“If you had to rob a bank, how would you do it?”

“Well, that’s not a fair question because I never would. Try again!”

“No, let’s make it more interesting. How would we do something we would never do?”

“Okay then.”

“Okay, so?”

“Give me a second! I would plan for sure. Scout the smallest bank I could find with the largest loot. I guess I’d have to buy a gun. Protection, maybe another person or two. A driver of course. Maybe my dog.”

“A dog?”

“You know, for moral support. But not really, just being silly. Anyway, a gun, yeah, and bags and bags to carry the loot. So many bags that I won’t be able to carry them without a suitcase, so a suitcase too.”

“You’re robbing a bank with a dog and a suitcase.”

“Hypothetically, and I told you the dog was a joke. You have a better idea, anyway?”

“Hypothetically, of course, I walk in and start shooting until the room is empty and I’m free to take what I want.”

“Hmm. Dark.”

“Yeah. Let’s do another question. You pick this time.”

“God these bills are getting ridiculous.” Ruby grumbled from the kitchen as she threw the latest bill statement on the counter. Smoke drifted through the air around my face as I reached over and grabbed the bill, my cigarette perched between my fingers as I read over this months power bill.

“Two-hundred dollars for power this month?” I exclaimed, pinching the bridge of my nose between my fingers. “We’re barely even home enough to use that much power.”

“I know!” Ruby said throwing her hands up in the air. I took a drag of my cigarette as I threw the bill back down. Neither one of us were well off, we both grew up lower-middle class. No college, straight into the work force. We worked for the same Hotel, cleaning rooms for barely enough money to get by. Living paycheck to paycheck. We had a small single-wide trailer, 2 bedrooms and one bath. Barely a thousand square feet and it still cost us over a grand each month to keep the place.

“Okay, Hear me out.” I started, Ruby stared at me from behind her fingers as she held her head on the counter, “Let’s rob a bank.”

She starred at me for a minute before bursting out in laughter, “That’s a good one Lil. Yeah, we’ll just go rob a bank. That’ll solve all of our problems. 3 Meals and a Cot.”

It was definitely a ludicrous idea, how could two girls in their twenties possibly pull off a bank job big enough to set-them up for life. The real question was though, was it really impossible?

I leaned forward on my arms, clasping my hands in front of me, continuing, “I’m serious Rubes. Think about it.” Her face turned thoughtful as she looked me over, considering what I was saying.

“Lil,” she started, “How on earth do you expect us to rob a bank?”

“Well, It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while now actually.” And it wasn’t a lie, I had been thinking about this for a while. Ever since last month when we almost got evicted cause we were short on rent for the fifth time this year.

“The first step, is picking the right bank.”

“You’re not joking at all, are you?” She asked, her hazel eyes staring a hole through me.

“No, Rubes. I’m not joking.” Ruby started pacing the kitchen, she ran a hand through her shoulder length blonde hair.

“Okay,” she said, still pacing. Her way of controlling her racing thoughts. My eyes followed her as she walked back and forth, “Do you have a bank in mind?”

I smiled, “I was hoping you’d ask that.” Reaching for my laptop I pulled it open to reveal a picture of a bank she’d never seen before.

“Where the hell is that?” She asked, her eyes scanning over the information on the screen, “First National Bank of Edenton?” Her eyes flicked up to meet mine.

“The First National Bank of Edenton is the only bank in Edenton, North Carolina. Edenton being a small coastal town in Chowan County. Small town equals small police force equals low crime rate and lazy cops.”

“But we don’t live in Edenton, North Carolina.” She stated looking back at my computer screen to read over the notes I’d been taking.

“Precisely.”

“What do you mean precisely?” She huffed.

“Ruby, why would we hit a bank in the town we live in?” I asked her, she bit her lip, “We’re going to hit a bank, in a town, hours away from here. That we’ve never been too.”

“You’ve put a whole lot of thought into this.” She responded, “What about alibi’s? Disguises?” She paused, “Weapons…?”

