pounding my brain is pulsing it hurts your words flood in one ear out the other a drug that isn't addicting yet just as awful eyes droop heads sink “pick your heads up and pay attention” how can i when i’ve spent all night doing the work you assigned me the ink of my pen smeared with my sleepless nights and strangled breaths crushed by the weight of my backpack and you expect me to focus? the only sleep i get is against my textbook as a pillow waking up at 6 to make myself look presentable because otherwise i look sick i am, we’re not ok but if they see that then they won't be able to escape  what they're doing to us their denial hangs heavy in the air so thick i could swim in it yet at the same time i can see through that very thin veil where they’re hiding the truth

even in my dreams i see red marks on my essay B+ haunting the corner of the page like the ghosts i used to fear under my bed at night when did average become failure? boredom battles any will i had college is the only motivator study hard to get there  once a star but by then you’re burning out still you study harder to get a job working a 6-9 at a call center scraping by to start a family, hoping to give your kids the opportunity to live the life you wish you lived while you were too busy buried in your homework by the time you realize all that you missed, all that you could've done, your bones are cracked skin weathered and rather than smile lines against your lips there are creases from hours of crying under your eyes you’re just as tired as your youth

close your eyes to sleep and you may never wake up stuck in a nightmare cycle where you’re back in those wooden desks you worked so hard to escape you’re not writing with ink but with blood, waves of sick down you you scream but “you’re being dramatic” “you're just ‘lazy” It’s in your heard and when you finally open your tired eyes you’re greeted with a grating voice telling you school isn't about grades its about learning yet really all anyone ever sees is if your gpa is a 4.2 or 4.0

breathing blends with everyone else as you shove  your way down the halls to cramp your hands for an hour writing notes you’ll never use we don’t go outside we’re chained to these chairs and you have the audacity to laugh and complain about teaching  2 periods back to back i learn 6 periods back to back every day

gray walls and tiled floors this place is a prison disguised as a school our orange jumpsuits in the form of navy polos and too short skirts you talk and talk and talk at me try talking to me for a school so focused on well being, you sure as hell don’t care about mine as long as i don’t cry its fine you’re still able to deny keep up with your lies and it might work with my parents but you and i both know your words go in one ear and out the other

Forged in fire forged in stone, Ground to dust just like my bones. My blood from rubies flowing fresh, A thousand stars make up my flesh. My eyes are from the darkening sky, My soul, a thousand thorns entwined. A great typhoon created my mind. My nails are made from dusty coal, And obsidian black takes up my soul. Tortured artists drew my face, And powerful men put me in my place. I’m made of ashes, made of rust, And one day I’ll turn back to dust.

The man arrived in a shining and beautiful sky dimension, the inhabitants of the place began to make fun of his horns and skeletal wings. He tried to politely ask them to stop, but they wouldn’t stop. Finally, he forcefully and aggressively said, “I never belonged here anyway.”

Looking back, I am surprised that nobody thought of me as a freak. They should have. I looked different than Elliott and all his friends. My hands were deformed. My head was too big. I was chubby. But they were so nice to me. They took me in as one of their own. They were my true friends.

Of course, they knew I was lost. And they knew that my parents would not have abandoned me in a strange place on purpose, so they helped me try to get home. They even figured that I should be able to phone home or something. But we could not figure out how to do it. At least for a long time.

But I finally got ahold of my folks and they picked me up, after Elliott, his friends, and I had some glorious adventures.

I miss Elliott and his friends on earth. But I console myself with my memories and the fact that I never belonged there anyway.

“I dreamed about a lion.”

I was sitting on the top bunk, my feet dangling from the side. The prison had been on lockdown for four days now. Tony, my cellie, was sitting at the small table bolted to the wall. He was flipping through an old magazine. Four days is a long time to be locked in a 6-by-8-foot cell.

