“Drop the gun, I’m here for you.” A voice says

I turn to see an absolutely sexy, amazing gorgeous, sexy, beautiful, sexy man.

He’s so sexy.

Yum

I want to eat him up.

“Naurrrrr” I say “I don’t wanna drop the gun.”

“Ugh you are so hot” he says. And then He kisses me and takes off my clothes. Then we wiggle around his couch and do things.

And then I woke up....

The day Harriet returned was the day my will go live died

The day Harriet returned was the day I cried

Then I saw Harriet, beautiful and ugly

But then I realized she would never want me cuz I am super fugly

I waited all day to ask her out

But then she told me she was just using me for clout

She was a tik tok star and only loved me for my money

So later I decided to drown myself in honey

However th...

Did I cross the line?

It’s hard to say

I wonder if it’s better

Even if I did

I wonder if I wanted to cross the line

To do the things I said I would never do

I promised my mother before she died

That I would never do that

That I wouldn’t disappoint her

But too bad

I love running marathons

And even though it would be going against her wishes

To finish a mile that long

I hope I crossed that line bec...

I know I should not have framed her for the crime

But it was just too hard to resist

Seeing her pay. Seeing her be taken away.

I loved my sister

But that was before she killed my hamster

So yes it was me that planted the evidence

It was so easy, as a police officer people automatically believe me

I erased the crosswalk and planted an officer right there.

Yes it’s hard to admit

But I framed my si...

The Red, orange, yellow leaves

Crunch under my bare feet

The autumn glow shines on the tree bark

The call of a distant lark

And then I feel something squish below

A brown sticky substance on my feet does it go

What is that? I wonder aloud

It’s a pile of squirrel poop, large and round

It came out of a squirrel’s bottom

Yucky, smelly, stinky, and rotten

And now I am stuck with it on my foot but ...

Losing my brother was the most

Difficult day of my life.

But it was all okay because then

I married his wife.

Her name is Janice and I pretty sure

That she only married my brother for his dollar bills,

Because she was the only one written in his wills.

Janice and I have been married for a year,

But our relationship is dying, I fear.

I lost my job

And now I am broke,

And can’t even afford to buy...

Monday liked to fart.

Tuesday hated art.

Wednesday was obsessed with cats,

And Thursday was constantly taking naps.

Friday was actually secretly a dog.

Saturday liked taking care of hogs.

And Sunday liked beer.

Sunday went and bought a bar,

Thinking that her business could go far.

Monday was the first one to come,

But his stinky gas made everyone’s noses go numb.

Then Tuesday came in, and dissed...

If silence were a scent it would smell like my mother

Because she doesn’t talk

She is dead

If silence were a scent it would smell like my native deodorant

Because it doesn’t talk either.

If silence were a scent it would smell like my bed because, contrary to popular belief, beds do not have mouths and cannot make noise.

If silence were a scent it would smell like cashmere and rain, because that’...

Home is where you hang your hat,

They say,

but I don’t have any hats to hang.

My little brother stole them all,

But all my hats on him are small

Because he has a big head.

My brothers head is the size of mars

so his head is always up in the stars

My brother makes fun of my small head

But he can’t even fit into his bed.

My mom says it’s a genetic mutation

But others say that it’s an inspiration

F...

I love the sun

It’s so large and round

GYAT

I don’t like lightbulbs

They were created by the government to turn everyone into moths

I am not a moth

At night my house is very dark and scary

The ghosts like to prank me

They pull my toes and cut off my hair

I am bald now.

Everyone says I should just use lightbulbs but I know they are just moths trying to grow their population

I will not fall for th...