Sofia Matthews felt like she was floating—in the worst way possible. Her head felt like she was spinning in a million different directions and as if her stomach had been left a few paces behind. How could this have happened? Her father and brother were by her side just a few seconds ago, and now she was lost amidst the chaos of overly upbeat families, and the endless waves of roaring roller coasters. Her heartbeat quickened, she could hear it echoing in her head, and her vision narrowed until all she saw was a blurry tunnel. Suddenly the world felt huge. she was just a little girl and already, her worst fears were coming true. Her chest rose up and down quicker and quicker. She needed oxygen, she was drowning on land, with air surrounding her. So why couldn't she breathe? Now she couldn't remember where she was, how she got here. Her legs acted as if they had minds of their own, and she found herself in the line to the Ferris wheel. She looked up at it, tears brimming in her eyes. How was it already sunset? The sun was high in the sky last she checked, which was minutes ago. So why did it seem more like hours? Her legs took her to the front of the line, where she stood, her cheeks shiny.

A man with a mustache grinned at her, showing every one of his blinding white teeth. He reminded her of those picture books with wolves meant to scare children. She was Little Red Riding Hood, come to meet her doom.

"Hey kid, are you lost? You're shaking," he placed a hand on her shoulder to steady her. She flinched away, but his grip remained. "Come here." He tugged her out of line and spoke to a woman nearby, with hair piled at least a food above her head, and a scowl pasted permanently on her face. She continued taking people's tickets while Mustache Man led her away from the lights and people.

"No!" Sofia screamed, tugging out of his grasp. She ran to the lady and repeated "Please, please, please..." over and over again, refusing to let go of her arm. Mustache Man and he lady shared a long look, but the little girl didn't notice fresh tears ran new rivers down her cheeks, and finally she saw the lady's lip curl. She led Sofia away, back to the darkness, uttering her complaints about 'this stupid job' the whole time. Se was cruel, but for some reason Sofia felt safer around her than the other man. They reached a booth with an ugly, run-down 'Information' sign barely hanging on to the top of the hut, and the woman barked a few words at the two young guys working there. She proceeded to shove Sofia at them, leaving abruptly. The sky was so dark that Sofia could see stars, and her family was nowhere to be found, even half an hour after the announcement the guys said repeatedly throughout the park. They were closing down, and her family had clearly forgotten about her. She was alone and terribly afraid. Her family was never coming back for her, were they?

We met in biology class. 2 weeks after school started. I didn’t even notice you at first. Then my friend Lilly told me about the new Australian guy at school. She said he had long brown hair and he was in our first period. The next few days I watched. I listened to you talk and I thought you seemed cool. I really wanted to get to know you, but I’m not exactly known for my social skills. One day, I decided to talk to you. Well, it wasn’t really a choice. It was more of a random impulse. I looked at you as I walked out of biology and said “G’day mate.” You looked at me and laughed. What a great laugh. It was a laugh I would learn to love. A few hours later I walked past your lunch table. Again I said “G’day mate.” Without missing a beat you replied “G’day.” This went on for the next few days. Me saying “G’day mate.” And you saying it back. I hated that I couldn’t get to you. One day I ran into you as we were leaving school at the end of the day. I chuckled yet another “G’day mate.” And you said it back. But you seemed hesitant this time, so I paused. You looked at your feet all nervous and said, “is there anyway I can contact you?” I was utterly shocked. ‘Was he… flirting with me? No. He probably just wanted to text me how much he hates me…. Right?’ I thought. So I gave you my instagram. I had only gotten instagram a few weeks before and I was so glad how the timing worked out.

So we spend a few days messaging back and forth about whatever. Before a week had passed we had admitted to liking each other. We said we missed each other. We had a 4 day weekend and I gave you a note right before it began. We texted a lot that weekend. When we got back you gave me a note in return. It was so cute. I still have the note. One day we were texting and you said you loved me. I got scared. I ignored it. Then later on I told you I wasn’t ready for that yet. We barely knew each other after all.

I remember when you called me for the first time. I was standing in the living room by the TV stand. I saw your call and I freaked out. I never liked phone calls but I didn’t want to seem rude. So I picked up. I was too scared to say anything. I squeaked out a “Hi.” And we honestly didn’t talk much after that. We just kept laughing and saying ‘mhmmm.’ It’s really random but, I kinda love that memory.

