only girl in the room; such beautiful dark eyes.

Maybe it was your hair that fell so perfectly over your neck, just the same as the color of your eyes. The hair I have to watch from behind now- but that’s for the best.

All this is- deep, deep down- is fourteen year old me hoping I had even the slightest chance with you. I haven’t evolved in two years, only grown up.

I could not love you. Someday, possibly. But you love someone else, and if you flirt with me now you’ll flirt with her then. It’s my fault for thinking I could have been her.

“I know I could have loved you, but you wouldn’t let me.”

And I’ll never forget the sound of a boy who pretends he loves me.

He was just a boy. A silly boy. A boy that made my world crumble. A boy with a mischievous grin. Mysterious green eyes and messy hair. He was a boy I’d love my entire life. But I’m just a girl, Standing in a room, Watching her love destroy it all. Who knew a useless boy could ruin it all for me. I guess after all he was never just a boy And I was never just a girl. We’re like Summer and Winter. Existing in the same world, Needing each other to be able to be. But never able to be together.

A child with a soft voice She speaks of a better place A place she used to live Her small petite fame and round eyes

A man with a gruff voice His beard overgrown His eyes that have known Much pain and sorrow He sings quietly and says no more

They watch over me  Sit with me  Sometimes they take different forms Killian I named them all All the same

Their red eyes watching  Connected to a shadow of limbs and torsos They catch my eye Run around behind me I see you there in front of me Killian You are real They just don't believe me

The boy was climbing the colorful mountains While the girl was falling off the colorful mountains. The boy had a room over him. While the girl didn't have a room over her. The boy had no problems he was living on cloud nine. While the girl had many issues she was living in the Pitts of hell.

TW - rape

The young blonde haired girl was led into the room, her arms by her side and her fists clenched. She was pulled into the room by Miranda, his loyal servant.

“No, no please, no” she whispered to the other girl. “Please spare me, please, I’m only 19, please, I beg you”

Miranda didn’t respond to her wishes. This was a job that had to be done.

“Oooh, a pretty one today” a deep voice said huskily, looking the young girl up and down, as if he was already picturing her naked.

Tears were already pouring out of the girl’s eyes. “please” she mumbled.

“As you requested my Lord” she locked the door behind them and let go of the girl, gently guiding her into the centre of the room. Then Miranda took her place in the corner. She was always forced to watch, just like how she was forced to bring in these ladies for her master to prey on. She hated her job. But she didn’t have a choice.

The man stood up from his throne like chair at the back of the room and made his way over to the whimpering thing in the middle.

“It’ll be over soon” he whispered, his hands touching the sides of her face and he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

He kissed her on the cheek, before pushing her down to the ground and planting his bodyweight onto hers. He was kissing her hard, trying to force her mouth open but she was stubborn. More stubborn than some of the others. Her face was tear stained, he licked off those salty liquids.

He continued to pry open her mouth and force his tongue inside before tearing off her clothes like the monster he was.

Miranda forced herself to watch. She had to. It was her job.

He left her only in her bra and panties. He moved his hands around her almost naked body. Her eyes were firmly closed and her body rigid.

“Don’t be so tense sweetheart”

“No” she screamed out. He seized his chance and planted his mouth onto her lips and pushing his tongue through to explore her mouth.

He slowly removed her underwear and threw them across the room in passion, in a hope to turn her on and make her co-operate.

He touched her breasts, massaged them, kneaded them and sucked them. He trailed slobbery kisses down her naked side and all the way down her leg. He forcefully spread her legs wide open. Then he worked his way back up and slowed down. Taking his time on her inner thighs, caressing them whilst he got closer and closer.

He pushed her legs upwards so that they were in an upside down V shape.

Miranda had to close her eyes. She could never bear to watch this part. The poor girl lay there helpless, screaming until her throat was sore. Miranda could tell what he was doing. She always could. It was easy.

Once he had decided she was useless, he stood up and walked back to his throne of rape.

Miranda walked back towards the scared little girl, curled up naked in a little ball. She helped clothe her back up and gently led her out of the room. She was whimpering the whole time.

The girl ran away from the warehouse. Sprinting as if he was going to run and catch her and feed on her again. The woman wanted to follow her, join her on her path of freedom.

Miranda turned around and walked back into the room.

“Miranda?” He asked.

“Yes”

“Good catch, dear”

“Thank you,” she paused. “Father”

Her father was a beast. A monster. A monster raping beast. And she was ashamed and scared. But she could not do anything. Because it was her job. And a job had to be done.

