“If watching cartoons has taught me anything, it’s that all laws are optional! Especially the laws of physics!” I yelled jumping of the roof. Gunshots followed me as I dived. “Andy why?” My assistant cried jumping after me. I cackled as the police looked down from the roof in horror. I checked the bag to make sure all the rubies were still there, when I made the deadly mistake. I looked down. Instantly, my slow glide to the ground became a terrifying high speed dive to the hard pavement below. “James!” I looked for my assistant, and as I looked he floated behind me. Suddenly the bag of jewels were ripped from my hands! “Sorry Andy but the jewels are mine!” He laughed as he turned into a parrot and flew away. I looked to the ground again to see a volcano full of alligators and- “Andy, your gonna be late for school!” My little brother threw himself onto my bed landing on me. “Ooff! Ow! James?” I stained at him bleary eyed, and groaned. He laughed as I started to untangle myself from the web of sheets. “We have just enough time to watch cartoons!” He jumped up, running for the living room. I stood up, pushing my bushy bed head out of my face, “You know James, I think I’ll skip the cartoons today.” I muttered to myself, dragging myself out of the room. I looked at the kitchen clock, and nearly screamed. The next time I saw James, I made sure to trip him. First he steals my rubies, then he wakes me up before six!

If watching cartoons has taught me anything, it’s that ghosts aren’t real and humans are the real monsters. That thought crossed my mind as I stood in the dimly lit alley, rain falling in a misty drizzle. I had found a crumbled note wedged into my car door, the ink barely readable. The note read: Meet me at the abandoned amusement park at the edge of town at midnight. Come alone if you dare. I began to wonder who could’ve left me this note and my curiosity got the better of me. Against my better judgment, I found myself heading to the abandoned amusement park as the clock struck midnight. The creaking gates swung open on their own as I entered, and the rusted carousel began to turn backward, its music playing a haunting tune that sent shivers down my back. The roller coaster ride began to move on its own and the cotton candy machine turned on. I walked over to the cotton candy machine to grab some cotton candy. I eat the cotton candy, it was good. At that moment, I had this feeling to turn around and run. Before I could move, a shadowy figure stepped out, grabbed my arm, and snarled “You’re about to find out who the real monsters are.”

Breathe. Take another step. Breathe. And another. Breathe. Take ano- “Ahhhhhhhhhh!” And breathe. Just breathe. And run! Definitely run! “Lauren! Help me!” “Get up then!” “But I need help!” “Too bad! Every man or woman for himself or herself out here!” “But LAURAN! We’re besties! Aren’t we?” “Of course we are! But we need to keep moving!” If watching cartoons have taught me anything, it’s not to stop during a chase scene and have a massive long conversation about telling each other to leave!

“If watching cartoons has taught me anything, it’s friendship overcomes all” He said with quite the gusto. “Well yeah but you needs friends for that” Miri jabbed with all the grace of a snake choking itself on a mouse. “Ha. Ha. You crack me up, but how are we-“ he looked at Miri, Al and then pointed at himself. “-WE! Going to do about the very glaring issue at hand here. The very issue that no one has owned up to” “I say it was the cat” spiked Miri. “We don’t have a cat” Isu retorted. “We could get a cat to blame” Al suggested. “Neither of you are helping, there’s a gaping hole in the middle of the room, and no one’s going to own up to it? Not the Medusa herself trying to summon Cthulhu in our bathroom?!” Isu had been gathering a bit of a red face. “Hey! The cult members were cool till they turned the shower curtain to tentacles!” Miri sullenly gave him her time. “And you little Al, you piece of work. Inviting elementals over to crash at our place was bad enough, but I~ woke up to a FIRE ELEMENTAL casually taking a nap ON THE STOVE! If it had chilled any more the hole wouldn’t be a problem. Because we wouldn’t have a house” Isu never got over that incident, but he never admitted how good his breakfast was that morning. “Oh please, you wish you could have him over more often” Al chimed with a chipper tone. “Pancakes made by a fire elemental chef won’t fill this hole… So no one’s coming forward?” Isu asked “Nope” Miri shrugged “Not unless there’s pancakes at the bottom” Al joked. Isu stood there against the wall, eyeing the hole and it’s endless pit of darkness, “we’ve dropped a couple things in but they never came back. Hhhhh maybe I’ll call it in” Miri looked at the hole, squinted and gave Isu a side eye. She went to the kitchen and came swiftly back with some pet food. “Where’d you find that”? Isu looked at Miri with a face of ‘what and where are you going with this’ “Dade left it here, big wooly guy you know ‘im” Miri tossed the food in and- and. Nothing? “Mew” The items came tossed back out as the hole shrunk, by the end of it a tiny black blob was left in the centre. “I hate you Miri” Isu said rubbing his face as if he was trying to remove it. “I told you it was the cat” She replied, grinning to herself as she leaned down and pet the lightless thing. “Mew”

