Bukowski would spit on your dreams I wake and I’m shaking and everything’s green A dirty ass mattress and dirty ass sheets But baby this business has never been clean

I scribbled it out on a tissue And I wrote part two on a newspaper issue Real means to rip people off and turn blue When all of your sins end up finding you

Got safety pins stuck in the soles of my feet Blood under my fingernails; all you can eat He bought me a bear that consumes human meat He appears in my dreams in a green incomplete

You know what they say kids; daddy knows best Daddy owns your souls and the kid on your breast I’m a whole nihilist, but I confess Not gonna forget the damn; yes yes yes <3

And I go mourning, horning on My love spans twice a Megalodon When cold and crass our bodies crash And I go splintering like glass Across the floor your soul reaps on And to the door all yew and yon

I caved before a garish god Who, crouching, crumbling like sod Has granted me the gift of gall Which now I summon, grit and raw Against the day of Megalodon Against the gay and goried one

And I that fateful fool who fell From palaces built up in hell Am returned this night a better man My love now twicely hatred spans I’ll cut the Megalodon up well And I shall drag him down to hell

Cult of the cosmos Madhouse of the religious fanatics I dropped a few lines before I blew that shit up

The church bathroom is such a cliche at this point “Your body is only holy when I say it is Your body is only holy when it’s kneeling, subservient, Underneath a ‘man of god’”

I drew a picture and hated it so much I burnt it up Now I know what it’s like to be god

I watched them destroy everyone around them and rebuild themselves using pieces of the rubble

And I wanted to be them

Chop off your hair, chop up your brain

Let’s wreck this shit, morrie

Let’s never let them forget us

Get on your knees Tell me how you love me Tell me how good I taste in your mouth Tell me how you’d die for me

I put the barrel to your lips And watch as you keep your damn promise And your devotion exploding out the back of your head What a beautiful boy You’re gorgeous when your dead

Cult of the cosmos The insane leading the blind An assassinated innocent

Let’s just say the church bathroom is still a holy place And key smiths are still upstanding citizens

And you are still a delusion And I’m still an orphan

I hallucinate blood on my knees every time I skate The zipper on my black skirt is breaking

Milk leaks between my teeth Instead of pomegranate juice And the only fucking hands I hold are my own

I am no thief I am no revolutionary

My ribs are a puzzle Einstein wouldn’t attempt

I love the taste of the scale dropping Tastes dirty, sinful Im killing myself slowly and nobody notices

I still fall asleep nine years old And I still talk to brick walls in my spare time

Cult of the cosmos Masturbating in the church bathroom Bleeding onto the safety pins on the tile floor Death by monotony or familiar fear

I want to vomit Empty myself of all the garbage you fed me

My internal organs pink, tinged copper Because poison leaves it’s mark on little girls

I want surgical scalpels between my ribs

I want to appear like my own savior I want to keep you up all night Breaking into abandoned buildings because the key is called “forbidden” I want the hems of my jeans to get caught beneath the wheels of my skateboard I want other dead kids to sing us to sleep Whenever we want I want pomegranate juice on my face And I want to perform an anatomy study on your hands

I want your ribs against mine When I stole the key we didn’t take the time to think I’m tasting green eyes. Your tongue in my mouth before I even lock the door I want our sin to taste holier than any communion supper I’ve only ever fallen asleep unafraid in your embrace I wash your hair and you wash my back The scent of coffee is better with clean clothes and wet hair

My lips split in the middle Molten voices in my ears Hey, what if I just stabbed myself in the eye?

My computer responds with a scream CONSIDER THIS A WARNING Only cowards buy safety pins Real men aren’t women Real women are beautiful

My face reflects back at me in my phone be happy flashes up on the screen It’s on my bucket list

I see him everywhere like a hallucination “Oh my god, I think I’m in love with you” Yeah right, hallucinations love to hallucinate Or maybe he turned into a real boy Whose mocking adoration melted under your gaze

Stay furious. Stay fucked. Looks of a Picasso and temperament of Nietzsche Will only get you as far as the train tracks on Valentine’s Day

As many ways out as people on planet earth But a coward shoots like a girl And a girl shuts up and swallows Found a real boy on 3rd street hanging from a palm tree by a pink ribbon They say “he did what she asked him to”

But I think he was a coward And a coward in crisis is still a coward Even though his bleeding heart made it past your phone screen

I tied him up there on my birthday (as a gift) Then met my dad on the train tracks I’m a daddy’s girl, cuz I can’t hear the bitch cry from underneath my feet