We decided we wanted to hang out in person. I went to your house that Sunday. I met your grandparents, we ate dinner, and I played with your dogs. Chandler and Hawkeye. They were the cutest. We were hanging out in your room. Sitting side by side on your bed and just talking. We both paused and looked at each other. I started to reach out for your hand. When suddenly you grabbed mine and kissed me. It was a small kiss. A little peck. But it was perfect. It was the best kiss I’d ever had. After that you said you loved me. And this time, I said it back. I didn’t really believed that you loved me, but I knew at that moment that I loved you. Then you asked if we could be official. And I said yes.

A few days later in school we traded jackets in class. I never wanted to take that jacket off. It was so warm and it smelled like you. And it was such a nice smell.

A few weeks later we went to homecoming together. That was the day you found out that I SH’d. I didn’t want you to find out that way. I’m sorry you had to. Thank you for not leaving me then. I went in the bathroom and cried for a while. When I came back you were sitting with your friends. I sat by mine for a bit and then went and sat by you. I tried to hold your hand. You didn’t want to at first. I started crying and you noticed. You finally held my hand. I felt bad. I felt sorry. I’m sorry I put you through that. We were sitting there when a slow song came on. I had told you my whole plan for when a slow song came on. I squeezed your hand and looked at you. You know what I meant. You took a deep breath and stood up. You grabbed my arm a little to tight and walked me to the dance floor. You let go of my arm and stepped back to look at me. Then you wrapped me in the biggest tightest hug I’d ever felt. You said you loved me and I said it back. Then we slow danced. Then we kissed. I initiated the kiss. It took me a minute to work up the courage. But you were patient with me. It was a good kiss. The best kiss.

Then there was the time we went swimming in your pool. You wore a T-shirt cause you were self conscious. I wore a bikini top and I was self conscious too. You still told me I looked good though. When my little sister wasn’t looking we made out in the pool. It was my first time ever making out with anyone. After swimming we ate dinner. I was so cold I was shivering. So you gave me your jacket. We hung out in your room for a bit and you helped warm me up. Then we took our first picture together. Me in my swim trunks, bikini top, and you’re jacket. And you in your swim trunks and t-shirt I kept hoping you’d take off. You made that picture your Lock Screen. That made me feel so special.

So we hung out. We went to your house. We went to my house. We played Minecraft. We fed the animals together. We ran around outside. We went for walks. We hugged. We kissed. We made out. But most importantly, we had fun.

One day we were at your house and you started acting weird. You seemed like you were gonna cry and I really got worried about you. You stood up and then fell back onto the bed. I lied next to you and rubbed your back to try and make you feel better. Suddenly you said “stand up.” I sat up. You said “I said stand.” In a kind of scary voice. I listened. Then you stood up and hugged me so tight. Even tighter than you did at homecoming. Then we sat down and you told me your secret. You cried and I hugged you. I told you it was okay. I told you it didn’t make a difference. I told you that I loved you for you. No matter what. And I meant it.

We had some good days. We had some bad days. It was all worth it.

In the beginning of December I had a really tough day. I hurt myself. And I felt so guilty. So I called you. And I told you what I did. Well, I texted you what I did. Then you started crying. And so did I. I hate that I hurt you. I never wanted to do that again. After that I went almost 4 months clean. But I didn’t tell you the next time I slipped up. Cause that was when things started to go wrong.

On march 6th I was at my grandpas house when you told me you wanted a ‘break.’ I didn’t really understand what was wrong. You agreed to take a break for a week and then revisit things. Our little ‘break’ was over the next day. The next week you didn’t tell me that you loved me back when I said I loved you. That hurt worse than I knew a person could hurt.

March 10th was our 6 month anniversary. We were supposed to hang out. It was supposed to be a great day. But you forgot our anniversary. You cancelled hanging out. You ignored me all day. And my baby rabbit died on top of that.

But things only got worse.

On march 25th you broke up with me. That lasted 2 days.

But on April 10th you did it again. And that time was different. That time you said you wanted to stay friends. But you barely talked to me. That time I cried more than I thought a person could cry. That time I told my mom. I sobbed in her arms and told her over and over how much I loved you. That time it really broke my heart.

But after about a week, we were back together again. With a commitment that we would try to fix things. And we did. Things got better. Of course things weren’t perfect. We’re stupid teenagers. Things were never gonna be perfect. But they were good. We were happy. I began to learn to trust you. I shared more about myself with you. I started to try to believe you when you told me you loved me.

