Red like communion wine

I pour myself out to you

Over and over

I’ll drop to my knees

Beg for your forgiveness

Thank you for your resigned acknowledgement

And

Pray that you are still listening

_Are you listening?_

Take me to the gate

Tell me which side I’ll be going to

But say it to my face

If you will grant me one last mercy

Leaving me in the void in-between

It’s the cruelest purgatory

But it’...

I could look into your eyes for hours

Study the lack of feeling in them like I’ll be tested

And I’ll fail

Your smile lights up a room

Will the flames or the smoke take me first?

Will it be your cold silence or fiery snarl that does me in?

Although I’ve yet to meet either

The dream of both will keep me warm through the winter

I grasp every piece of you you have given me

Hold them until they brea...

You’re beautiful, do you know?

Your face turns toward the sun

It seems to greet you

You smile

And the earth smiles back

Is it out of love or fear?

I don’t think you will ever know

Adoration twists just as easily as anything

Heat bites at you with its sharp, sharp fangs

The sun’s smile becomes a snarl

Does your own smile falter?

Does the fear of the world stifle your beauty?

I think it is the so...

“It’s been a while.”

_“…”_

“Where have you been? I missed you.”

_“Not everything is for you to know.”_

__

__

“Maybe. Maybe this should have been.”

_“…”_

__

__

“Do you ever feel guilty?”

_“About what?”_

“…Nevermind.”

_“If you’re just here to berate me, then leave. Give a dying person peace.”_

__

__

“Are you?”

_“Am I what?”_

“Dying.”

_“It feels like I am.”_

“Oh.”

_“…”_

__

__

“What does i...

You’re silent, nowadays

But I see the question in your eyes:

Can we ever come back from this,

Will it ever feel alike?

They don’t know how it feels

To be half of a soul

To grow up with someone

Then be left with this gaping hole

I used to think I knew you

More than anyone

I cared for you when no one else would

I made you my sun

But your question still burns

And I’m the target of your ire

I woul...

We’re walking

I haven’t been alone with you for months

I miss you

I almost say it, but I feel it again—

The cold hand in my gut that reminds me we aren’t talking

So we don’t talk

I know I am dreaming

You don’t look me in the eyes like this when I’m awake

You don’t give me a chance when we’re awake

You don’t admit you did anything to hurt me when you’re awake

But you did

And what you did will hau...

You were the best thing that I never had

The hope for my future that lingers and lingers

I kept a white-knuckle grip on my ideal of you

As I wished the strength would slip out of my fingers

But your presence was truly intoxicating

The way your smile and laugh lit up every room

I still can’t tell if I was imagining it all

Caught up in a haze of my infatuation with you

Is it wrong to look back and...

I didn’t know how

To say what I wanted to

Without messing up

That was my excuse

To break off the eye contact

And say something else

I’d change the subject

The thing I wanted to say

Was far too scary

But I would still dream

Of a world where I was brave

And I had said it

You had smiled, not frowned

You said “me too,” not “why me?”

And I was happy

But when I woke up

I saw how you really felt

And...

I don’t remember waking up for the first time

With wide eyes eager to explore the new world

When I didn’t know why the sun rose every morning

But I played in it until I couldn’t anymore

And I was tucked into bed

The glow of the nightlight was all I needed to scare away the monsters

Until sleep took over

I remember waking up again

And realizing the world was a cruel place

And I wasn’t as kind or ...

The color of gemstones and bluebirds and skies

the color of me and both my parents’ eyes

A color found in the depth of oceans so deep

and the color of sadness and calmness and sleep

Blueberries and sapphires, morpho butterflies

the color of bluejays that fly through the skies

The color of that shirt I wore some time ago

the hue of the nightlight that once showed its glow

And the color of an al...