Of course, he had to spill his guts to him. The one person that should not have heard his mistake.

If he didn’t like his life here, he would run away.

How was he going to explain this to Jeremiah? He can’t just go up to him and say, “Oh, you know how I said that my soulmate was a girl that I met today? Well I was wrong and it’s actually you.”

That would sound insane. Truth be told, he does feel a bit crazy now.

“Roman? Are you going to eat with us or stare at the new girl?” Cross suddenly appears right next to Roman.

Thankfully, he isn’t loud with his question.

“Is she your soulmate?” They both turn towards Lou and see her talking to a fox that usually scampers away when lunch outside started.

“No, she isn’t.” His answer is final. Definite.

“How do you know?” If only he was still in blissful ignorance.

“Dude, she’s talking to a fucking fox,” Roman points out, cocking his head towards the interaction.

“Well, did you figure out who?”

“Maybe. But I don’t want to talk about it.”

Cross nods. There is an unwritten, unspoken agreement between them. Cross knows about Roman’s parents and his perspective on soulmates. When neither of them want to talk about soulmates, they tell each other and the other can’t ask why. It is just how they work. He’s glad that Cross never pushes him. Especially now.

“Well let’s invite her to eat with us. Bell met the new guy, Jeremiah, in class, so she invited him over.”

Both of the walk over to the girl who is still engrossed in a conversation with the fox.

“Lou, wanna sit with us?” Roman asks, hoping he’s not interrupting whatever they are saying.

“Hi Roman. Sure,” she grins and looks down to the fox, “Wanna come with?”

The orange creature appears to nod and it follows like a trained dog at her heels. If he wasn’t panicking about the Jeremiah situation, he would be more amazed by her ability.

Once sitting at the table, they all introduce themselves to the new people. Roman hates small talk and icebreakers. They might be his least favorite interactions ever.

How can he focus on what is an interesting fact about himself when Jeremiah is sitting right there?

“So Lou, I assume your power involves animals,” Marta comments, eyes dropping to the fox by her feet. “Yes. Animal communication to be exact, so I understand and can speak with animals like Fred here.” She reaches down and pets ‘Fred’.

Roman notices Bell giving Cross a look after hearing that. He gives her one back like they are having a silent conversation. He stopped trying to understand them. They are just being Bell and Cross.

“What’s your powers Jeremiah? Is it strength? I’m just guessing from how you stopped Bobbi and Jonah this morning,” Cross asks.

Roman’s eyes widen. Once Jeremiah answers, Cross will figure it out. And when Cross knows, Bell does too.

His soulmate should know before his friends do!

“I can manipulate and conjure natural elements, but it is more like a balance. I work with nature. I don’t just bend it to my will. I just didn’t feel the need to use them before.”

Does he know? Is he covering for him?

Everyone continues to talk like everything was normal when everything is not.

OoOoO

“Is your soulmate Jeremiah?” Cross blurts out the moment he and Roman break from the group to go to English class.

Way to give him a heart attack. “How’d you know?!”

Cross looks like he wants to roll his eyes, but he doesn’t. “You kept staring at him. For the first time since we met, your emotions were written on your face. You are terrified.”

“Yes,” Roman breathes out, totally defeated. He couldn’t even keep calm.

“Man, you need to tell him. Like an hour ago,” Cross pushes, which he knows he’s right, but it annoys him.

“I know. It isn’t that easy. If telling hard truths was easy, you would’ve told Bell your feelings by now.”

A hurt look passes over his face. Shit. He knows how insecure Cross is with his feelings for her, always in an emotional limbo. He’s confided in Roman before and now he used it to hurt him. “Cross, I’m sorry. I overstepped. I’m just not used to feeling like this.”

“Like what?” The hurt not completely leaving his eyes, but confusion joining it.

“Confused. Not calm. Overwhelmed! I usually know what’s going to happen. I’m used to others’ emotions, not my own!” Before he knows it, he confesses something that he has buried deep down.

Stopping them in an empty hallway, he knows Cross is about to say something that he deems important. “Roman, we’re cool. It’s fine. But you need to let yourself feel your feelings. Maybe you’ll really like Jeremiah, but you have to let yourself.”

“What if we’re like my parents?” He didn’t realize how much his parents’ divorce affected him until finding his soulmate. Now he’s even more scared to say it out loud. He never confronted that before.

“What if it isn’t? Something I know about you, Roman, is that you are not your parents. You will be an amazing partner/soulmate and give your all.”

