The morning was April 20, 2024. Mom committed suicide 3 days ago. I hear my dad yelling- “Micheal, you weren’t ever there for her! You don’t get a say in what happens to her!” I pretend to be focused on my phone, which I’d done a lot these days. Usually, I was quiet and reserved, rarely ever speaking unless spoken to- but now, I barely answered someone who was talking. I hear my dad yelling some more, and he comes in, his demeanor changing when he noticed me. Dad had always tried to act like everything was okay, but it wasn’t. Mom was gone- how was that okay? My father sat down, his head in his hands “Is everything okay?” I asked, turning to look at him “Micheal wants to see Harmony in the funeral home” Dad said “I’m not going to let him, I’m not letting anyone see her like that” I didn’t even argue- the funeral director had already said Mom couldn’t be made to look presentable after she pulled the trigger. I hated to think about it. “Then don’t let him. You’re her husband, you have the power in her final wishes” I mutter. Truly, it still didn’t feel real. How was my mom gone? She was alive 3 mornings ago, telling me she loved me.

Inspired by Racoon by Dan Salvato

It happened last night Sitting on the sofa Watching the world go by I noticed it Glistening Outside in the dark First time it occurred That my mind was not what it seemed. That paranoia That belief Something is lurking You see It had never occurred before. Do you know what it was? That big empty mouth Just waiting To devour me This fear I thought quite normal Until everyone else seemed at ease. I realise My mind is not as it seems This darkness Only exists for me I look outside It’s dark once more And so I give in To my cavernous mind Let it swallow me.

Many times I find myself, Wishing I could just be a fly on the wall, Listening in, on some of the best drama of all.

I’m so curious, Maybe even nosy, But I’m loving and loyal, I just move really slowly.

If I could be a fly on the wall, The things I’d learn, The things I’d laugh at, And the ones that’d make my stomach turn.

The greatest gift of all time, Would be to hear your laugh and see your smile, Cause you light up the world Without saying a word.

I know I’ll never get to, But a girl can dream. You’re the yin to my yang, Even if we never meet.

I won’t stop trying But I don’t expect much. I just want to be that fly, And watch you live your life.

The fools They thought I was still listening to Darklands But as was my custom The melancholic beauty of Jesus and Mary Played at a whisper I had to hear the rest

They’d left their loot under a tree Somewhere no wandering eye could see Except for me I sat in glee They were telling me and only me you see Down the river Over the bridge About 3 fields in And over a ridge And there it would be A solution to all my problems And end to all my woes Couldn’t work out Why though For a bag of cash you need to leave airholes

The dilemmas of gods mean little to the lives of wandering flies

The ice cream man, the ice cream man What did we Daddy made us wait in the car See that day Mommy was surrounded by boxes our boxes all our things What did Doors flung open, kids running after the dancing sugar cone van We see Ellie opened the car door, We ran up the driveway yelling ice cream ice cream That day I opened the front door mail flap What Daddy had his shirt off, mommy was laughing I think Did we see Back to the hot backseat That day Holding each other for a long long forever time What did we see We wake up in the hot backseat the ice cream van is gone, the happy children are gone, Daddy smells like bleach, and mommy mommy went bye bye That day

I’m the fly on the wall Unnoticed Just there to witness what’s going on I don’t really have much of a say in what goes on I’ll share something like a plan But it’s an awful idea We don’t use it Welcome to my world It’s always “I need to tell Izzy something, I’ll tell you later.” They never tell me later We stopped keeping secrets But it still feels suspicious It felt flawless For a little Until I became a fly on the wall Again Just there Going unnoticed Until one day I won’t be there anymore I be swatted by a fly swatter Gone Forever

I could not believe what was happening

There was so much going on because of a ring

The screaming and shouting grew increasingly scary

I began to think that me joining in was a bit hairy

I knew I needed to be on my way But so help me I couldn’t help but stay

This scene was much more crazy when you have eyes like a kaleidoscope ball

But what do you expect when you’re literally a fly on the wall

You could see it in his eyes He was done with all the lies To her and to himself as well Astonished at how far he fell From golden child to nothing Once, this all meant something An abundance of passion A flamboyant sense of fashion All this to say he more than cared Lived life with intent, rarely scared Dreamt of this exact moment daily One he never truly thought he’d see Much less take for granted Living a life unenchanted

Picture this Ruinous Relationship gone To point of rudeness They had it all Not a loss in sight Curious interests Ones for a good fight

I saw it all backstage A crossroads taking place Between two fates I walked in a room but i stopped before the door I heard chatter this that this that An argument held up by loose cardboard in mud

and so i left knowing what i know of love and it's causes for being so low and every time i feel a sensation burning I knock it off, pass and remember the couple that could be you eternally cursing