Skinny jeans Water bottles full of vodka Playing frisbee in the park Buying weed off some random kid Cans and cans of Peace teas Safeways Chinese food Wearing Tom’s Drawing on each other Driving around, blasting music Boxes and boxes of hair dye in almost every shade Sitting around in the mall with hardly any money Skateboards and group sing- a-longs on the concrete Smoking in the parking lot Me coughing horribly When I hear those songs that’s what it reminds me of Not amazing times But they were alright I was surrounded by people Yet I was so miserable and lonely I guess that goes to show Teenage years are rough no matter what

Touch Hold Hold myself to feel anything To feel as if someone else is here I miss the days when someone was there Near me With me The graze of a hand On my shoulder On the small of my back Fingers intertwined I’m dying for it all To feel again To feel the desire To be wanted by another Even if for a small fraction of a second But things have changed I’m like an animal Or a child Dying for someone to notice To fill my cup To give me what I’ve been craving For so long For nourishment For human contact For acknowledgment

A chance meeting Again The abrupt pass of each other in the crowd I know that face so well I think I could draw it from memory You look at me with a pause Probably just shock As if you’ve been punched in the gut Or maybe that’s just how it feels for me With a tiny spark in your eyes As if to say There you are The plesantries are made The how are you’s The casual I’m good’s Then silence lingers between us Even after all this time The insecurities are there Because we walked away From each other, from ourselves We know the truth inside Yet nothing seems to come out from either of our lips I can’t seem to stop staring at you As if your a mirage This can’t be real Even if it is What does this even mean You look at my face A smirk on yours,as your hand goes up in a wave As you slowly saunter in the other directions All that comes out of your mouth Be careful out there

That’s all that’s left Of our story Put on hold by our actions By our fears By our inadequacies How asinine of us To let it come to this But I can no longer live the lie with you To continue with nothing But gentle grazes and empty promises Of late night calls that leave me longing for your hands on me Yearning in anguish for you and I to be finally connected as one in my bed I can no longer stand the torment So here we are Alone and at our end Like dead roses

I refuse I object I will not allow it Even after all of this When the flames settle When our demons go back to there resting place within ourselves I never let words that I would regret later pass my lips I didnt spit venom this time I walked away Because all of things I felt for you I couldnt unravel Not after your reaction Not at that time Maybe not even now But the one thing I know Without a second guess Without a doubt I will not walk this earth without you

A tiny blue plus sign Hands begin to shake I slide down onto the floor Sit in shock This cant be right But the math does add up Oh My God Mind racing Realizing I have to tell him Pull myself up to stand Get a grip Wait until he comes home Break the news After hours of laying on the couch in silence Hearing the lock turn in the door My stomach drops Either that or its nausea A gleam in his eye when he sees me “Hi hun” I smirk sheepishly But he can read me like a book
“Whats wrong?” Nothing. His eyebrows raise “Whats going on?” God why cant I ever be cool and collected…. I….. He continues to stare at me intently “Are you okay?” Well…… The look on his face turns from doubt to concern “Are you sick?” I grab his hand and lead him to the bathroom My feet feel like weights the whole way Finally reach the bathroom Pregnancy test on the counter Flip it over The plus is still there He looks at the test and then to me His mouth opens but nothing comes out More silence and then “That cant be” I retort with a , Oh but it is Hes frozen solid I say his name only once and he snaps back to reality He looks me over Places his hand on my stomach Its really happening I look at his face Tears rolling down We lock eyes and smirk at each other Is it a bad time to say im scared shitless? He keeps his hand on my stomach He smirks “No because so am I”
He pulls his hand away Pulls me into his embrace Kisses my forehead Holds me for a moment Speaks ever so softly “We’ll figure this journey out babydoll” Oh yeah cause parentings so simple I retort We laugh and continue to embrace. Our new little family.

A simple knock at the door Fear invades me Then shock Open the door All i see is those blue eyes Sheepishly looking at me He walks in Not much passes from my lips But surprisingly a lot from his Just let me say what i need to say I know that ive been a total ass I blink and keep listening I just I’m sorry about how I reacted He pauses Hes getting scared again I was terrified when you told me that night I didnt want to lose you Even more then i already thought i might He looks at me I stare back in silence He continues on I know that things were blurry That i made all the wrong choices I took you for granted But you’re one of my best friends I dont know what to do without you I continue to look at him Analyze and decide my next move The only thing i can do I open my mouth and let it all pour out Envelope him With everything ive thought for the last six months apart

Falling feels like flying until the moment that you land Because when you do land Everything hits you A rude awakening Makes things quite clear After all the euphoria The feeling of being on cloud nine When the reality kicks back in You chase that feeling forever

I am not a toy to be used I am a woman With complexities Bigger then you can even fathom Feelings Wants Desires Needs All I did was find you In this fish bowl of a world Then I fell So hard So completely enveloped with you With your soul With all that you are It washed over me So secretively
So swift Now here I stand Hands covered in blood From the aftermath How you held my hands Squeezed them tightly Then let go So abruptly Then vanished Like smoke Left me covered in red Left me to put the pieces back together

It’s the same dream every night Standing in a dark empty room Just you and I I cant see your face But I know it’s you I feel it in my bones I know in my gut Regardless of the shadow that surrounds the room Just simple conversation Things we used to speak of The essence of you feels almost real As if I’m lucid dreaming The feeling of your soul The familiar feeling of home But then I wake up It was just a dream Out of my reach Once again