Writing Prompt

(This is my story and my essay I turned into my school. This may be taken down but I beg that it’s not)

Alone, again, sitting on the cold metal bench after trying to communicate. As always, my friends ignored me no matter how loud I was. After two years of middle school, I was done with it. Done with neglect, blank stares, and my friend’s problems. It got so bad that I wanted to die. It consumed me by the second like a rock fall in water. However, my fears and common sense held me back. Nothing bad happened and I never inflicted any pain. Every lunch I would smile and every recess I would listen. The complaints, selfishness, and problems each one had. I gave advice or was there for comfort, but when I tried to voice my struggles, I got nothing. I tried but in return I got no sympathy, eye contact, or morsel of anything to see if they cared. Just the blank stare and deafening silence. Their excuse, “I don’t know how to deal with feelings.” All I was asking for was recognition. Nevertheless, I kept walking around the same circle used as a trauma trashcan. As a result, I left class to go to my counselor to relive a few my problems. Fortunately, a glass filled to the brim with emotions had to spill and the last day of school was when it did.             With clouded vision and a stinging throat, I lifted myself up from the bench. When I approached my counselor, the other teachers stepped away as I dragged her to her office. Finally, I did what I banned myself from doing. As small broken sounds erupted, one by one, I started to sob. Instead of blank stares I got recognition. “Good job, you’re crying.” I was shocked, she was proud of me. I started laughing, I never thought my meltdown would end well. Together we talked about how I was going to get out of this school.             I got home and I told my mom I wanted to switch schools. So, I did, and it was magical. I was free with new friends and no expectations. Quickly I found my reason to live. I removed myself from negativity and was happy. Slowly I started to value myself and heal. Finally, I went back and told my counselor, who was now a licensed therapist, about my mental state the two years before. I found out that I have severe anxiety and social anxiety. I used the recommended skills and managed it with my friends and family. I had finally found peace in a whirlpool of doubt. I promised myself that I would never be treated the way my old friends treated me. I set my priorities and will abide by them. Spending those two years in that middle school taught me how to deal with the varieties of people I encounter today. I learned self-acceptance and boundaries that I consider when something negative happens. The quote that sums up the outcome of my adventure is, “Strength is a matter of a made-up mind” – John Beecher. Which means that a strong and positive mindset can get you through more than you know. Now I will never let anyone lead my life again.

I could feel my blood ice and clot in my veins. The smallest and sharpest of the shards formed and scraped along the inside of my chest, shredding heart muscle and sending my mind into primal panic. Staggering out a choked breath, the warmth of my bed did little to knock out the icicles forming through my fingertips sending out violent shocks of cold backwards through the bones of my sweaty hands into my body only to rattle around and physically shake my huddled form.

The fleeced comfort of the grey blanket could not protect me from what sprang me to such attention. Scouting out into my room the thick darkness only hindered by the smallest of slivers of light peaking around the heavy black curtain, I determined the sound was still at bay. Not yet to the little room but close enough. My adrenaline almost projecting me out of my fetal position and into a skittish stance; daring not to take a step before confirming.

The thunderous crash came over me once again like a tidal wave sending me stumbling back into the small wooden bedside table. The clinking of half-empty glasses disturbed the now silent air. Closing my eyes in frustration at adding to the noise now suddenly completely surrounding me. Hopeful my mistake didn’t alert what now waits for me, I took one step at a time towards the pitch black hallway. Wiping my palms at my side, I closed my eyes to gather my strength before peering around the corner.

“Oh god.”

My instinct to fear was right. I’m my eye-line, through the blotchy dim of the lightless house, illuminated by the outline in the frosted front door was a figure. Unable to clearly make out what stood unmoving behind the door, my moves were wobbly and uncertain. Each lumbering shuffle added a almost painful jolt through my person. Steadying myself against the dusty walls of the hallway and the plastic wrap of the floral sofa, I stopped just feet from the door. Strategically hidden behind the corner of the entryway, another deep breath and skip in my near calcified heart, I slowly turned my head just enough to catch a glimpse of that motionless frame. No one should be here. I reminded myself as for the first time since this invasion began, my mind began to thaw.

There aren’t any packages today. I reasoned. The neighbors have never come over. Unless my mail way delivered to them by mistake. Can’t they just leave it at the door? Another small moment of bravely led me to sneak one last peek to ensure it was a polite neighbor. Just as I peripherally landed on the door, another four insistent booms rang out restarting my heart. Defibrillated and slumping down the wall in shock, my mind raced in a sickening frenzy. They wouldn’t knock three times unless they were waiting for a response. They need a response. Unless it’s a killer. I go to the door and they blow my head off through the glass. Glass is two ways; even frosted glass. Vague shadows and outlines can be made out from the outside, even when shrouded in darkness. I know. I checked. What if I don’t answer and they move to the windows?