In June one day we were hanging out. We were cuddling on my couch and you were looking adorable and sweet. You were looking at me with those eyes. Those eyes that said a million words. You told me that you loved me. And for some reason, lying there with your head on my chest, I believed you. I finally believed you. I had been trying for so long and I finally did. I hugged you so tight. You made your cute little scrunch face. The one you did when you thought about how much you loved me.

But as the weeks went by things got weird. You payed less attention to me. And while I was on vacation you only seemed to text me when you wanted something. And that made me feel really shitty. But I didn’t give up on you. It was hard for me to do but I told you. I got myself to tell you how I was feeling. I said it differently than I meant to, but at least I said it. You deleted some of your games. You said you’d pay more attention to me. And… I think you tried to.

July began. I got back from our trip. We hung out. And I gave you a gift. It was nothing much. A teddy bear I bought you from the gift shop in Indiana. You thanked me and fell asleep on the teddy bear. You looked so cute and peaceful lying there. So relaxed. You held my hand as you rested and I swear I fell in love with you all over again.

But as we were leaving the house you told me to keep the bear. That you didn’t want it. I dont know why it hurt me as much as it did. I think for some reason when you rejected the bear, it felt like you were rejecting me. So when we went to ice cream with my family I stayed quiet. I didn’t tell you how much I loved you when we dropped you off that night. I’m so sorry I didn’t say it. I was thinking it. I was just hurting and trying to protect myself from more hurt.

You barely talked to me the rest of the week. And then you broke up with me. Over text. You told me there was someone else. You told me I wasn’t enough to make you happy anymore. I’m so sorry.

I love you. Forever.

❤️Rowan (Yours)

(TW- slight violence and language)

I always have been a forgetful person,

I think back to the steps I took when I last had the item I now need in this moment.

This time I know that won’t help me.

I lost this thing forever and I can never take it back, find it, or see it ever again.

It’s nonexistent now.

The pieces I glue onto myself to fill the gaps.

They can only do so much.

They took a lot of me..

Leaving me in a void of emptiness.

I haven’t been myself ever since then.

Maybe I can find the right pieces to glue back on again.

One day I know I’ll feel complete.

The pain is excruciating and unbearable.

I can do this for one more day one more moment, come on…

Each day has turned into thousands of years at this point.

They really fucked me up how did I never notice the blood pouring out my side?

huh… that’s strange.. they told me I was fine!

I’m fine right?…

𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐢𝐟𝐞’𝐬 𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐧..

Why are people so cruel?

They took every piece of me and still wanted more.

Now I’m invisible, nonexistent, and forgotten.

I knew this would happen!

I’m so stupid for doing absolutely nothing about it…

My heart lost my body like my body lost my soul Where you found me I don’t even know In between heaven or stuck inside of hell Each moment a broken memory of love and loss that finds me screaming at the top Of my lungs Falling Down Down Down You were afraid to hurt me, but you stayed anyway You were afraid to trust me, but you protected me anyway You were afraid to love me, but you loved me anyway You found me My heart My home Deep down Deep down Deep down

I sit in a tree. the wind is blowing around me, cool on my burning cheeks. I lean my head against the branch, my body feels heavy, like its made of metal. And it’s trying to trap me to the earth, trying to stop me from flying. The wind is getting colder and colder, and I have the feeling that my bones are freezing inside me, slowly chipping away, in tiny frozen pieces… My eyes are now the only thing that is not frozen. I look up and see the moon, is this who is doing this to me? Why are you freezing me moon? A looming shadow comes up beside the moon, it has a snout like a wolf, and teeth like one two. It swallows the moon whole, draining the world of light. Ha. Serves you right for freezing me inside out. Do you think the sun will be nicer? I sure hope so. I’m not really in the mood for being burned alive. And besides, I’d like to find it before I die. Find what? Oh, just my pet named sanity.

In the vast expanse of night, we were like bright stars, Boundless and burning, Our love, a constellation, each kiss a point of light, connecting us across the cosmic canvas.

But time, that relentless wanderer, slipped through our fingers, like sand escaping an hourglass. Our orbits shifted, and distance grew, until we were mere flickers in the void.

I watched you fade, a dying star, your brilliance dimming with each passing day. And I, the black hole, devouring memories, trying to hold on to fragments of stardust.

We were once celestial, our love etched in cosmic dust, but now, we're just echoes, Fading in the dark.

Perhaps we were never meant to burn forever, only to illuminate briefly, then fade into the vastness, leaving behind a bittersweet ache, like the afterglow of a falling star.

Now I’m left alone, In the void with my neck craned, Searching for any sign, Of light you may have left behind.

