Never thought of myself going on another date after numerous failed ones. But, something was different about this date, and specifically this one only. That scar on his chiseled cheekbone, have i seen it before? No i havent, im just imagining. Even if i did, where could I have possibly seen it. A memory flashed through my head as if it was a shooting star. I was at my old highschool, sitting down next to a classmate. Though, this wasnt just any classmate, they had their hand on mine. I felt reassured that time, I felt safe. Its them, My old loved one, the one that left without letting me know of their soon absence. But after all these years, why is he back? I froze and felt the need to throw up and cry at the same time. He then looked up at me with his icy cold eyes and gave a gentle smile. I couldnt just stay here and act as if nothing happened between me and this now stranger. I stood up and grabbed my jacket off of the chair but a hand held me in place and softly grasped my shoulder. “Sit back down” he said. By that time, if a hand held me in place and i knew i was defenseless against them, i would’ve screamed loudly but there were two parts of me at that moment. One wanted to hear what he needed to say and just fix things back as they were back then but the other wanted to just cry and rage at him. I sat down with a twist in my stomach, “this is a mistake, i have to go-“ “No you dont, you know you dont so why lie?” My throat tightened as i spoke back, “why would i be honest to a guy that leaves his loved one hurt cause he suddenly didnt want to deal with life?” he held my shivering hands, trying to relax me , “Calm down please, we can talk this over at my place if you l-“ I scoffed at his offer and stood up with my keys in my hand, “Sorry but another time.”

It’s a feeling rather than the way they look, sound or their physicality or mannerisms

A feeling of nausea within my stomach starts creeping in when he mentions the elementary school that I happen to have gone to: Havenview Elementary. My date across from me, calling himself Ben, takes a sip from his glass of champagnes melodically. His ring on his left pointer finger clinks his glass, almost as to say ‘have you caught on, Melissa’. Why would he lie about his name? I remember him as Felix, a scrawny little fifth grader who asked me if water was wet and if that was the reason for girls to get so wet before sex. We were in the same class and barely talked to each other, we only knew of each other by our mutual friend, Jazz. Rest in peace, Jazz. But, twenty years later, an online date is across the table from me and suddenly, I find myself trying to excuse myself to the restroom and make a run for it. What should be a handsome adult man sitting in front of me is now being blurred by a fifth grader I occasionally sat with at lunch in Ms. Barnes’ classroom. Maybe him changing his name to Ben can be distracting enough to separate the Felix I knew. He’s going on about something that’s happening in the world, he does know how to blab for sure, always has. I lean in to cut him off, I say, “Felix Johansson, Melissa Albright from your fifth grade classroom. Nice to meet you.” His face goes blank and that was my cue to grab my purse and leave a $20 bill on the table. I head straight to the front door with the hostess telling me to have a good night. I open the door to hopefully a new prospect that doesn’t remind me of a child.

I didn’t realize at first, but then as he swiftly moved his arm behind his head to scratch his neck it all came back. I had seen him before. Within seconds I felt myself blush by the idea that I hadn’t brought up I knew him sooner. Had he realized too? As he kept talking I couldn’t help but start slowly noticing each familiar divet and freckle on his face. He’s not the same guy I slept with on new years of 08’, right? The only thing I remember about that night is how cheap the champagne was and how egregious the smell that lingered in the air when it hit midnight. I was very altruistic that night with whomever I went home with, hopefully if it’s him that lands me in good graces.

His eyes matched the person I once knew, but his smile was someone else altogether. That once boyish grin was now a million dollar smile that could get him into any room. But behind his eyes, he was still there, the boy who saved her life 17 years ago.

— The familiarity hit her like ten ton brick when she first locked eyes with her date. It gave her the same feeling she gets when she walks into a room but can’t remember why she went there. Like the thing you’re searching for is right in front of your face but totally invisible.

But as far as she could tell, she was a total stranger to him. Was this how blind dates were supposed to feel?

“Looks like we just beat the rain.” He says.

“Huh?” Tearing her eyes away, she follows his gaze, “Oh yeah it’s really coming down now.”

One time 9 **years ago Catherine was going on her first as she was 16 **years old when she went to the date at the bar she realised she had knew the man who she was dating as he was a doctor and saved her from cancer’ but he looked very different as he was bald he was fat and he had pale white skin __ __ __ Chapter 2 She asked him [ I know you from somewhere? __ __ __ He said [ I am Jason and then said oh god __

There was something about him that left me in wonder. Was it his beautiful brown eyes, or his enticing golden skin? Could it be his hands that were as soft as cotton, his teeth that were as white as the winter snow, or the unforgiving scent of spice and wood that withered away from his body into my nostrils that kept me under his spell? I want him. I couldn’t get passed the familiarity of his voice and the words that flowed off of his lips. I realized who I was speaking to, yet he wasn’t the same asshole I once knew. This person was different. He was better. But how could this be? How did I not realize it was you the entire time. You look into the depths of my eyes but can you open them and realize who I am? You know me even though you don’t realize it; you know my name but not because I’ve told you. We are only familiar strangers, people that we both used to know. Somehow, life has a funny way of shaping us into people that we’ve never imagined of becoming. Perhaps it’s why you don’t realize we’ve done this before…..