“I’ve got all of that figured out. First of all, we’re gonna need burner phones. We’re gonna leave our real phones here, we can set them up for call-forwarding so any calls we receive will go to the burner phones but it will look like we’re home if they check our phones gps. However, we shouldn’t need alibis.” I stood up, getting excited to be able to finally tell her about my plan.

“Secondly, We won’t need disguises. We are going to hit the bank after hours. Which also means, we won’t need weapons.” I stopped there, letting Ruby digest what I had laid out for her so far.

“I’ll be Chuck E, you can be Mickey” said Evan, the loud crack of a 12oz can following his comment. “You can be Minnie, the cops would get a good laugh at least”. Darrel quipped back without hesitation.

The recliner cried out for help as Evan briefly leaned back even further before getting up to do his best Minnie Mouse routine. “Heyo folks get your hiney’s down on the ground or you’ll make like cheese and have some holes in you!” he chirped in his best high-pitched voice.

He’d hardly finished before Darrel cracked up, and once he had, they both broke into laughter. The impression was the spark to be certain but the 6-packs of cheap beer had gotten them combustible in the first place.

“But seriously,” Evan continued somberlyi after the laughs died down. “We put on those big mouse helmets; and we act like ‘em too. Move quietly across the room, don’t let nobody know we’re there until it’s too late. Then we get our cheddar.” The plan seemed plenty developed in the early morning hour, and they men decided they’d pull the figurative trigger tomorrow.

Neither of the men quite realized until they’d tugged on the door handle, breathing heavily through their whisker-lined masks that they’d attempted to rob a bank on a Saturday. Each of them scurried back to the car exactly as planned, just like a mouse.

the bank deposits will be difficult to save when we get there we will forcefully withdrawal the tender until the heart of the vault has bled its last favorite politician

exactly i reckon we will use the egress in the back to time our entrance with the start of the emmy’s so we will defy the unpopular vote to mark as the favor of all the presidents

Tex chews on his portion of the food, his rations for the night.

It’s barely enough for a small child, certainly not for someone his size. While superstrength had its perks, it also makes him hungry.

“Here, I don’t need a lot anyway,” Ness has half of hers in her outstretched hand.

He wants to deny her, but hunger gnaws at his insides. “I’m serious. Escaping won’t do us any good if you die from starvation,” she reassures. Even with his ability, he is weak and caves after that.

“Thank you,” he says quietly, guilt now eating at him instead of the hunger pains. She shakes her head, “Don’t thank me. We are barely surviving as it is.” Her eyes shift to their run down living conditions. The abandoned barn is good for hiding, but not much to look at. She is probably thinking about Penny and Landen right now. The absence evident in the quiet space. They left the safety of this place to scavenge for food.

“Maybe we should rob a bank.”

It causes a surprised laugh to leave him. Her tone was so deadpan. “Yeah, we should,” he agrees.

“It would be easy with our combined powers,” she continues.

“Maybe hold up the bank teller and terrify them with my super strength or your crazy weather abilities.”

They laugh and the hunger is forgotten. The jokes and teasing are a nice distraction from their situation. It is almost like they are normal teenagers. Not freak experiments.

Closing his eyes and laying back on some old, scratchy hay, he adds onto the story, “Then we would have money to rent a motel room. Maybe not worry about food for a little bit. Go to an actual fast food place.”

“I would literally kill for a burger right now,” she says in jest, opening her palm with a mini lightning bolt flashing in it. Tex would understand how some may underestimate Ness. She is small and not threatening looking. But she is dangerous. All of them are.

The stupid scientist didn’t give them stable powers. Left with uncontrollable, destructive capabilities. All for his fucking cure.

Tex hopes it was worth it.

Actually he hopes it wasn’t and that Dr. Marken lives a painful life filled with misery and failures.

“Think of how easy it would be. Just one display of our powers and we could rob the whole bank. I could rip the door off. You could create a tornado inside the building, really make a scene,” he says.

Ness shrugs. “Yeah, but we would scare a lot of people. The path given to us isn’t easy if we want to be good people. And we are good people. So we’ll continue down this path in hopes it will lead us to what we need.” There is a quiet optimism about Ness. There always has been. It dimmed a little after Project Arizona disappeared. Just thinking about her makes his anger rise. But Ness, she held on to whatever shred of hope she had left. Penny renewed it when she arrived.

