Dear my friend  , my beloved family , my parents in special from whom everything I got and lost ....

You all know what? ... Maybe death isn't that much miserable idea , maybe it's not an endless way of suffering rather than it is it's end , lying down in an infinite peace where no one owns the desire to compete nor the courage to flee . The softness of the coffin , the warmth of the sand where your body touches , the smell of the wet soil soaked with water sprayed by your loved ones, that quiet and the beauty of absolute solitude , that loud silence you're dreaming about.  Death is the savior of those who lost their way , those who are stuck in the middle of nowhere , it's rewarding the life's enemies, taking their retaliation through becoming hidden untouchable bodies. They're finally invisible to the cruelty of living. Death is incomparable by life as long as it own one face.  It is the unshakable truth and the last judgment for those who spend their lives waiting....

Nonetheless;  my mother will miss me , although she'd never believed in the dreams of youthful souls as much as she believed in afterlife rewarding . Maybe it's the time to prove that she is right.  My dearest mother ... I finally found my destination that I used to call it "the unknown" . It's a little confined place where you finally become invisible buried with your illusions and a bunch of of dreams that are no longer available . But !! What about my father who had never believed in irreversible separation !! , he used to be my angelic side and my refuge , he believed in living and fighting from where I got the audacity of standing against the flow .

even though ....I trust him and I know he will find a way to overcome the pain of giving up his beliefs in something doesn't exist called "life".

A strong desire to be invisible….

An unresisted desire to be discovered..

With a clumsy steps, entering her room eagerly. Rushing back to her comfy chaos and peace.

Undressing her fancy clothes, removing the mask of fake sociality. Wiping her mesmeric face, getting rid of the beauty traces .

Returned to her authentic lineaments which are full of whilting eminently. In a blink of an eye, she is hitted by a cold breeze invading her confined space.

A bright light flickered through a large hole in a wall transiently. Her eyes narrowed, her face shrivelled with a wimp legs headed off to end such unease .

It was the first time since a long, her window was opened and it’s curtain swinging gently. She turned back thereafter to see a mirror that facing the porch where the breeze sneaks.

Either a queer smile or a weary moan , she looked surprisingly. But with all of this,she noticed a glimpse of shadow.

Staring at her, waving a hello and giggling loudly. I triumphed again , I’m here now, she heard a voice.

At first she freaked out then recognised calmly. That familiar voice won’t panic her and the fear thus ceased.

For someone addicted to desperation, the strongest emotion has ever known utterly. You ! who is delighted by your loneliness and glorifying the solitude.

Do not fool me , you’re craving for a company I know you hence! You don’t have a desire nor a strength to live as well as you are afraid of death terribly. The society is fatal and the solitude is impractical thus stuck in between only make sense.

Yeah lady you did well by closing the window though … A door’s knocking aroused her straying and their conversation didn’t end……….

It was a little nameless feeling happened long away .. So far this still occupying me.

It was the stillness of his voice that echoed in my head louder than his acts did..

Yeah he was simply complicated how he looks , What is attracted me for the first glance…

Soft words , deep sense of humour , sarcastic thoughts that are all faded out to a wistful stray… Maybe he was hurt , or the tranquility didn’t know his way.. Or did not get a hand to teach him how to dance … Like a lost boat with torn sails resisting the unruly waves, scary like deserted lands after the wars..

I admit I’m enchanted by his distraction , His persistence sense of imperfection , Yeah , Weird but sweet imagination , As a Prolonged missing remuneration , Limerence was my only chance…

So I’m mightily hoping we will meet again , In a better place , in another life where we will have a choice to make a cloud and drawing a sun So that rainbows will be born ….

This nameless feeling was so real and uncountable so giving it a name ruin it’s purity 💚.

Hey random thoughts I’m asking you to leave my messy mind…

It’s been a while for seeing the peace ..

Keep going , oh no Quit , it’s alright to fail , oh no work hard …

Now I’m quite dazed and confused….

Did you mind if we have a deal?, you help me settle then choose a direction while I’ll set you free escaping the crowd….

Hey messy mind , didn’t mean to be objector but leaving you is something sad…..

We’re not the victims in this chaos , please look deep inside you then look around….

Someone you lost , unreachable dreams , your ups and downs , untold emotions , all these accused you should condemn…

Perhaps you’re right it’s not your fault neither mine….

I’m now in the middle of massive war ..

Which side should I stand ? My Tenuous heart or prudent mind…

What is worse than this chaos ? Is it curse or blessing to be alive among merely existing world ?

That’s frustrating feeling of being ordinary , devoid of passion , unicolour face , stuttering words…

We both certain that if there is no pain no gain so as this agony inside the dying head …

Dear chaotic mind .. Once you’d been chosen between them you ought to know it’s a losing battle you’re running behind..

Feeling of emptiness with loss of desire to live. Who would pave the ways to my childish heart Which didn’t learn to walk alone but holding your hands…. You taught me how to draw hopes , to cross the obstacles , to face the fear , to have the audacity of running in darkness and raise a sword to fight a bear !!! Could you imagine all that disappeared !!

I lost my faith in tomorrow’s dreams, I won’t persuade…. I’m bleeding silently, I’m screaming while no one heard..

Hold your gun and shoot , end this endless sorrow, let this bullet reach to the deepest vein ..

Tell me I’m dead and all this torture’s longing to to you will be paid .. Tell me God I’m begging you ,, there will be a gathering at the afterlife , is that true? ! Is there a heaven for Rendezvous with the beloved? Or even in hell but with them utterly colder so I need to be answered.. Death is a punishment or a fate ? Guide me please I lost my ways , I’m stuck in bed … my arms are tied , my tears are dried… The night is dim , the stars are left , the moonlight fade … If this last forever without you then I prefer to be dead……..