Serendipity, a word that I never fully understood the meaning of until my recent days. I used to think of this word as sickening and dreadful, though once the pearly gates open, swallowing you with holy light, you exhale with sweet relief as your sorrows and pain seems to faint.

I seemed to have lost everything… I lost my husband, the bar we made together, and my sons eyes through the perilous life we tread in. Though, once I found true happiness, I’ve never felt so light hearted and empathetic. Carefully walking through the new gate, I basked in my new life with my son, and his beloved. I reside in an aged, but beautiful, cabin down in the forest, near the bustling city. Though it can get a bit lonely, I could never ask for better.

It started with being born.

Then it was childhood obesity.

After it was bullying.

Which lead to complete self-hatred.

Turning into self harm.

And switched to an eating disorder.

But all these things.

All these horrible.

Mean.

Terrible series of events.

Is what lead me to you.

Is what put you in my life.

And right now.

You’re the best part of it so far.

you hate eye contact and usually i do too but with you, i would be content to sit and stare at you for eternity

your eyes are like chocolate, so dark it’s bitter to taste or coffee beans that i grind with my own hands

you hate eye contact but oh, how i love the little dance they do when i laugh your eyes light up when your happy i want them glowing when you’re with me i need eyes like yours in my life i need your eyes in my life

you hate eye contact but i crave it,  you hate eye contact but you stared into my eyes, your pupils moving over, back and forth, memorizing me while you read my heart inside and out, i dove in, swimming in the irises, floating in euphoric happiness

you hate eye contact but not with me, not anymore, because you know me and you trust my eyes to hold yours in a forever embrace

Dear Reader, The land once looked like this green and full of life. Why is it not like this anymore, it is simple really. We once had a mighty king full of grace and mercy, King Alaric (Powerful Ruler). He had seven sons, Alastor (Mans Protector), Zayan (Handsome), Killian (Warrior), Rhys (Fire), Reed (Free Spirited), Damian (Powerful), and Rune (Secret), and three daughters, Riona (Queen), Naya (Beauty), Valeska (Mighty/Powerful). Even though the king tried to care for his children the same, his children didn’t. After all, I was treated badly. To my siblings, I did not matter. After my dad passed I got sick of it and decided to show my siblings why I was given my name. The war started and the people took sides. I learned quickly that trusting people was not worth it. If you do you just end up hurt. I want to give you some advice: don’t trust people, not even the people you think are there for you no matter what. I learned that the hard way when my so-called friends sided with my enemy. So beware of your friends and the people you call friends. Hope this helps you, Valeska

“I’ve been lying.” Davian says before I’ve even opened the front door. “About everything.” My heart sinks as my hand stays on the cold, metal door knob. Lying? About what? His feelings? Me?

I part my lips searching for words, but even I know that those words will never come. Davian doesn’t love me, it seems so impossiable, it has to be. How can something that felt to right turn out to be this wrong?

“I don’t know how to say this,” Davian looks over my shoulder. “Can we maybe . . . Sit down?”

He still the same Davian. I think as I take a step back letting the front door creak open, letting Davian and his black eyes into my house. A stranger.

Davian trudges up the stairs like this is his house. Like he’s the one leading me around. He finds my room fast, almost like he’s been here before. Maybe he has, maybe that’s one of his lies.

I almost want to tell Davian to leave. Not because he’s lying but because I don’t want this to be true. He is my whole life, my heart, the other half of my soul. How can he be lying to me?

Davian sighs as he takes a seat on my bed, he eyes the leather jacket that’s hung over my desk chair.

“Take it,” I tell him as I fall onto the bed next to him. “It’s your’s.”

I don’t want to be rude, but I can’t stop this buring fire. It’s crawling through me, killing my insides, telling me to cut. Like it always has done.

Davian shakes his head. “It’s not mine . . .” He trails off, meeting my eyes. “Not anymore.” His eyes leave mine as he takes a deep breath.

