We both had a tough start to life. Both our mothers hated our fathers and both our fathers were always at work and never spent time with us. We both had a close relationship with our mothers but never really spent time with them outside of the house. So we took it upon ourselves to make a pact. This pact was made so that we were never apart. We were always together. We were beat friends. But not the typical best friends you’d see on the street hanging out. No we didn’t go to school because our parents couldn’t afford it. We couldn’t work because we were too young. We spent our childhood in the small cabin far in the woods about an hour away from our home.
We found it when we were exploring, to get away from our parents’ fight. It was a lovely little cabin. Very cosy and isolated. It was far away from the frightening world. When we hung out there we felt as if we were on a desert island that had nothing but the trees, the sky, the cabin and ourselves. It was peaceful.
We spent all day, everyday in that cabin. It was great. We had so much fun. The only way we could eat was to go out and find any type of animal, kill it and cook it over a fire. Our diet usually consisted of squirrels, birds, deers, insects and foxes. We were very intelligent when it came to hunting. He did the killing part and I cooked them. It wasn’t as bad as you may think. It was good enough to survive on.
During our days in this cabin, our bond only grew stronger. We knew everything we could possibly know about each other. There were no secrets. Well that’s what we thought.
Around the age of 17, having lived in the cabin for about 12 years, we both had one secret that we didn’t know about each other. We had both fallen for each other. But we were both too cautious to do anything about it.
A few months later, we were walking in the woods finding our breakfast and we both blurted it out. I guess we couldn’t keep it bottled up anymore.
After that day we wasted no time to be together. When we turned 20 we took an adventure to the city to start a life together. We both got jobs, I was a head chef and he was a builder. We got married a year later. We bought a beautiful apartment. At the age of 25 we had a child. She was beautiful and we called her Autumn. We named her after the season that we wrote on the wall in the cabin. It stated ‘We were in love here’.
I am human. What you did was unforgivable. You stabbed me in the back. But one of us needs to be the bigger person. That’s why I am removing that knife from my back. No one deserves to go through what I did. But I ended up with the better life. It changed me. I’m happier. Smarter. Braver. Stronger. Things you will never be. I’m not forgiving for you. I’m forgiving for me. To be able to move on with my life. I’m not saying what you did didn’t hurt me. Emotionally and physically. I am only human. But I am removing that knife in my back and throwing it away. That way it can’t hurt anyone else. I forgive you. But for my sake. Not yours.
I can’t bare to begin to think of what that would be like. You complete me. My best friend. My family. My other half. My lover. My soulmate. Without you I am nothing. Without you I am alone in this world. Without you I’m not living. It’s always been me and you against the world. When either one of us comes to our end the other will never be the same again. Don’t leave. Don’t go. Not without me. You are my life.
It was Mother’s Day. It’s supposed to be the day you and your mum express that special bond you share. This is not what was supposed to happen. It’s ruined everything. My mum. She’s gone. And now I’m left here with no where to go. And no one to go to. I’m stuck here. I’m trapped. But I know I’m not alone.
To My Teenage Self,
So you have a huge decision to make. It is going to be life changing no matter what you choose to do. I can only tell you now that whatever you choose you were right. There isn’t really much more that I can tell you but I am so proud of you, no teenager wants to be put in that situation and given ‘that’ decision. It’s hard I know. But I know whatever you choose you are going to be happy and that makes me happy.
You already know the pros and cons that come with it but I honestly think that you should ignore the cons and follow your heart but also using your head. Don’t be stupid and ignore both of them. No teenager I know would be doing what you are doing right now. Stop debating with yourself. Stop punishing yourself. Don’t feel bad that you got this opportunity and your friends and family are being forced to watch from the sidelines. I bet you that they are more proud than you think. But you can’t base your decision on your friends and family and their opinions. You do what you want.
Follow your heart and yours only. This is your decision. This is your life. This is your happiness.
How could he just leave like that? We had a pact. We were supposed to do this together. But little did I know it was all a lie. How could this happen? What happened?
Now putting aside all of that I still need to prepare my famous Christmas dinner for my whole family, who are all supposed to be here in the next two hours. If I am going to get this right I need to put all of my anger and hate aside and get cooking.
So I did... for the first ten minutes until the scene where he told me he couldn’t do this anymore and walked out on us. Oh and by us I mean his baby. I’m pregnant with his child and he just walked out on me. We were supposed to tell all my family together. What are they going to think when I tell them I’m pregnant and he just walked out. They’re going to think that the home is now too unstable for the child to grow up in and take the baby away from me. No. They can’t do that. They’re not going to do that. Besides my family who live hours away, this baby is the only family I have got now. I am NOT letting this baby go anywhere. It’s mine.
While all of these thoughts flooded my mind I lost all concentration of what I was doing. Is that smoke? I quickly turned around and the whole oven was on fire. How did I not notice this before? Oh my god. I let him get the better of me and now not only is there a massive fire but the dinner is ruined. Oh no what are my parents going to think. There will be no doubt that they will want to take my child away. But I’m now starting to believe them. How am I supposed to raise a child for what... 18 years, if I can’t even cook a Christmas dinner.
Oh I did it again I started rambling, and now the fire has spread from the oven to the whole of that side of my kitchen. So I quickly ran to the phone and dialled 911. I then hung up and waited for them to turn up. I sped over the my room and grabbed all of my important possessions. I made sure I left his stuff in there they can be burnt to ashes for all I care. That’s one way to erase someone from your life. Fire. Bolting down the stairs I ended up outside of the building. It looked absolutely... beautiful. Or was it just me.
A few minutes later, the police and fire department showed up. They ran straight into the building. Evacuating everyone that was clueless to what was happening and rescuing the ones that were trapped. All I managed to think about was why this all happened. If I’m being brutally honest I’m kind of happy that this happened. Goodbye!
I am writing to you to tell you that... well I’m not entirely sure yet but hopefully as I continue to write, the right words will flow from my brain to my fingers and then on to this piece of paper. I just wanted to talk about us. When you left I didn’t know what to feel. Upset. Happy. Angry. I literally felt nothing or it was that I felt so many things that I couldn’t decide what one to show you. I wanted to apologise for the way I acted when we were all saying goodbye. Or in my case the way I didn’t act. I should’ve been there for you and supported your decision to fly half way around the world for what... 3 years? Anyway, you were my best friend. I mean you are my best friend, I should’ve been happy for you and i was but I just didn’t know how to show you that without allowing my other emotions to flood out with that one.
I’m so sorry that I didn’t give you a proper goodbye. But as you know I have never been good at displaying emotion. Some people think it’s because I’ve never had someone to show to too and some people just think I’m dead inside. But you know the real reason. And you chose to love that side of me and let me be me. That’s why you are my best friend, you accepted my worst trait and I have never actually shown you or told you how much I appreciate that every single day of my life.
When we are together, I am never afraid to be just me. Even though I can’t express any emotion I still love you more than anything. And I wish I could tell you that and actually showing you that I mean those words. I love you. So so much. And I never want to lose you.
Well that’s literally it. I just wanted to tell you that. Oh an one more thing... I am so happy for you even though that I might not have shown it before you left I really am happy for you and so so proud of what you have become. You are moving on with your life and it is only mature of me to do the same. So as of today, I am applying for that job at MI6. Just what you wanted. And I hope this shows you how much I appreciate your friendship and care about you.
So now I going to say goodbye. I love you more than anything else in this world and I am so unbelievably proud of you. And I am going to miss you more than you’ll ever know but I’ll see you soon. Enjoy your new life. Goodbye x
Best regards
Your best friend