“A lion? Are you crazy, man?” Tony jumped up, animated as always, rumbling on about how crazy my dreams could be. That was just Tony. A short, stout guy with an unstoppable mouth. He loved to talk, which meant most of the men—and even the guards—did their best to avoid being trapped in a conversation with him. Tony would say “hi” to someone, and they’d mutter something unintelligible just to keep him moving. But every now and then, he’d catch a new guy. We called new prisoners “fish” (I never knew why, and I didn’t ask). Tony would talk their ears off until they called yard close.

“I wasn’t scared,” I said, cutting through Tony’s rambling.

He froze, giving me a quizzical look.

“The lion was pacing back and forth in front of me,” I rushed on, trying to get it out before Tony interrupted. “I felt like I was being protected—”

“What?” Tony couldn’t help himself. “Man, that lion was gonna tear you up!”

And just like that, Tony was off again, his voice filling the cell. His words sounded distant to me, though.

Because the truth was, I hadn’t been afraid of the lion. I could have reached out and touched its mane if I wanted to. It didn’t roar or do anything scary. It just paced in front of me, powerful and calm, like a mighty protector.

I didn’t say it out loud, but the first thought I had when I woke from that dream was: I never belonged here anyway.

I never speak. I never sigh. I never say anything, and no one asks why. But when I speak, it's as if I never made a sound. Not even a peep. As if my words were muffled, by a hand over my mouth. As if I were invisible to the human eye. A ghost that's yet to die. But when you made me known and you had the heart to show me, I became a glutton. I wanted to be out and not shut in. Every thing and person hearing me through the amp you became. Wanting to be by your side, because I believed I loved you. In your arms and in your embrace, your one and only, so I chased. I didn't know you were the amp, I thought it was just me. I thought by chance, it was in my head. Or the old me was finally dead. But she dragged her body by her bloody hands, nails digging into the ground of wherever I am. She follows me. In the night I cling to her. Sobbing out wet full tears, not believing in your words. All because of my fears. She road my mind to oblivion. Her quiet voices ringing though, like bells far out of sight. Clear and cold, full of terrorizing midnight. I did love you with all my heart, I wanted to stay here with you. Dream of a quiet life, with you as my light. But you were too good, you were too right. I knew in the future you'd leave, making me go quiet. Stealing my heart as if it was acquired. I knew as I laid to die, I never belonged with you, and I never belonged alive.

I never belonged here anyway.

Belong. Such a strong word. Whether you fit in with the puzzle, or just a swapped piece. Whether you are white sheep or a black sheep.

Whether you feel welcome.

I never belonged in my family. They are short, black hairand dark skinned, and I’m tall, red hair and light skinned, or aka, I’m adopted and their not. They pitied me when I was young, but now I’m “not worth working for.”

I have to earn everything, my ‘siblings’ are gifted whatever they want. I barely have any bed, my ‘siblings’ have two rooms each.

“Beth! Get your ass down here!” My ‘father’ bellows, bringing me to the present world.

“Coming!” I respond, trying to find a sweet tone to use. I run from my room to downstairs in the kitchen, where my ‘family’ sits at the dinner table, waiting for me to cook dinner.

“Took you long enough.” My ‘brother’ mutters. I try to ignore his comment, but I can’t hold it in anymore.

“You know what? I’m tired of being a servant for you ungrateful bitches! If you’re going to treat me like this, just abandon me! Leave me to be adopted to a better family instead of living in this shithole!” I snap, glaring at them with a burning fire in my eyes.

“Beth! How atrocious!” My ‘mother’ gasps, appalled. I decide to stride past her, and the rest of them towards the door. As I open it, I say one final last thing before I walk out forever.

“I never belonged here anyway.”

News traveled fast.

Nova would have thought the castle had more important matters to attend to but here she is. It just takes her presence in the training grounds for people to start whispering behind her back.

But if they had any guts, they would say it to her face.

It is really easy to say things when you think they can’t hear you. She would love to see their expressions in front of her with her trusty sword in her reach.

“Why would Ward be interested in a witch?” Faira, Nova’s own personally pain in her butt, says, questions fairly loudly.

“She’s not a witch,” her friend answers, attempting to talk softer. Faira doesn’t appear to care. At least she has more courage, Nova will give her that. Since she knows Faira wanted Nova to hear it.