“Maisie I don’t know how else to tell you . . .” Davian sucks in a sharp breath of air as he twist around to face me. His black eyes laced with unshed tears. “I wish it wasn’t this way.”

My eyes start pricking with tears. I’ve never seen Davian so hopeless. So lost. I just want to help him, but then his voice floods my ears. I’ve been lying. And everything goes away.

“It’s okay,” I mutter as I grab hold of my hand, sliding my fingers down my palm to the two scars that sit next to each other.

Davian’s eyes fall to my wrist. “Nothing’s okay.” He whispers as his eye lids fall over his black eyes. “I did something . . . Something that will change everything.”

I don’t even want to try to understand what Davian’s trying to tell me. He’s speaking words I’ve heard before. Words that I know, but I can’t hear them. I can’t hear him.

“That night, a few months ago.” Davian murmurs. “The crash . . . I . . . I was . . . There.” His voice is so small I can barely hear him. Like a ghost, someone who’s already gone.

“What do you mean?” I ask as a single tear makes its way down my cheek.

“I mean I was there . . . I was driving . . . I crashed into . . . Into you.”

My head shoots up as his words enter my mind. I feel the blood draining from my face as I meet Davain’s eyes. Eyes black as the night. Eye’s that I’ve loved, that I’ve longed to see ever since we met. But now they’re just eyes. Someone else’s eyes. Not Davian’s eyes.

“I . . .” I stammer, my heart racing in my chest. “You killed my mom.” My voice is so high and soft that I’m not even sure Davian heard me.

He gives me a small nod, lifting his hand to scratch his forehead. “I know.”

He knows. That’s all he can think to say? He killed my mom and all he can say is I know?

“No!” I rise to my feet. That fire in my chest suddenly fading. “You don’t know!”

I don’t know what to do, my eyes flicker to the door and then I run. Down the stairs, my breath caught in my throat as I crash into the kitchen counter. I press my hands down on the cold granite, shutting my eyes.

As everything around me turns black I see Davian. His perfect face, his beautiful smile, his eyes when he laughs.

I can’t breathe! I can’t live! The fire rushes back, even stronger than before. It creeps up my chest, buring my heart.

I let out a scream, smacking the scented candle that Aunt Trish had left out off the counter. It lands with a loud crash, the glass spreading across the floor.

I open my eyes to see that not only is there shattered glass but also a bright orange flame. Just like the flame that’s been burning me inside.

I stare into the flame as it grows, melting the glass, melting the candle. Slowly I lower myself to the ground, trembling as a sob escapes from my throat.

This feels right. Sitting here, letting this fire take me away. Take me out of this world. I don’t believe in a better place, but I don’t want to. I don’t want to go to a better place, I just want to leave this one. I just want to stop holding my heart together without any glue to fix it.

. . .

The fire grows as I pull my knees to my chest on the floor. It’s been a few minutes, and still the fire hasn’t reached me. The smoke alarm has started ringing, or at least I think that’s what that sound is.

Davian let me fall for him. Why did he? He lied to me, but what matters most is that I cna’t stop loving him.

He brought me out of the blinding light and into the cool peaceful darkness. He cared for me, I was his. And I thought he was mine.

Everything’s different now. I no longer understand what feelings are. It was only ten minutes ago that I loved Davian, now as I lay here with the blazing fire, and my tears I don’t know what I feel.

But I do know what’s going to happen next. I’m going to stay here. Letting every moment in my life melt with the fire and smoke. I’m going to let my heart stop breaking, stop beating.

My eyes slowly fall to my left wrist. My cut is healed now, but not to what it was before. I trace the thin line with my thumb. I have scars, but now finally I won’t. It’s all over, I just have to wait for the bright flames to reach my broken soul.

I let my body relax as the orange flames dance closer. I take ink a deep breath, my throat buring form the rough sting of the black smoke that’s hovering above me.

“It hurts,” I cough, my voice hoarse as more black smoke creeps up my nose. “Why did you keep saving me?”

