Allison Beasley wasn’t a stalker.

In fact, you might even say, she strove to be the complete opposite of one. As in,  if it wasn’t her problem than it remained such until it either became her problem or someone asked for her  opinion as in,  she didn’t pry. As in,  somebody’s personal life was personal up until they themselves disclosed any information they deemed relevant.  as in, she hadn’t been at all interested in her ex-boyfriend’s social media pages. As in, she would never go meticulously through all of his newly uploaded pictures and videos. As in, she had absolutely no interest or opinion when it came to the new woman on her ex-boyfriend’s arm. 

Nope. Nada. Zilch.

Because Allison Beasley wasn’t a stocker. 

She was, however, a liar. 

Like most people,  aside from the crazies,  Allison hadn’t woken up with the expressed urge to become a stocker, it just sort of happened. Honestly. She hadn’t gone looking for the opportunity to become one, it had all just been thrust upon her.  at least, that’s what she’ll.  tell her self win.  she inevitably snaps out of this craziness. : it just sort of happened, she couldn’t help it,  sometimes situations arose that are just too  enticing to ignore. And like the week willed woman she could sometimes be,  she had taken it.  Or rather, if she were to be truthful, launched herself at it with all the intensity of a pissed off viper.

That will hold up in court, right? 

“ I swear you’re honor, it’s true, I just couldn’t help myself. ”

Yeah, she was totally gonna go to jail if she was caught. 

Because Allison Beasley was a liar. 

A bad liar.

Especially when lying to her self. 

Because she was a stalker.

A stalker who had spent the better part of the night before, stalking both her ex-boyfriend and his new side piece’s social media pages, looking for a reason. Just one, single solitary reason to turn her new hobby from cyber stalking, to physical stalking.

And she had found it.

They were planning to meet at Andy’s Cafe. Andy’s Cafe being a highly recommended and up and coming little shop that resided not five blocks over from her apartment complex. And she had the perfect excuse to be there, that very same day.

And that excuse involve her best friend.

Or rather, her best friend’s not-so one sided crush on a certain barista.

Her plan was fool proof.

It wasn’t like Macy would say-

“No, Ally. Just, no.”

Macy Simpson stood resolutely in her apartment’s entryway, arms crossed, expression pinched and her left foot tapping. Looking absolutely adorable in her overlarge Iron Man shirt, with her hair in disarray and cheeks still warm from sleep as she attempted to glare the blonde into submission. Not succeeding in the slightest, other than to make herself look the part of an irritable kitten.

“ I haven’t said anything, yet.  “  she countered,  a bit guilty now that she remembered that Macy had worked the graveyard shift the night before, and probably had just managed to fall asleep . It didn’t deter her.  as she quickly continued,  “ and it’s important. ”

Macy’s Skal deepened,  “ define important. ”

“ can I come in first?  ”

“ no, explain. ”

“ Fine, ” Allison pouted , feigning disappointment, . “ I was scrolling through Facebook last night and I came across-“

“Fuckin’ hell, al.” Macy immediately interrupted with a low growl. “Please tell me that you didn’t wake me up at nine in the morning because you finally found out about Jason’s new girlfriend?”

The blonde startled, “you knew?”

Macy sighed, then nodded, before sighing again and jerking her chin towards the interior of the apartment. “Get in, girl. I wont be getting rid of you now.”

As if in a trance, Allison shuffled past Macy as she entered the apartment, heading straight for the home’s small kitchenette and taking a seat at the small kitchen table. It hadn’t occurred to her that Macy might have already known about the situation, but it should have; because despite her friend’s introverted tendencies, she always seemed to know their friend group’s latest gossip. And unfortunately, or fortunately depending on your point of view, Jason Collier was still very much apart of said friend group despite their breakup. It had been mostly amicable after all. At least as far as their friends were concerned.

At least on his side.

Her, not so much.

“Before you get started, “ Macy interrupted Allison’s musings, as she began preparing herself a coffee, “I didn’t know about Annie until last night.”

“Her name’s Annie?” The blonde groused under her breath before shaking her head to clear it. “And how did you learn about this…Annie?”

“Don’t,” Macy chided, arms once more crossing over her chest as she leaned against the counter near her coffee pot. “Don’t act like you don’t already know her name. You said you were on facebook last night. I have no doubt you were stalking her page.”

“And what if I was?’ She countered petulantly.

Macy’s only response to that was a theatrically pained grimace as she rolled her eyes As to ask God for patience. Or, more likely, to ask God why she was burdened to have a best friend such as Allison.