There is a sort of comfort in knowing Faira says what she thinks. Even if it isn’t nice.

You know what you’re getting with her.

“Whatever. A witch accomplice. That’s basically just as bad,” she retorts, flipping her shiny blonde hair in Nova’s direction.

If she had less self control, she would swing her weapon and cut some of that hair. Just to see her reaction.

“He’s throwing away his high rank for what? Her?” Faira continues on, furthering her criticisms.

Like Nova said, nothing else to talk about.

It isn’t like Faira is a knight for the royal family or anything. If Nova rolls her eyes any more, they might get stuck in the back of her head.

With a firm walk up, she enters the training ring. It is a circle drawn on the ground, meant to be a boundary for when people are observing training.

Twirling her blade, she eyes everyone up. “Anyone want to say anything to me?”

She has their attention, but no one wants to confront her. “Go ahead. I’m all ears,” she says, gesturing to the otherwise empty circle.

No one steps up. They all have these uneasy tension in their body language.

It’s like when she and Haze first got here. Complete and utter distrust. It’s as if there has not been any progress with people’s perception of witches.

Each of them clutch their weapons, you know, just in case Nova attacks them. Which she wants to. Very much so. But Haze wouldn’t approve, so she won’t

Trying to meet any of their eyes, she goads them, “Unless you all are too cowardice? You shouldn’t be scared. All I am is a witch accomplice, right?”

At the use of her own words, Faira puts one foot in the ring, keeping her second still outside the boundary. Faira is the definition of defiance. Her gaze sharp and focused. Body tense, preparing for a battle.

She always had something against Nova. “Fine. No one will say it so I will. Ward has a reputation that he is putting at risk being with you.”

Nova has learned from a young age that she can’t rely on other people’s opinions. They are cruel and will never give you grace. Not when your sister’s a witch.

So while that isn’t nice to hear, she lets roll off her back.

Sheathing her blade and placing her hands on her hips, she stares back at Faira with equal distain. “Why is this relevant to training?” She questions.

Not one to back down, Faira steps fully into the circle. Now Now has every right to fight her. She’ll wait until Faira makes the first physical move. “Because you are distracting him,” Faira answers sharply.

There is the familiar sound of boots on the ground of the training space. It’s the crunch of the fine gravel that has Nova turning her head.

“Well I think I can decide that for myself,” Ward states, not appearing his usually sunny self at all. “Nova is not distracting me. In fact, she and Haze have opened my eyes to a new perspective that we all could learn from.”

“Of course you would say that.” You could practically hear the eye roll in Faira’s statement.

Ward’s eyes narrow.

Everyone’s head move back and forth between the three of them, probably wondering who would win.

Spoiler. None of them. Because this interaction is just painful.

“It is the truth,” Ward defends.

Nova likes how protective Ward is. He genuinely trusts and believes in her. That means more than he will ever know. But this is her battle.

Faira cross her arms, a knife hanging loosely from her one hand. “I can’t be trained by someone I don’t trust.”

“What would I hypothetically have to do to begin gaining your trust?” Because she doesn’t want or need Faira’s trust. At least personally. But she and Haze isn’t here for just her. They’re here for to clear the witch’s name which means people will need to have some kind of positive emotion.

She can’t add to the negatives.

“Probably nothing. But you could earn my respect through battle,” Faira offers. In an instant, Faira has her sword in one hand and the knife in the other, clearly goading her into a spar.

Her intention is clear.

Nova isn’t exactly sure if that’s a good idea though.

“You’ve seen me fight,” she reminds Faira.

Staying in her stance, she says, “Here’s the offer. You win, I’ll respect you. I win and you leave.”

Faira must have trained more or gotten more confidence because the last time they fought, Nova had the upper hand. Even though she was the one to land a cut, Nova would have won if it went on and if it was a real fight.

Ward already had arms firmly crossed and his head shaking. “Too harsh of terms, Faira.”