Tears slide down my cheeks my lungs longing for a taste of fresh, clean air.

I gasp as I hear the creaking of wood above me. But before I can shut my eyes I’m pushed out of the way. I land on my side, my heart pounding as I hear a scream of pain. Davian?

“You changed me,” He calls out through the flames. His voice so familiar as it echos around the burning room. A sob echos my sore throat as the dust from the fallen ceiling fades away, leaving Davian circled by fire. His whole body, his legs trapped under the now buring wood.

I shake my head as I rush past the flames falling down in front of Davian. Not because I don’t want him here, but because I can’t beileve that he still keeps coming for me.

“You changed me Maisie,” Davian chokes out, coughing as he fights for air. His cheeks are already a deep pink, painted from the fire dancing around us.

I don’t understand anything anymore. But still I grab Davian’s hand as I lay down on my stomach, pressing my trembling hand to his.

Davian holds my hand tight, bringing his other hand on top of ours. I gasp as my cheeks burn with smoke and tears. I don’t get it, why did he do this? Why did he push me away?

And suddenly I know why. It all comes to me, almost as if I’m listening to Davian’s thoughts. And I know that my broken heart will always love Davian with all the pieces I have.

My eyes fly to the burning wood that’s pinning Davian down. I need to help him, he always saves me, I need to save him.

I let go of his hand, coughing as I force myself up. All the wood is on fire, buring and crackling. Still I reach out, searching for a place that I can grab and pull. But there’s no where.

“It’s okay,” Davian gasps as I fall back to the ground. “I’ll be fine.”

Tears stream down my face as I lay my head next to Davian’s. “I’m sorry.” I cry as he shuts his brown eyes.

“No,” he murmurs as the fire crackles loud around us. “Don’t do this, don’t say its over.”

Over. That word echos around in my mind, mixing with the flaming hot burst of flames around me. It’s over. Its all over.

“Maybe I want it to be,” I reach for his hand. It’s Davian. Not a stranger not a killer. He’s my hero, the one person I’ll always love.

Davian grunts as he shifts, grabbing my hand with his sweaty hand. “Your not gonna die,” Davian tells me his black eyes fixed on mine. And they’re his. They’re what they’ve always been. They’re Davian. “Your gonna live, and your gonna grow. You’ll make everyone around you happy, just like . . .” Davian lets out a pained breath. “Just like you did for me.”

I shake my head, scooting close to Davian. I lean my forehead against his, holding on tight to his hand. “I don’t want to live . . . Not without you.”

Tear stream down my cheeks, and Davian lifts his warm hand to brush them away. He cracks a small smile, his eyes filled with pain. “Do it,” he whispers, our head still pressed together. “For me.”

I nod once, holding his hand that’s still on my cheek. I don’t know what happened. One minute ago I didn’t know who Davian was. Well I did. He was a liar, a killer, and a theif. He didn’t tell me about what he’s done, he killed my mom and he stole my heart.

Now as I look into his eyes, with my forehead pressed gently against his. I know who he is, he’s the boy I’ve been waiting for. All my life, the only boy who’s saved me from death, who’s saved me from becoming who I was before . . . Before the crash, before the pain and the heartbreak, before the word Davian made my heart race, and before knowing that I couldn’t save him, after he saved me from losing myself.

People telling me what you said about me. In a group chat of 16 people. “ Annoying” “ thinks she is everything when she is not” “ such a brat” “ fucking bitch” “ so f-Ing weird” And like 10 other things.

It’s the week of the school play. There is 2 casts because there is too many people. I found out what she said right before I go on stage.

The funny thing is, I went to your show. I saw you and I godamned cheered for you.

We barely had talked ever, but we have mutual friends. And so I cheered for you on that stage.

And now I am about to go on. The whole school had to go to both performances. So she is in the audience.

I tell the teacher, me and others The teacher does not fucking believe me, When there is a bunch of people with an audio recording and screenshots.