My eyes darted to the kitchen window over the full sink. The blinded tightly closed, let in just enough light to be able to detect a shadow move the other side overlooking the front porch. No movement from that corner of the house settled my stomach for a moment before remembering how many other windows were accessible from the front yard alone. The only solution I could string together through the chaos of my thoughts was to keep my eye on the front door; to keep my eye on this visitor.

He’s still there. He hasn’t moved since the last knock. His hands look empty but it’s hard to tell. The gun could be in his back pocket waiting for my to slide the locks out of place, just waiting to push inside and finish me.

The fear sparked the fuel in my mind and sent me sliding down the wall; my legs turning to jelly unable to hold myself up.

The police have to announce themselves. I haven’t done anything. I’m a good person. That monster on the other side of my door is who they should be arresting. But if it’s a police officer he would announce it. What if it isn’t a man? What if it’s a woman who needs someone’s help? That lady on the news a few years ago escaped from a kidnapper and knocked on random people’s doors. She was lucky. She knocked on the right door. If I was-

BOOM BOOM BOOM

My breath caught in my throat as the loudest bangs yet echoed off the dirty walls and crashed into me from every direction. A nauseating churn of sour, writhing of maggots inside my guts hobbled me over, near retching. Covering my ears and heaving my shaking legs into the chest, the defensive position against the wall brought a steady comfort to me. Even being as close as I was to this mysterious phenomenon, I knew I was safe in here.

The door is locked. The back door is locked. All of the windows are locked. I should have gotten that security system. I could have. They work in security they wouldn’t hurt me. Unless they memorize the code or find a way to override it remotely and break in themselves. Find someone standing over me late at night with a gun in my face. Absolutely not!

Unstopping my ears, sitting in the silence, the only sounds possible were faint engines on the highway across the street and my own pulse beating in my neck. Digging my nails into my calves, I used the very last bit of strength in my body to do one last inspection of this suspicious person. And to my surprise, they were gone. The solace of the empty doorstep began to calm the nerves bouncing around my body. Eyes closed, almost laughing with relief, I slid further down the wall. Laying on my side, knees still hugging my steadying stomach, I couldn’t even bring my eyes to open again.

He could be going for a window. I’d hear him if he did. The floor is so cool. The tile on my face is so welcome.

All thoughts drained from my head as the exhaustion of the day took me. And I let it take me. I let it take me everyday. Every time a delivery driver drops food off at my door. Every time a neighbor knocked to exchange misplaced mail. Every time the outside world tried to beat down that glass and make its way to me. I froze. I shivered. I hid.

The world was filled with terror. Someone looking to steal or kill or worse. And I was the target. I’m that precious object just on the other side of the glass they desperately pound for. Knowing it’s a delivery person or a neighbor changed nothing. They could all kill. They all had bad intentions for me. The world had bad intentions for me. And if I opened the door, if I broke the seal of this sanctum, all hell would flow through and take me with it. Swallow me up in some hideous nightmare. I would not allow it. I would do whatever it took to keep myself and the moment of my death at someone’s hands as far apart as possible.

Realistically, I knew I was safe here. I knew, the door would hold and the windows were secure but I still checked them all throughout the day. I still wouldn’t play music out loud in case it should mask the shattering of glass. I still slept with my bedroom door locked to give myself as much time as possible before my certain demise. Death would be kept at bay by whatever means necessary. And if that meant shuttering the windows so long they kept layers of dust or only sneaking the door open in a flash to retrieve a package at five in the morning (the statistical lowest point in the day for violent crime) or sleeping with the lightness of a baby doe, I would do it. To me, there were much worse things out there than a little restlessness or self imposed claustrophobia.

The reality of my situation was not lost on me. This house was a tomb. The dark, dank house remained eerily silent at all times. The occasional visitors left without seeing anyone alive. And the neglect of the structure itself spelled out how long it had been since this isolation began. It’s hard to clean in the dark. And taking out the trash was an unacceptable risk. The decay and the stillness were mausoleum-adjacent and exactly how I preferred it. The house was a tomb yes, but a tomb of my making. Within my control.

As a laid myself to rest on the chilled floor of my crypt, finally settled and heart beating in rhythm, the filthy walls and stained popcorn ceiling faded away with the rest of the world. The only time my mind didn’t hold terror in it was this state. The in-between state of the constant worry of what was beyond these walls to the ghosts and other monsters that hunted and terrorized me in my sleep. This moment where reality was it’s thinnest was what I lived for. I was reasonably safe and protected but just outside of in control. My mind had to do the hard work of delivering me into slumber. Into the hands of what waited for me that day. On the yellowed tiles, just as I began to slip in deep, yet another unexpected horror found me again.