While he is expressing his discontent, he doesn’t dare step in the circle. It took some time for Nova to learn the rules here. It is an unspoken rule. You don’t interfere with two people in the circle unless special circumstances.

She’s not quite sure what those special circumstances are but perhaps someone getting mauled might be one of them.

“Fine, you step down from teaching us lessons like we don’t know what we’re doing,” Faira amends.

“Agreed,” Nova replies.

Ward just continues disagree but his pleas fall on deaf ears. He can’t do anything about it anyway.

Tapping on her arm, she moves one step over towards him, still inside the boundary. “You don’t have to do this,” he tells her.

“I think I do.”

If Faira respects her and therefore witches, the rest may follow, especially since she is such a staunch non-supporter.

This may be the way. Or at least Nova’s way.

Haze is the conversationalist, the one with a pep talk and rallying speech.

All Nova has is her fighting skills. Ways to survive.

And she intends to use them.

Just as Nova takes out her sword, both preparing for the fight, Ward interrupts them. “What are the conditions for a win?”

Nova and Faira both give him an unimpressed stare. “What? We need to have a set condition in which the battle can end.”

If this were a organic fight, one in the wild, there would be no condition for it to end.

Someone would get hurt or killed. That would be the end.

But Nova understands that that isn’t what it’s like here. Even if that isn’t very accurate.

“Until someone yields,” Nova says instead. He pales instantly.

Perhaps it’s because he knows them both. Though they are enemies, Nova and Faira, they both have a determined spirit and a fierce drive. Nova recognizes that.

But she’s been fighting all her life.

She won’t stop now.

OoOoO

Nova brings the knife closer to Faira’s neck, waiting for the surrending words. They never come. Peering down at her, Faira has a fire in her eyes, almost goading her to finish the fight.

Nova would never yield if she were in Faira’s position. Just as the castle knight is doing now. Keeping her lips shut.

But she isn’t in her place.

Stepping back from Faira, pushing her towards her fellow knights, Nova stands tall without a scratch on her. She’s proven her point. She doesn’t need to go further.

“I yield.”

Then she walks away.

While she can feel all of their judgemental eyes on her and hear their critical murmurs, she doesn’t let it affect her. She keeps her confident gait.

She can hear the hurried sounds of Ward following her.

Once he is by her side, he asks, “You ok?”

With his concerned eyes and and tight, half smile, all she wants to do is fall into his arms and go away from this place.

The others are still close. Close enough to see, and she will not let them see the effect they have on her.

Then they truly win.

Shrugging her shoulders, she lets a tired sigh escape.

She belongs with Haze. She belongs with Ward. Those two she knows for sure. Other than that?

“I never belonged here anyway.”

[Viewer Reading Discretion Advised]

(Due to Sexual Themes, Adult Language, Drug usage, Adult themes, Violence,and Trigger warning)

Nessa (Venessa Jones) 21

Lily (Lana Jones) 19

Cole (Collin Smith) 21

Zaz (Zavier Roberts) 20

Nicky ( Nicole Peterson) 22

Esme (Ethan Peterson) 18

Max (Markus Salomon) 23

Izzy (Isabella Salomon) 18

Harley (Quinzel Myers) 19

Chase (Chase Wetzel) 20

Chad (Chad Wetzel) 20

Madie (Madaline Rodriguez) 19

Kar (Karsyn Rodriguez) 17

Ships -

Max / Lily -

Cole / Nicky -

Zaz / Madie -

Esme / Harley -

Nessa / Izzy -

• Lily -

“Collin Smith! You naughty boy” Max laughed looking at the huge black and blue hicky growing on Nicky’s neck. “I sent you to get the girls and instead-“

“Ok we are all adults. Hush” Lily cut in smacking Max’s arm.

“Act like you never seen a lust tap before” Nicky added in with a giggle.

“Also the girls were sleeping” Cole cut in looking super guilty looking.

“Was that before or after?” Esme cut in stepping past them.

“Before” Everyone laughed at the answer.

“So did you smack it or?” Zaz called from the driver seat cupping his hand back at them.