I sat in my car. Dang it. Ten minutes early. Curse my love for being on time. I sigh and turn up the radio just a bit, to block out the noise from outside while I stare out the window and start to people watch. I see one man trip over a crack in the sidewalk, a small child trying to to run to a candy store away from his mother, and a women who is playing the violin in the grass. Her battered violin case lay open on the grass, a scattering of coins that vary, glittering in the hot sun

Before I know it I’m one minute late. I grab my purse, keys, phone, and jacket, then step out of my car and close the door shut. I step over the curbside and onto the sidewalk. The cafe I’m meeting the boy named Nathan at is thankfully only a couple feet away. As I walk up to the cafe aisle see his face and him already sitting down, he has a cup of water in front of him, and he is just looking at me. When he caught me staring he smiled and waved, I just smiled back and went to sit down across from him.

“Hi,” I say kind of quietly while I set my purse down beside me.

“Hey, how was your day,” he asked, his voice slightly deep, but kind.

“It was good, how about you,” I ask trying not to sound like I noticed how much cuter he was in person.

“It was good so far,” we both continue to talk.

A couple of minutes, maybe ten, goes by and the waiter soon takes our orders. I order a small coffee while Nathan orders a iced tea. Once the waiter brings us outpr drinks, we didn’t speak for a second or two.

I glanced back up at him, but noticed something. That hair. Those eyes. They look weirdly familiar. Wait…

“Wait, Nathan! Nathan Cran!”

It was the way he completely ignored the purpose of the bread knife at the table and used the dinner one instead. It was the way he stuffed the napkin into his collar before looking at the menu. He reminded me of Stan.

Stan and I met at Oxford when I was in first year. We first met at a freshers party off campus in the condition that one would find anyone during freshers week, either desperate, lonely or drunk.

The latter had occurred ironically at a party with me moderately inebriated clambering into a second year’s toilet in my kitten heels, only to find a paryletic man emptying his guts into the toilet.

After pushing his head to the side of the bowl so I could pee, he looked up at me bleary eyed before he finally passed out in a heap on the floor muttering expletives. I kicked him over on to his side just in case, and finished my wee.

I remember two colours from that night. The salmon pink of the vomit and the khaki green of his boxers which at this point were exposed just enough for you to see the majority of his bottom in them.

I glanced back to the bathroom door and pulled the remaining toilet paper off the roll using half of it to wipe his sick off the bottom of my shoe and the other to wipe my bits. I flushed the toilet, fixed my hair in the mirror and told the person waiting about his complimentary toilet attendant and human footstool that was now snoring on the floor.

The next morning after nursing a stinging headache and narrowly vomiting into my laptop bag on the way to my first lecture, I noticed something familiar as the man in front of me bent down to pick his cigarettes up off the floor.

“Nice boxers” I said. Looking slightly confused he turned to me squinting his eyes trying his best to recognise me while pulling a Marlboro Gold from the pack. He clumsily began searching front and back pockets for his lighter, with no success. He managed a muffled “Have ye got a light?”, cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth, spare hands still searching for his long lost lighter which occurred to me was probably drowned in the vomit from last night’s toilet adventure.

I reached in my jacket pocket and offered him my yellow SpongeBob lighter. “We’ll be late you know, to the lecture”. I looked him up and down. He was bearded, scruffy yet intentionally so, good looking even. Liam Gallagher type, green eyes. “It starts at 9.30 and it’s like 9.28”. He pushed his hair back out of his face after three unsuccessful flicks finally lit his cigarette. He took a long drag filling his lungs with smoke and in a thick Scottish accent he breathed on the exhale, “You better hurry up then lass, before ye get the cane.”

Lass? Who says lass? Cane? I rolled my eyes, raised my eyebrows, turned and marched toward the lecture hall. I arrived just in time to not be embarrassingly late yet apparently according to some cardiganed blondes on the front row who gave me the spikiest side-eye, not on time enough by their standards.

The hall was filled with chatter and the clap of nervous introductory handshakes. Obvious loners scrolled on their phones in the pews to not appear so and the trust fund buddies who knew each other from private schools in surrounding affluent areas stood around hands pocketed exchanging stories from their European summer holidays and hearts they had broken.

I crept up the creaky stairs of the hall and found myself a space on the sixth row back next to a scrolling loner. We exchanged matching disinterested looks of acknowledgment as I sat down and reached for my laptop which was fortunately not drowning in vomit.

The title on the screen read ‘Agricultural Economics in Peru’. I began writing the title in my notebook, and just as I’d written my final word, the bearded Scotsman bursts into the hall, as if it was the most natural thing in the world to be five minutes late to the first lecture of the academic year. He undoes the zip on his parka, throws it over the chair on the platform, does up his top button, picks up the clicker, the room quietens, the blonde bitches stop clucking, the blazered trust fund buddies disperse and Dr Stan Russell begins delivering the lecture on the agricultural economics of Peru. I suddenly feel sick all over again.

Hi it's me Joan. I wanted to share my story about this guy i met online. But before that, let me tell you something about myself.

