“So, who’s going to die today?” I say out loud. It is early in the morning, the sun is out, the birds chirping, and they are roaming the ground. The roof building that I’m on is one of the few that hasn’t been invaded yet and I like to keep it that way.
“It’s way too early for you to be talking babe, go back to sleep.” My boyfriend half yells, half whispers to me. He’s inside our tent, getting all the sleep possible for the busy day ahead today.
I roll my eyes, looking back down at the view infornt of me. Guessing by how the sun is just now rising it could be five, maybe six in the morning but I have no clue. I gloss over the trashed roads around me trying to find Billy but he’s nowhere to be found. Unfortunately, I do see King walking around as if he owns the wrecked place. The window to stores nearby are shattered, cars are squished and the streets are filled with them.
“He’s right, you know. You should get some sleep, I have a plan on what we should do next today.” I jump form my spot on the ledge, clutching my heart and my mouth so I don’t attract attention. My eyes darted up to Blair, glaring at her. “You just scared the shit out of me,” I snapped. She snuck up behind me for the first time today, definitely won't be the last.
“Sorry,” she giggles. She looks down like I was doing earlier and frowns. “It’s getting worse and worse down there… who’s done for now?” We have placed bets on who will survive the week while we look for a new supply of food. My bet was for Billy but I can’t seem to find him. Blair was betting on Romeo while her best friend was rooting for Noa. Mark was betting on King. Everyone had chosen someone and named them so they could cheer for them.
“I can’t find Billy,” I whine to Blair. She laughs as we both hear a way too enthusiastic ‘YES’ from Mark. I laugh as well not just from Mark but at the pillow that was launched from Riley and Tristen hitting Blair in the back of her Knees making her fall to the ground.
“Shut up, can’t you see some of us are trying to sleep,” Tristens voice comes from his shared tent. I cover my mouth at the state Blair is in but apologize to the others as well.
“Hey everyone! Good morning, time to get up,” comes Brooks' voice from way back where the entrance to the roof is. I hear a loud groan from Tristen then some shuffling. You could hear Riley laughing about something. If I could guess it is probably about how Tristen didn’t get enough sleep, he might even get punched if he keeps that up. Brook is now closer and notices me and Blair at the ledge, smiling at what probably is less people to wake up.
“So who won?” Brook asks, they placed their bet on Viv. Signing about the outcome so far I answer, “King is winning, he’s the only one I see right now.”
The next words I hear are completely opposite. “FUCK YES!” “HELL NO!” The boys rush out of their tents, Tristen suddenly wide awake. “Why Charlie, Why” Tristen fake sobs as he joins me at the ledge. We all laugh at Tristen, ignoring how we all owe Mark something now.
“So who’s making breakfast?” Marks asks. We all glance at each other, deciding on who should take the fall. All of us come up with the same answer.
“Riley”
“Thanks guys”
The first thing I sense when I open the door to my new home for the next few years was the smell. It was the smell of someone who went on the longest run known to man kind, for fun and then proceeded to do one hundred pushups with the windows closed so the stink can be sucked up from the walls. Then do it all over again.
I plug my nose and kick the door open. Inside its a whole mess. Beside the two beds, two desks, two closets that are on opposite sides of the room so you can have your own space, there is clothes littered on every part of the floor. Just looking at it makes me dizzy, as if it will suck me in at any time.
I keep my feet planted at the entrence and let my eyes wander to the walls, there were posters up. I don’t really know much about sports but I definitely know that those are soccer, football and basketball posters above my roommates bed. Moving unto my side of the room my bed is left untouched.
Thank God.
I take a daring step forward, locking the door behind me. Staying clear of the clothes I don’t even dream of touching without a whole tank of disinfectant I move through the mounds of stink. I clumslying make it to my bed and collapse on it. I take a deep breath to let my mind settle.
Bad idea. I cough loudly, trying not to die from the bed smell. Opening the window is my next task. I do it swiftly since my life now depends on that. Talking a breath on the clean air was all I needed. I turn around, ready to clean all the shit up so I can live confotably.
I start with the clothes on the ground, thankfully I have gloves from the trash pick up from last week. I find a laundry basket that must be his since I haven’t put mine out yet. I stuff all his clothes in it while also taking a good look of the bathroom. It’s better then the actual room but still way to gross for my liking. I’ll have to wipe down all the counters.
I get back to work, cleaning up and unpacking my things. And during all that I debat to pull out my tape to put a line in between our things. But then the angel side of me convinces me to me him first instead of assuming by how he treats his room.
By the sky from outside it tells me that I have spent way to much time organizing my stuff and putting it in nicely, but I can’t help it. I look up to the clock I hung up and read out 6:35. When the fuck is this roommate going to show up?