“Gawd. That’s a huge hicky” Nessa called out stepping in from the hallway.

“So fun to make and have. You should try it sometime” Nicky looked from Nessa to her little minx as she rounded the corner.

“Don’t tempt me!” Nessa glared back at her bestie with a playful smile.

“I’m sure I won’t have too” She winked and sat into Cole’s lap.

“We need to get them some clothes and products” Max groaned, standing up and stretching.

“We don’t need much” Madie added in shyly.

“Nonsense. Don’t worry about it” Zaz said happily from the front seat.

“Makes it easy when your parents are both big shot lawyers and travel a lot.” Max said giving him the finger.

“Cuz surgeons and doctors make less” Zaz shot back without a missed second. “See I knew you were in the family business” He chuckled to himself but nobody joined in.

“So showers?” Max put his hand on Lilly’s shoulder and she giggled.

“Two each so we use less water” Nicky gave Cole a sly grin.

“I call Nessa!” Izzy giggled and Nessa turned to gawk at her. “What your always on me for wearing nothing. Now you’ll have to deal.”

Nicky and Cole giggled a bit, but Nessa glared at them.

“Well her sister will be with me so that’s fine” Max added in completely oblivious.

“I call Cole” Nicky said wiggling her butt in his lap.

“Didn’t see that coming” Zaz shouted from the driver seat.

“Kar and I will need some cloths” Madie added in.

“I think I have some sweats and hoodies you can fit.” Max added in, trying not to sound mean.

“Kar seems about my size. I could let her rummage” Esme added in.

“Ohhhh She’s got such cute stuff. You’ll love it” Harley added in. “I can shower with her. Or at least share it” She added in shyly.

Nicky was about to interject when Esme smiled at Harley. And Nessa started to laugh a bit.

“If your not opposed. I’m totally down” Esme giggled a bit.

“So that’s that. Let’s get them out of the way” Max clapped as if they were back in the lockerroom in highschool ready for the team to go back out on the field during halftime.

“So I seen a sign for a huge mall. We are stopping for some shopping” Zaz called out before everyone started to head off.

“Sounds like a plan. Madie I’ll grab you cloths and Esme can help Kar. Then y’all can go first if you want.” Max started, pointing towards the bunk slabs that had the boys stuff underneath.

“Someone should show em the bedroom too” Zaz added in.

“I can help” Esme said standing up from the table.

“I’ll come too” Harley added in, hoping up and following behind them.

“Looks like someone’s got a crush” Nicky teased, rubbing at Cole’s chin. “I think we need to get some hair here” She grinned and Max laughed loudly from the hallway.

“If only he could grow some” Max countered.

“Ohhh I’ll make sure he can” Nicky laughed. “More of what you did earlier. It will grow like a weed”

“On that note” Nessa shook her head and started after the girls, Izzy on her heels.

“It’s so nice that Izzy and Nessa aren’t at each others throats anymore” Lily said.

“Well in another aspect” Nicky laughed, then laughed harder at Lily’s confused glance.

• Madie -

Thankfully Max had a few pairs of gym clothes still from high school. So she ended up with two different color sweat suits. One grey and the other black. Kar on the other hand had grabbed two cute emo looking outfits from Esme. One a skirt and cami onsomble and the other a band hoodie and some yoga pants.

“I already enjoy Esme so much. I love her taste in clothes” Kar beamed, standing in front of the long stand up mirror in the bathroom. “I think you did good”

“Cuando se lo decimos?” [“When we tell them?”] Madie questioned looking back at her sister.

“I think we need to tell them asap. They are good people”Kar sat on the edge of the tub and just glanced at her sister. “They feel like we can trust them and they could help us”

“Ayudanos como?” [“Help us how?”] Madie said in Spanish again trying to get Kar to take the hint.

“Nobody is listening to our convo sis. Your being super paranoid. For no reason.” Kar sighed and slumped back against the camper wall. “Even if they did. What’s it matter?”