“And what do we need?” He asks,

“I don’t know. The basic survival items like food and water and shelter. Then answers, hopefully. I would settle for revenge as well,” her voice turning darker, sharper at the end, no doubt remembering the horrible experiments and the loss of Project Arizona. Zona, they had collectively decided to call her.

Maybe Penny or Landen would dissuade from the revenge part, but Tex wasn’t as kind.

“I’m with you. One day, we’ll get revenge on Marken.”

She nods in understanding.

Even when Penny and Landen announces a feast of a thrown away pizza, he and Ness don’t look at them. Instead, they take a moment and bask in the solidarity of their agreement before springing up to see what they scavenged.

Over a box of pizza, munching on greasy cheese and pepperoni, Tex and Ness share a look.

Dr. Marken will answer their questions on what he did to them. And then he will pay.

Even if it is the last thing Tex does.

———— (Say a number between 1-43 in the comments. I may or may not have that many drafts. I want to finish a random one, so you get to pick which one(s) I finally look at and hopefully put out!)

1st Alex 2nd Douglas

You’ve written a book?

Yes, it’s a quirky metaphorical self- improvement pamphlet

About bank robbers?

It’s not illegal if it’s a metaphor

Are you sure?

Technically simile could land you with community service, but metaphor is ok

Maybe you’d be sent somewhere that felt like prison..

but wasn’t

Exactly, so what’s the central idea?

Approach your life as if you were robbing a bank, always wear a mask, keep the engine running for a swift exit…

Are you sure these are good tips? What about preparation?

Good point, I might include that in the paid-for version..

(hahahahahahaha i wish I could watch all of hazbin hotel but alas. i have contented myself with the pilot and a buttload of edits on Snapchat 😔 anyway I love Angel :>)

“That’s bullshit, Ang. By the time you got to the door you’d’ve gotten your big-ass head popped.” Ray rolls their eyes, tossing a piece of popcorn into their mouth.

Angel laughs. “Come on, Ray. It’s a good plan, you just don’t wanna admit it,” he grins, poking them in the side.

“No, it’s a terrible plan. You may be a sexy idiot, but you’re still an idiot. If you want to rob a bank successfully, you don’t need disguises or diversions. You just need to walk in there like you own the place,” Ray says, shoving another handful of popcorn into their mouth.

“You think I’m sexy?” Angel smirks, disregarding the rest of their statement.

Ray glares at him. “Shu’ th’ fuck uh.”

He snort-laughs, leaning his head on theirs. “It’s okay to admit you’re down bad for me, sweetheart~ I would be too. I mean just LOOK at this fuckin’ adorable face.”

He makes puppy eyes, and Ray can’t stop themself from blushing.

Angel, of course, notices, and bursts into laughter. Ray blushes harder, smacking him upside the head.

“Shut the fuck UP, webs-for-brains. I don’t… you’re not… UGH.” Ray covers their face with their hands, mortified by the turn in conversation.

He covers his mouth with one hand, trying to stop the giggling. “Sor-sorry, Ray- ahaha, you’re just so damn cute when you’re flustered. Couldn’t help but tease ya.”

“Funny how you like teasing but hate being teased,” Ray mutters, dragging their hand down their face and glaring at him again. “ANYway. The bank thing.”

“Honestly? Seems like too much work. And it’s SO cliche,” Angel shrugs. “Only place I wanna get into is your pants.” He waggles his eyebrows.

Ray’s face goes blank for a second, as if they’re remembering something.

Then, predictably, the blush returns, but their expression is less flustered, more chagrined. “I… Ang… We have to keep SOME semblance of a work relationship. We can be friends, but…”

They let the sentence hang there.

The silence becomes thick, uncomfortable. Angel clears his throat and stands up. “Yeah. You’re probably right. You couldn’t handle me anyway, sugar.” He winks, but it’s halfhearted, and his smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “See ya,” he mumbles, gathering his things and leaving.