Roman can’t help but hug him. His first and longest friend.

“If you tell anyone I hugged you, I will deny it and say you are delusional,” he says, still feeling a bit out of his comfort zone. He needed to add just a touch of his normal attitude.

“Sure, man.”

OoOoO

Taking the bus is always a drag.

Roman hates the people. They are loud and rambunctious. Clearly they get too much sleep. A dignified person would try to rest. Decompress after talking with so many people throughout the school day. Or maybe that’s just him.

He watches the world go by as the bus goes way too fast and stopping too slow. His thoughts racing, thinking about the events of the day.

“Roman! Get off my bus!” Will, the fifty-something year old, bus driver commands.

“Sorry, Will!” Stumbling, he gets down the steps and is now on his street. The bus tires screech as it speeds off.

His house is near a park, and he can already hear kids playing, parents trying to drain all the kids’ bottled up energy from being cooped up in a classroom.

“Miah! Push me!” A high voice yells out.

Even though it wasn’t a name he recognized, something tells Roman to turn. So he does.

It’s Jeremiah.

He’s pushing a young girl, maybe around six, on a swing.

“Miah, do you know that boy? He’s staring,” the little girl asks loudly. She points directly to him.

Roman must look like a deer in headlights. He didn’t realize he had been doing that long enough for someone to notice. Awkwardly waving, he wonders what happens now.

“It’s ok, Este. I know him. You ok if I go talk to my friend?” She nods as she kicks her legs up in an effort to go higher. “Stay in my sight.”

“Hey, Roman!”

“Hi, Jeremiah. Sorry if I freaked your sister out, I didn’t realize it was you at first. I swear I’m not stalking you. I live around here.” He’s not sure what of that he had to say, but it all comes out jumbled anyway. Why is he like this? He legitimately is never like this. All flustered and stuttery.

Jeremiah laughs, not a chuckle, but a real belly laugh. The melodious sound settles something deep within Roman. If he had any doubt before, there is none. Jeremiah is his soulmate, and he is beautiful. “It’s totally fine. I didn’t think you were. I figured you might wanna talk anyway,” Jeremiah manages once he ceases his laughter.

“Talk about what?” Roman doesn’t feel very brave right now. Like Cross said earlier, he feels terrified. He needs Jeremiah to be the one to say it.

“You know, the soulmate thing,” he replies like it is talking about something so casual and mundane. Not something that is literally life changing. Life stopping.

“You knew?” While he suspected he knew, it still confuses him a bit. Like when did he know?

His gaze flits between Roman and Este. “Of course I knew. Well at first I didn’t realize it was you either, but then when we met in the bathroom, I figured it out,” he admits, distractedly.

“So you let me think Lou was my soulmate?”

“Well I guess,” he pauses for a moment, thinking. “What was I supposed to say? Hey I know you think a girl is your soulmate, but there is a good likelihood it’s me.”

Roman wanted to say “yes”, but he would be hypocritical. He was going through a series of similar questions.

Shrugging his shoulders, Jeremiah says, “I didn’t even know if you liked guys or anything. I wasn’t going to blow up your world like that, especially if you wanted it to be her.”

He appears so serious which is strange for his limited knowledge of Jeremiah. There’s this deep want to see him smile again.

“Well I’m bi. So I do like guys.” It was never a secret among his friends, but it still feels vulnerable to reveal it to someone he didn’t know that well.

“Did you?” Jeremiah asks abruptly. Roman ponders on the question, his brain taking longer to catch up. He hopes that isn’t permanent because his brain is kinda the only thing going for him.

“Did I what?”

“Want it to be her?”

Roman pauses. He doesn’t even do it to be mean. Looking within himself, did he get this same internal feeling that he feels for Jeremiah for Lou? That feeling of belonging?

The answer is clear to him.

“No. But I meant what I said. That I’m not the biggest believer of soulmates and their longevity.”

“Do you still think that? Having met yours. Having met me.”

“I don’t know. My beliefs don’t just go out the window, but I do know that I’m scared.”

“Are you scared of us not working out?”

“That and what if we do. I didn’t see a healthy relationship growing up. How do I know that I won’t mess it up? I don’t want you to grow to resent me or stay with me just because we’re soulmates.” There it is. His biggest fear, right in the open for anyone to hear.

Jeremiah has a lot more courage than him. He gently takes one of Roman’s hand, his grip loose enough if Roman wanted to pull away. He doesn’t.

There’s that feeling again. Belonging.