“We have trust people before and it got us in way worse situation’s….” Madie groaned, playing with her hair at the mirror. “Everyone starts out nice and peaceful…. Then it gets worse…”

“I’m telling you it won’t be like that here…. It won’t be like Aaron….. and his band of goons…” Kar hissed his name just thinking about how much had happened. “We are safe here”

“We will never be safe…” Madie said as a few tears started to run down her cheeks.

“I promise they will help us…. I can feel it” Kar said with a smile hugging her older sister. “And he’s taking us shopping”

“Correction. They are taking us shopping” Madie pulled away with a faint smile playing on her lips.

“We get to see people and not be stuck hostage…” Kar looked at her sister with excitment. “An American mall”

“This is better then being locked in that clubhouse. Being stashed in a cargo container, or being use and abused at the dinner” Madie huffed. “So for that I am thankful”

“So Zaz??” Kar started to turn the water on.

“What?” She gave her sister a side glance.

“He’s cute and has money”

“So doesn’t mean that makes him bf material. And Idt I’m even to worried about that stuff.” Madie grumbled.

• Esme -

Kar and Madie had just escaped to the bathroom. Leaving Nessa, Izzy, Harley, and Esme to continue picking out mall appropriate outfits. Izzy of course was already trying stuff on without concern for anyone else. Esme caught Nessa eyeing up the little minx.

“Those outfits Kar grabbed were so cute” Harley was taking off her top facing the other side wall. While Esme tried to focus back on her suitcase. Picking out just the right outfit.

“What’s everyone wearing?” Izzy questioned and Nessa’s eyes were now locked on her smiling form. “Bet you want a taste” She mouthed the words while spinning and shaking her butt.

“Thinking leggings and a band tee. Not into all that pretty frilly stuff. No offense Esme. It looks good on you” Harley felt as if she’d put her foot in her mouth so she turned to give her a smile.

“Comfy over super cute. I get it” Nessa grumbled, giving Izzy the finger as she laughed back.

“She’s still gonna look cute” Esme added in, not turning to look at Harley. “It’s not everyone’s style”

“Wow Harley” Izzy giggled. “Been hiding those melons on the shelf”

At Izzy’s words Harley realized her chest was on full display to the girls. So she quickly drew her arm across them, turning a bright shade of red.

“Thanks. Puberty was good to me. Minus the acne but with facials stuff I got that under control” She added in shyly.

“Facial stuff” Izzy giggled and collapsed onto the bed.

“Grow up!” Nessa groaned, tossing a pillow at her.

“I’m plenty of grown mama” Izzy teased.

“Don’t I know it” Nessa sighed.

“Seems like you feel much better” Esme said as she grabbed a dress out of her bag. It was a lavender purple with a bunch of bright green and yellow flowers blooming across it.

“Yeah. Nessa is really good at nursing people back to health” She winked at Nessa and stuck her tongue out.

“So mature” Nessa teased. “Had to be since someone got white girl wasted”

“Heard no complaints after” Izzy stuck her tongue out.

“Stick it out again and I’ll put it to work” As the words slipped out, Izzy giggled while everyone else stood silent. “You, I’ll put you to work. Cleaning”

Esme and Harley shared a look but just kept on gathering their cloths. Thankfully the dumb comment slipped past.

“We are all done” Madie opened the door, hair clinging to the towel wrapped on her head. Kar at her heels, but they quickly closed it looking at Harley. “Sorry hun I shoulda knocked”

“It’s ok. I have no problems with you all seeing what we all have” She tossed back on her clothes and gave Esme a quick wave. “Are you ready girl?”

“Guess sooooo” Esme yawned, grabbing her handful of clothes.

“We are next after yall” Izzy said dancing around to a video playing from her phone.

“Let’s go” Harley nearly dragged Esme out of the room.

Into the bathroom they went, Esme just being dragged along by Harley. As Harley stopped inside the bathroom Harley closed the door.

“Let’s get it. So we can get to the mall” Harley’s outburst made Esme giggle.