“If watching cartoons has taught me anything, it’s that you don’t actually start falling until you look down.” Lisa explained calmly. “I’M NOT JUMPING OFF A CLIFF.” screams Meg. They were cornered at the end of a ravine. While Meg and Lisa were fighting over the best course of action for their escape route, Nick was shooting holes into the tires of the all terrain vehicles that were racing towards them. “I’m running out of bullets over here.” Nick called out behind him to the girls. “Did you not watch Wiley Coyote when you were younger?” Asked Lisa, still being abnormally calm about the whole situation. “Is there any other way out of this?” Called Nick over his shoulder. He wasn’t to keen to jump off of a cliff but if there was no other option he gladly would to get away from these guys. “No” spoke Lisa. “I’ll find one!!” It was just when Meg shouted that, when Nick had run out of bullets and could no longer stop the trucks racing towards them. “NO TIME” called Nick he ran towards the cliff, where Lisa was already jumping and Meg was still complaining very loudly. Nick was still running towards her. “There’s water, it’ll be fine.” And with that he grabbed Meg’s hand and pulled both of them over the edge.

The day you doubt Petunia is the day you doubt that Pepe is a cat! Yes in life there are so few choices that make any sense when you fall in love. But unrequited is the most unfortunate of all. You live to live and hurt all the while. Yep Pepe is a skunk. I have expressed my upmost distress that I do dislike Pepe and I never want him. Days go by and all I can do is scamper. Wild in my ways I groom myself by 10 I’m out the kitchen door. Through a alley full of fluffy and dusty critters I make it unscathed to the place I wish. Transportation started early in the morning before I finished a single dish. Lovely is my fur still and glossy from the Vitamins in my mistress’s food as her husband takes bottles of milk in from the front stoop. “Hey what is that odor,” he says. As I hurry to the back of the house just to start my day. Leafs flutter to the ground a perfect hailstorm of elements set to ruin me. I grace back under the awning of a building and wait patiently. At last the bus arrives and i petal up to the back seats just before the driver notices. Passengers take their change from pockets and deposit it in the machine. A long enough distraction for me to sit underneath the well of the tire shed. Lo and behold the scheming weasel jumped at the chance to ride in a seat. Passengers jumped out their seat and one lady squealed and screamed as the stinky skunk sat in the way. “Eu de funk,” said a man as he rushed by. “Stinky skunk,” cryer a woman who also left the scene. The think about me is that I had resolved to make it all twenty stops to where I wanted to go. Public transportation for a cat is much better than footing it. “Ma Cherie I do enjoy a stroll in the park,” called out Pepe and the race to get out of there was on as he grabbed my tail. Hoisting me in his arms I brought out my claws for a swipe. The swipe missed but he just became further encouraged. Looney Tunes owned by WB no copyright infringement. Strictly for comedic value are the characters written this way. All copyright belong to the owners and only the names are true the situations are fictionalized.