After a moment, green eyes once more met blue as Macy blew out a calming breath, a wayward curl fluttering briefly before taking it’s place once more across Macy’s left eye.

Brushing it away with a huff, Macy pushed on. “Than you’d know that she just got hired at the nursing home, her first night was last night. Jay dropped her off. They looked happy.”

“Did they?” Allison pressed, fists clenched in her lap as she scrutinized her friend’s face, looking for any trace of a lie. “How do you know? Did you ask him-I mean them? Have you talked to the slut?”

“Jesus,” Macy coughed, turning her back to the blonde as she got a mug and poured herself an instant cup and took it to the table, sitting heavily down on her home’s only other dining chair. “She isn’t a slut, Al-“

“Doubt it.”

“You’d probably like her if you ever met her-“

“Unlikely.”

“She’s really sweet,” Macy continued relentlessly, pausing only briefly to sip at her drink. “I mean, I talked a lot with her last night, and I’m pretty sure there’s not a mean bone in her entire body.”

“She sounds boring.,” The blonde grouched, not meeting the brunette’s eyes as she pointedly stared at a spot on the ceiling. “Jay won’t like that.”

Once again, Macy sighed, taking a long pull of her coffee before setting it gently on the table. Reaching out, once her hands were free, to offer a comforting hand which Allison immediately took.

The brunette gave the blonde’s hand a comforting squeeze as she crooned, “what’s this really about, Al? I thought you were over him?”

“I am.” Allison protested adamantly before relenting, shoulder’s drooping as she drew aimlessly upon the table with the fingers of her free hand. “I mean…oh, i don’t know, I thought I was…but…is he really happy?”

Macy sighed for the umpteenth time that night before consoling.

“Yeah, I think so.”

The blonde perked up, “so you don’t know for sure?”

“Allison!” Macy warned, “don’t-“

The blonde ignored her, You haven’t talked to Jay lately have you? About her, I mean?”

“No,damnit. Stop that train of thought right the fuck now. You don’t need this.”

“You haven’t, have you?” The blonde pressed, a look of pleading in her blue eyes.

The brunette relented, sighing once more. “NO, i haven’t.”

“Perfect! You didn’t. That means you’re not sure-“

“Macy cut her off, “get to the point, Ally. I know you have one. Why’d you come over in the first place.”

Allison grinned, an almost manic gleam in her eyes.

“I know where there going to be in about 45 minutes. Plenty of time for us-“

“What do you mean us?”

“-to get there before they do and scout out the perfect place to observe-“

“You mean stalk.”

“Potato, pa-tah-to,” Allison waved her hand dismissively. “We’ll observe them and make sure she really does make him happy.”

“And when you see she does?”

The blonde ignored her.

“And then I’ll-I mean we’ll-finally be able to prove that Jay’s lost without me.”

“This is ridiculous.”

“There meeting at Andy’s.”

A paus, followed quickly by a forcibly disinterested, “really?”

“Yep. And guess who I found out worked today?”

Another pausforced indifference faltering. “Oh really, who?”

“Jeremy.”

A longer pause, then a groan of defeat.

“Fuck.”

“So You’ll come?”

A sigh, “…yes.”

“Awesome!”

And with that, Allison Beaslee leaped to her feet and all but lunged for Macy, grabbing her wrist as she towed her towards the apartment’s front door.

The brunette stumbled before attempting to struggle out of the blondes hold.

“Wait, Ally! Seriously, stop, I-“

Allison ignored her, wrenching the front door open as she all but shoved Macy through the threshold and into the hallway.

“No time, we gotta go, time’s a’wasting!”

But I forgot my pants!”

“Tony, go get your backpack and let’s go, you’re going to be late! It’s your first day and I don’t want your teachers thinking you’re a bad kid!”

“I left my pants at the dry cleaners, Mom. I don’t want to wear another pair either.” Tony walked into the kitchen brushing a knot out of his hair with his fingers.

“Tony where’s your brush? Get ready, let’s go! You’re just gonna have to wear another pair of pants!” Tony’s mom always wanted to leave early. She was the type of person that rushed people, even if that person was already stressed.

“I don’t want to wear another pair, mom! Why do I have to go? I hate school… I hate you.” Tony ran to his room, slamming the door. He had a thought that just might change everything.

“Tony! Tony, get out here right now!” His mother demanded, but his room stayed closed. “Tony! Tony Jones!” His mother called for him several times.

Meanwhile, Tony was unpacking his school bag, and packing his run-away bag. So far he had everything…but no pants. His mother kept calling, and when she had enough, she tried opening his door. No luck. “Tony, UNLOCK THIS DOOR NOW!”