At my most vulnerable, this affliction that had found me before rose from the depths of my mind. Reaching out with scalding needle-tipped fingers, tracing a fine bloody scar across the veil separating my psyche from unchecked chaos. Pure undiluted madness. The sharp, mind numbing burn sent an entirely different shock through my system. Another companion that follows in the stead of my isolation and constant alarm. At the outer edge of what makes me, me, it settled. Like a hungry predator, it waits patiently for me at my most unaware. At my most peaceful. Just after my consciousness steadies but before the wall is in place, it lunges. As of yet unable to penetrate the crumbling border, it drags its talons across this veil, moving grey matter in its way but never quite piercing the surrounding tissue.

My only salvation. My only hope was that the veil never tears. That day, it’s projectile found no weakness in the defense. But the searing point of its reach made reality ever less tangible. At least for a minute or two. Experience taught me rousing my mind to focus on sensation would send it back over the line sooner. The air in my lungs. The cool of the tile. The background hum of cars on the highway. The veil would soon enough snap back into form and allow me my respite.

Once in a more relaxed state, my mind, too tired to keep going, allowed itself to shut down completely. Relinquish control to what salivated for me in my slumber. In the dreams, there was no defense or logic just fear. Something internal rather than who turned away from my door. Something that couldn’t actually hurt me. Something to be tolerated. Something to bear.

She knew it was coming. She had known it was coming for a while. She had felt it creeping closer; coming closer and closer and closer still. She could feel it now, breathing a premonitory fog. She could feel the scars of its phantom touch dragging across her skin, leaving disturbed flesh. She could feel it slowly change her into its perfect cradle.

It entered her home slowly. It had turned the door handle slowly; yet before she could blink, the door was open. It took its time moving through the house, slowly but not silently. In fact, it wasn't that subtle or silent at all. Certainly, not in the face of the suffocating silence. Sure, when she wasn’t looking at it, it seemed to fade into the background and become…numb. She could hear it, she could see it, but only just as much as she could hear or see anything else, if not less so. However, if she looked, she could sense it, she could see it, she could almost even feel it. Well, now, she definitely felt it. It seemed like the closer it got, the more she could feel it, make sense of it.

It looked so familiar; like so much she had seen before, but no longer saw. And what made it so familiar, yet so…unsettling? It came closer, and she could feel the fear in her heart. Well, not only fear. She could feel…something else, but she couldn’t put her finger on exactly what. In fact, now, her emotions seemed to run away from her. They ran, father and father, as it got closer and closer, till it was standing over her. “Nothing left to feel now,” it said? “Nothing to fear,” she whispered back. And she smiled. And then, she screamed.

Tread lightly On stony ground With feathered feet that make no sound Careful burden that you bear Make your steps to float like air

Tread lightly With head held tall Let not a drop of water fall I musn’t hear you coming close Make yourself an unseen ghost

Tread lightly Until I know Who you are and where you go Til you are safely in my vision Make stillness your eternal mission

Tread lightly For I am afraid Of any noise from footsteps laid They could be you outside the wall Or a villian come to kill us all

I fear many things… call me crazy. Spiders, bugs, centipedes, sharks, black holes, creepy crawlies, and pit-bulls. But one of the things that sends me screaming… is the thing many love. It is a sign of rebirth and beauty… but all I see is the legs. Many say, “Kitty, why do you hate them?” My best friend even tells me that it is the first word she learned in German.

I feel estranged when someone sees the creature that sends me screaming. The zoo, in the wild, even at school, I see the nasty creature, and it sends shivers down my spine. Now here I am, hiding under my bed while the creature rules my house, embracing the admiration given to it by my family. Suddenly, the creature lands on my arm, and flaps its gold, orange, and brown wings. I scream and it flies away.

My dad shoos it outside, and finally, the house is mine. “Bella,” my sister begins, “why are you afraid of the butterfly?”

(Kitty is my nickname at school, even though my name doesn’t even have a “K” in it, I just love cats. Bella is what my sister calls me because my name is so long.)

writhing along the walls , a shadow on the hunt for a victim . something i fear has entered my home , something worse than a spider , a snake or a ghostly sheet . fear itself lurks near .

Pale as a spectre it stood before me, a painted smile and a blood red nose. Its curly pink hair is unkempt and wild. It stares right at me with its teeth out on full display. A balloon in one hand and a present in the other. A birthday prank I’m sure, but how am I to celebrate after fainting on the floor?

