I am writing a book. I need to know if this beginning chapter is hooking. It is only the draft and I haven’t finished it, but there is no point to keep writing if it isn’t hooking. So please let me know if it is hooking and good, or if there is anything you think I could do to make it better.
Lets see if we can make it one day without fighting. “What did you do!” My my Mom screams from downstairs. I look at the clock, a new record. Thirty three minutes and twelve seconds with out fighting!
I head down the stairs to see what happened this time. A giant puddle of lemonade is stretching across the kitchen floor going into the carpets under the kitchen table.Standing in the middle of the puddle is my Mom and my Grandpa.
“Why did you do that Dad!” My mom screams infuriated with my Grandpa.
“That wasn’t my fault, that was your fault! You walked right into me!” My grandpa argues back at my mom.
As they argued back and forth over who spilled the lemonade I headed for the paper towel on the kitchen counter. I pear around the edge and see my dad in his office plugging his ears trying to ignore my mom and grandpa arguing.
I grab the roll of paper towel and trudge for the puddle. I bend down on my knees and start wiping up the mess. It is a sticky yellow mess. The carpet might be ruined.
“ I’m done talking to you!” Harshly screams my mom. I look up and then she pushes my grandpa. She storms off for her bedroom. My grandpa is fighting to say up but finally falls with a thud.
“Gramps!” I quickly scurry to my feet.” Are you okay?” I look down at him, I could tell he was in pain. I reach my hand out.
“I’m okay.” Gramps grunts. He grabs my hand and I pull up with all my might. “I’m just gonna go sit down for a few.” He takes a step and howls in pain. I grab a chair from the kitchen table and gramps sits in it.
He make a grimacing face. “Let me grab you some ice.” I dash for the refrigerator and open up the left door and grab a hot pink icepack from the shelf. I hand gramps the icepack.
I sprint towards my dads office. He looks stressed, he is tugging on his hair. “ Dad, I think gramps is hurt.” He looks at me with a concerned look.
“Whats wrong?” He says as he glances at his computer.
“Mom pushed gramps and he fell hard onto the floor.” He looks up with a scared look and jumps up off his chair and nudges me to the side and quickly walks out the door.
“Harold are you okay?”, my dad looks to gramps, “ Emerson keep a eye on gramps.” I nod with agreement and stand next to gramps. My dad charges for my parents bedroom.
There is still a giant lemonade diaster laying on the kitchen floor. “ Gramps do you need anything?” He shakes his head no. I start cleaning up the spill with the paper towels.
My dad barges into the room and yells, “What is wrong with you? You pushed your own dad over and hurt him!” It falls silent between the four of us. Then you can hear faint crying from my parents bedroom.
This is all I have so far, please let me know what you think of it.
I was out this morning walking my dog and there was a whole bunch of cars parked outside my neighbor’s house. I thought that was weird. They never have people over. Honestly, I’ve never seen them leave their house.
I continued walking my dog around the block. More and more cars were driving off towards my street. Something weird is going on.
Once I got back onto our street, there were even more cars parked at the outside of the house. There was even a news van parked outside. The reporter was for Fox News. He was standing in the front talking into the microphone.
I went into my house and turned the Fox News station on. On the screen, it displayed my neighbor’s yard without the house in it. The reporter was there talking about it.
The reporter said, “ The house mystery just disappeared this morning without a trace that it was ever here.” What are they talking about? I can look out my window and see the house.
I turned up the volume. “ It was here last night,” the reporter claimed, “ The neighbors called in saying the house just disappeared, why don’t we talk to some of the neighbors of this mystery.”
Then my next-door neighbor was on the screen talking about how the house disappeared, “ It was here last night. Not a signal sound came from this direction last night. I woke up, opened the blinds of my window and it was gone. It just disappeared into thin air without any trace that the house was even here.”
These people are crazy. I turned off the television and headed outside. I walked straight up to the news reporter and grabbed his microphone straight from his hand. “ You people are crazy and liars. I live in the house across the street and I see this house perfectly fine. I will even go in the house to prove it to you.”