Suddenly, I see it, The shimmering silver, I smile and blow a kiss, Off the tips of my fingers, Into the vast expanse, Of our cosmic world.

"Daniel, would you mind grabbing my tea cup for me?" Nana says to no one. I don't tell her that Daniel isn't here. She's having one of her weird memorie losses.

"Daniel, grab the sugar too. You know how I like my tea."

She forgets the ask and returns.

"Mimi, dear, let me do your hair. In one of those cute braids I used to do on your mom."

I scoot over so she can do my hair. I wear a mindless, somber, blank expression on my face.

"Daniel, since your already in the kitchen, grab a hair tie for me, will you." Tears swell in my eyes. I give her a few moments to compose.

"Here Nana, I brought a hair tie." She takes it somberly. She reaches her head to try and see if Daniel is coming. He is not.

"There, there. Let me wipe your tears Mimi." I let her soft old wrinkly hands brush the water from my cheeks. She gives me a sad smile, doing the best she can to comfort me.

"Thanks Nana. I appreciate you welcoming your home to me. Again."

"Why of course my Mimi. You've had a lot of loss in your life. The least I could do is let your stay with me."

I sniffle, but smile anyhow. I love my Nana. She's been there since mom, and now Daniel.

"Grab me a pair if scissors, will you?"

"Yes Nana."

That was the day I cut my hair. I had moved into Nana's place, and she wanted to give me a fresh new change. I want to do the same now. But not with my hair.

"Grab me a pair of scissors, will you Mimi?" I hesitate. My hair is long, grown out from all those years. I haven't cut it since.

"Yes Nana. Do you want to cut my hair?"

"Yes, I think I would. It's a good coping mechanism."

The thick sound of a chop makes me flinch. Again and again the sounds comes, as Nana cuts my hair. I don't care how short. I don't care how long. I am a new person and that is all that matters.

The snipping stops and I look at myself in the mirror. I can't help but smile. It's uneven, short, like a bob and a few long hairs still dangle.

"Well? What do you think? Ooo, what'll Daniel think?"

The smile fades. I excuse myself and find my bedroom. I sob into my pillow for what feels like hours. Nana never knocks or bothers me. My phone chimes, and I hesitate.

"Hello?"

"This is Dr. Enderburg calling for Ms. Waters."

"Huh? Oh wait that's me." Waters was my last name before I married Daniel. I'm surprised people caught on so fast.

"We would like to inform you that your grandmother, Ms. Mae Pipul is at our hospital."

I wish I could have saved you, My tortured poet,

You cut yourself to ribbons, Screaming for help, You were an inspiration, Screaming your pain, You had a fire inside you.

I would take the pain away, If I only knew how, I would stop the bleeding, If I could take the hits instead, I would.

Heal every wound, Take your place, Make everything better, Keep you in a case, If it kept you safe.

You had a fire, Alive inside of you, A light for us to follow, A path you paved, Now we are feeling hollow.

I weap for the family, Shed tears for the friends, Cry for his sorrow, Throw tantrums about his unhappily ever after, Screaming the story that deserves to be told.

We will forever miss you, Your supportive words, Your every crack and cut, You were never broken, Not to us.

I wish I could have saved you, My Tortured Poet.

———🖤———

For Canni.

Need to find my passion for writing again Hit serious writer's block, can't think of anything new or interesting, and can't focus long enough to work on my 49 drafts sitting idly

Need new ideas and inspirations I'm Stuck

Before you read this, you should know that it’s a rough draft for a school refugee project :) ————————————————

October 7th, 1942

To whomever may find this,

My name is Liora Lynne Rosenburg, and I am a sixteen-year-old Jewish refugee from Poland.

I write this letter with a heart full of gratitude and sorrow, for it was just a year ago that my mother was taken, and father killed before my eyes back in Iceland on our journey to a new life and better future in the Dominican Republic.

I grew up back in Przemyśl, Poland. Its streets once buzzed with life, laughter and fun–it was always that way, up until Hanukkah, 1938.

I awoke that night to my sisters, Stefania, who was sixteen, and Helena, six at the moment, jostling me awake. I recall hearing the clank of the heavy black boots worn by nazi soldiers– and that’s when I knew we had to run. Prior to that, I had heard stories of how the nazi’s had taken people– jewish people, like us – and ransacked their homes… I just couldn’t let that happen to my family. Thus I grabbed my suitcase, and snagged three items inside:

my locket– I’ve had it for longer than I could remember, and it holds a familial portrait– my menorah,-hanukkah was just a sunrise away, so I was obligated to– and lastly, my pocket knife for hunting.