Tony, after listening to his mother yell for a decent seven minutes, had managed to climb out the window, all with no pants. He started running and soon realized he was running with just his underwear. Walking back to the house, he was shameful and annoyed at the same time.

Ding, dong.

The doorbell rang, and Tony stood there, ashamed.

His mother looked at Tony, sternly. “What is going through your head? Why can’t we just have a normal day and get you to school on time?! There’s nothing keeping you back!”

Tony looked at his feet. “But I forgot my pants!”

Garry had accepted years ago that his job was as much Therapist and Glorified Babysitter as it was anything else. That didn’t make it any easier on days like this.

“Terry? Are you going to join us today?”

From the other side of an intentionally-ajar door Garry heard a book close before, “I am not!”

He pushed the door open so he could make eye contact with the giant middle-aged man-child he needed to appease at the moment. “You know, Terry, you are vital to our work today. We can’t complete—“

“You know that I am a highly-trained professional, Garry? You know that, right?”

Garry sighed. “I do.”

“You know that I studied under the greats, yes?”

“Yes.”

“Karras. Uecker. Dryer.”

“I know.”

“McHale. Rodman. Bradshaw.”

“I know.”

Terry looked up from his closed book and met Garry’s eyes. “I am a serious actor, Garry.” He emphasized “tor,” the way all serious actors do.

“I understand that, but—“

“But nothing, Garry. My career is important to me, but so is the image I present. I must be SEEN as a serious actor if I am to continue to BE a serious actor. That’s how this business works, Garry.”

“I know very well how the business works, Terry.”

Terry stood, his former-athlete physique intimidatingly filling the small dressing room, eclipsing the light from his vanity. “Do you know, Garry? Do you really understand what this means to me? What my career—my image—means to me? If so, why do you continue to give me scripts with this…” Here he picked up the script for, well, dramatic effect, only to toss it back down on his coffee table. “This… drivel?”

“I’m not the writer, Terry.”

“No, but you are the director. You are the one that can bring change, Garry.”

“I think you overestimate my influence here.”

“And I think you underestimate mine. Now, let me be clear, if you don’t start to provide me with some better, higher-class material than I’m walking. I mean it, Garry, I’m done. I will leave this production!”

Garry, unamused and unimpressed, said in a droll monotone, “You leave, you forfeit your remaining per-episode payouts, which I believe comes out to roughly two-point-six million.”

It only took Garry’s highly-trained production crew five minutes to get ready. Once set, the camera crew started rolling, the actors took their positions, the studio audience silently awaited their favorite part of the long-running sitcom.

A cheer erupted when, on cue, the eccentrically goofy neighbor Herman—played by former NFL defensive End Terry Klews—popped his head in through the open top of a Dutch door with a, “Maybe I can be of assistance!”

The audience cheered and laughed along with the Miller Family, before Mom said, “You know what, Herman, maybe you can. But…”

At this, Mom opened the bottom half of the Dutch door to reveal the zany neighbor wearing every part of a perfectly-tailored business suit except one critical piece.

Herman-aka-Terry looked down, then at the camera, and pulled a face. To the roar of the overjoyed studio audience, he let loose with his most T-shirt-worthy catchphrase:

“But I forgot my pants!”

“Wake up, wake up. We have to go.” Chloe heard her mom’s voice somewhere above her, interrupted by a raspy cough. Her eyes popped open as she smelled the smoke in the air. Her room was filled with smoke, and behind her closed door burned a bright glow.

“Mom, what’s happening? What do we do?”

“There was some faulty wiring that caused the fire, and the firemen are outside, we have to jump down through the window.”

“But we’re two stories up!!”

“Don’t worry, they’ll catch us, but we have to go soon.” Her mom coughed out. They opened the window to see the fireman standing there, calling for them to jump. Her mom had Chloe jump first, and after she was safely on the ground again, her mom jumped.

“Oh I’m so glad you’re safe sweetie.” Her mom said, wrapping her in a big hug, which somehow shocked her back to reality.

“But I forgot my pants!!”

Dear Mom and Dad

The hiking is beautiful here. George was so excited finally be in Patagonia. I enclosed a Polaroid of his priceless face. Looks like it was a good idea bringing grandpas old camera with us. Wonder why? Oh wait,it was my idea.

At this time we are in a trading post in some little village that barely shows on the map. By the time this letter reaches you we will be long gone. Apparently the joys of modern technology are useless when there is no internet service. We’re about 15 miles from the official start of the mountain path and it’s already freezing. We had to hike the way here until we finally found someone to hitch hike with.