I walked up to this giant house's front door. The thing is pretty old and beaten up, but it is still here. I knock on the door, and a voice from inside yells, “Come in.”
I open the door. There is the family that lives here. “ Hey guys, what is going on outside? They all say your house disappeared.” I say confused.
The lady said, “ There right, it did disappear. You are the only one in the whole world who can see it.” I was getting hot all of a sudden. I started getting creeped out.
“ What, what do, what do you mean?” I said scared.
All four of them at the exact same time got up. Looked at me with this creepy smile. Tilted their heads and all of them said in sync, “ There’s no escape!” Tilted their heads the other way and screamed, “There’s no escape!” They just kept repeating it over and over again.
I jumped up. Bolted for the door. It was locked. They just kept creeping closer and closer to me repeating, “ There’s no escape!”
I tried taking another step backward and then I fell into this endless black hole. Screaming the whole down without a trace.
Emmy stepped out onto the balcony of the stunning palace. It was decorated with gold and pink flowers. Her mother was in front, she is the Queen of Gardeville. Emmy is the princess.
The Queen was giving her morning speech to all the people of Gardeville. All the people of Gardeville gather every morning to listen to their Queen. Emmy was staring out. She was trying to see over the kingdom’s walls. The giant towering white walls, stretching out for miles.
Emmy has always wished to see the outside of the kingdom’s walls. It has been her dream ever since she was a little girl. She has heard that the outside is the most beautiful thing people have ever seen.
Ever since the beast killed her father when she was just a month old nobody has been allowed outside the kingdom’s walls. The Queen was just too scared to lose anyone else, she wanted to keep the people of Gardeville safe.
Emmy’s sixteenth birthday is tomorrow. Her only birthday wish is just to peek over the kingdom’s walls.
The Queen finished her speech and walked inside the Palace. Emmy followed closely behind him. “ Mom, the only thing I want tomorrow is just to peek over the walls”, Emmy asked regretfully.
The Queen wiped around and stared Emmy in the eyes, “ No, what is wrong with you? Haven’t you learned your lesson from your dad? You will never look, touch, or smell the outside of those walls.” The Queen yelled harshly.
Emmy looked down trying not to cry and she scurried for her room. She slammed her door shut and locked it. Sliding down the wooden door onto the cold wooden floor.
She sobbed into her arms. All she wants is to see the outside. The endless trees, the wildflowers, the majestic animals, and the tall beautiful mountains. She was gonna see them.
She leaped up off the floor wiping away the tears. She slid open the windows and looked out over all the people. It was overwhelming. She was a way up and she needed to get down.
She grabbed a green leafy vine that hung outside of her window. It had pretty violet flowers running along. She tugged on it, tied it along her waist, and took a leap of faith.
She slid down the wall gracefully and landed on her two feet without breaking a sweat. She started walking threw the crowd of people that were buying things in the kingdom’s shops.
People were waving and saying hello. She waved and smiled politely back, but she was on a mission. She skipped threw the open fields, threw the river, and up to the forbidden wall at the end of Gardeville kingdom.
She needed to get over that wall. There were more luxurious vines hanging from the wall, she tied one to her waist, did a little tug, and ascended up the wall.
When she had finally gotten up the wall she was in shock. There were no endless trees, wildflowers, majestic animals, and tall beautiful mountains. There were endless rows of dead trees, and bones of what was once an animal, the mountains were still there they just looked like they had seen better days. The grass was dead, fire and lava spread throughout the land.
Emmy hesitated for a moment but then leaped off. She slid down the wall. Landing with a crunch. The grass was so dead it crunched with every step.
She slowly turned around to see two red, glowing eyes staring at her threw the shadows of the dead forest. She screamed in fear. The beast lunged at her from out of the shadows.
The beast was a black furry creature who looked like it was gonna eat anyone in sight. It stood on its hind legs and ran for Emmy. Emmy tried climbing back up the wall but the vine snapped. She turned around to the beast's face lunging at her.
The queen sent her guards looking for Emmy all around the kingdom. There was no trace of her, all they knew was that she escaped out her window. Emmy was never to be seen or heard of again.
