You’re the smartest kind of stupid No matter what you do, you’ll always be my cupid

It’s hard to believe that this happened suddenly With you here in front of me. Your eyes meet my eyes. Your nose meets my nose. Till our lips tango into a kiss. Tongues tangled into bliss.

How was I so lucky. That my love life did not turn out sucky. That you had become my true pair. I shall never wish for our despair. To forever hold you in my arms. As you’ve become my lucky charm.

“I like you.”

The room was quiet that I could hear the sound of my own breath, which was not good.

“Say something.”

I was anxious and I didn’t want to be trapped in my own thoughts for too long or else I would regret even saying anything in the first place. But instead I watched how he bit on his lips and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“I don’t know what you want from me.”

He responded coldly. Sighing as if it was hard for him to say. I knew I wasn’t going to have the same feelings reciprocated but I thought that maybe I could have closure on these feelings I’ve had since freshman year.

It’s a good thing it’s our last year as seniors. I couldn’t royally mess anything up because months from now we could be going to completely different programs.

“Maybe, I don’t know… I don’t feel the same way? Or a, thank you?”

“Thank you I guess.”

What a asshole.

I can’t believe that he couldn’t come up with anything. It made the getting over him process that much easier.

“Gee well, take care Ryan.”

I walked away and started walking towards my locker. The moment I turned the opposite direction lonely tears cascaded down my cheek but I wiped them before anyone would notice. I wasn’t sad, I was frustrated. It wasn’t what I was expecting but I also wasn’t expecting him to feel the same way.

I should have known he wouldn’t be able to give me any sort of emotionally intellectual answer.

That’s high school boys.

“Why did you do this?”

I looked at him as he looked down at the rugged floor biting down on his lips. He knew he was in the wrong and he wasn’t going to deny it. With the lipstick stain on the inside of the collar of his shirt, a shade I’ve never worn. He tried to rub off the lipstick stain from his neck but I caught on though the sheer beige colour of his shirt. He cheated on me. I asked again,

“Why did you do this?”

Thinking that the answer was going to be different he was owning up to his mistakes but at the same time he wasn’t. He refused to tell me to my face he was out with some other girl, but was lazy to hide the evidence. Did he want me to find out? Was he that bored of me? Did I not satisfy his raging hormones?

“Why did you do this?”

Mg voice becoming sharp as I grind my teeth. I could feel how my acrylic nails started digging into my skin but the pain wasn’t as nearly as painful as the aching feeling I held in my chest. I was betrayed and lied to, kept away from the truth, I just needed to clarify everything even if I already knew. “For Christ sake, tell me already…”

“Why did you do this.”

My voice cracked, becoming more muted and silent as I repeated the sentence again. He stood up from the couch and sighed.

“I’m not doing this.”

He walked away from me. And straight to the front door of our apartment. He didn’t care. He didn’t try. He knew I knew but didn’t satisfy me by telling me himself.

I was going to remain broken till I could clear it all in my head. No questions I was going to ask were going to be answered so I was left with a troubled heart and not a chance at peace of mind.

I just wanted to know…

Why did you do this.

Day 1, After taking the serum, my head has been dizzy, no signs of the black blood from the disease is extracting from my body. A colleague from H.C Labs constructed the serum as only a test for animals. I don’t have much time, so I gave it a shot. Who am I to say I’m not an animal, all humans are classified as mammals.

I made an small incision on my shoulder and it’s red. Not good if I want to stay alive. People have said the disease can start with an open cut. Then from there, it’ll travel the rest of my body, infecting it till my whole body bubbles, organs bursting to let out the black blood disease. I know me making another incision sounds stupid. But even if making further incisions is a risk of making the disease spread faster, I don’t have much time left, they say it takes three days… and I’m already more than done most of day one.

If I can gradually release the black blood from my system than maybe I have a chance to live.

Day 2, Nothings working! I’m losing my sanity and any hope I have is diminishing. I nearly broke my wooden work desk from the amount of times I slammed my hands, chairs, books and other objects at it. Nothing seems to work and serum has done nothing for me than make me feel hysterical for thinking it might actually work!

My blood is red. Black Blood Bastard. I made another incision on my other shoulder, nothing. At this rate, eat at me faster. This world is doomed anyways. Most of the population is dead. Frank won’t be so happy about this when he comes back.

Day 3, Honey, if you see this, continue to find a cure. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I got infected. I don’t want you to come home and see my lifeless body, or whatever remains is left of it… Don’t go in the garage, that’s where I will be. Tell Dave not to blame himself, he gave me a trial serum, of course it wasn’t going to work the first time around. There isn’t much left of this planet, but thank you for making it less shitty.

She’s not who she says she is.

She says she’s happy. She says with a smile on her face that everything is okay. She laughs at jokes, that aren’t even that funny to her. She comforts people, when she’s the one who is in need of comforting. She cries, when no one is around. She’s silent, when it comes to her emotions. She’s dreading, each waking moment. She moves on forward, hoping that helping others would help her. But it just hurts her more. She wishes someone could be the person who treats her the way she treats everyone else. She wishes that she didn’t have to ask out loud. She stay quiet and waits patiently. For someone to come and save her.

She’s not who she says she is.

( not a birthday party but simply remembering someone important birthday)

Caught up in my sadness, my stress, my list of things to do, it was 11pm on December the 16th and I looked to see a group chat message on Snapchat. Thinking nothing of it, I open it as break for myself.