Three days ago we were hiking by a tributary to the river and we decided to take a swim. The water was so refreshing and you could see trout swimming right past our feet. As we camped that night,our clothes still drying out,we heard something moving behind us. Lo’ and behold it was a skunk! In a second I did the sensible thing and bolted down,through the bush,straight into the river. George had promptly followed me into the water.

We smelled the spray moments later and I was so glad we were down wind. You could see the little bushy tale come up to the shore, quite triumphantly I might add,and disappear into the bushes again. I told him “it’s okay... we’ll just rough it out,upwind. We can build a shelter out of sticks! When we were kids we always wanted to do that!” I could here him huff behind me. “But I forgot my pants!” He told me and we burst out laughing at our predicament. Our gear still smells faintly of skunk. I’ll write again when we reach the next trading post. For now George is begging for a decent bath. I have to agree with him. He could use a bath. Ha ha.

Love Your favorite son (Sam) and the other one (George)

PS: We both miss you... terribly. And send soap.

I’m always forgetting things, leaving things behind or losing things all together. It started at an early age, I blamed the sock monsters, the dust bunnies and the ear worms that wouldn’t let me forget some silly song but always made me lose track of why I entered a room. My mother always told me “ you’d forget your head if it weren’t attached to your own shoulders”. She wasn’t wrong, I could lose my glasses on my face if I didn’t remember where I put them. I was voted “most likely to forget when graduation day was” in high school. For once though I did not forget graduation day! It was the one thing I looked forward to! I was never very good at academic work but I loved learning ironically enough. I would eat up mythology anyway or anything related to world war 2. Sadly though, neither of those were classes at my school. I forgot a lot, because a part of me wanted to forget the broken town and the shitty childhood I had. My father died when I was nine and since then I hadn’t been the same. I never understood how it was fair that somebody decided to drink and drive and my dad had decided to come home instead of pick up overtime like he always did. His famous words that always stuck with me were “ forgive and forget” ya know the funny thing is, I still can’t forget the sound of my moms voice breaking when she answered the door to the police officers who had come to deliver the tragic news. She didn’t leave the bed for three full days, didn’t eat, didn’t talk. I know she must sound like a terrible mother but she lost her best friend second to me.. she lost the love of her life.. so when I got the chance to choose a college, I forgot about it and didn’t apply myself because I didn’t ever want to forget my mother.

It was graduation day now, I had woken up late. 12pm flashed across my alarm clock, I panicked because it didn’t have the right time but I was still way behind schedule. Real time was 9:45am, our ceremony was at 1030 and I had a 10 minute bike ride. Mom would already be on her way from the hospital where she worked as a LPN. I jumped in the shower, did the triangle scrub and rinsed off quickly. I hopped out of the shower, brushed my teeth and got dressed throwing on my lucky t shirt, I looked for my gown.. oh no I lost it. I sprinted down stairs frantically searching, the clock read 10am. I looked down at the kitchen table where my mom had left a note on. “Figured you would be needing this. Love, Mom xoxoxo” my graduation gown underneath the cream colored paper. I threw it on quickly, checked my face for my glasses( they were there) and made sure I locked the back door before I took off. The bike ride was brief and quiet, not a car on the road because they were all at the graduation already probably. I got to the school, and the teachers were doing headcount as I walked in. I made it! I look at the crowd peeking my head from behind the curtains like it’s my first play I’m acting in. Like I’m the little tea cup and I forgot what comes after that. I blank out the rest of the names being called, I heard my name. It startles me as I jolt up and onto the stage! Like all the other kids, I shook our principal and vice principal hands. Off to the side I saw other kids removing their gowns for pictures after they took some in their gowns. My mom rushes over and rustles my hair, “ I’m proud of you baby” she kissed me on the cheek and I didn’t wipe this one off for once. I felt proud of myself, I made it to graduation. I proved them all wrong. “Smile sweety” as I pose for the picture for my mother’s stack of albums she has of me. I took off my gown and placed it onto the stage to keep it safe. I turned around to face my mom and was met with 100 eyes staring at me. I didn’t understand and then it hit me. I didn’t forget graduation day but I forgot my pants!

I was rushing to pack a go bag for my short vacation but I kept getting distracted by my husband and my mother both demanding things from me. I had to put dinner on the table, I had reach for something for my mom, and the dog was begging to go out. I tried to remain calm and collected, but time was running away from me and I felt a little stressed. At last I zipped up my bag and hurried to the car. I forced myself to drive at the speed limit. I was relieved when I pulled into the parking lot of the hotel where the conference was. I checked in and collapsed on the bed. After a long moment, I stood up and started to unpack. I rummaged through my suitcase but to my dismay noticed something was missing. “But I forgot my pants!” I half screamed. Now I only had one outfit to wear- my dress.