I knew today had a weird feeling, a feeling I can’t explain. Like a rock sitting in my stomach. I didn’t like the feeling at all. I felt as though something was gonna go wrong, but I never quite imagined something like this.
I get this feeling quite a lot, whenever I get the feeling it never ends well. Normally it’s like my dog escaped, I get a speeding ticket, or one of my family members broke a bone, nothing to bad but they’re not good things either. Today’s feeling was stronger than the other times though.
It was a normal Saturday morning, I woke up at eight a.m. Ate breakfast and had some coffee. The feeling was growing stronger. A loud beeping noise started coming from all the electronics in my house. I turned on the television and big red words saying, “Breaking News”, were flashing across the screen.
My stomach dropped, that’s why I had the feeling. The television went to a different slide that said, “ People who live in the following cities please evacuate”. My city was one of them.
I started to panic. What do I grab? Why does this always happen to me? Where is my husband? Why do we have to evacuate? My head was starting to spin.
I dashed for the phone. I couldn’t think, what’s my password again? I took a deep breath and put in my password, clicked on my husband’s phone number, and called him.
Two seconds went by and I started to worry, did something bad happen to him? He picked up. “ Why didn’t you pick up right away, I was starting to panic!” I screamed at my husband. I was overreacting a little.
“ Sorry, I’m fine. I’m coming home right now.” He said concerned. There is too much going on right now I don’t know what to do.
“ What do we do? What do I pack? When will you be home? Why do we have to evacuate? I’m stressing really bad.” I yelled. I wasn’t trying to be mean, I’m just overwhelmed.
“Sweetie, calm down. Everything is gonna be fine. A truck was carrying toxic chemicals and it crashed. They want people to evacuate until it is safe to come back. It shouldn’t be too long. Only pack the essentials.” He said very calmly.
That made me feel much better. I thought it was something where our house would get destroyed and everything that was in it. “ Okay, I’ll start packing. Bye honey, love you.”
I dashed upstairs and started grabbing clothes and blankets. Came back downstairs and packed some food. I also grabbed sleeping bags, cash, and some plastic water bottles.
My husband pulls into the driveway. He comes busting in the door. “ I packed everything, anything else we should grab before we go?” I questioned, showing him all the stuff I packed.
“ No, I think that will be fine. Worse case we have to go buy something. Lets get going.” He turned around and headed out the door. A wall of sadness washed over me. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to leave my home and all the things in it.
I grabbed the stuff I packed and headed out the door. Threw the stuff in the back of my husband’s red pickup truck and we hit the road.
We were both quiet and both seemed a little sad when my husband asked,” Where’s the dog?” We both looked at each other in shock. We left our dog at home!
It has been a long, cold, depressing couple of years. My hopes, dreams, and all I love all flew away in one day, but today is the day that all of that goes away with one call from a guard. I get to come home from jail.
I have had butterflies in my stomach all day. I get to have real food, sleep in my own bed, and see my family. It has been a long ten years, seeming like an eternity. My two daughters have grown up to be doing great things, my wife and I’s love will never be the same though.
Waiting is the hardest part yet of my long journey and now I’m waiting for the priceless moment of coming home.
I hear the sweet sound of victory coming from the officer, “ Time to come home, John.” I didn’t grab anything, I didn’t want anything from that place, it is only full of bad memories.
When I got to the receptionist's room, I was trying so hard not to cry, my eyes were getting teary. The beautiful sunshine was pouring in threw the windows. Once they handed me my stuff I stepped outside.
It was my first step of freedom. The smell of fresh air was amazing. The birds were singing in the trees. Everything was magnificent and beautiful. Everything was singing and dancing with me.
Everything was perfect in my eyes, nothing could ruin this moment. A heavyweight got lifted off my shoulder. Simply seeing a little fly buzz by made me overwhelmed and happy, it was a blessing.
I can’t wait until I get to hug my family for the first time in ten years. Everything got taken away from me, all the things I took for granted. Now everything is treasured and valuable to me.