“Ohhh I can’t wait.” Esme started off pulling off her shirt as Harley stopped dead gawking at the scars Esme forgot to hide. “Oh crap I’m sorry”

Now Esme’s entire world collapsed a bit and Harley just smiled.

“So reduction or a whole boob job?” Harley asked curiously, while still seeming a hundred percent sincere.

“Can I just be honest?” Esme sat on the edge of the tube.

“We’re friends? Why wouldn’t you be honest?” Harley seemed confused and puzzled at her question.

“Cuz I’ve had a lot of people making fun of me or bullying me my entire life. So many I had to do online school the last two years.” Esme huffed. “I was born a boy”

“Bull. Your totally messing with me right now?” Harley still wasn’t believing her.

“Nope. Mom got my boobs done and some face stuff done…. If you wanna go I get it” Esme just looked at the floor, defeated and unsure of what else to say.

“Soooo wait. You still have a thingy?” Harley’s eyes went wide and a grin started to spread.

“Ohhh gawd. Yessss. Sadly” Esme shook her head. “If I show you can we be done with this?”

“Not like I wasn’t gonna see it anyway?” She teased. “We gotta shower duh.”

“Why is it that even my sisters friends used to do the same thing. Before I was more girly. All the time” Esme groaned, starting to get ready for her shower. “I’m going first now”

“Fine” Harley grumbled, watching as it bounced free of however she’d tucked it away. “Wow…”

“What?” Esme questioned.

“I was expecting a much smaller girl cock” Harley said it with a smile. “I’d be helicopterring it all about” Harley giggled.

“Soooo we good now?” Esme questioned.

“Yeah bestie. but im gonna beat you to the shower” Harley started to sprint towards the shower. “Also secrets safe with me. But its big, idk why you’d wanna just get rid of it”

“I just wanna feel like me. It doesn’t matter it’s big” Esme giggled as they nearly slammed into the wall together.

• Madie -

“Must be nice to be so confident” Madie groaned, running a wet brush through her hair.

“Girl! I don’t wanna hear it.” Izzy teased, dancing over to her. “Your thick as fuck, everywhere it’s wanted. Your gorgious sooooo I wanna hear none of it” Izzy was now full on dancing against Madie playfully like they were all friends in the club.

Nessa watched with a little bit of jelious feelings swimming around her like sharks to chum. Shaking her head a bit, she smiled. Trying to get rid of her thoughts.

“She’s on to something. Definitely killing it girl” Nessa added in happily joining into the little dance parade.

“The problem is the thick where it’s not supposed to be” Madie sighed, gripping at the chub that hung over the sweat pants strings. “The stretch marks, bloating, I feel so yucky”

“Did Esme and Harley already step into the bathroom?” Nicky questioned from the door.

“Yeah. They been giggling and carrying on since they got in there” Nessa groaned and then realized. “Oh shit. I totally forgot.”

“She doesn’t seemed to be to worried about it” Nicky shrugged.

“Doesn’t seem to be” Nessa answered.

“What’s the problem?” Kar asked and Izzy shared the same curious glance.

“Nothing, just sister stuff” Nessa and Nicky said in perfect unison and laughed.

“Also not to loose our train of thought. Stretch marks aren’t that serious honey.” Nicky started to pull up her shirt, revealing all the stripes that ran across her chest, ribs, and turning for back. “I weighed like threehundred and eighty pounds before college….. but I started to work out and stuff after a break up and never went back”

“Very true. But that doesn’t change the fact that none of our bodies in this room are identical and we all sexy as fuck” Izzy giggled still gyrating around. “If you feel the need to do something do it for you. But I don’t think Zaz has a problem at all”

“It wasn’t that I particularly wanted to lose it all. Just life choices and such. So I lost a lot” Nicky shrugged.

“Drugs, don’t do drugs kids” Nessa wiggled her finger like an old lady and covered her teeth with her lips like she had no teeth.

“Hey” Nicky slugged Nessa in the shoulder. “It was a hard time”

“Looks like your having a harder time now” Izzy giggled pointing at her neck. “I’d love for someone to claim me like that. Gawdddd. H…O…T….Hot!!”