“What day is it? Also when does Grandma come?” Asked Shelby as she stood upright in the doorway to the kitchen.

“It’s Monday and your invited to a pool party at Mia’s this afternoon.” Said Shelbys mom, Ally. She was making lunch. “..And then we need to head to the supermarket for grandmas birthday dinner so pack a change of clothes for after the party.” She finished, squirting mustard on the sandwich’s. Shelby hopped up and down ecstatic for the party yelling, “Pool party, Grandmas birthday party! Lots of parties!” She finished shaking her hands in the air. Ally quickly checked the clock mounted by the fridge.

“Get ready chica, we need to leave soon.” Ally said to Shelby. Shelby darted up stairs still singing about parties. A few minutes later Ally and Shelby in her polka dot pink swimsuit hopped in the seat behind her mother.

“Shelby, did you get a change of clothes?” Shelbys mother asked looking in the rear view mirror. Shelby nodded clapping her small hands on the leather seats. As their car pulled up to Mia’s house Shelby bounded out and raced for the backyard where shrieks of laughter were floating from. Ally got out too and chatted with the other parents until the party was over. As the pair were driving to the supermarket Ally leaned back and said “Shelby start changing, we’ll be there soon!” And she did. Ally parked and turned the engine off and peeked behind her to see Shelby cowering in the back seat. “Shelby let’s go.”

“I can’t mommy.”

“Don’t start this again, I know you think grocery shopping is boring but I promise when you grow up it-“

“Mommy, I forgot my pants!”

"but i forgot my pants!" they call out in their american drawl from the boot of the car.

"what?!" i yell from the drivers seat. "how the hell! do you forget-" i put extra pronunciation on this next word "-trousers?!"

they flop into shotgun and sigh, shrugging. going anywhere with ardyn is never, not chaotic. they always forget something. i shake my head, grinning. not to be stereotypical, but blonde really fits their nature. "strawberry blonde" is what they swear upon, but anyone who is not completely colourblind can tell. the sky is closer to red than their hair is close to strawberry blonde.

our surroundings chnage from feilds and trees, slowly to more urban. small flats and shops start to appear on the side of the road and the speed limit changes from 70 to 20. i only notice because i have to pay attention to something- anything- other than ardyns complaining about their damn trousers. "they were my favourites!! i need them to meet your parents!! i only look good in those pants!!"

a groan escapes my lips as i pull into the nearest clothes shop. they lean over and kiss my cheek: "ill be back, and i'll bring you something too, maybe a matching tie." my face contorts in disgust, earning me a smile that could brighten the moons asshole.

i can't believe they forgot their "pants".

“Alright,” I thought, “time to pick Farmer kit, with those amazing diamond pants that you cannot get at the middle island.” “Wait, no—no, no…. bruh.” The game had already started, and I was using Enderman. “Seriously? Enderman? I have literally one pearl which I can only use after 30 seconds. Bruh.” I attempted to leave my spawn island, but my enemy was a camper—he sat on his island with a bow, and attempted to hit me off. I luckily survived, the arrow glancing off my helm. “CAMPER!” I shouted across the void. “MAD CUZ BAD” he shouted back. “No…” I said, “death approaches!” And thus I used my pearl to teleport to his island, killing him easily. However, he also had no pants. “I am so mad.” I said aloud, monologuing as usual. I left his island, and went to mid, a giant tree adorning the narrow island, with a cave at the centre. There were several warriors there already. I noticed two who seemed fatigued, and jumped into their fray, killing one from behind with my longsword, and used his body as a shield as I forced the other one into the void itself. I turned around, only to see a tall figure behind me, wearing full diamond plate and wielding a magical Zweihander. He attempted to cleave me from behind, but I rolled to the side as his massive sword, now aflame, struck the earth, leaving a scorched mark as it singed my hair. I skirted around him, using my sword to parry his, and managed to get behind him. I hacked at his legs, but it didn’t do much more than to anger the man. I ran. I was faster as I dashed through the cave, but he was right behind me. He grunted in frustration as he tried to keep pace. I was right, he didn’t have a bow. I kept my distance as I turned around, and shot him in the face with my bow. I then decapitated him, but not before he was able to do severe damage to my legs. I couldn’t run. The archer across the map knew that too.

I would have won, but I forgot my pants.