I walk to the front of my petting zoo and await children and adults waiting to come in, I open the gates and nearly get trampled by a stampede of people, this happens almost every morning.
Children dashing for the horses and adults chasing after their kids. Everyone loves to play with the goats and snuggle with the donkey. My personal favorite is Harold the llama.
Everlyn’s Petting Zoo is well known in my small town. There is a vast number of animals, plenty of things to do, and endless fun. You could never run out of things to do.
People come from miles to come here. Many people come here a couple of times a week. Duke and Luke the goats are a lot of people’s favorites. They run around the petting zoo wherever they want to go.
In the back of Everlyn’s Petting Zoo is a special building, a secret place very few people know about. It is where people come for meat.
Ever since killing animals was illegal, nobody ate meat. So I decided to have a hamburger. I had it with a few people. They asked for more, told others, and then I started Everlyn’s Petting Zoo.
The animals that are in the petting zoo don’t ever get turned into food. They live a happy life in the petting zoo. The mean or the animals that are too weak to make it in the zoo get turned into food.
People go to the back of the petting zoo and ask for the special, I bring them inside of the secret little hut and give them their meat.
Nobody who is against animal killing has found out, and I hope it stays that way. I have been doing this for over ten years and nobody has found out. Everlyn’s Petting Zoo holds many secrets inside and is a fun place to come and visit. Now it is time to go feed Harold.
When you hear the sound of rain you probably think of gloomy skies, thunder, or pajamas, but I think of the beast under the umbrella.
Ever since I was a little girl I had loved to play outside even when it rained. I would splash in the muddy puddles, make friends with the slimy worms, and watch the light dance across the sky.
One day I was outside in the rain. My mother was sitting on our front porch rocking back and forth on the white wooden rocking chair. It was a falls day, just a few days before Halloween.
I was helping a green little frog cross the street. I named him Freddy. To me as a little girl, Freddy seemed lost. I was a hero helping Freddy find his way home and saving the day.
I had finally got Freddy across the street when I heard my mom scream, “Get in here now!” I turn around and there is a strange thing with a black umbrella and a black coat lurching towards me.
It wasn’t a man it was a monster. A pale green thing. With turquoise eyes and no pupils. The beast had no hair or eyebrows. His nose was missing, just a giant endless black hole in the middle of his face. He had a light grey mask from his mouth going down into his coat. With a turquoise butterfly happily sitting on his green wrinkled hand.
I ran for my life. I thought that thing was gonna eat me. The beast just stared into my soul as I darted for my mom. My mom dashed for the door, grabbed my arm, and yanked me inside. She then slammed the door and locked the door.
I dashed behind the couch. My mom scurried for the pots and pans in the kitchen ready to attack. There was banging from the front door. She waited with me behind the couch. We were both petrified to move.
I was crying in my mom’s arms she just kept whispering to me very calmly, “Everything is going to be okay.”
Ten minutes went by and the beast just continued, bang, bang, bang. My mom slowly crept towards the telephone to call the police. The second she picked up the phone the banging stopped.
My mom tiptoed towards the door with the pots and pans clenched in each hand ready to attack. She looked out the window and it was gone. Nowhere in sight, it disappeared into thin air.
When my dad got home from work, he didn't believe my mom or me, nobody did. I know what I saw it was a monster, a beast, a nightmare. Whatever we saw that day is a mystery that no one believes. I don’t even believe myself and I saw it.
Ever since that day, I have been scared to stick a finger out that door. I never played in the rain ever again. Getting the mail is like walking through a horror movie.
Twenty years later I am still scared to leave my mom's house. I always feel like someone is watching me. I wonder what happened to that thing or if it was just in our heads, but we never saw the beast under the umbrella ever again.
Wind blows and flows, The weather calls for a sweater, A breeze and I freeze.
In the Colorado breeze the window disagrees, I tug but it won’t budge, I sneeze and I wheeze but it won’t stop, I shiver and timber so cold.
The window won’t close so I froze, I turn on the heat and take a seat, I am now warm in my dorm.