Joy is the death of peace. The swan song of a home’s comfortable melody. Beautiful, grand, and so very telling. I have never been able to rest in the company of joy. The writhing tendrils of its warm embrace coax me from my restful perch within these walls. Fear prepares you, occupies your mind. Melancholy holds you tightly within the arms of so many long lost friends, a bitter touch, sweet in its familiarity. Wrath guides your hand, spurs you forward to action, leaves you no time to think. Joy lies to you. It whispers into your ear, casting sweet nothings into your mind as a siren song to lure you into the well of complacency. When your guard is down, and you find yourself grinning from ear to ear, your mind is open. Your heart unprotected. As my heart flutters with excitement, my mind shutters beneath the ice water halls of my own anxiety. I cannot allow myself to be happy. Cannot allow myself to be found by joy, lest I be enraptured and executed by it’s vile betrayal. So I hide, sequestered within the brick walls of my stonewall heart. Never allowing it’s wicked pestilence to come more than a few steps into my home.

I am trudging across snow that is sparkling and the snowflakes falling are like diamonds from the sky. This bleak, flat landscape stretches out in front of me for miles. The cold air stings my face as I continue walking, I know if I stop I will not be able to start again and it’s freezing so I can’t stop. It feels like hours since I started walking and there’s no end in sight. I do not see anything or anyone around, just me and all this snow. I do not know where I am or how I got here. I start shaking uncontrollably, my heart starts pounding fast and my eyes clamp shut. I scream, “How do I get out of here!?” All I hear in response is an echo of my voice screaming. Out of nowhere a giant hand comes down towards me and starts shaking me roughly.

I jolt awake to see my bedroom and my cousin standing over me. She looks down at me, concern written all over her face, and whispers, “The same nightmare?” I stutter “m m my worst f f fear coming true.” I wrap my arms around myself trying to warm up.

It was a rainy day so Ally and her brother couldn’t go outside. “Ugh I’m bored!” Ally said trying to get comfortable on the couch. “Wanna play a bored game?” Her brother asked her. “Sure I guess” Ally said getting off the couch when suddenly she saw a small spider. “Ew there’s a spider!” Ally cried. “Squish it!” Her brother yelled. Ally squished it then it got larger. “It’s getting bigger!” Ally screamed. “You think you can squish me?” The spider said getting bigger. “How do you keep getting bigger??” Ally cried. “I’m not a normal spider you see the only way you can kill me is by completing my escape room” The spider said who was now giant and could barely fit. “What?” “I’m not completing your escape room.” Her brother exclaimed. “But Jakey!” “Mommy and Daddy aren’t going to be home for another hour!” “Ugh fine just because I hate spiders” Jake said crossing his arms. “Okay first you have to try to get out of this room then you’ll go on a rollercoaster to the second room” the giant spider said. “Sounds fun!” Ally smiled. “Trust me it’s not” The giant spider said. “Oh and by the way..If you don’t complete it in an hour I’ll kill one of you” “WHAT!” Jake yelled. “On to the first room” The spider said teleporting them and he disappearing. Jake and Ally looked around when they saw the first clue. “8395?” Jake said. “Is that the code?” “I don’t think so I don’t think he’s gonna make it that easy or be he is because he knows you’re stupid.” Ally said giggling. “Excuse me?” Jake said. “I’m 10 and you’re 7” Jake exclaimed. “I know but I’m still smarter.” Ally said. “WELL TALKING ABOUT WHO’S DUMB AND WHO’S SMART IS WASTING OUR TIME!” Jake yelled. “Give that paper to me” Ally said walking over to the lock. Ally looked at the paper it said 8395 but surely it couldn’t be that easy. “What about if I put 5938 which is the code backwards” Ally told Jake. She tired it and to her surprise it worked! “It worked!” Ally yelled “I told you I’m smarter” Ally told Jake sitting on the rollercoaster. “I’m not sitting next to you you’re mean” Jake said sitting 2 seats behind her. “You’re so dramatic” Ally said. “Shut up!” Jake yelled. As the rollercoaster got to the next room there were a bunch of snakes which they had to figure out how to cross them. “I hate snakes!” Jake said backing away. “How can you hate something that looks exactly like you?” Ally asked him trying not to laugh. Jake just gave her the death stare while trying to think how to get out. “Don’t look at me like that if we don’t hurry up you are gonna die” Ally said. “Me?” Jake said. “Yes you the spider is gonna kill your since I’m pretty and can convince him not to kill me since I’m so cute” Ally said. “Hurry up we only have 10 minutes!” Jake said. “Ok fine it’s not my fault if you die.” Ally said. As Jake and Ally tried to get out the snakes time was going down quickly but they finally got over the snakes with 3 minutes left on the clock BUT their was a code. “Their’s a stupid code” Jake yelled. “It’s probably easy since the spider isn’t smart and you aren’t either and you look like a spider so it must be easy since you are dumb.” Ally told him trying to figure out how to solve the lock. “Wow- you are so rude today that I might cry” Jake said. “Haha I got it!” Ally said running out the door. “Wait!” Jake said running out the door. “The spider’s gone!” Jake yelled happily. “Yeah all because of me you just stood there staying how scared you were.”

The end hoped you liked it!