I sob so hard but get it together. I am amazing on the stage.

You are forced to apologize the next day. Everyone hates her. Nobody eats with her at lunch. People tell me how bad they feel for me. People I barely know. The popular girls.

We have a party for the school play. We get candy and chips and stuff.

You don’t have anyone to talk to. You sit alone. And cry.

The shoe never fits The apples always rotten He’s always a beast I must fix him change him So he turns into a prince It’s okay I’ll fight in a war Prick my finger Make a castle in solitude Because I know I know he will come Even if his fangs are sharp His kiss un asked for Even if he made me feel like I was meant to be alone He’s charming He’s kind He loves me Or so he says But after all the bad Comes the happily ever after So if I wait And wait It will come And all the sacrifices It would be worth it Just to see her See her run through the woods and save me from this life Because unlike him Unlike them She wants to help me Not take over Not control We are partners Allies Yes we are still lovers But there’s more to our story And the tragedy That’s only the first chapter

imagine if you could see

what someone was feeling

what someone has felt.

turn towards your left, and there’s someone who’s blue a tangled mess of sapphire webs and you would know:

that is sadness.

turn towards your right, and there’s someone who’s green a chaotic collage of emerald shards and you would know:

that is envy.

glance behind you, and there’s someone who’s yellow a jumbling, wiggling, group of citrine and you would know:

that is anxiety.

look ahead of you, and there’s someone who’s red a mix and match of rubies and painite and you would know:

that is anger. bitterness. resentment.

but turn in a circle and then you will see that not all colors stay the same.

whip back and forth and then you will see that blue turns to green and red fades to yellow.

but imagine if you can see

what someone was feeling.

how interesting it is how when you first asked for my number i wouldn’t talk to you, not after that night but now oh but now i can’t stay away

you hurt me, though you didn’t mean to i know you never mean to hurt me

how interesting it is how such an unfortunate event can lead to such a feeling of euphoria i guess that’s what they call serendipity

one month, four weeks, thirty-one days longer than i thought we would last, if i’m being honest but im glad i was proven wrong i hope we continue to outsmart my stupid, overthinking brain as it conjures up the many, many ways this could go wrong cause i’m having so much fun and i’m so happy, in a way i haven’t been since november you make me so happy thank you for making me so happy

Just three hours in to the shift of a young twenty-two year old woman, the sweat of summer had begun. Clacking of keyboards filled the spaces of office cubicles with an ever more vivid dullness, that matched the shades of greys, blocking social interaction between colleagues. Bright rectangular lights glared downwards -spotlighting each worker- only for the world to never see them. In an office full of writers they were all credited to one stupediously bland name, ‘News Today’.

Within the maze of writers Hallies shift had been distinctly unpleasant. You may ponder how something could be so retched, only three hours in, but with that vengeful sunlight and lack of air conditioning, these things tend to become uncomfortable.

To begin, the shift was the usual, one cup of black coffee to keep her eyes violently focused and removing a deep navy blazer when it became too warm. Two hours in and it was endurable but after three, the temperature rise became unbearable.

Unnatural pinkness formed on Hallies cheeks, with it folllowed a textural torment becoming from dampness and skin. The notion of ripping her shirt of felt like an addiction she couldn’t afford, but it was vital to be defied. With her white shirt slinking to her lower back, she had no choice but to neglect her needs.

Like everyone else Hallie was doing everything to ensure the avoidance of a higher up. Writing too slow, muttering words to yourself would set you up for a talking-to, tending to lead in a harsh firing. So simply everyone attempted to do the opposite.

Typing as rampant as feasible, a salty liquid flicked from Hallies nose dripping on the keyboard below her worn fingers. It couldn’t distract her from this piece -on why not to let your dogs in a room with incense- and focus was demanded from the strolling man who watched everyone.