Ray sits back on the couch, hands on their face and regret in their heart.

They wish they could love him.

But they can’t be hurt again.

(that was a rollercoaster :) anyway i love Ray and long live queer rep)

"I am being serious. This isn't something I would joke about." Ethan explained. "Without a doubt, we could rob a bank. It really wouldn't be hard."

"I don't think that is what Andrew is worried about. Right?" Chloe asked, turning to Andrew who nodded. "Exactly, he is more worried that you literally want us to rob a bank."

"It is a bit out there," Andrew added quietly.

"I quite like it," Zoe said from across the room. "Why shouldn't we, I mean we are already on the run. The agency is after us, the normies want us dead. What's a bank robbery on the long list of our alleged crimes?"

"I hate to say it but these two are right. We need what is in the vault, stealing it is by far the easiest way." Shay agreed. Walking into the room with a whiteboard, snatching a pack of whiteboard markers from a glowing patch of air. "So what we should do is actually work out how we are going to do this."

"First rule, no harming anyone." Chloe said, everyone except Andrew giving each other side eyes. "Guys we can't keep letting our image go down. If we ever want to be seen as heroes again we can't keep destroying things."

"No she's right. No harming anyone." Ethan nodded, "Not even the security or police."

He hesitated. Putting a hand to his chin. "Ok well maybe the police if they try something stupid."

"Agreeable," Zoe said, sticking out her hand to shake.

"Now that we are all on the same page. Who wants to kick off the idea storm? No brain boost. Oh man someone help me here." Ethan asked looking around.

The group all looked at him. Covering their mouths, trying not to laugh.

"No no. We trust in you our fearless leader. He who wants to rob a bank, can't think of a simple iddium." Chloe laughed, the rest of the team joining her.

Ethan swiped the pens from Shay and drew a loose map of what the bank looked like.

"We need to get into box 734. There are two of us in the team who can actually break into the box. Shay and me. So that means you three will have to play distraction." Ethan explained. "Would any of you like to tell me how you should play distraction?"

"I think-" Zoe began.

"No you aren't getting Alex to tunnel into the bank." Ethan interrupted her.

"Why both having her on our side if we don't use her to burrow. We are wasting her incredible powers." Zoe pouted.

"Nope, next." Ethan turned to Andrew.

"We could try to lie and fake our way near the box?"

"Not bad but also terrible. We are all teenagers, there is no way they would believe that we have a box. You smart one. What's the plan?"

"Me?" Chloe asked, acting surprised and doing a terrible job of it. "I have a lot of ideas."

"One." Ethan warned.

Chloe clasped her hands over her mouth, everyone could see her brain whirring.

After a few seconds she slammed her hands on the table.

"Ethan you are so so rude." Chloe laughed.

"I don't know what you mean." Ethan said, sharing the smile.

"If either of you don't tell me what's going on I am going to start throwing furniture." Zoe warned.

"We are trying to get into this box to get an item. We have a picture of the item and a written description of what it does."

"Okay? I still don't think I understand." Andrew admitted.

"We also happen to have someone on our team who can create objects out of thin air."

All eyes fell to Shay who looked scared. She pointed at Ethan, "Look at him, he is the one who wasted our time!"

"I will be honest I just wanted to see who was on board for robbing a bank." Ethan laughed.

“We could enter through the vents; drop in the conference room?” Beck asked. Zach smirks. “We could enter into the kitchen, grab a bite to eat, and then go on our merry way to the vault.” Beck chuckles. “Do you think they have prime rib?” “Maybe some vodka, too?” They laugh in unison. Beck looks over the blueprints of the bank again and gets lost in thought. Zach fidgets with a pen and spins in his chair, “I think we should wear some makeup, make us less noticeable.” Beck lifts his head. “We are wearing masks.” “Oh right,” Zach says. “Maybe makeup on the mask?” “Shut up.” “Come on, let’s have some fun!”

Rob a bank? No thanks But why not? There’s a lot of money Sweet as honey But we’d get caught Maybe not Need a getaway Let’s do this my way Another day I’d say Let’s do this bank job Tomorrow