My sisters managed a basket of food, blankets, our medical kit ( Stefania attends medical school, henceforth she wouldn’t let us go without it). And lastly a tub of water.

I jolted my two brothers, Micheal and James, awake. However, of course, being the stubborn and “independent” fifteen and seventeen year olds they were, they just shoved me and finally got themselves packing.

I slipped downstairs just in time to see a nazi headed straight for the stairs– and straight for me!

I rushed back up the stairs with the nazi closing in as he shouted in heavily accented polish, “STOP! GERMAN GESTAPO!”. I quickly grabbed my bag and siblings, whilst our parents got our dog, Pip, and horses. I hopped on the first horse I saw, which was Dottie, and the rest of our journey through central Europe was but a blur, despite this happening during a holiday.

I frantically sent a letter to my aunt stating that we were off to our grandparents’ in Norway, on our journey to Freedom from the Führer.

We went to a small town there, in Denmark, once we had arrived; then Norway, which was where I received a rushed letter from my cousin Willow—my aunt’s daughter— stating that she was coincidentally going through a war of her own, much like my German- Jewish one, and wanted to meet in Iceland to discuss important matters.

We later met there, and we had thought that it would be our refuge– but much to our dismay, the opposite happened.

A year after our departure from Poland, Germany invaded Iceland, so we were on the run yet again.

We were on our way through a forest in southern Iceland, when a group of nazis spotted us, and a chase soon commenced.

We hit a rough patch, and my eldest sister, Stefania, tripped on a fallen branch.

“Stefania, nein,” my mother fretted, voice still hushed. “I think I broke my leg… I’m no use like this. Go without me!” Stefania implored, she was wincing. My mother hadn’t moved an inch. I recall being so blinded by the thought of losing them both that I didn’t see the Nazi coming up behind me until it was too late.

I whipped my head around, and fought against his grip. It was no use. But just as I began to lose faith, his grip loosened, and I turned to see my father punch the soldier square in the nose…

The soldier wiped his bloodied nose , and shot my father in the temple— not only killing my father, but spooking the horses away as well.

The rest of them soon came, and took my mother. As I watched, mortified and in disbelief, my brothers James and Micheal helped Stefania up and got both of our families away from the scene before the Nazis could take us, too.

The rest of our trek through the woods was vague– filled with mourning and the disbelief of losing both our parents, especially father— not to mention losing the horses, too.

Our final trip was by far the worst– being that it was across the Atlantic ocean, with a dog. Our misfortune started–really started– when we found that our little sailboat had no gas. We all started to panic, then Rose (our cousin Willow’s friend who’d been seemingly distraught) informed us that all we had to do was go to the little, run-down seaside boat shop to get a vat of gas.

So she did, to avoid us being caught and sent to a concentration camp.

And then we were off– into the swaying, choppy waves of the Atlantic ocean, and to the tiny Caribbean island destined to be our final destination, our refuge.

The trip was treacherous and almost impossible, but we made it! We made it, and the Dominican was all that we’d been seeking throughout our entire trip. It was planned for us to meet our other Irish cousin, Delaney Jane O’Brien, and her family, however we got another surprise. Our mother– the one taken by nazi’s in an attempt to save Stefania, was already here, in the Dominican!

We did eventually meet with our cousin Delaney, and in an exciting way. She had told Willow’s family before their departure that they would come ashore around the first week of January, specifically the 2nd, of 1940, after the New Year. so we had been waiting about an hour before we spotted a narrow green canoe approaching the shore. Willow and I hopped into the water, skirts and all, as the rest of our families followed. We soon realized that it was them- the O’Brien’s, so we helped pull the canoe ashore. They told us their story, and we told ours.

My mother eventually found us, and we had raised enough money to afford a seaside house, large enough for us all.

My mother now owns a dairy farm. My father was unfortunately pronounced dead back in Iceland, lord knows what they did with him after.

but I do still miss him.

My sister Stefania is now a nurse, and Helena just turned 9! Micheal and James wish to be journalists once the war is over, and for me? Well, I’m currently working on a book about my story. I enjoy laying here, in our barn with our dog Pip and her puppies to write.

Life has been great for me since Przemysl, and although our journey was rough, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Thank you for taking the time to read this,

-Liora

—————————

my friends and I are soon working on a book. It’s based of my grandmother’s story of being a Jew during the Holocaust. Title suggestions are appreciated!!