You know those days where you can either laugh or cry? When you can say the most messed up things with a grin on your face? When you can shatter from the slightest problem?

Yeah. Those days are fun, aren’t they?

It’s hilarious, really. On our break I was talking with my friend about how we’re all depressed, just some of us are aware of it and some of us are still oblivious.

And then at lunch, one of my first friends at a new school, one of the most friendly, caring, kind people I’ve ever spoken to, was saying how she wanted to fall asleep and never wake up. She thought everyone hated her. I had to spend about 15 minutes telling her all the times she’d literally saved my life.

And I’ve always been a little worried about another one of my friends. She’s genuinely a ball of sunshine, she’s the sweetest, most caring person. She brightens every room she walks into. But when she gets down, no one can save her. If I were as amazing as her, she’d never be sad. But she’s the only person I know who can make you _that_ happy when you want to be _that_ sad. And she’s the only one of my friends whom I’ve ever seen cry. And yet she’s saved me from tears _so_ many times in the past 2 years.

I have another friend who’s always there for me, always so friendly and supportive. She’s the exact kind of person you want with you. She’ll help you immediately when you text “Shoot - did we have homework today?” She’ll nod enthusiastically when you ask “Hey, can we be partners?” She’d sit down and want to help with everything if you said “Um, I’m not doing very well, can we talk?” But she always has these little offhand comments that I have to wonder about. And I’ve never heard anyone say sorry as much as her. I’ve never seen anyone be so focused on other people she forgets herself. I’ve never had a friend who radiates “I care!!” just by being in the same room as her.

And I worried about all 3 of them today. I pictured my life without each of them.

So it makes me wonder: how could I possibly compare to them? What do I have that they don’t? Is it just my environment that makes me decent? If I was a horrible person, would any of my friends even tell me, or would they just keep being to most kind, depressed people ever?

Why are the best people always depressed?