“Drop the gun, I’m here for you.” A voice says I turn to see an absolutely sexy, amazing gorgeous, sexy, beautiful, sexy man. He’s so sexy. Yum I want to eat him up. “Naurrrrr” I say “I don’t wanna drop the gun.” “Ugh you are so hot” he says. And then He kisses me and takes off my clothes. Then we wiggle around his couch and do things.
And then I woke up.
The day Harriet returned was the day my will go live died The day Harriet returned was the day I cried Then I saw Harriet, beautiful and ugly But then I realized she would never want me cuz I am super fugly I waited all day to ask her out But then she told me she was just using me for clout She was a tik tok star and only loved me for my money So later I decided to drown myself in honey However that’s when I saw Judge Judy practicing law It gave me the inspiration to go to law school It gave me the inspiration to not drown myself in a pool I got my degree Shouted one two three And jumped off a cliff And that was the day that Harriet returned And I’m glad she did because now I have learned That I was not meant to be a boyfriend or a lawyer I was just meant to die in a sewer.
Did I cross the line? It’s hard to say I wonder if it’s better Even if I did I wonder if I wanted to cross the line To do the things I said I would never do I promised my mother before she died That I would never do that That I wouldn’t disappoint her But too bad I love running marathons And even though it would be going against her wishes To finish a mile that long I hope I crossed that line because that would mean I won the race I hope I crossed the finish line And take home gold And even though I love my mother She is dead rotting below.
I know I should not have framed her for the crime But it was just too hard to resist Seeing her pay. Seeing her be taken away. I loved my sister But that was before she killed my hamster So yes it was me that planted the evidence It was so easy, as a police officer people automatically believe me I erased the crosswalk and planted an officer right there. Yes it’s hard to admit But I framed my sister for jaywalking And she went to jail For life I know it’s such a horrible crime and it wasn’t her fault But she ate my hamster And he died. So she will die In jail.
The Red, orange, yellow leaves Crunch under my bare feet The autumn glow shines on the tree bark The call of a distant lark And then I feel something squish below A brown sticky substance on my feet does it go What is that? I wonder aloud It’s a pile of squirrel poop, large and round It came out of a squirrel’s bottom Yucky, smelly, stinky, and rotten And now I am stuck with it on my foot but you know what? I don’t mind it so much down on my feet It feels kind of nice in the early fall heat It protects me from poking sticks and twigs It makes me smell like pigs Which I like. I love that I smell like squirrel poop I love that I smell like a chicken coop I love the poop so darn much And I think I will now eat it for lunch.
Losing my brother was the most Difficult day of my life. But it was all okay because then I married his wife.
Her name is Janice and I pretty sure That she only married my brother for his dollar bills, Because she was the only one written in his wills.
Janice and I have been married for a year, But our relationship is dying, I fear.
I lost my job And now I am broke, And can’t even afford to buy Janice a coke.
Janice has filed the divorce papers, But I’m happy. Janice was mean and kinda snappy, And now I can marry her brother.
Monday liked to fart. Tuesday hated art. Wednesday was obsessed with cats, And Thursday was constantly taking naps. Friday was actually secretly a dog. Saturday liked taking care of hogs. And Sunday liked beer.
Sunday went and bought a bar, Thinking that her business could go far. Monday was the first one to come, But his stinky gas made everyone’s noses go numb. Then Tuesday came in, and dissed all the sigma are that Sunday had displayed. And then Sunday gave Tuesday a flay.
Wednesday came in all exited and happy, But was broken when Sunday wouldn’t serve her cats beer. Because Sunday liked beer and didn’t want to share with Wednesday’s cats.
Thursday didn’t come because he was sleeping. That’s pretty lame.
Fridays came barking in, Until Saturday’s hogs took a big win When they killed Friday.
In the end Sunday shut down the bar, And drank beer until he died at the ripe age of 1,234,567,890.
If silence were a scent it would smell like my mother Because she doesn’t talk She is dead If silence were a scent it would smell like my native deodorant Because it doesn’t talk either. If silence were a scent it would smell like my bed because, contrary to popular belief, beds do not have mouths and cannot make noise. If silence were a scent it would smell like cashmere and rain, because that’s what my native deodorant is called.
Home is where you hang your hat, They say, but I don’t have any hats to hang. My little brother stole them all, But all my hats on him are small Because he has a big head.
My brothers head is the size of mars so his head is always up in the stars My brother makes fun of my small head But he can’t even fit into his bed.
My mom says it’s a genetic mutation But others say that it’s an inspiration For living with a head so big, But I think that he looks like a pig.
But have no home for I have no hat, I live in my parents living room In a fort made of mats.
I love the sun It’s so large and round GYAT I don’t like lightbulbs They were created by the government to turn everyone into moths I am not a moth At night my house is very dark and scary The ghosts like to prank me They pull my toes and cut off my hair I am bald now. Everyone says I should just use lightbulbs but I know they are just moths trying to grow their population I will not fall for their tricks I will not become a moth Do you think cavemen had lights? NO! They did not Do you think that old people had lights? NO! So I will be content alone with the ghosts because I am not a moth.