E: GUYS IM ALMOST 19!! F: ONE MORE HOUR TILL YOU ARE LEGAL F: YOU CAN BUY WEED F: AND VAPE A: Ahh the perks of being Canadian

I read the chats and blinked twice. I almost forgot that it was my best friends birthday. I didn’t even have a message ready. But it was the fact, I didn’t even know what day it was. I’ve been lost with every day that’s passed for the last couple of months that I wasn’t keeping track of the days… just if it was a weekday I had school… and if it was a weekend I had work. But how could I, miss the person who has supported me the most, day of birth and telling her happy birthday.

In 10 minutes of less, I made a paragraph of a mini birthday card through text, that I figured would suit well enough considering when I think of her so many words pile together. I’m not even sure if the sentences made sense I just know I said what was from the heart with the lacking function of my head.

I could have been the worst best friend ever if I had forgotten her birthday. I was just wrapping her birthday/Christmas present how did I forget about the birthday part… With no surprise she loved my message and never found out that I hadn’t remembered what day it had been.

But now I do. And so does she. And if she knows that I know now, is all that matters.

I felt it. The tingle that tenderizes my lips, so fragile if touched. My husband went out to a work party to celebrate the Christmas holidays. I couldn’t come along. He said, “it’s just a company party”, no plus ones. He was always working, long hours and overtime. He was exhausted by the time he had gotten home that he would forget my good night kiss.

I couldn’t complain because I had no permeant job, he had to make enough so that we can earn enough to start a stable family. He hasn’t touched me since our honeymoon. He didn’t want to be tempted to create a child too early when we weren’t ready.

When he wasn’t ready. He had a beautiful home, a mortgage that was achievable long before we would retire. I saw this home as our forever home and I wanted to invest in it too.

I got a part-time job without him knowing. He was gone before I would leave for my shift. I worked as a dishwasher at a pizza place. I absolutely hated the work. But I thought about what I could add to our home with the money I made every hour.

This is for us.

I wanted to have 4 kids. It’s a lot to manage, but I already planned they would share rooms with the extra 2 guest rooms we had. I was sitting in my damp uniform as I watched T.V. I was too tired to change, no one was there to care.

For a little less than 6 years, I’ve stayed at the same job. I stuck it out because I was too old, or unqualified for others.

Over 150,000 I have saved for future furniture spending and child planning. I was proud to say I made money for my future. Although it could not compare to my husbands job.

I couldn’t complain about his absents. I knew him since we were in high school, young and in love, I know him better than he knows himself. We grew together, we learned together and stayed together even when he was studying hard in post secondary.

He likes to drink. So did I once, but I stopped thinking if he noticed, he would realize I’m preparing for him to bear a child with me.

I stared at a bottle of wine that was placed in the middle of the glass coffee table. The tingle in my lips becoming itchy. I start to scratch at my lip but the pins and needles that vibrated in my lip wouldn’t stop. So I scratched harder and harder, till my lip started to bleed.

It wasn’t me.

My phone pinged a chiming sound and that’s when my heart dropped. I picked up my phone. I looked at the message that was sent from my husband,

“I won’t be coming home tonight.”

I knew he didn’t love me anymore.

.

.

.

For a while, I suspected he hadn’t cared about our future as much as I did. Even with the constant reminders he’d tell me, “I’m working for us.”

Our marriage didn’t really have a honeymoon stage. He didn’t finish our night together, he pulled away and said goodnight. He wasn’t ready for our future. I wanted him to be.

But I can’t make him do what he does not want to do. On my birthday, I pleaded for him to call in. Instead, he ordered roses to the house with a card saying ‘I’m sorry, I love you, happy birthday -Hun’, not even a heart but I gave the benefit of a doubt that he was busy with work.

It was bound to end.

I always complained when he came home late, I’d scream at him for not kissing me goodnight. He was tired of hearing my nagging. I was tired of the same problems.

My body felt numb. My eyes were dry than having the moist liquid billowing in my eyes.

I walked into the kitchen with sluggish trots. I grabbed a glass and grasped in hand. Back to the living room, I held by the glass by the stem taking the bottle from the coffee table and filled my cup till the bowl was filled.

It’s over. I know it.

I stirred the glass and took a sip.

Trigger warning include… !Mentions of suicide!

Laying in the bed beside my husband, I watch how his eyes stayed shut. I looked at how he had a smile on his face as he was in his slumber. If only I could carry the same smile when I was awake. It was hard being awake. I sometime envied the sleeping corpse that rested underground.

I got up from my bed. I placed a letter I prepared the day before. A kiss on my husbands forehead was light enough to not wake him.

I got a warm rob and the sleek sharp object in hand. I headed towards our backyard that caused to many problems when renovating. I loved this backyard, I wanted to preserve the green grass, while he wanted to replace it with a shiny pool.

There was about half a yard of grass and I laid on it with my back against its soft length facing the sky. The object projected straight in the middle of my chest cavity.

I dig it in.

Goodnight.

In the dead of night, Not a single person in sight. The street lamps lit and the tree strands sit The breeze hits my face, a cold hug on my cheeks Steps tap from behind, I walk a bit faster, I’m on the grind Listen again, It follows me still, This ick sticks, it gives me chills. Right, right, right, right Still follows, Tap,tap,tap,tap The shadow did not fall for my trap It lingers, oh crap. The fear starts to settle in, I could feel the breathe on my skin. Too afraid to look behind. There was no where left to hide. I leave to find a busy street. With lots of people and food to eat. I see others and chasing cars. Not alone, like the stars. The joyous sounds of foot steps mixed with others. Nothing could happen if there is children out with their mothers? I look behind and my heart dropped. Until finally, the chill stopped.