“The fact that you’re worrying about it means you care. That you won’t be like your parents,” Jeremiah reassures him.

Roman tightens his grasp on his hand, staring right into Jeremiah’s eyes, ones that show so much sincerity, it makes him almost forget his words. “I want to try. You make me want to try.”

His smile is radiant. If Roman was dramatic, he would say that Jeremiah is the sun to his moon. But he’s not dramatic.

(Though he might say it anyway.)

In this whirlwind of a day, Jeremiah has been brave. It’s his turn.

With his other hand, he cups his soulmate’s face and surges forward to kiss him.

Everything made sense and nothing did all at once. Roman can’t believe he ever avoided this feeling. Understanding, belonging, and affection all connected in one kiss.

He also felt the flow of his powers. He almost forgot about that part.

“Eww! Miah, can you go back to pushing me on the swing?” Este recoils, standing right beside them, having left the swings.

Jeremiah laughs, a sound Roman hopes to keep hearing.

“Of course Este.”

Jeremiah reaches down, and Roman realizes that different colored roses sprouted around them.

He picks up a pink one and hands it to Roman.

“To a new beginning.”

A boy, Who wanted to be someone, Wanted to be noticed. His parents were always away, Leaving him with no one, Leaving him alone, Parents, Haven’t you realised, If you leave a child alone, They will find someone else.

A girl, Who wanted to be loved, Wanted to be held, Her parents were always there, Always trying to talk, Parents, Haven’t you realised, If you refuse to leave your child alone, They will find someone else.

A room, Who sees it all, All the arguments, All the make ups, All the masks. A room, Who watches, As this boy, And this girl, Find each other, A relationship that can end only, In disaster.

Parents, Haven’t you realised, Children are very fragile. And if you don’t love them, They will find someone else.

A boy A girl A room

You’d think that maybe this would mean something deep. Or something happy. Or maybe something dirty. Maybe something depressing, like a death or a breakup. Perhaps something beautiful.

But no. It didn’t mean anything Not to him. Not to her. Not to the room. It was nothing. Just a passing through. Suddenly the room was empty, just as the two walked past each other. But that was it. Nothing else

It is the worst day of Roman’s entire school career.

The first day of high school.

He’s dreaded this day the whole summer. While some people are buzzing with excitement to finally be the upperclassmen, he is here dragging his feet.

Not because he’s nervous. No. He’s far from anxiety. It’s the people.

There is only really like three people he can stand from school: Bell and Cross (practically one unit) and Marta.

Marta is just super cool. They don’t give a crap about what people think. When they use their speedster powers, they don’t have an ego about it. Instead being very transparent about the lack of control. It is refreshing.

Bell and Cross don’t have soulmates but are completely in love with each other. He can see it. Everyone else can see it. They do not. Yet.

Soulmates are a weird concept to him. He wasn’t even sure if he believed in soulmates until Bell and Cross. Somehow, even without destiny assigning them partners, they found each other. That’s true love.

With his parents’ divorce, he knows he is a bit jaded from that. They were soulmates but somehow couldn’t get along. Hence the divorce. How did the world just decide they should be together, and yet people who clearly should be, Bell and Cross, aren’t?

Passing a mini battle of fire and water, he rolls his eyes. People love flaunting their powers. His weren’t something that could be admired which he was glad of.

He likes to think of himself like a mosquito but a good one. One that sucks pain and painful emotions away.

As he walks towards the crowded building lost in his thoughts, a couple people bump into him, trying to get a look at the pointless fight going on in the school yard. All he sees is a flash of brown hair before he stumbles a bit, and he drops his notebooks.

Of freaking course.

His notebooks scatter with people just kicking them further form his reach.

He manages to collect all of them until he realizes his green notebook, the one where he writes down all his negative feelings in, is missing.

“Here.”

Spinning around, he is face to face with a girl. He’s never seen her before, and he’s sure of that. The shiny blonde hair and blue eyes would stick in anyone’s mind.

She’s holding out his journal.

“Thanks for the save.” He gratefully takes it back, and the relief is instant with it back in his grasp.

“No problem. My name’s Lucille, but I go by Lou,” she introduces, sticking out her hand.

Shaking it, he introduces himself, “Roman. Nice to know that not everyone are jerks.”

She laughs. “A lot of people are. That’s why I like animals better.” She winks and walks away.

Roman is stunned. There is something about Lou that is different.

“Roman!” He turns to see Cross (and of course Bell) approaching him. “Did you see that fight between Bobbi and Jonah?”

