âI miss you.â
âI know.â
She was flustered. ââI know?â Thatâs all you have to say? âI know?ââ
No change to his countenance, no sign of contrition, empathy. Simply, âWhat do you want me to say?â
âI want you to say something that letâs me know that I matter to you, that this relationship matters to you.â
âIâŚâ He hesitated, looking at anything but her eyes. âI canât.â
She got up from the table, feeling that the situation had too much gravity to stay seated, but quickly realized there was no where to go in the small diner, save for walking to the door. She sat back down. Angry. Frustrated. Hurt. âYou canât?â She picked up a room temperature French fry but jury played with it, didnât eat it. âYou canât? Awesome. Thatâs what I want to hear. You canât say that I matter? That our love matters? Thatâs⌠fantastic.â
âIâm not trying to hurt you. Itâs justââ
âItâs just⌠what? What is it âjust?ââ
He finally met her gaze. âItâs just⌠you and I are made different. I donât know why. We just are. Itâs like, I donât know, youâre programmed differently than I am. You need things I donât need.â
âI need things you donât need?! Really? You donât need love? Commitment? Friendship? Thatâs bullshit. Iâm so tired of this.â She became aware once again of her surroundings, of the looks they were getting from other customers, but she didnât care; She was all-in on this, fighting hard for what mattered. To them. She knew it was crazy, maybe even detrimental, but wasnât that what love was about? Didnât every Grand Romance have an element of insanity?
âSo, what? What do we do now?â
He was silent for too many heartbeats, but she was going to make him speak first, even if they had to sit in that booth for hours.
âI think, well, I think we have to stop seeing each other.â
âWhat?! You want to break up with me? Are you serious?â
âI think I am. I mean, Iâve done the calculations, added everything up, and⌠we justâwell, we donât make sense anymore. Sometimes, well, sometimes when people come from, you know, two different worlds, well, it canât always be expected that things work out. It just canât.â
âReally? Really?! We donât makeâare you kidding me right now? âWe donât make sense anymore?â âTwo different worlds?â Who even talks like that? Itâs like youâre looking for an excuse to get out of this relationship or something. Are you?â
âI should go.â
âWhat? No, you donât get to just walk out. Thatâs not how this works. Iâve given everything to this. How can you, you donât think that I would let you justââ
âReally, I should go.â He stands, gathering his things.
âNo. No, you canâtââ
âItâs for the best.â
âWait, no, Iâm sorry. Sit back down, please. Iââ
âNo. I am leaving.â
The tone of her voice changed, deepened as she commanded him to stop. Something inside of her snapped. She was not who she had been only a moment before. She could hear her heartbeat, feel her peripheral vision shrinking.
He took a defiant step toward the door.
Her hand, the knife, the swift motion of the two combined, plunging the blade into his sternumâit was all ephemeral, otherworldly, disconnectedâAs though she was merely an observer, as shocked by the sudden violence as the other patrons in the restaurant; Sickened by it.
But it was her.
She did it.
She held the knife.
She committed the violent act.
She was now cutting him open, in spite of the voice in her mind shouting at full volume to stop!
The moment she saw what the chest contained, she wished sheâd never opened it⌠but it was too late now; There was no turning back. It was done.
The complex, science-fictional nature of it was overwhelming. In some back corner of her adrenaline-and-rage-filled mind she could only compare it to opening the hood of a modern car or taking the panel off a PC: Wires, gizmos, servos, cables, microchips. All of it at once familiar and foreign.
She knew it would be different. He would be⌠different. Inside.
In her mind, she knew that what she understood as her Loveâher Manâwas merely a suit, a vehicle of sorts. She understoodâin conceptual termsâthat the life she loved, the personhood of her One-and-Only, was not the same thing as the warm, fleshy approximation that it controlled. But to see it, âunsheathedâ as it were, was an entirely different level of Truth.
Itâs one thing to understand the theoretical nature of an alien beingâone who has no recognizable formâcreating a humanoid facsimile in an attempt to bond with a lower life form. Itâs a completely different thing to see how it actually functions, internally.
She vomitted.
The other patrons in the diner looked like they might vomit as well, if they werenât so thoroughly and completely dumbfounded by the suddenness of it all.
She stood, pacing, unsure of what to do next. He had been her love, her lover. But he had tried to leave her! And now the bodysuit he had been using as a means of physical interaction was laying on the floor of a diner, chest splayed open. What happened? Was this who she was? WHAT she was? Was she capable of real violence? Was her reaction to a break up to plunge a knife into the chest of the one she loved?!
Or was it something else?
Did she, at some level, see him for what he really was? Him âthe machine,â not him âthe consciousness.â Was this no more a violent crime than smacking the side of a slow computer or kicking the bumper of a smoking car before opening the hood?
She looked at âhisâ open chest once again.
What had she done?
She collapsed to her knees, suddenly feeling the overwhelming sense that sheâd committed attempted murder.
He looked at her.
âIâm so sorry. Iââ She began to crawl toward him, weeping.
He looked directly into her eyes, smiled, and opened his arms.