Sweat trickles down my bare body in streams. I’m naked, I’m dirty, my hair is damp. Why am I naked? I look up and realize I don’t know where I am. I am here, but a moment before I was, not. I don’t think I was alive a second ago. Have I just been born? But no, that’s ridiculous. I’m full grown, and I’m all alone in this sandy, dusty wasteland. Flat on my back, I stare up into an oddly empty sky and try to remember my name. A cold hand descends on my chest. I shriek, alarm pumps through my veins as I struggle underneath that smooth, strong hand. I can’t get up, I can’t move, I can’t even see. “Shhh, calm down sweet boy.” My vision clears in a horrifying heartbeat and I see the face of a very young woman looming over me. She can’t be a day older than I am. Shes remarkably strong. And terrifying. I gape, red eyed and pale into her astonishingly beautiful green eyes. “I am your friend.” She kisses me then. Hard. My lungs leak air as my lips and mouth seem to be consumed in hers. She breathes, taking my air and then forcing it back into my breast. In and out. And in again. I struggle beneath her, tearing at her hair and eyes. Trying to pull myself out of her grasp. I screw my eyes shut and try to scream. Time ticks by, each second slowing morphing into an eternity. Then all is quiet. There is no girl, no ferocious kiss, no pain. And no air. But it seems my need for it has gone away. I am no longer breathing, and no longer desiring to. I open my eyes to a skyless void. I’m suspended in the horizon of a grey presence. There is no up, there is no down. There is no past, there is no present. There is only now. It fucking sucks. “Hey!” I scream. My voice startles me. It’s groggy and hoarse but surprisingly strong considering my vocal cords feel like they’ve been fermenting in my neck for centuries. “Get me outta here!” A light, low laughs drifts around me coming from no direction in particular. “You are outta here sweetheart.” “Oh no don’t get fucking cryptic with me. Nothing about this is subtle.” Silence. “I know you can hear me.” I seem to have lost my grasp on time because it’s somewhere between a minute and an hour before there’s a reply. “There’s something in your hand, my sweet.” “No there-“ My fingers clench involuntarily around a cool, smooth object that didn’t exist a moment ago. I look down to find a key. Then subsequently, almost robotically, search the finite horizon for a lock. A laugh, thickly pouring in my ears, high pitched and full of trills assaults me. “No, silly. Your looking for a thing where nothing can exist.” “I exist. And this key exists.” I demonstrate by tapping the prongs against my forehead. “How the fuck do you explain that, my disembodied friend.” “Well, what’s inside a mind can’t touched.” “What?” “Stab yourself.” I look at the key framed by my dirty hand and clothed in grey monotony. “Okay.” My chest explodes in red. The instrument deep between my ribs before I can even move. Laughter rings in my ears and vibrates through my skin. “You’re so pretty, boy.”

The leading, blinding way you’ve seized my head Beneath the lust of youth that still holds innocence With tenderness you lead me to your bed And there I feast on sequins And carve you up With knives And dance

She serves you up on center stage Permitting you to strip your veils and scream But I am here (and I am everywhere) And everything you do you do for me

Yes, freedom, yes sweet autonomy Illusion tastes like ripened raspberries And you, my dear, taste sweet and good to me

My ballerina; slick with wine and tea And drunk on will and zest to love and live While she believes her dance isn’t for me Will stay a willing and welcome captive

The gold The silver moon is silent The gold belongs to king and tyrant But the countenance of pasty blue Is home and held by me and you

Fire What the peasants cried For water as their water died The water pulled by shining tide The domain of the moon She’ll take her land back soon

We know, these days Those golden rays Have never been a friend to me I’d really rather leave the sea And you, and you can leave me be

I’ll go home To Luna Cold And we’ll shiver for eternity

He follows us The burn, the lust We hear your golden footsteps chasing Your arrogance our people chasing

Moon is cold and moon is good And moon is seeking golden blood

Don’t kill our queen Our goddess unafraid of pain She held you like royal ruby stain But if you kill our wanderlust Then, who is left to trust

Threes your lucky number He punches cards and blacks out lights Thirteen because I want to fight Thirty men on opening night

The one,. The only Give me the phone Good time to get used to being alone You cant take a hint so I give you a line 3 x 3 x 1 is nine

My runner up runs faster than yours I dare you to find a more obvious choice Or be safer in where you allow your own voice 3 o’clock. Sunny, and I find you funny You’re honey and money and I can’t be nice

I break mirrors as a hobby Paper white and paper thin A social experiment I call “men” Third times the charm, a charmer too But puddles never could charm you

Three times three is always nine The number three is always mine Three me’s, three you’s, three bottles of wine I know three ways to take a life