I'm 27 years old, living alone with cats actually. You can say I'm very independent. I am that type of a person who doesn't listen to what other says, in short... stubborn! which I think is a no-no for other people, I care less anyway. What else? I got this awesome walls I built just to protect myself from assholes who only wanna destroy my peace and break my heart. well.... I HATE MEN. I thought so.

I used to work in a company as a manager but I resigned couple years ago. Why? Just because... I'm not happy anymore and that I wanna do something that is somehow different. Which brings me into streaming. I joined this application where I sing, I entertain people, I do podcasting and many more. Honestly, It's what I love doing and I'm really invested in it like I couldn't live a day without it.

Sure, i get to know a lot random people from different countries, diverse attitudes, personalities and different mindset. There's a lot to choose from these guys If I wanted to, but I'm not really looking. Im not ready yet. Multiple heartbreaks that makes it hard for me to trust again, love again or even try again. Sucks! I know.

Well, still there are times that my heart flatters but I immediately shut it down. Because I am freaking scared as hell. Like, if I allow someone again in my life, It's gonna be the same thing over and over and .... shit! no in the hell way I'm gonna let it happen again where I would go crying and drinking and sulking. NO NO NO WAY.

There's a lot of people watching my stream day by day. I do notice everybody even if I dont say it, I notice them without them knowing. I'm just kinda shy to say hi to everyone just because some of them don't comment. Just there watching, not typing, just enjoying the music and the singing.

But then .... fate just love to test me so bad I'm so frustrated! When I told myself I'm not ready yet, it's like as if God's listening and making fun of me and putting me in a situation to test me? Ugh.

Then he made sure I met this guy.

Through Online. From my stream.

Yeah..... I know..... from my stream.....

One particular guy caught my attention. He goes by the name X. The mysterious person. He's the death of me. He's the human embodiment of curioisity. He's been a watcher for years now, and I haven't read a single comment from him. Which I find odd. At first... but things changed after that one confusing comment..

And he got my attention. Just like that..

I woke up early morning really hungry. I got up and cooked some food while scrolling around this oh-so-called BIGO application where i do my livestreaming. I’ve put my phone down and I sat and chewed on my bacon and fried rice while enjoying the music playing on my Television. After a couple of minutes, I decided to go live. Well, it's because I can't go to sleep right away plus, I got nothing to do anyways.

I've put on sleeping clothes, tied my hair up and put a little bit of make up and went live.

Everyone was coming in and saying "good morning" "you look awesome" "You're pretty" "Hi, gorgeous". But one comment stood out the most. He really did typed "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH" As if he finds what's going on hilarious. I ignored it and continued with my live but I couldn't shake that out of my head. It got me so confused as to why he commented that.

But i went on for hours. Switching from talking and singing. It was really fun hanging out with my friends and random people. I get to learn new stuff day by day. It gives me that overwhelming feeling though it’s crazy. Like I don’t know them but I’m having fun joking and bullying them like It’s a normal thing to do.

After my stream, I went to shower to relax.

…..I was soooo curious.

“Who is he?”

“what's his name?”

“Where is he located?”

“What does he think about me?”

Is he a basher, a bully or what?

“Do i look funny earlier?”

It took me minutes thinking about that guy.

But I decided to ignore him….

The water was dripping all over my body, my eyes closed, and my mind was imagining how It would feel like to have someone take care of you, cook for you and love you, caress you….. It felt like I was getting on that part where I'm tired of being alone.

I stayed in the bathroom for almost an hour. After that, i went to prepare for my food and my cat’s food and picked up my phone, opened the application, and scrolled through random messages to kill some time.

Out of nowhere a message popped out coming from that guy named "X". I was shocked and nervous at the same time. In my mind, why would this person message me? I thought he disliked me or finds me funny.

I opened it and saw that he commented on my video "HAHAHAHA" Again. Right. AGAIN!

I responded to him and asked him "why are you laughing?"

X: because you're funny

Me: What about your comment on my stream? You crazy or somethin'?

X: Sorry if i offended you, but my laugh was meant towards those guys. THEY are funny not you.

I suddenly remembered those comments from my live and I smirked.

Yeah….

I remembered someone said "You look pretty can i meet you?" " You're perfect to be my wife" I LAUGHED at it realizing how it sounded so desperate. and i get why he was laughing.

Me: Oh! Just realized. Hahaha. Sorry. i just thought….

X : Right? Anyways, get some food and sleep, you looked so tired and exhausted from that eight-hour stream. I shouldn’t be messaging you this late. Talk to you tomorrow.

I thought he's so sweet and caring. there’s something about him. I was so curious like I’ve never before.

I spent the rest of my night thinking about him. Picturing him through my mind, creating that image based on how he chatted me.I had this persona I built of him… as sweet, caring, and gentle. For me, he sounded well-educated. Very smart. Composed and sincere.

Couple of hours had passed and I realized what I was doing.

I had to stop. It’s not looking good.

“I shouldn’t be thinking about a guy I barely knew. So… i decided to go to bed and sleep it off and tomorrow, I will definitely not think about him” I told myself…

I lied….

I woke up and first thing I had in my mind was….. him.

Shit.

He got me.