“No, I hardly pay any attention to anyone anymore.”

“Well a new kid stopped them. Without using any powers, he mopped the floor with both of them,” Bell explained.

She shuddered. Huge displays of powers scared her at times with absolutely no defense. When he glabced at it, the fight was pretty intense. Roman reached around Cross and presses his hand into her arm.

Expecting to feel her fear, he waits….but it never comes.

He doesn’t feel her fear. Not the flow of his powers at all.

“Roman? What’s wrong?” She asks.

“My powers. They’re gone,” he manages. He feels out of breathe just admitting that out loud. Usually, he can control his emotions well. Heck, he deals with others’ emotions. His shouldn’t affect him this much.

“It must be your soulmate,” Cross suggests. “Who did you have contact with?”

Going back in time, he knows that he had his abilities this morning. He absorbed his mom’s trepidation over a work presentation. Oh, maybe that’s why he was dreading today.

There wasn’t any physical contact until he got to school.

The new girl. Lou.

They shook hands.

“I’ve got to go,” he rushes away. He knows that they are probably worried. Finding your soulmate is a big deal. It gets around quickly, so even though he trusts them, anyone could overhear.

Good thing he hasn’t seen Amelie. Her telepathy would pick up on his racing thoughts instantly. He doesn’t need her to know.

He flings the door to the bathroom open, not caring that it slams into the wall as he throws himself to the single solitary sink.

He has a soulmate.

His emotions are mixed. Some part of him never wanted to meet his soulmate. With his parents, he never wanted what they have.

But at the same time, there is a small piece of happiness. It is comforting to know someone is out there for you.

“I don’t mean to interrupt, but can I use the sink?”

Being so wrapped up in his own mind, he must have not heard the door open.

In the mirror, Roman lays eyes on probably the brightest person he’s ever seen. The boy has brown hair that has great wave to it and forest green eyes. But it is his smile that seemingly brightens the room. There is something familiar about him.

“Yeah, sorry,” he finally responds.

Moving out of the way, the boy shove his hands under the faucet and turns the water on. His hands have crimson blood on them, coloring the water pink.

“I stopped a fight outside. I didn’t hurt anyone.”

When Roman’s eyebrow raise, his gaze shifting to the blood, he corrects himself. “Well I didn’t intend to hurt anyone.”

“Why not use your powers?”

“Mine have been acting up. Trust me it would have been easier if I could,” there seems to be skme hesitation in confessing that part.

“Did you see the fight? Was that what you were so focused on?” The look on his face could only be described as a puppy. It’s cute how concerned he is about an opinion of someone he just met.

“No. I met my soulmate, and I’m not sure how to feel about it.”

“Something tells me you aren’t overjoyed by it,” the boy observes. He can’t tell if he is just being obvious or the boy is perceptive.

“I don’t have the best connotation with soulmates with my parents. I just don’t know how to feel and then how to tell her.”

The boy shrugs. “Maybe just start with that. Soulmates should be a choice on both sides. She might not even know it’s you or someone else.”

Roman hadn’t thought of that. He’s right. He needs to find her and tell her as soon as possible.

“Thanks…..” It only him now that he doesn’t know his name.

“Jeremiah.”

“Roman.”

OoOoO

It is lunch, and Lou is within his eyeline.

As he works up the courage, she crouches down. A stray cat strolls right up to her. It meows and Lou appears to listen. She speaks and the cat meows back. It is like a conversation.

He is brought back to their first conversation. “That’s why I like animals better,” her words echo in his mind.

No, it is a conversation. His brain feels like it was hit by a truck. This means she still has her powers.

She isn’t his soulmate.

Fuck.

Everything is messed up. He was messed up.

If she’s not his soulmate, who is?

He glances at his lunch table where his friends are. Bell, Cross, and Marta are chatting. They appear to gesture to someone.

Jeremiah.

Then the epiphany hits him. If it was like a truck before, a whole entire army fleet slam into his brain.

The flash of brown hair that bumped into him before he met Lou matches Jeremiah’s hair color. Bell told him that the new kid didn’t use his powers to stop the fight. He told him that his powers were acting up.

Jeremiah is his soulmate.

And he divulged to his soulmate about his worries about having a soulmate but talking about a misinterpreted female soulmate.

Double fuck.

——— (This is dedicated to Pidge! They created both Roman and Jeremiah! This is my first story centered entirely around characters that other writers have made for me! I’m working on stories centered just around Amelie and Lou!)