I try to occupy myself from the tension in my chest, trying to figure out which is a worst taste on my tongue, the metallic tang from the cut lip clenched between my teeth, or the bittersweetness of this moment.

I dreamed this day up over and over in my head, romanticizing the moment I could finally escape this house, and now that its here I have to force myself to let in bigger breaths to stop t...

Knock knock!

I turn around from finishing up packing my clothes into boxes and respond “Come in.” Peter, my younger brother opens my bedroom door, walks in, and takes a slow look around my room which has boxes that have been taped up. I can hear him sniffling as he looks around and when he lifts his eyes to look at my face; I see that his eyes are puffy and his nose is runny. I grab a tissue and h...

I don’t think it’s good that I’m having panic attacks when I realize I have to go home in 10 minutes.

Maybe I should leave. Maybe I’d be better off on my own instead of with the people who hate me.

If I left now, and never looked back, maybe I’d be better off. Maybe then I wouldn’t hurt so much. Maybe then I wouldn’t hear their voices every night saying I deserved to die, and everyone like me.

...

I inhale as deeply as i can, trying to imprint as much as possible in my mind, so as not to forget a single detail.

I am still in disbelief it’s finally here.

For years i have told myself ‘just a little longer’, waiting impatiently for this day to come and now that it’s here I can’t help but blink rapidly to stop the overcoming grief from spilling out of my eyes.

It was never supposed to reall...

When I was in college, I have a super clear memory of me and a couple of friends going out one Saturday night. We had a long day of being degenerates, and now, we were hungry.

It was late March of senior year, and I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life (still don’t). But it is a weird age. You’re technically an adult but the life experience of a child. The amount of freedom and uncertaint...

The night before pack my bag . Get all papers that I need . Get all the cash I hid . Ok let’s do this .

The next day “no mom it’s all good . Don’t forget I be late getting home tonight.”

I am not coming home tonight .I am going to somewhere that will allow me to save up and send her money I hope she will understand why I had to do this .

I get it . She is so sick and this can help her . So ...

I'm leaving, and its for good this time. I'm leaving this place that I've been stuck in for years. I've never knows a place where you can be surrounded by so many people yet be so alone. but that is here. here i am alone, i have no one but the voices in my head. i sit alone and wait until i can escape, and now i can. and i will. I'm leaving and I'm never coming back. no matter how much i love the ...

How do you leave home when you never had one my home was full of failures my cheating father my gaslighting mom not to mention my college dropout and pot smoking brother not much there life has been full of turmoil and trouble sure I’ve sorted through most of it but still do I even want to say goodbye these people didn’t raise me right I’m not saying I wanted perfect just not worst. Goodbye I gues...

I run. Run as fast as I can from the objects flying at me- the words shooting me in the back. The door closes with a bang- I’m sure my neighbours can hear it from a mile away. But they can’t hear my tears. They’re silent. I didn’t think this through. I don’t regret it- but I didn’t think this through....

See, the thing is, I didn’t know that home didn’t have to be a place until it was far too late. Until the doors of sickness opened and out spilled every evil this world has ever known. Until I felt suffering and had no means of fixing my broken pieces. I always knew that I loved you. Probably too much, too violently. I was young then. How is a child supposed to comprehend what love is let alone ho...