Named only “Sir” by lower ranking workers, he scouted out for mistakes, he would lurk in an unpigmented shirt and grey silk tie, that matched with plain ashy trousers. Sometimes he’d pass Hallie with stacks of paper, that he’d plant on his next victim, who had to finish the two-hundred pages within the day, or else they’d never come back. And right now he widely strolled to observe the row Hallie resided on.

“Hallie Jenkins” a subtle flick of venom coated his tongue. Hallie in her already stressful state questioned “Yes Sir?” “Wipe that sweat off your head immediately.” He threw a rag of tissue in her general direction. And with that he left her with a stomach spinning as she wiped clean her panic.

Rotating back to face the screen, Hallie tumbled her pens onto a colourless rug. She lent down with a huff and her seat creaked with her exhale. Managing to collect all the black pens in one scoop (she flipped her head back up) only to be caught by her walnut desk. Teeth clenched together and sweat shot down her neck, as her head swelled. No one had turned to look towards the loud clunk of bone on wood, but then again they weren’t allowed to.

Praying to deter from the noise she created, Hallie smashed her keys firmly, as if to ignore of her aching head. However, it only added to the throbbing sensation, now reaching her ears and rewarding her with a belting headache. Reaching toward her forehead ,in an attempt to relieve pressure, she found only more sweat. To herself she thought, this couldn’t get worse.

Along the fourth hour showed itself, to Hallies misery. Fingers blistered, eyes burnt from a bright screen, sweat lingering and staining her shirt, dreariness looming and coffee completely chugged. For the first time since arriving, Hallie stood. She decided another coffee could provide motivation, at this point awareness had to be forced.

Peering out of her claustrophobic space, she fumbled to the coffee machine at the end of the lacklustre hallway. Finally, the woman could stretch out her crackiling bones. Her hand clasped against a cheap cardboard cup and balanced it on the sticky surface of the machine. Pressing the button to pour out black liquid, each leg slowly paced within a four foot area. Beep. Beep. Coffee was ready.

In fear of taking too much precious time, Hallie grabbed the cup and rushed to her station to settle. Hot coffee wasn’t the best choice for the weather but it’s the only choice. Continuing on a new article, about top 10 men who beat the industry, she extended towards her piping hot drink.

Five seconds, is all it took. One, picking up the coffee. Two, feeling intense heat on her slippery hand. Three, a loosened grip. Four, a drop. Five, a zap…

Eyes rolled backwards into the young womans head, her fingers stuttered and her heart twitched. Gasps ran out of her mouth and her chair snapped collapsing her to the ground.

“What the hell is going on Hallie, I can hear you thumping around! More work for you!” striding over impatiently was the same man preparing for a punishment. He turned the corner of the small cubicle with a swift action. But no longer did his eyebrows connect towards his forehead, they jumped up as if he were worried?

On the floor black coffee was littered, flecks of plastic from the cheap chair and Hallie lay on her back, eyes closed. The man didn’t know what to do in this situation, he wasn’t one for helping, usually more for worsening. A hand lay upon his shoulder, the lady from HR demanded him to call an ambulance.

Hallie was pulled out of the office on a stretcher, being left till paramedics could relocate her. No one could touch her, electrical shock, co workers retorted to each other as she was hauled to the hospital.

An office sweat left the young woman in a hospital bed for two days. Coffee spilt set off a cheap keyboard. But with that reasoning, a cheap keyboard, the office of ‘News Today’ was investigated for negligence in connection to their employees.

£600,000, the money they settled in court. Hallie was freed with money to jet her own career to the world. As for the future of the office, it was found that all equipment was faulty; that the coffee machine was a burn risk, the overworking was illegal, many computers had exposed wires and there has been no air conditioning.

Hallie Matthews had destroyed ‘News Today’. Workers were each given £1,000 for their safety being violated. Each person relocated to better workplaces. Many jobs were offered by newspapers and research sites after the news today was Hallies accident.

As for me, my blog is doing just fine.

-Hallie Matthews