I finish when I feel satisfied with how everything looks and by how the room smells. I jump into bed with my phone, I don’t even noticed how much time goes by when I feel my stomach grumble.
I should really get some dinner.
Getting up I head towards the bathroom. I check my reflection so to make sure I look somewhat presentable, I fix my hair a bit anfd throw my shoes on. I get my keys, phone, wallet and headphones. I unlock the door thinking not much of it but I really should have asked who my roommate is.
“Cayden?” I look up. Fuck, its Onyx. The only guy I couldn’t stand all through out high school. “The fuck are you doing here?” He asks as if it’s not the most obvious reason.
“I’m your roommate dumbass”
“I’m getting a new roommate”
“Not unless I get one first”
“I think I just met the happiest person in the world!” I yell across the park to my best friend Nikolai. In the distance I can tell he’s wearing his typical over sized grey hoodie and some random baggy jeans. While I was yelling I saw some parents look up at me with a face of disgust because of my loud voice, then trail to look at who I was yelling too. Nobody likes how load my voice gets, including moms and dads. They act so snobby as if they aren’t the ones yelling at their children for doing one thing wrong.
Nikolai does anything but catch my eye. He looks around and acts distracted by the ducks near the edge of the pond. Acting as if we never told each other’s what our deepest secrets are.
He shakes his head as he nears me. His hair swishing around. I would think it’s cute if I liked guys. With the trees and birds in the background, he could be a model.
“That can’t be a thing,” Nikolai says. He rolls his eyes until they catch a little boy running around with a little girl laughing as if their life depends on it and he shrugs. I sit down on the green grass, hooking my arm through the handle of my backpack so it wouldn’t be stolen. Only if someone dared to do it in broad daylight. Nikolai follows my example and takes out his lunch: peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I take out mine too while I talk.
“Of course it’s a thing, haven’t you seen your little sister?” I jab an accusatory finger to his chest and face forward. I watch a group of kids play on the structure and my eyes trail over all the fun things. I really want to play on that seesaw.
“She’s ten months old, how would we know that she’s happy. For all I know she could be a actress and is faking the whole thing. Ask me that agian in ten years. Maybe twenty,” Nikolai responds with a shy grin.
It’s my turn to roll my eyes but the smile playing on my lips gives me away. I bring my sandwich up and take a bite. The goey goodness of the jelly spread around the inside of my mouth but in a blink of a moment the peanut butter takes over.
“But I guess that’s possible…” his voice fades out at the end of his sentence and I can’t help but laugh at how he’s trying to keep the conversation going.
Nikolai gets axouis when it’s too quiet. If it’s one thing I learned from being his best friend is that he over thinks every little thing.
“Of course it’s possible!”
“Layla, people are staring,” Nikolai’s voice comes in a whisper.
“My bad.”
“You’re a dumbass.”
“But yet you still hang out with me,” I grin. Nikolai rolls his eyes again for what feel like the tenth time today but at least only half of them where to me.
“So…” he starts. I glance at him and see him moving onto his second sandwich, nibbling on the corners to look busy. His eyes focused on the ducks in front of us.
“Yeah?”
“What do you mean, you met the happiest person out there?’”
“Well, she looked pretty happy,” I say. “There was a girl laughing her ass off on a bench while talking on the phone. She looked like she was about to fall off the bench.
Nikolai nods to what I say, “That works.”
“Yup..”
We both lapse to a somewhat comfortable silence, finishing our lunch. Both of our eyes tracing the route of the ducks dunking their head under water to catch food.
Until I can’t stand it anymore. I pack my lunch. He watches me pack and does the same.
“C’mon,” I stand up and swing my backpack over my shoulder. “We’re going on the seesaw,” and I extend my hand out to pull Nikolai up.
“Is that what’s bringing you happiness at the moment?” His expression morphs into a sly grin as he talks, and I can’t help the smile that’s overtaking my face.
“Yes. Yes it is.”
“Let’s go,” he jumps up and bolts across the grass. “Last one there buys the other ice cream!” He yells.
The next words that come out of my mouth come out so fast that I think it was the competive side of me talking, “Bet!” The bubble of laughter that eruptes from inside me pushes me forward, even if I might lose.
I sprint off to catch up.
“James! What do you mean you’re gay?” A stuffed animal went flying across the room, hitting the wall with a thud. I hope it doesn’t leave a mark.
“Since when were you homophobic?” More throwing. I hear the swish of something landing in front of me. I pick up Mr. Bunny who was at my feet.
“Since when were you dating Mylo? James?” I turn to the voice. Spencer. Is he going to start shouting like Will? Behind him was Lexi, silently watching. Arms crossed. The only girl in our group.