“Yeah it was very spure of the moment…. But I enjoyed it”

“Oh shite! Did someone just agree to getting marked by a boy?” Nessa hurried across the room in a frenzied panick, stopping to check the back of her hand against Nicky’s forehead. “Are you sick?”

“Noooo. Hush.” Nicky pushed at Nessa, nearly tossing her onto the bed after she lost her balance.

“Girl pile!!” Izzy screamed. Leaping onto Nessa as everyone else giggled.

Landing with both arms pinning her to the bed, she did something nobody expected. Izzy quickly grabbed her chin and kissed Nessa so hard and lustful that she moaned into her mouth. Speechless everyone just froze, except Nicky.

“Get you girl Izzy!” She chanted as Nessa quickly pushed Izzy up and clamored across the bed fleeing.

“Why did you?”

“I’m sorry I got carried away” Izzy tried to reach across the bed but Nessa hissed.

“Nessa we don’t care….” Madie spoke first and put a hand on Izzy’s back.

“You can be you hun” Nicky added in but she could see the torment in her best friend.

“What if he’s mad? What if he thinks I did it on purpose to get back at him for Lily? Guys I can’t” Nessa looked around the room but Nicky kept coming closer.

“Max wont care…. He’s the only person besides you all that knows” Izzy sniffled and Nessa could see the tears ready to fall.

“I’m sorry” Nessa sighed and grabbed Izzy by her shoulders pulling her in for a hug. “I like you my little minx”

“That’s so cute” Zaz looked from the embrace over to Madie who was still fixing her hair.

“Doesn’t anyone knock?” Kar grumbled to nobody in particular, slipping past him in the door.

The rest of the showers went by quickly. Everyone just excited to be stopping at a mall for some time out of the bus. Max took up driving so Zaz could shower but they’d finially reached the huge mall.

“Colorado Mill’s outlet mall” Max read off as they pulled into the parking lot.

“I’m soo ready” Harley pipped up and Esme giggled a bit.

“Let’s go everyone!!” Max howled to the group starting out the doors.

Quickly crossing the parking lot a few interesting things set in. Max was holding Lily’s hand as if he’d never let it go. Nicky had wrapped her arm inside Cole’s. Harley and Esme with Kar at their heels were skipping like it was the yellow brick road. Nessa and Izzy where in very close proximity without touching. Zaz was still very much clinging to Madie’s hip.

“So where’s the first store you wanna go in?” Zaz questioned, watching everyone stepping into the main glass doors. Crowds of people around them in all direction’s.

“Tj max is fine. Macey’s maybe… idk” Madie shrugged a bit just reading off a couple of the signs she seen, her anxiety blooming to explosive proportions.

“We can go where every your heart desires” Zaz gave her a smile and a wink.

“I need to hit up Victorias Secret” Izzy cried out and everyone laughed, except Max who was just shaking his head.

“Not going there” Madie sighed under her breathe. “I’ll never belong there anyway”

“I would enjoy watching you strut around in some sexy lace outfits” Zaz laughed winking at her playfully.

“I’m sure you would” Madie shot back, starting off in the direction of TJ Max.

“Guess we are all breaking into groups” Max sighed as he watched Zaz step off after her. Kar and the other younger girls following. Yet Nicky, Cole, Izzy, and Nessa hadnt stopped looking at the list of stores.

We broke up on a tuesday last summer. The breeze started to feel cold, not warm. My bed was more attracting. The summer lasted too long, too hot, too sunny, too sweaty, and to much shaving to do. The clubs were sad since everyone had locked in for the one. My friend Angelina, also named the wine addictor would visit me throughout the long days. Not so much the cold ones since her car would freeze, but tried to. She carried a bouquet of some sort to me as a way to forcefully get in. She could also pick the lock, or unlock the door, or even enter the pin. She sometimes would, and when she would it would scare the holy spirits out of me. My apartment never had much of a feel to it. I moved to a cottage in Louisiana for some reason out of the blue and my broken heart. (DRAFT)