Today was the day. ZoĆÆe was finally going to tell her crush how she felt. She thought to herself, it shouldnāt be too bad. I mean, she would definitely get rejected, but at least she wouldnāt be keeping a detrimental secret from her new friend. Why would she get rejected, you may be asking? Well there was one simple answer.
ZoĆÆeās crush was a girl. And she was definitely straight.
Sydney Hollister was one of those girls who everyone liked. The girls were jealous of her, the boys wanted to be with her, and everyone watched her every move. She was a model, a victim of nepotism, planted by her parents, who were both in the fashion industry and wanted to push their daughter as well for even more money. She started modeling before her first birthday. You would think that Sydney was a spoiled, obnoxious brat. And even though she was definitely spoiled, she was always quite humble about her childhood rise to fame and never really wanted to discuss it. In reality, she was a sweet and bubbly girl who just wanted to have a somewhat normal life.
ZoĆÆe grew up less fortunate, though, and, at first, she treated Sydney different because of it. She assumed that Sydney would look down on her if they ever had a real conversation. It seemed like ZoĆÆe was simply jealous and took this out on a girl that she knew nothing about. Sydney wanted to be friends with everyone, but when it came to ZoĆÆe, it was a bit harder to do this. However, she never gave up because she understood that maybe ZoĆÆe just thought she was ignorant, which was fair, to Sydney. Over time, ZoĆÆe opened up to her. Sydney may not have fully understood these situations, but she was willing to learn. The two girls became good friends, only in the privacy of one of their rooms.
The only thing that bothered ZoĆÆe was that Sydney was eager to hear and learn about ZoĆÆeās life but Sydney never opened up about hers. If ZoĆÆe ever asked, Sydney would change the subject, pivoting the conversation back towards ZoĆÆe or switching topics to happens at school and whatnot. This went on for a while until one day, Sydney finally broke.
Her boyfriend, Zack, had broken up with her. ZoĆÆe knew that Sydney might want to talk to a female friend, even if she knew nothing about dating, _especially _with men. Honestly, she genuinely thought that maybe if she confessed her feelings for Sydney, she could at least get her thoughts out and it would still go well, even if she got rejected. So, she went up to Sydneyās room and, surprisingly, was given permission to come in. When ZoĆÆe opened the door, she saw that Sydney had been crying.
Mascara running down her face. Her eyes bloodshot red. Sydney was going through it alright. When she looked up at ZoĆÆeās concerned face opening her bedroom door from the other side, she started full-on sobbing.
ZoĆÆe held Sydney as she sobbed and ranted about the breakup. But she not only talked about her ex, she also opened up about her childhood for the first time with someone other than Zack, and Sydney told her this. For ZoĆÆe, this was a big deal because, to her, it meant that she was in the same league as Sydneyās ex-boyfriend, so she may have cared for ZoĆÆe more than she thought. This opened up a chance for ZoĆÆe to confess, still mostly convinced that she would not get the response she hoped for, but she also had a little bit more hope about the outcome.
āSoā¦ this might be a shitty time, but I have to get something off of my chest.ā
There was a bit of silence, then Sydney responded. āOkay. You can tell me.ā
More silence. āAlrightā¦ um, soā¦ over these past couple of months, weāve gotten really close, right?ā
āYes, we have! I love talking with you!ā
āMe too,ā ZoĆÆe said. āI like our interactions a lotā¦ā
Even more silence. Her heart was beating out of her chest at 90 miles an hour. She thought and stressed for a little bit about what she could say next.
ZoĆÆe continued. āI thinkā¦ I think that you are incredible. Not just to talk to, but also to be with. Iā¦ really care about you, Sydney..ā
Sydney replied, āI care about you too!ā
āNoā¦ not like that. I think that Iāveā¦ developed feelings for you.ā
The conversation paused. Sydneyās eyes broke contact and started wondering around the room. Her face started to flush red. ZoĆÆe noticed that she seemed panicked. She started to realize that maybe she should have waited until a later day, but she didnāt want her and Zack to get back together because that would ruin her chances.
After about 15 seconds, Sydney decided to speak. āIā¦ I donāt feel the same way. Iām sorry. Butā¦ thank you for telling me.ā
ZoĆÆeās heart sank. She knew that she would be rejected, but hearing her say those words out loud really hurt. She responded. āThatās okay. I honestly didnāt expect you to feel the same way. I just needed to get this off of my chest, you know?ā
She just kept rambling, trying to shut off the voices in her head telling her that she would never find love with another girl. āAnd I get that this was a _horrible _time to tell you, like, talk about absolutely _terrible _timing, am I right? Like, I know that you are straight but if I was a boy, you probably would have _still _rejected me because, like, your boyfriend _just _broke up with you. I mean, what a douche, right? Not that you canāt get back together with him or anything. Anyways, sorry, I just needed to blurt it out because every time we talk, I get butterflies and my face feels hot, so I thought that if I told you about my feelings towards you, I would at least get some closure, you know?ā
Sydneyās face was red with embarrassment and shame. āI think you need to leave.ā
These simple, yet painful words made ZoĆÆe feel like her heart had dropped to her stomach.
Ashamed of her behavior, ZoĆÆe decided to add some fuel to the fire. āOkayā¦ and Iāll stop coming over. And youāll stop seeing me at my house too.ā
āYeah, that sounds like a good idea.ā
ZoĆÆeās heart shattered. Did Sydney really mean that separating would be a āgood ideaā? Technically, ZoĆÆe came up with it, but she didnāt expect Sydney to respond that way.
ZoĆÆe shut the door to Sydneyās room on the way out, fighting back tears. She wasnāt worried about her confession anymore, she was going to miss her friend. She thought she could hear Sydney start sobbing into her pillow once she shut the door, but maybe she was hearing things. She left the Hollister mansion for the last time in a while, trying to be happy to never see Sydneyās parents again. She failed.
Still, ZoĆÆe couldnāt shake the feeling that there was something more to their relationship. She knew that they had a spark about them that maybe Sydney just couldnāt see.
Or maybe it was just delusion.