Why is this happening now? When I was just getting into the routine of keeping it a secret. Why did my friends have to find out?
Why is my stuff getting thrown around?
When did my stuff start getting thrown around?
I try to tune out the shouting, the items flying around, the eyes. It’s hard. My room feels like it’s spinning, the baby blue walls collapsing the more I stay still. I feel my voice growing smaller. I hold on to Mr. Bunny. Tight.
“Hey James, you okay?” Spencer’s right next to me, his hand on my shoulder. My eyes make out his worried face and now I feel bad. I didn’t mean to trouble him. I didn’t think my emotions were being shown on my face.
I didn’t think Will was going to be this mad.
“Stop shouting!” Lexi finally speaks up. She lets her arms fall to her side and the room falls silent. Lexi has a beautiful way with words when she’s pissed off.
“You’re not letting them explain,” her voice is now measured but her eyes are darting around the room. Between me and Mylo. She’s trying to piece it all together.
It’s Will's turn to cross his arms. “Aren’t you upset that they hid this from us.” It’s true, we have hidden our relationship for a year now but that’s because of how homophonic all our families are. One mess up and me and Mylo would have to live in the streets. No one wants that.
He knows that.
So why is he acting like this?
“It’s pretty obvious why they hid it, William, it’s because you would react like this. You’re being a pretty shitty best friend to James right now,” she snaps. She looks more calm but the tone in her voice says otherwise. Lexi is sharp, I wonder what she pieced together.
Eyes are on me now. Will opens his mouth but nothing comes out. They're waiting for me to say something. Anything. I open my mouth but the words I want to say dissolve and my mind grows blank.
“Stop looking at me,” is what comes out of my mouth. Two. Four. Six. Eight eyes are on me. Way to many for my liking. My eyes move to stare at Mr. Bunny who’s in my hand.
“Why? Are you not going to say anything? James!? Were you never going to tell me? How long have you been going out with him? Why Mylo of all people? I thought you two didn’t get along that well,” Will’s now rambling. He does that when he’s anxious.
Will isn’t that homophobic, but he tends to avoid those types of people. People like me.
“Why aren’t you cussing me out?” I mumble. He hears it. They all do. His face morphs into confusion and his forehead wrinkles. Now everyone except him has disappeared from my sight.
He usually has a foul mouth, not that I mind.
“James why would-“ Mylo's voice starts.
“You want me to cuss you out?” Will’s now waking up at me, interrupting Andre. Right up in my face. He doesn’t call me names but him being like this is a punch to the gut. I stare right at him. I’m not afraid. Nope.
“You basically are William,” I say. He’s taller than me by a few inches. Will’s face is not pleased with the situation.
He has no right to look sad.
He takes a step back, maintaining eye contact, never breaking away. We stare at each other as if we’re talking with just our eyes. I usually know what he’s thinking but this time I have no idea.
He’s in the same situation. He’s trying to read me. It’s what he does. I let my face fall neutral.
We look at each other for what feels like years but probably just a few seconds. The clock on my wall is the only thing that makes a sound.
Thank God that my parents went out of town for the weekend or they would have overheard everything and then I would really be screwed.
From the corner of my eye the first person I see is Lexi watching us carefully. Spencer too, but he looks more confused than sacred.
Lastly, Mylo. His fingers are wrapped around his perfectly shaped arm. He’s nervous too. He wanted to tell the others over time, but they found out way too soon.
Will lets out a sigh. Defeated. His legs give out and he sits on the messy floor.
“Fine,”
Fine? Has he come to a conclusion with everything?
“Fine? What's fine William?” Mylo’s voice comes from next to me.
When did he move?
My legs feel like they're going to give out.
“Sorry I yelled,” he’s now embarrassed but he’s not letting it show. “ You should have prepared me that my Wide Receiver and best friend were dating,” he’s looking at me with an apologetic smile.
“How would I have known that you would go through his phone?” Mylo retorts back. At that moment my legs stop working and go numb. I fall on my bottom, my hands breaking my fall.
I’m exhausted. I let my head drop and release a breath I didn’t know I was holding.
Will said fine. He’s fine with me and Mylo dating. He might need time to adjust, they all would, but at least I don’t have to hide it anymore.
Who would have thought that one picture could cause so much commotion with my close friends.
What is a crush? I have never had one, nor do I want one.
I don’t even have time for love. I’m to busy with school and not making it a living hell. School is somthing that will always take up my time. School and my friend Zach.
Why?