If watching cartoons has taught me anything, it’s the power that comes from working hard towards something you want. One of my all time favorite anime, My Hero Academia’s main character is inspiring to me because he never gives up, no matter what. I would like to use that approach in my own life more often, but unfortunately I can’t seem to figure out what exactly I want, there’s so many different choices! And if I pick one then I end up deciding that something else would probably be better, so I give it up. But I have decided to try and remedy that by making a list of a few things that I want to pursue, allotting a specific amount of time (probably a month) and working on it for that time. At the end of the trial period I can decide if it’s something I want to continue or not. I think that will help me gain skills in the things I’m interested in and hopefully help me narrow down what I actually want to pursue!

“If watching cartoons has taught me anything, it’s to never give up.” Duke shakes his head. “You need to stop referencing Wiley E. Coyote while we crack this safe.” I grin and hold my breath, stethoscope two inches below the dial, spinning it slowly, listening to the clicks. I turn it another inch. Got it. “56,” I say, adjusting my placement. “Don’t down the ‘yote. Did you know he caught him three times?” Duke jots it down. “And failed and fell how many?” I grin and put it back on for the final number. The safe is a beaut — a 1955 ironside with piston action and over a hundred pins. You’d need a bomb to get it open—or me. With steady slow clicks, we’re 2 minutes away from millions. The house sighs around us, settling in the high wind. The office is regal, expensive, worth only a quarter of what we hope to find inside. With a little click(37), it all comes loose. I spin the combination and the lock clicks home. “You don’t count the falls—it was part of the fun. It’s only the wins that matter,” I say, smiling. The heavy iron door creaks open and the tidy stacks of cash sit, piled almost to the top. We step back in awe. It’s a sight to behold. “This must be Albuquerque.” I breathe. “You’re mixing cartoons.” Duke says, in a reverent whisper. “Doesn’t matter,” I say, pointing to the money. “This is what matters.” It’s like my fingers move of their own volition. “Wait! Don’t!” Duke says grabbing for my hand, but it’s too late. Rookie Wiley E. Coyote move. The alarms must have alarms as they scream into the night. We can only grab a few handfuls each before we jet. “It’s like the Acme company made it for you!” Dike spits, running to the same window entered—through the library and in the conservatory which faces the back yard. It’s still open. He ducks under first, then me and suddenly we’re racing under the moonlight. The alarms still howl behind us and lights have clicked on in the house. We run through the backyards until we’re three streets over, back in the van, shutting the doors. We breathe for a second before Duke takes off into the night. “Kinda blew it there Wiley. You left a mountain of cash!” Duke hits the wheel. “Monty’s gonna be pissed.” “Not with these he’s not” I roll out the black bag I nabbed and the contents glitter in the yellow beams of the passing streetlights. “This and some bearer bonds should keep him happy.” Duke snorts, angry energy dissipating. “Okay, I guess. Let me in on your harebrained scheme next time.” I nod and look out the window. That’s one promise I can’t keep. The next one is the biggest one of all and the less he knows, the better.

If watching cartoons has taught me anything, it’s that there is really no reason to ever leave my bed. I mean, except to go to the bathroom and get food. I guess I could get a mini fridge. And a bedpan. Or a urinary catheter. Okay, so maybe this life lesson isn’t turning me into Gandhi or anything. But here’s the thing: no matter what time you wake up in the morning, there will be cartoons on. And with a little judicious channel switching, those cartoons can last you all the way to bedtime. And the other thing cartoons have taught me is that there’s really no reason to ever think about your own life. Really. Between Bugs Bunny, Bikini Bottom, and Bubbles, Blossom, and Buttercup, my brain has plenty of material to keep itself engaged and entertained without spending a single second on anything that might upset it. Some people would say this is an extremely poor coping mechanism. That you can’t spend life lying around watching cartoons and never making anything of yourself. That you have to face up to your problems, do the work, see a therapist, walk 10,000 steps a day, eat kale, and… I don’t know, do something every day that scares you. I say they’re not watching enough cartoons.

It’s taught me that even the nicest people can be two faced and when you think you know someone they do something that makes you realize that you were wrong. So you pull away but then you get lonely and don’t know what to do anymore. It’s a cold cold world and the sooner that people realize it the better we will be as a society. Power doesn’t need to be as important as politicians make it.