Zach has always been my friend since I was little. We went through the thick and thin. But as we got older, he started to get more popular and I didn’t. Zach is the star student. He has everything. The looks that with just one glance girls are all over him. He’s athletic and the football captain. Hell, he even has brains and friends for days.
He really is admirable. He has so many perople around him so why is he always hanging around me?
Why does he look the happiest with me?
Why does he smile the brightest when he sees me?
Why does he call me his best friend when we’re literally the opposite from each other?
Why does he keep being friends with me when he had many times to get rid of me?
Why do we always meet at the same dumb park right after his practice?
Why do we always sit under the same tree from when we were kids and act as we are the best friends ever?
Why am I so insecure of our friendship?
Why is he always staring at me?
“Stop it,” I snap.
“Stop what?” his eyes turning to little slits when he smiles. And his teeth shine under the sun. It’s beautiful.
_Why is it beautiful?! _
“It’s creepy that your watching me eat,” I lift the cookie I was munching on up to my mouth. I don’t entirely look at him, focusing on the cookie.
“_I am wacthing _because your eating the cookies I made, I need to know if they’re good.” He crosses his arms and watches closely for my reaction. His eyes never leave my face.
They are good. But I don’t tell him that.
“They’re midiocore,” is what I end up saying.
He frowns.
“… is what I would say if you were my little brother. They taste pretty good. And not to surgery, just how I like sweets,”
The spark that lights up in his eye could brighten a whole room with how happy he looks. “Nice save Jacky,” he teases. I give him a smile.
“I made sure that there wasn’t much sugar. Since I remember that you apologized to my mom that you didn’t like the very surgery cake she made you once.”
He remembers that?
Zach’s mom made me a cake once. It was full on chocolate. Just one bite and I could taste the cavities I was going to have. I was eight and I learned I could not eat sugary things without gaging.
“Did’t think you would remember that Zach,” I say looking up at him. He’s wearing a white T with forest green cursive writing on it saying _Y.O.L.O. _His blonde hair falling right in front of his pretty blue eyes. The wind making his hair flail around but somehow it’s doesn’t look like a total mess.
He smiles fondly reaching his eyes, “finally, you look at me,” he mumbles with relief. His fingers wrapping around his wrist carefully, caressing his arm.
I wrinkle my forehead. What does that mean? Should I ask?
“ Of course I remember that, I remember anything that has to do with you.”
How, how does he say that with a straight face? I squash away what this feeling is. He always makes me feel this way
“Okay, well… can I keep the cookies?” I ask.
“Yeah, go for it. I’m going to play some music,” he slips out his phone from his pocket and presses a few buttons.
I take the cookies and zip up the bag. I pull up my backpack from the ground to my lap. With one swift move I open the big pokect and drop the bag in with some carfulness to not damage the home made goodies.
I only look up when the sound of a melody reaches my ears. What I see is Zach making himself comfortable to lay on the fresh grass. I follow too. I set my backpack next to me, looping my arm through one of the shoulder straps and lay down. I stare up at the colorful sky. It’s starting to get dark but still bright enough to go without a flash light. I hear some shuffling next to me and turn my head to the left.
Right before my eyes is Zach. He smiles big, and if his teeth could blind with how white they look I would be in the hospital. He looks perfect.
“Why are you always staring at me?” I ask. I think I could fall asleep here.
“Because you’re everything I could ask for,” I hear him mubble.
I pause. What did he just say?
“…what?”
“Because, you’re funny to look at,” he says louder. I’m 80% sure that was not what he first said.
“I’m funny to look at?” I don’t stare at him. I stare up.
“Yeah”
“What about you?”
“I’m not. I’m handsome, right?… right?”
“…maybe,” I yawn. I’m getting tired now. My eyes want to fall shut. My baby sister keeping me up in the middle of the night is not helping me right now.
“Wanna take a small nap? I’ll wake you up at six… forty five,” he glances at his watch to check the time.
“Let’s just stay here until I have to go home,” I end up saying. Zach stays quiet but doesn’t argue. I let my mind wander.
What did Zach mean?
I’m his ‘everything’?
What does that make me?
What does that make him?
What does that make him to me?
I can feel a wave of fatigue wash over me after staring at the clouds for a long time. I turn my head to face him. Zach’s eyes are closed and I notice his eyelashes are quite long. I reach out to touch his hair-
“You heard me? Earlier?” My eyes widen when I realize he’s awake. He’s staring right at me.
He’s done it so many times but why do I feel so nervous under his gaze all of a sudden?
“Heard what?” I ask, glancing away.
“You really want me to repeat what I said?”
“And if i do?” I muster up the courage to look right at him.
He laughs, his smile brightening. He’s so beautiful.
“You’re my everything Jack,”
Well shit. I got butterflies in my stomach.